Chapter 7

7

Ash

I 'm taking notes through Systems Physiology, my last class of the day.

I'm usually an attentive student, but today I'm distracted. Have been the past few days since my chat with Colin about Manzturbate.

"You're gonna need more lube, or you'll rub yourself raw."

I smile at the memory of him passing me the lube before taking some for himself during that playful moment when we were younger, when we were both exploring ourselves. Even though my attention should've been on the porn, there were moments when I remember wishing he would have turned and watched me. At the time, I chalked it up to my horny-ass teenage brain, but I guess it's not a huge surprise that a few years later, I'd find myself live streaming on an app for people to watch me.

I doodle a star on the corner of the page of my notes, thinking about Colin's reaction to my secret. About how he went from worrying me to offering to sit and watch me jerk off in front of strangers. Why that gets me smiling, I can't figure out, considering I was stressed as fuck during the brief time he needed to wrap his mind around all this.

But I'm glad it didn't become an issue; if anything, it makes me feel even closer to him now that he's the only one who knows my naughty secret.

After class gets out, I see a missed call from Steve and a text from Colin.

Colin: You haven't been messing around on that app without me, have you? *eggplant emoji*

I burst out laughing, to the point where I search around to see if anyone noticed the big-ass reaction.

Since last week, Colin and I had playful text exchanges about it, and I notice most of his jokes are about how he wants to be present the next time I do it. Not poking fun or giving me a hard time about it.

That's so him.

A part of me thinks maybe he suggested watching me to let me know he's totally cool with it, but then there's this other part that wonders if he really is interested.

What's that about?

Me: No. And I'll let you know when I do.

He's probably still in class because my Systems Phys professor always ends class twenty minutes early because he gives zero fucks .

I plan to swing by the student center and grab one of their jumbo chocolate-chip cookies, so I'll have it for my study time at the library. I would've grabbed it earlier this morning, like I normally do, but apparently thinking about my stepbro has distracted me enough to throw me off my routine.

En route, I head into the main courtyard and give Steve a quick call to see what's up.

"Hey, bud," Steve answers, asking about my day, telling me about the riveting chapter he just wrote at Starbucks earlier.

"That's great," I tell him. "Happy to hear it's going well. I like these conversations more than the ones where you get stuck."

"I'm learning that I'm a plotter, not a pantser. Can't seem to figure my way out of a jam once I get myself into it. So how's the car been since you got it back from the shop?"

"Running, fortunately," I say with a laugh. "Troy took good care of me."

"Glad to hear it. I'll tell your mom when she gets home later. Speaking of…"

The way he says it, I know where this is going.

"…she said I should talk to you because you wouldn't reschedule with Sarah."

I grit my teeth. "I said I was busy. That's all."

"She told me what happened last time you had your scheduled chat, and she's very sorry, but I can tell you she has been killing herself over this case. She's hoping she can intimidate the defense to a plea, so it's been all-consuming."

It'd be more compelling if I hadn't heard this before. "Yeah, and the last case was all-consuming, and the one before that, and the one before that, and I'm assuming the next one won't be a cakewalk either."

He grunts. "Yeah, I wish I could argue with you there."

"I also can't help noticing she's not the one calling me right now. Sending you on her behalf. She's even delegating her apologies."

"Bud, I'm sorry. She thought you might prefer to talk to me about it, but I don't want you to feel like I'm stepping in where I shouldn't. I can tell Lauren that you would prefer to talk to her."

Steve and Colin are so much alike—so considerate and thoughtful. After all these years, none of it has rubbed off on Mom? Really?

"Steve, I appreciate that you're trying to keep Mom and me on good terms. I'm frustrated with her right now, but we'll be fine. Maybe when she wraps up this case, we can have another therapy session."

He chuckles. "I'm sure Lauren would appreciate that."

He moves on to other subjects, and despite calling him on trying to smooth over my beef with Mom, I love that he cares enough to check in, unlike either of my biological parents. By the time we get off the phone, I'm near the library, so I head in. I'm halfway up the stairs when I realize I was supposed to swing by the student center for my cookie.

Fuckin' A.

Oh well. I'm already on the fourth floor, so it's a lost cause, but I text Colin.

Me: I forgot my cookie this morning. *sad emoji*

Me: Might have something to do with how you've had me thinking about you sitting in on my app time.

I'm sure he'll get a laugh out of that when he gets out of class.

As I start through the fourth floor of the library, I notice a familiar face at the tables set up by the Literary Criticism shelves.

"Atlas?" I say as I approach.

He's working out a problem, his textbook open next to him, and he glances up, offering a warm smile.

"Ah, hey, Ash."

"I don't think I've ever seen you in the library before."

"I've been getting my ass kicked in Physics, so I've needed extra time to study. And Troy is distracting as fuck."

"Yes he is," I blurt out. "I meant, I…I…" I'm rebooting .

From what Colin's told me, Atlas and Troy were getting together around the time I was making a fool of myself trying to get Troy to go out with me, and Atlas wasn't exactly the friendliest with me, so in the times we've gotten together, I try not to talk about how hard his man used to make me.

But Atlas surprises me with a laugh. "It's cool, Ash. I know how hot my T is, and I insist everyone knows it too. As long as you know he's mine."

His comment emphasizes how confident he is about what he and his stepbrother have. And it's nice to see him smiling so big; from what I've heard about his and Troy's family situation, it hasn't always been so easy for him to smile.

"Sit down," Atlas says. "You know anything about physics?"

"I—"

"That was a joke, Ash. I know you do."

I chuckle as I sit down beside him, setting my bag beside the chair.

"I'm tempted to ask you for help," he says, "but last time my stepbrother did that, it lost me a bet."

"I'm sorry," I say, which makes him laugh.

"Best bet I ever lost," he says, something wicked in his expression now.

"I don't really get that, but Troy never told me about a bet."

He laughs again. "Um…he probably wouldn't tell you about this one. But I figure one day we'll tell the world. For a bet I lost, it earned me major bragging rights for the rest of my life."

"Now you're just a tease," I say, but I don't think he really wants to share, so I change the subject to his physics difficulties.

He gives me the rundown, and I watch him work through a few problems.

"This is pretty common," I say once I've pinpointed the issue. "You're getting tripped up because you're used to seeing similar word problems and equations in algebra and trig, but they're flipped around in physics."

As I'm walking him through a problem, he eyes me curiously. "You really are very good at explaining things."

"Thank you. I enjoy explaining them. I feel like I'm good at having an objective view and seeing where people get tripped up. Then showing them where that is. I like to think of it as my superpower."

"I didn't know Ash Ketchum had any superpowers," he teases.

I laugh. "I do look good in my Ash Ketchum costume. But in that case, maybe it's not a superpower, but like my strongest Pokémon."

His gaze shifts. "Oh, well, look who it is."

"Atlas fucking McCallister," Colin says as he approaches. "You having secret study sessions with my bro?"

"I might have to start," Atlas says. "Think he might have just unstuck me with this problem I kept running into."

Colin sets his backpack on the corner of the table and unzips it, revealing a brown bag I recognize from the student center cafeteria. I can't disguise my enthusiasm as he plops it down in front of me, wearing a broad grin like he just made a touchdown.

"You fucking spoil me," I say, sneaking a peek at my six-inch cookie.

"Damn right."

"Okay, you guys have a very different relationship than Troy and me."

Colin's forehead creases. "Yeah, we're not boning."

That one really gets us all laughing, earning us a few strange looks and frowns from the students studying around us.

"Oh shit," Atlas says, and as I turn to him, I see he's looking at his phone. "I gotta get out of here and get to work. Thanks for the free tutoring session, Ash."

"No problem. Hit me up if you want to meet some other time. Happy to help."

"I might just take you up on that."

After he heads off, Colin settles in the chair next to mine. "That was a sight I wasn't expecting to see today," he says with a smirk.

"I was surprised to see him in the library. He said his stepbrother was too distracting for him to focus on his work at home. I can attest that sometimes stepbrothers can be distracting."

Colin's brows tug closer together. "What does that mean?"

"Seriously, after the things we've been talking about, how can you be that clueless?"

"Are you saying I've been distracting you because of that talk we had?"

"Maybe." I fish into my bag, pick off a piece of cookie, and pop it in my mouth.

This is my preferred way to eat my jumbo cookie—savoring each bite. I close my eyes, thoroughly enjoying the chocolatey, doughy goodness and humming to myself. "Thank you, bro."

"Anytime."

He's wearing this playful smile, those intense blue eyes right on me. And I'm smiling too.

I'm not a mind reader, but I swear it's gotta be about that text he sent earlier, and he confirms this when he says, "So…you haven't been playing around on any apps since we talked?"

I glance at the nearby tables. Feels naughty to even allude to this here. But these days, I'm really enjoying feeling naughty, so I roll with it. "I've played around on several apps. "

He tilts his head, offering an overdramatic glare.

"Not that one," I assure him before enjoying another piece of cookie. I swallow before saying, "Speaking of which, I've been thinking."

"You're always thinking."

"Pfft. Not about, like, normal things. More…" I lean closer, lowering my voice. "The kind of things brothers may or may not do in private."

My cheeks are warm. Even though there's no way anyone could know what I'm referring to, I can't help imagining one of the guys at the nearby tables standing up and saying, "Holy shit! These brothers are talking about one messing around in front of the other?"

Colin searches around, and I'm wondering if he'll change the subject, or just tell me this isn't the place to get into it, but he turns back to me and lowers his voice as he says, "That's funny." When he whispers like this, his voice is all deep and sexy and…yup, feeling that in my pants. "I've had the same thing on my mind recently."

"Really? I couldn't tell from the texts," I tease. "I just meant, I wanna make sure you're serious. Because I was thinking I wouldn't mind you watching." That's so on the nose, but I remind myself no one around us could know what he would be watching.

"I am," he says. "I imagine I'd enjoy seeing what you get out of it, maybe more than you realize. "

I snicker like a fucking goofball; why is this making me react this way? I know I'm a dork, but Jesus fucking Christ. "Meaning?"

"I like seeing you happy, and this is something that clearly makes you happy. But I get if you don't want me to be there when you do it. It sounds private. Well, private might not be the right word, considering…"

I grin. "Yeah, not much private about it."

I take another bite of cookie and realize I'm popping these in so fast, I've already eaten a third of it.

I glance around again. Everyone's so into their work, no one's realizing that two stepbrothers are talking about potentially having one jerk off on camera in front of the other. The thought sends a rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Wild to think that I kept this from Colin, but now that he knows, it feels even more exhilarating than before.

I whisper to ensure no one hears me. "I've been thinking more about what I like about it since we talked." A lot more. "I enjoy the attention. And people not caring who I am or what I think. They see me as this object, you know? They don't give a fuck about anything as long as they can watch me."

"I'm sure they want to watch you dump that giant load all over yourself."

I laugh, this time slightly too loud, drawing attention. My face must be bright red as I turn to him, and he's smirking, like he's pleased to be evoking this response.

"I can't believe you said that," I blurt out.

"Am I lying?"

"I'm not answering that."

"I was actually kind of jealous when I saw it back when we had our little…" He scoots his chair until his knee grazes my thigh. "Porn viewing."

"With that thick thing, I doubt you're jealous of much."

We both have these big, ridiculous grins on our faces. What would people think if they turned and saw us looking like this? They'd think we were sharing the best inside jokes ever.

But the more I think about that experience when we were younger, and how much fun it is even just joking around with him about it, the more fun it seems like it would be to have Colin there. I've enjoyed doing it on my own, but as I've learned plenty of times in my life, things are just more fun with Colin.

But I can't totally shut down my logical brain either. "You know people will give you hell if they ever find out."

He leans forward and takes the piece of cookie between my fingers into his mouth. He runs his teeth gently against my fingers, sending sensation rippling through me. Takes me by surprise.

He chews and swallows before his gaze locks with mine. "When have we ever cared what people said about us?"

My logical brain starts to go a very different direction…surely assisted by the excitement racing through me right now.

Because of what we're talking about doing.

Because of where we're talking about it.

Because of whom I'm talking about it with.

"So you're considering it?" Colin eyes me like he already knows the answer.

"Shut the fuck up. You don't know what I'm thinking."

"Maybe I do a little bit." He wears a cocky smirk, like he's so damn proud of himself for being able to read me so well.

"Well, if you want to watch, you might need to come back to the house with me, because after this conversation, I'm gonna want to hop right on my phone and get to it."

Colin's lips are inches from mine, his hot breath hitting my face as he says, "Guess we'd better get back to the house."

My face is on fucking fire, in a way that assures me I'm right: things are more fun with Colin. Just like that day when we got off together .

Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's wrong. I don't really give a fuck right now, and neither does he.

Like so much around this app, I don't get it, but right now, my dick's telling me we need to get back to the house ASAP.