Chapter 20

20

Colin

S o…I think it's time I acknowledge I'm hopelessly, head over heels in love with my stepbrother. Now that I finally see it, I realize it's something that was likely always there. It's in the way I'd always done anything for him, the way I love making him happy, and the way Ash can make me happier than anyone or anything else. For as long as I remember, if I had the choice to spend time with Ash or anyone else, he's whom I picked. Being around him feels better than being around anyone else. The jealousy when certain people flirt with him should have been a huge red flag, but everything with us has always been so natural that I didn't see it.

I always thought falling in love would be this big thing, this huge moment where everything shifts and the world around you changes, but with me and Ash, loving him feels like slipping under your favorite blanket on a cold day, like living in my own skin, so fucking normal that it's like breathing. We're always breathing, but most of the time it's not something we pay attention to or even notice when we're doing it, and that's what it's been like with us. Loving Ash has always been so easy, so instinctual, I can't even recall when it started, when those feelings weren't there.

"I love your daddy," I tell Frat Cat while he plays with his own tail. He stops and looks at me like no shit, dumb fuck , and I can't help but chuckle. Our cat is a badass and he knows it.

I grab a string and dangle it for Frat Cat.

The bathhouse last night was one of the greatest moments of my life. I felt like a king, like a king fucking a king with a room full of followers who worshipped the ground we walked on…well, fucked on. There's nothing like it, the rush I feel when I'm with him. Not even the sex stuff—just everything.

I want Ash to be mine in every way. Hell, I've belonged to him from the moment I saw him, and maybe it's time to make things official.

I pick up my phone and shoot Troy a text.

Me: Wanna hang?

Troy: I see you don't ask me to bang.

Me: That's kinda what I want to talk to you about.

Troy: Fucking me??? Do you want Atlas to kill you? I'm deleting this message now. *wink emoji*

Shit. I chuckle. I really should spend some time thinking about things before I say them.

Me: I didn't realize how that sounds. The banging thing is with Ash. That's what I want to discuss.

Troy: I fucking knew something was up with the two of you! Come to Atlas's. I'm here by myself right now.

Me: Bet. Be right there.

After making sure the kitten has toys, food, and water, I close the door and head out. It's a quick drive from the frat house to Atlas's apartment. Troy opens the door as soon as I'm on the stoop, as if he'd been watching for me.

I wait for any nerves to come, any feelings of being unsure, and nope, I still want Ash and don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about it.

"I've been hooking up with Ash and I'm in love with him," I say the second I'm inside.

And oh shit. Did I just come out? I still haven't given myself a proper label, and while I don't need one for me, I know others do.

"Congrats, man. I'm happy for you."

I kinda love that Troy doesn't ask about my sexuality, because it's still something I haven't sorted out. "Wanna know something weird? It's not a thing I've even thought about much. I've always noticed guys, but never dissected what that meant. And I love boning Ash, so surprise! I guess I'm bisexual."

Troy chuckles. "There are a lot of things you can be—pan, for example—but if that's not something that matters to you, it's not something you have to figure out right now. "

And it's not. Right now, I just want to talk to my friend about how to make things official with Ash.

I plop down in the armchair in the small living room, Troy taking a seat on the couch.

"How long has this been going on?"

"A couple of months," I admit, feeling guilty because I didn't tell him. I don't for a second think that's why Troy said it, but still. "I know I had my feelings hurt when you didn't tell me about you and Atlas right away, and now I did the same with Ash."

Troy holds his hand up. "It's okay. I get it. You don't have to apologize. You might have been bummed I didn't talk to you before I told everyone, but you still supported me from the start. That's what matters."

"Thanks, bro." Troy really is a good buddy. I'm so fucking lucky to have him.

"So…you and Ash…"

"Me and Ash. And like I said, I love him. I just realized it today, which means I gotta tell him." I'm not committing a Step Don't.

He chuckles. "There's not a part of me that's surprised. You've always been different with him. It would take an idiot not to realize you two are special to each other."

And that idiot is me. "You mean you and Atlas didn't wake up naked in bed together before you started hooking up?" I tease .

"Absolutely not, though it would have been fun."

"Yeah, well, I wish I could have enjoyed the benefits of it much sooner." We share another laugh before I sober. "I want to make it official with him. We joked about being boyfriends the other day but never confirmed if it was real or not." I feel like it's real. I feel like we've been boyfriends for a long-ass time, and I know it in my heart Ash wants it too. We're too attuned to each other not to be on the same wavelength with something this big.

"Let me guess, a simple date and asking him isn't going to cut it?"

I cock a brow at him as if it's the silliest question in the world.

Troy holds up his hands in mock defeat. "Just making sure."

"It has to be perfect."

"Do you have anything in mind?"

I shake my head. "I literally just realized I'm in love like an hour ago."

Troy leans forward, elbows on his knees, looking serious. "Then I guess we better figure it out."

I grin. "You'll help?"

"You know I will."

I clap my hands together, skin tingling. "Let's do this."

*

I have to get Ash out of the house. We picked a day when everyone is supposed to be out of the Alpha Theta Mu house, doing their own thing. Once Ash and I leave, all I have to do is shoot a quick text to Troy. He and Atlas will come over and set up the boyfriendposal Troy and I planned.

I open my bedroom door to head to Ash's, but as soon as I pull it open, he's there. "Oh. I was just coming to find you."

"I was coming to find you," Ash teases.

"I think I sorted that part out with you being at my door and all. And they say I'm the clueless one." I press a kiss to his lips.

"Wanna go grab some dinner with me?" Ash asks, and I say a silent thank-you to the love gods that he didn't come in here to tell me he has other plans or that he wants to stay home tonight.

"Fuck yes. I'm starving."

"Me too. Where's Frat Cat?" He frowns.

"Miranda has him." I didn't want us to have to worry about him tonight. Thankfully, Ash doesn't ask why I brought him to her.

I grab my cell, and we head out.

"Burgers good?" Ash asks.

"That works for me."

We're supposed to stay out of the house for an hour and a half, at least. If dinner goes a little longer, that's fine.

I try to be all incognito while I shoot Troy a text that I'm gone. Nerves make my belly tumble while I play on my phone and Ash drives. I want everything to be perfect. While it's not something he would expect, it's something I want for him.

"You're being quiet," he says as we pull into a parking spot.

"Huh?"

His brows pull together. "Are you okay?"

It's really hard to get something by a person who knows you as well as you know yourself. "Yes. I'm fine. Better than fine. I'm fucking perfect. Now come on. I'll give you a piggyback ride to the door."

A grin spreads across his face. Thankfully, I've managed to change the subject.

We get out, and I turn around for Ash to jump on. His arms and legs wrap around me, him feeling at home against my body. He playfully nibbles at my ear while I walk.

"You're going to get me hard, Ash."

"You think I don't know that?"

"You brat." But we don't keep the game up, don't really need to.

Ash slides off my back when we get to the door. " Thanks, Big Man."

"You're welcome, my little perv."

Not gonna lie, I'm a bit distracted most of dinner. Strangely, Ash doesn't seem to notice. I can't stop watching my phone, wondering what's going on at the house, hoping Troy isn't running into any problems.

Ash is talkative tonight, so even though our food arrives pretty quickly, I don't have to come up with a reason to stall, keeping us here longer.

When the bill comes, I give the waitress my card this time. I'm about to text Troy under the table that we're leaving when Ash says, "I'll be right back. I have to go to the restroom real quick."

"I'll be here!" I say ridiculously. I'll be here? Where the fuck else would I be?

Ash chuckles, then disappears. The second he's gone, I call Troy because I'm freaking the fuck out.

"Everything is good?" I say instead of hello.

"Everything is perfect. Hurry up and get your asses home."

"We're about to leave. I'm gonna go before Ash comes out."

The waitress brings my card back, and I finish signing the receipt just as Ash comes back.

"I'm tired tonight," Ash says. "Is it cool if we head straight home?"

"Do you feel okay?" I stand up and tilt his face to look at him.

"Such a worrier. I'm fine. Let's go."

I try to hide my nerves the whole drive.

When we pull up, there are no cars in the driveway. A relieved breath wooshes out of my lungs.

My hands shake slightly as I open the door, and… "What the fuck?" Ash and I say at the same time, before our gazes shoot to each other.

"Why did you say what the fuck?" I ask.

"There's a white aisle runner with flower petals in front of the door?" Ash says it like it's a question, and clearly, he's as surprised by this as I am, but it feels like there's more to it.

"Troy?" I say, stepping inside.

"Lance?" Ash says.

Our gazes dart to each other again. Something fishy is going on for sure. He's expecting Lance to be here, but Troy said no one was…

When wedding music starts playing, the pieces fall into place. Troy had something up his sleeve because this isn't what I planned.

"Shall we?" I hold my arm out for Ash. He hooks his through mine, and we follow the aisle runner and flower petals to the living room. They've moved all the furniture and added chairs like they would have at a wedding. A few of the guys from the frat are here, along with Brenner and Taylor. Streamers hang from the ceiling, balloons everywhere, and a banner across the back wall says: ASH AND COLIN…JUST MARRIED !

"This isn't what Lance was supposed to do," Ash says.

"Wait. What? I was going to say that about Troy. I had a whole thing planned. I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend."

He looks at me, heart in his eyes and a grin curling his lips. "I had a whole thing planned. I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend too."

Because of course we would plan the same thing on the same night. That's just how we roll.

Troy steps to the end of the aisle. For the first time, I notice two extra chairs, with homemade signs that say HIS and HIS . I'm assuming they're supposed to be like thrones, and the guys made do with what they could find.

"Are you guys gonna finish walking or what?" Brenner asks. "Because I'm salty I lost out on another hot guy."

I laugh, and Brenner winks playfully.

"I guess we should go," Ash says.

Arms still clasped together, we walk toward Troy, the music stopping when we're in front of him.

Troy clears his throat. "We're gathered here today to celebrate the union of Ash Fuller and Colin Phillips as boyfriend and boyfriend. Who gives these men away?"

Lance stands. "Frat Cat does." He's holding our kitten, who doesn't look thrilled. I take him from Lance and snuggle him close.

"Ash, do you take Colin, your stepbrother, to be your boyfriend?"

"Had to add the stepbrother thing in there?" Ash questions.

"Keeping it real." Troy snickers.

Ash looks at me, and though this is ridiculous and I kinda want to kill my friend, I see the emotions in my chest reflected in Ash's eyes.

"This won't end until you say I do," Troy reminds him.

"Oh shit. I do."

Troy gives me his attention next. "Colin, do you take Ash, your stepbrother, to be your boyfriend?"

"I do." I mean, weddings are fun.

"Is there anyone who objects to this union?" Troy asks.

"I do!" Brenner teases, but Taylor elbows him in the gut and they laugh.

"Try again with someone else. Ash is mine."

Ash flushes slightly.

Troy says, "You guys are looking at each other like you're gonna bone, so with the power of Alpha Theta Mu, I now pronounce you boyfriend and boyfriend."

Troy takes Frat Cat from me just before Ash's hands are on my face and he's pulling me close, taking my mouth in a kiss, surrounded by the cheers of our friends.