Chapter 10

10

Colin

I n the days since Ash and I jerked off together, things have been both the same and not. I can't look at Ash without picturing his face when he came, can't forget the way his muscles moved when he stroked himself or what he looks like covered in a load. The memory has gotten me hard more times than I care to admit, but I'm not closer to any real answers. The logical one would be that I'm bi, but then, that doesn't explain why everything is heightened and so much more vivid when it comes to Ash. I guess it can be that I'm bisexual and have a crush on Ash.

Honestly, I don't care. I'm not the type to overthink my sexuality. Everyone is different, and while some people need labels, I don't. At least not at this point. Right now, I'm fine acknowledging that Ash makes me feel really fucking good. The rest of it doesn't matter.

So yeah, the fact that I'm imagining Ash naked is different, and so is the way we're a lot flirtier with each other. We've never had an issue throwing sexual innuendos around, but now a random eggplant emoji has a whole new meaning.

Remember when I spewed my load in front of you?

Do you think we'll do it again?

That last question I'm thinking about entirely too much, partly because it was hot and partly because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. The pushy guys I wanted to punch in the face got Ash hotter. He likes knowing how much he's turning them on, so by extension, he would like knowing how much I get turned on too. The attention is what does it for him, knowing how wild he makes someone, and making him feel good makes me go wild, so really, it's perfect. We're like a can of gasoline waiting for the flick of a match to make us explode.

And just like the fact that it's Ash made things different for me, him knowing I was watching him made his pleasure burn fiercer too.

"That's it for today," Professor Rixson in my Morality and Law class interrupts my Ash-induced thoughts. My notes are not very thorough, which isn't like me, but I'll have no problem catching up and sorting my shit out later. I pack my stuff as everyone around me rises and begins filing out of the lecture hall.

This is my last class of the day. Ash and I are heading home to see our parents for dinner. Our last trip had been postponed, and Dad had called last night to set it up because Lauren has an unexpected day off, so he figured we should take advantage. Dad is good with stuff like that.

Even though there's not a doubt in my mind that Lauren loves Dad, on the surface she seems so different from him. He's always made sure to hammer home that there's nothing wrong with men having emotions and being affectionate. He's the complete opposite of the toxic masculine culture so many people push, and I've always been grateful I've had him as an example. I can kick fucking ass on the football field while also being the guy who talks about my feelings and can love cuddling and spoiling my brother.

Shit, why does everything go back to Ash?

When I get back to the house, Troy, Atlas, and his friends Taylor and Brenner are there, playing video games. Usually, that's something they do at Atlas's place, so not sure why they're here today.

"'Sup?" I ask, plopping into one of the beat-up, reclining chairs. It's seen a few too many parties. "Remember that time when Atlas used to not be allowed here?" I joke, adjusting my backward hat.

"Remember that time I didn't give a fuck?" Atlas replies, but I don't take it personally. Atlas can be a bit of a dick, but he's a cool dick who is crazy in love with my best friend and treats him well .

"That's cap." Brenner gives Atlas a pointed look. "You used to drag our asses to every fucking party here, making up dumbass excuses, and now I know it's because the whole time you wanted to bone Troy."

"You say that like you didn't want to bone Troy too," Taylor adds.

Atlas growls, and I laugh, but then I remember Brenner has recently started flirting with my brother, and I feel a bit growly too.

"Damn…all the boys want me. Who knew I was this irresistible?" Troy teases, earning a laugh from all of us.

"Now you belong to me." Atlas nips at Troy's throat.

"Welp, they're gonna go upstairs and fuck in three…two…one…" Brenner counts down before Atlas attacks Brenner and the two of them wrestle around like idiots.

"Why did you start all the fun without me?" Ash says, coming into the room. I hadn't even heard him get home over the sound of everyone. He gives me a grin, and I pull him to my lap. Ash follows my lead, sitting on my thighs.

"It started with Brenner and how he used to want to fuck Troy, and this is where it landed," I reply.

"I give! I give!" Brenner says dramatically, voice full of all the energy that's always radiating off him.

"I was just about to jump in and defend our honor," Taylor teases, holding out his hand for Brenner and pulling his friend to his feet.

"Just about, huh? My fucking hero."

We all let out another chuckle, my hand coming to rest on Ash's thigh.

Troy shakes his head at our friends. "What are you guys doing today?" he asks me. "Wanna chill?"

"Nah, me and Ash have to go see our parents, so we're gonna bang."

"Motherfucker! Missed out again! Whyyy? " Brenner throws his hands up playfully.

"Hey, me and Troy did that at our parents' house too," Atlas adds, earning another shake of Troy's head.

"That's how we say hang out." Ash adjusts his glasses.

"Sure it is. I bet that's how Atlas and Troy say it as well. When I banged a girl last week, we were really ‘hanging' too," Taylor says, air quotes around hanging .

"Think what you want." Ash shifts on my lap, and…oh… oh . I'm feeling some twitching action in my pants. We've been sitting with each other like this for years, and that's never happened before.

My face heats. "We should get going." I start to stand slowly so Ash can get to his feet. "Rock, paper, scissors?" We both like to drive and jokingly argue about who gets to do it each time. Since I'm a year older, I got my license before Ash and used to tease him, holding my driving status over his head .

"Sure…or I could just drive." Ash snickers.

"Where's the fun in that?" We each hit our fist on our opposite hand two times before choosing a shake. "Rock smashes scissors." I tap Ash's scissor fingers with my fist. "I win." I tug my keys from my pocket, and Ash tries to get them from me as we work our way toward the door.

"Have a banging good time!" Brenner calls out in a really bad British accent.

"I'm not sure how I feel about us inheriting Brenner and Taylor when Troy fell for Atlas," Ash teases as we go out to the car.

"Do you think there's a return policy?"

"I assume it's already expired."

We climb into the car and head to our hometown, which is only about a forty-five-minute drive but also like a whole different world. Peach State is in a college town, this artsy bubble people in the burbs complain about.

"Fun fact: I started to get hard when you moved on my lap earlier." I turn onto the freeway. "I figure that's something I should share with you."

"Have you ever before?"

"Nope."

Ash shrugs. "I guess it makes sense, considering what we did last week. You're okay with it?"

I love that he's checking in with me again. Ash knows me well enough to know I'm not having an identity crisis, but it's nice to have someone to talk to. He had me when he came out as bi, but I probably wasn't able to give him everything he needed because I hadn't yet realized I'm queer. With Ash, I have someone with firsthand experience. "Yeah, I'm good. It's funny how it feels like a shift for me but also not." Again, I think that's because it's Ash it's happening with. Everything between us has always felt as natural as breathing.

"Is that why you jumped up so quickly?"

I chuckle. "I didn't want too much to happen. Plus, I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable."

"Colin, it would be impossible for anything with you to make me uncomfortable. That's not how we work."

No, it's really not. "Dad said Lauren is ordering Chinese. She knows how much you like it," I change the subject.

"That was nice of him to ask her to ask Sarah to do that."

"Ash…" I hate that he thinks of it that way, like he's an afterthought, when really, that's not the case. Lauren's love language is just different—not that that changes how it makes Ash feel. If I'd grown up with Lauren and his dad rather than my parents, I might feel the same.

"It's not a big deal. She's busy. She has to work harder than men who do the same job. "

Fact. Still, I have a feeling Ash doesn't think he's as important as her job. Or at least, she doesn't put as much effort into being the mom Ash needs as she does in her career.

"Plus," Ash says, "she's really had to prove herself since the drama when our parents got together."

"She's a badass lawyer. A so-so mom," I say.

Ash nods. "She is. I'm damn proud of all her accomplishments."

"As you should be, but if you ask me, you're even more badass." I wink, and Ash shakes his head as if I'm being ridiculous, but I know how much he loves it. Giving him that makes my insides tingle. Makes me feel…important?

"I'm lucky I have you," Ash says.

"Truth," I tease, both of us snickering.

We don't talk about anything important the rest of the ride. We pull into the driveway of their gray house—the front done with a lot of expensive stonework. Both Dad's Beamer and Lauren's Lexus are in the driveway. Ash and I have grown up privileged, something we both acknowledge and which inspires us to give back.

Dad opens the door, giving a goofy wave like he hasn't seen us in years. It's so him. We're similar, he and I.

"Hey, boys! Glad you could make time for us!" he teases, pulling me into a hug .

"It was hard, but we managed."

Dad snickers, then hugs Ash. "Hey, bud."

I don't know why he calls Ash that. It's not something he says to me, and clearly, Ash isn't a kid, but my dad has always done it.

"Hey, Steve."

Lauren steps into the doorway next. She has the same dark hair as Ash, only hers reaches her shoulders. She's wearing a pencil skirt and a nice blouse, looking like the shark she is.

She tries to emulate my father, but the hug she gives Ash is stiff and unsure, closer to a pat on the back than comfortable affection. "I got your favorite. General Tso's."

"Thanks, Mom."

Dad wraps his arm around her and squeezes her shoulder as if to say good job and make sure she knows he's proud of her.

"How is school going?" she asks as we file into the house. We settle in the living room, Ash talking about his classes and his internship. Lauren glances at her phone from time to time like she worries she's going to miss something while also trying to stay in the moment.

We make small talk for a while. Ash finally had a chance to catch up with his dad about his adventures in Japan, so he shares a little about that.

When dinner arrives, Dad rushes to say, "I'll grab dishes!"

"I'll scoop everyone's plates!" Ash adds.

"I'll…" Fuck. What will I do? "Damn it!" I hate being the last one to offer to help.

"What…?" Lauren's looking at the three of us like she's not sure what's going on.

"It's just a silly game, dear. The last one to offer to help has to do the dishes." When she frowns, maybe wondering how she missed out on that, Dad adds, "We don't do it all the time. It's pretty random."

"Oh." Lauren shifts uncomfortably.

"Looks like it's me and you for cleaning up," I say, to pull her into the game with us.

Dad grabs plates and silverware, and we head into the dining room. Dad and Lauren have chairs at each end of the table, Ash and I across from each other.

Ash begins opening the containers and adding a serving spoon to each. Just as we're about to sit down, Lauren's phone buzzes. Everyone goes quiet. Her gaze darts toward it like she wants to answer, like it's killing her not to, but she knows she shouldn't.

"You can get it before we eat," Ash tells her. He knows she wants to, and he likes to pretend it doesn't bother him. He begins adding chicken to my plate first.

"Five minutes. Then no more interruptions. I promise." She swoops up her cell and leaves the room.

"Anyone want to hear about my new book?" Dad asks.

"Absolutely," Ash tells him, and Dad rambles the way he does—and, okay, maybe the way I do sometimes too—but I can't stop worrying that Ash is disappointed his mom chose to take the call.

I pull my cell phone out, keeping it beneath the table. I remember him saying he liked it when he saw how much the guys wanted him. I'd seen it before he told me, felt it in the pulse in the room, and I want to make him feel good again.

Me: Is it weird that we're at our parents' dinner table and I can't stop thinking about what you look like when you shoot your load?

It's true. Maybe part of texting him right now is for Ash, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it's for me too.

"One of the characters is a law student." Dad turns to me.

"Oh really? What happens to him?"

I shoot a quick glance at Ash, see him look down, checking his phone. Dad keeps talking, oblivious to what's going on around him. I nod and ask questions, leg bouncing beneath the table in anticipation of Ash's reply.

"I'm back!" Lauren sits down just as my cell vibrates. "Let's dig in!"

Ash: It's hot that my big bro loves seeing how much I can shoot. You'd come when I did, wouldn't you? Stroke that thick cock and empty your balls as soon as you saw me come .

I swallow a lump in my throat. My skin tingles as blood rushes to my groin.

This is wrong.

And dirty.

And a little weird.

It's also hot AF, and I don't want to stop.

Me: Hell, yeah. I'd be just like those guys online, begging to see you unload. You're so fucking hot when you do.

"Are you not hungry?" Dad asks, and I realize I must have been sitting like this longer than I thought.

I glance at Ash when I say, "Starving," then hit Send. Holy fuck, this is fun—the thought of sending messages around people who have no idea what we're saying. I take a bite of my food, Ash's jaw tense across the table.

I turn to Lauren and Dad. "I want to ask you about the case study we're working on in school." They both light up. While I explain it to them, I know Ash is reading my text, coming up with a reply.

When Lauren and Dad start discussing aspects of the case study between them, I'm pleased. Operation Create-A-Diversion is a success.

Ash: Starving for my load? You wanna taste it next time?

Do I? Yes, yes I do. But…are we being serious or not? Is this just some game we're playing? Because it's hot and we're clearly pervy fuckers, but either way, it makes my dick throb and I don't want to stop .

Me: Yes…I'll go wild for you just like those guys online.

Fuck, this is dangerous territory. I can't sort through why I'm saying these things, but I also know they're true. Our time in his room flipped a switch inside me, and now there's no turning back.

I want to be a part of what Ash is doing online.

Or maybe that's not it, and maybe I just want to give him what he gets out of it. I want it coming from me instead of randos who don't give a fuck about him like I do.