Chapter 41

41

JJ

When Isaac was a toddler, and on the occasions I actually made it back home for his bed time, he'd insist I read to him. It always pissed off his mother. The fact that I wasn't around that much meant that when they did see me, the kids would be all over me, to such an extent that they'd ignore their mother. She wasn't the best mother, but she also wasn't the worst. She never compromised on her social life, but she was there for them. Sure, I compensated her well enough for it, but at least she was physically present for the parenting role, while I was mostly absent. And so, during the times when I was there to read to Isaac at bedtime, he'd fight sleep. When I'd ask him to close his eyes, he'd negotiate with me. Would I be around in the morning when he woke up? Only then would he close his eyes. Would I read one more book? Would I lay down next to him? Only then would he fall asleep.

Lena's question reminds me of all those times. Does everything have to be a negotiation with this generation? And how warped is it that I'm comparing her to my son. She's far more mature, more responsible, more worldly wise than my son has ever been. That doesn't change the fact that she's his age. That I moved in on my son's girlfriend and used every charm offensive in my arsenal to seduce her. The inevitable happened, and my son is so pissed off with me, I might never be able to salvage the relationship with him. And yet, I can't bring myself to feel upset about it. Partly, because I'm confident I can win Isaac back. But also, because nothing could have stopped me from going after her.

"JJ?" Her forehead knits. "Did you hear what I said?"

"You won't eat until I give you what you want," I drawl.

She tips up her chin. "Separate bedrooms."

I blink. "What do you mean?"

"I can't stay with you in your room under the same roof as Isaac."

"Why the fuck not?"

She opens and shuts her mouth. "Because I can't be fucking you when he is so clearly hurting," she finally admits.

"So, you'd rather deny what's between us? You'd rather hurt us?"

"If that's what it amounts to, yes. I didn't break up with him before sleeping with you, JJ."

"The two of you didn't even have a relationship."

"We had enough of a relationship to have sex the day before you fucked me in your Rolls."

I wince. "I should have moved in on you before that happened."

"I was still his girlfriend." She firms her lips.

"There was no emotional connection beyond friendship between the two of you. None whatsoever," I growl.

"And there is between us?"

"Isn't there?" I bend my knees and peer into her eyes. "There was something between us from the moment we met. It might have taken me time to acknowledge it, but I have and now, there's no turning back."

She searches my features then swallows. "I… I'm not so sure, JJ."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I slept with you; I don't regret that. But I can't keep doing so. Not when he's here and clearly hurting."

My fingers tingle. I want to grip her shoulders, haul her to me, then kiss her so deeply she forgets about everything else in the world but the two of us. I want to throw her over my shoulder, take her to my room, lock her up there and fuck her until she has no recollection of anything but me, can't feel anything but my cock between her legs, can't smell anything but me, taste my lips, hold my gaze as I bury myself inside her and lock her to my side twenty-four-seven.

"If there's to be anything between us, first, we need to resolve what happened with Isaac."

"Are you saying you want Isaac to give his blessing for our relationship?"

She glances away, then back at me. "I hadn't thought about it that way, but now that you mention it, yes." She blows out a breath. "Yes, I want Isaac to say he's happy for us to be together."

I laugh. "That's never going to happen."

"Then we can't be together, JJ."

"Bull-fucking-shit. This is complete poppycock," I protest.

She stares at me.

"What?" I snap.

"Sometimes I forget how British you are."

"Sometimes I forget you don't have the balls to see through what you started."

Her features pale. "That's not fair, JJ."

"And what you're doing to us is?"

"There's no us ." She crosses her arms across her chest. "Not yet."

"You're wrong, there was an us the moment we set eyes on each other."

"So you keep saying."

I widen my stance. "Are you saying you weren't attracted to me from the moment you saw me."

"I'm saying maybe we should have waited. Maybe it would have been better if I had broken things off with Isaac first."

"Something you weren't going to do for a very long time. All I did was nudge you along in that direction."

She stiffens. "So, you were manipulating me?"

"I was simply making you see how explosive we could be together."

"Sex isn't everything, JJ."

I laugh. "Sex is the bedrock of any relationship. And what we have isn't normal sex." I close the distance between us. "It's a dirty, filthy, forbidden, erotic coupling that gets more intense every time we're together."

Her cheeks heat. Her breathing grows rough. If I glance down, I'll see her nipples bead through her blouse. She's as turned on as I am.

The air between us electrifies. Every nerve ending in my body stands to attention. I've never felt so alive as I have in her presence. It's as if I'm turning back the clock when I'm with her—finding my mojo, rediscovering what it means to want a woman with so much intensity that every part of me seems to be reinventing itself. "Lena," I cup her cheek, "I want you like I've never wanted anything else before. My need for you is more than my urge to succeed. It's more enormous than my thirst for power, more fervent than my ambition to make so much money that no one in this world could ever touch me or my family."

"And yet, you didn't make time for your children."

Pain coils in my chest, and I shove it away. "I was younger, more... foolhardy. I thought there'd be time to get to know them when they were a little older. I was wrong, of course. By the time I realized my mistake, I was too late."

"And you committed the same mistake again when you put your own happiness before your son's."

"He doesn't need you. He's not in love with you, girl," I snap.

"And you are?"

"I—" I open and shut my mouth. Am I in love with her? Am I? I hesitate.

Something anguished flashes in her eyes. Her features twist—it's barely noticeable; I almost miss it, and I would have if I weren't watching her so closely—then she composes herself. "Thought not." She takes a step back from me. "Whatever this is between us, JJ, I'm not sure. But I can't be as callous as you. I can't give up all semblance of decency and shack up with you when Isaac is hurting."

"You're wasting time. This relationship with Isaac is a red herring. You know what we have is the real thing. You know you want this, Lena, so why are you denying it?"

"Because I still care about Isaac. He's my friend. And it seems callous to flaunt our relationship in front of him."

"He'll come around, Lena. He'll understand that this is best for all of us."

"You mean for you. This is best for you," she argues.

"And for you. You know it, Lena."

"All I know is I need time to work through what I'm feeling. I need a clear head to figure things out, which means I need to keep my distance from you."

I curl my fingers into fists. The fact that she needs to keep her distance so she can think things through means she's as affected by my nearness as I am by hers. That means something, right?

"You want us to get Isaac's blessing? Fine. Let's go out to dinner together."

"What?"

"The three of us. You, me, and Isaac—family dinner tonight."

Her features take on a doubtful expression. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"It's just dinner," I say impatiently. "Surely the three of us can sit around a table and have a civilized conversation?"

"Have you managed a civilized conversation with Isaac even once so far?"

I open my mouth and shut it again.

"That's what I mean." She raises her hands. "Dinner isn't going to work. We need something else. Maybe we need to do something where our hands are occupied. Something where we don't have to just focus all of our attention on each other."

"I'd happily focus all of my attention on you," I shoot back.

She scowls. "You know what I mean. We need to do something that involves physical activity."

I smirk. "I know exactly the kind of physical activity I can indulge in."

"Oh, hush." She rolls her eyes. "I mean, something that keeps us busy… Something like… Bowling."

"Bowling?"

"Bowling."

"Bowling," I say slowly. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why? Surely even you're not too old to enjoy it."

I scowl. "Don't sass me, young lady."

"Don't talk to me like I'm sixteen."

"Sometimes you act older than your years. Other times, I swear you act like someone much younger than your years, purely to aggravate me. If you want to be spanked, you only have to ask me and I'll gladly oblige."

Her blush deepens, and her pupils dilate. A telltale sign that she definitely does relish the idea.

"Goddamn…" I shake my head before I bend my knees and peer into her features. "That's what this is about. You like being a brat. You like acting out just to find out if I care. You want me to take charge of you and direct you and command you. You may be career-oriented and independent, but in bed, you're submissive."

She flips her hair over her shoulder. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't lie, little girl." I move in closer until our feet bump. Until my breath raises the hair on her forehead. Until the nervous tension vibrating off of her body hits me squarely in my chest. My groin hardens. My gaze narrows. A familiar excitement licks my veins. The thrill of a chase. The thrill of closing a deal in the boardroom. Of sitting across from some of the most seasoned gangsters in the land and pitting my wits against them. It's always a mind game. A contest of who's going to blink first. And I never do. I've never lost a challenge before, and I don't intend to now, either—even though all those confrontations pale in comparison to the struggle that shimmers between us.

Run, little girl. If I catch you, you're mine.

"Excuse me." She blinks rapidly.

I peel back my lips. "You want to play? This is your chance. You get to choose the game, and if I win then… I win."

"What do you mean?" She scowls.

"You want to go bowling, so be it. But if… when I win, you will move into my room, no questions asked."

"And if you lose?"

"I won't."