Chapter 40

40

Lena

Seema: All okay, Lena? Haven't heard from you in a while.

Josh: Lena?

Mira: Everything okay with you and Isaac?

Mom: Dinky, I'm sure whatever it is you're dealing with it, just know we're here if you need us.

Josh: Lenaaaa?

I blink away the tears in my eyes. My family has always been supportive, so why are their messages of encouragement making me feel so emotional? Also, what am I going to tell them? I'm fine, but am sleeping with Isaac's father? And Isaac and I have broken up? And I have a feeling things are going to get more complicated? I hold my fingers poised over the phone screen, then click out of the group chat. Not ready for this yet. I'll let them know what's happening. Just… not yet.

I place my phone on the kitchen island, then pick up my cup of coffee. I take a sip of the dark liquid and glance out of the window, when a current of electricity runs up my spine. I hear the heavy tread of his feet a second later. He walks over to stand next to me. "Good morning," he rumbles.

My thighs clench. What is this crazy reaction to his nearness? This, after he fucked me three times last night. And then washed every inch of my body like he was memorizing it.

"'Morning," I murmur without looking at him.

He bends and presses a kiss to my temple. I flinch. I don't mean to. It's just such a casual gesture. Such an easy gesture. Such an unexpected gesture. My breath catches. I sense his muscles stiffen, but still don't look at him.

"You okay?" he asks in a low voice.

I nod. "I'm good." I take another sip of the coffee.

"How's your foot?"

"It's fine. I pulled off the bandage and the cuts are already closing up."

He glances down to where I'm wearing my ballet pumps. My foot is fine, but I don't want to risk putting more pressure on it by wearing heels.

"You should keep your weight off it."

"I'm fine. Really." I stare straight ahead.

His gaze lights on my features, but he doesn't speak. After a few seconds, he moves away. The tension drains from my muscles somewhat. I hear him move around the kitchen. He fills up the kettle and switches it on, then reaches for the shelf where I know the teabags are kept. The kettle begins to boil, and he pours water into his tea. I hear the clink of the spoon as he adds sugar to his cup, then his footsteps approach. He walks over to stand next to me again. We drink our individual brews in silence. Outside, the birds chirp. The trees are still. It's still early, not even seven a.m.

I woke up to find myself surrounded by him and was so tempted to stay. But the last thing I wanted was to wake up next to him when I'd be seeing him in the office again in a few hours. And that's complicated further by the fact that he's my boss. Instead, I left his warm bed, and crept down the stairs to the room I shared with Isaac. Thankfully, he wasn't there, and the glass had been swept away. I showered and dressed in my office clothes, then grabbed my phone and my handbag before walking to the kitchen.

"You should have slept in," JJ murmurs.

"And take advantage of the fact that I'm shagging my boss?" I press my lips together.

JJ raises his cup of tea to his lips. He doesn't react to my words, and I do regret my outburst, but I was only saying what he was probably thinking anyway, right? It's bad enough he's my boyfriend's father. He had to be my boss, too? Have I not only ruined my personal relationship with Isaac, but also sounded the death knell on my career? Did I get so carried away by my attraction to this guy that I risked everything I've worked so hard to achieve for my entire life?

"I can hear you thinking," he finally drawls.

I turn away, walk over to the island and place my cup of coffee on it. "Look, JJ, last night was fine but?—"

"If you're going to pretend it didn't happen?—"

"Oh, it did happen." I squeeze the edge of the counter. "And that's the problem."

I hear his footsteps, then he pauses behind me. He places those big warm hands on my shoulders and kneads. "Breathe, girl, breathe."

"I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"You mean, call you ‘girl'?"

"It makes me feel like I'm so much younger than you."

"You are younger than me," he reminds me. He continues, "Perhaps you're younger in years, but you've demonstrated a level of maturity that I've found very few people, regardless of their years, possess."

I lift my chin, then glance at him over my shoulder. "Was that a compliment?"

The skin around his eyes crinkles. "What do you think?"

"Can't you at least confess that you were being nice to me, without having to always don that big, bad alphahole disguise of yours?"

"Afraid it's not a disguise. And I was being truthful."

I search his features. "I guess." I lower my gaze, then face forward again. "What happens now?" I bite the inside of my cheek. "We fucked. Many times. Now, do we go into the office like nothing happened? And Isaac? How is he going to take all of this?"

"For one, I'm moving out of our room and into the studio on the top floor," Isaac's announces from the doorway.

I glance up to find him walking over to stand on the opposite side of the island. His gaze lowers to where JJ's hands are on my shoulders. I try to move away, but JJ firms his hold. Isaac's features harden. He grips the edge of the counter in a move that mirrors mine. The skin stretches across his knuckles.

"Isaac—" I begin

"Don't." He raises his palm. "Please don't say anything."

"But—"

He shakes his head. "Do me the favor of not bringing up any excuses. I know I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I still don't understand what you see in him."

"It's just... It's difficult to explain." I lower my chin to my chest. "I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you?—"

"Honestly, it isn't."

My eyes pop open in surprise.

"I knew when he stepped between us that day at the party that something was up. JJ isn't the kind of man who'd do something that impulsive. It was clear his emotions got the better of him. In fact, I think it's the first time I saw him give in to his compulsions. It surprised me enough that I began to pay attention to the interactions between the two of you. I saw how he stared at you when he thought no one was looking. I also saw how you looked at him."

"Isaac," I whisper. Was I that transparent? Was JJ that obvious about what he felt for me?

"And then, that day I walked into our bedroom to find him leaving…"

"Nothing happened," I murmur.

"Maybe not. But the tension between the two of you was enough to strip paint from the walls. I may have been an absentee boyfriend, but once I started paying attention to the two of you, it's surprising how much I picked up on."

"I wish you'd said something." I bite the inside of my cheek.

"I take full responsibility for what happened," JJ interrupts. "Lena resisted me until?—"

"—she couldn't." Isaac's lips twist. "I still don't see the appeal, to be honest. But I'm also not that stupid. I can see how the two of you react to each other. Fact is, we never had that much chemistry, did we?"

"No, we didn't," I whisper.

Behind me, I sense JJ's muscles tense further. He's still holding my shoulders, but his grip feels more comforting, like he's trying to encourage me. Like we're on the same team. Or maybe, it's because the two of us are standing together on the same side of the counter, and Isaac is standing on his own on the other side.

"I want you to complete the project and deliver the paintings to all of my offices," JJ cuts in.

"Oh, I intend to, and it's not because I want to keep my word to you." Isaac scoffs.

"Of course not," JJ drawls.

"It's because I promised you ." Isaac turns his gaze on me. "I said I'd keep my end of the bargain, and this time, I intend to."

Guilt squeezes my rib cage. My stomach churns. I try to move around the counter so I can get to Isaac, but JJ's hold stops me. Tension radiates from his big body. It's as if he knows I'm torn between him and Isaac, and he's worried about losing me. To be honest, I'm worried about it, too.

What I did to Isaac was wrong, wasn't it? He was a far-from-perfect boyfriend, but he was the only person in my corner when I lost my best friend. But he took advantage of your grief and made his move on you when you least expected it. I'd never wanted to be with him, but he was there and it was convenient. And now I'm making excuses for myself. I pull away again, and this time, JJ releases me. I walk around the counter to Isaac.

"Thanks, Isaac, it means a lot to me," I murmur.

Isaac looks between my eyes. "I never deserved you, Lena. I know you're upset with me because I moved in on you so quickly after Ben's passing, but you and I both know, I never would have fallen for him. I may be bisexual?—"

JJ stiffens, but doesn't say anything.

"— but he was never more than a friend for me. You, however, refused to look at me while he was alive. And even after, you were so resistant. But I wanted you, Lena."

"Only because you couldn't have me." I swallow.

"You mean, the way my father couldn't have you as long as you were my girlfriend?" He glowers at JJ. "Not that it stopped that asshole from going after you."

"Watch your mouth, boy. I'm still your father," JJ growls.

Isaac scoffs. "That was never true growing up, and it's even less true now."

JJ rounds the counter. He approaches Isaac and I shoot out my arm to stop him. "Don't, JJ, please." I scowl at him from the corner of my eye.

JJ glares at Isaac. The two of them trade the kinds of looks that convey how much they hate the sight of each other. Even more than they did a few days ago. And I'm the cause of it. My stomach bottoms out. My head spins. How did I get caught up in all this drama? All I wanted was a roof over my head and a chance to get my life on track. Instead, I've plunged myself straight into the worst situation of my life. And it's all my fault. I couldn't control my impulses, and now I've succeeded in driving a deeper wedge between these two men, which hadn't been my intention at all.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you." Isaac narrows his gaze on his father. "I need to care enough to do that, and honestly, I don't. Any relationship between us was over a long time ago, and you've killed any chance of a reconciliation."

JJ's shoulders bunch. Beneath his tan, he pales. He swallows; the tendons of his throat move but he stays silent.

"Isaac, you don't mean that." I turn on him. "He's still your father… your family."

"You were… Are my family, Lena." His shoulders deflate a little. "I know I treated you like shit. I wasn't thinking of the effect my actions would have on you. I wasn't thinking of anything but my art. I don't blame you for what you did. I just need some time to get my brain wrapped around everything." He spins around and heads for the door.

Worry knits my insides and bile bubbles up my throat. "Where are you going, Isaac?"

He pauses, then turns to face me. "I'm not going to do anything stupid." His lips twist. "It's best I get on with my paintings, don't you think?"

He leaves, and the ensuing silence is thick with unsaid words. I'm very aware of JJ standing next to me. His entire body seems to have turned to granite. Except for the heat that pours off of him, he may as well be a statue. I wipe my damp palms on my skirt. Apprehension is a stone that weighs down my belly. I draw in a breath, and my lungs burn.

I can neither move my feet nor turn to face JJ. My fault. This is all my fault. Why did I have to follow my instinct? It didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong when I was with JJ and yet, technically, I was Isaac's girlfriend when I did. I should have broken things off with him a while ago, but I hadn't had the courage to do it. In my mind, I moved on from him a while ago… Probably the day he said he didn't care if we didn't have a roof over our heads. When he refused to take responsibility for our well-being, I lost respect for him. I stopped seeing him as a partner, and instead, regarded him as more of a responsibility. And maybe that's what stopped me from ending things with him. It didn't feel right to leave when he was trying to figure his stuff out. I thought I was doing him a favor, but I only complicated all of our lives. And now… Things are such a mess. What am I going to do next?

"Breakfast?" JJ asks in a normal voice.

I turn on him. "You had a falling out—likely, a permanent one—with your son, and you want to eat breakfast?"

"You need to eat to survive," he says in that patient 'Dad' voice of his, the one I hate and love because it makes me feel taken care of, but it also emphasizes the age gap between us.

"I don't want to eat."

"You are going to eat." He lowers his voice to a hush and my pulse skitters. He's going to use the force of his authority to make me concede to his wishes again. But I'm not going to let him win. Not this time.

"I'll eat, on one condition."