RECKONING

26

Aria had successfully avoided Luka until he cornered her after breakfast on her way back to her room the following day. She'd spent the entirety of the previous afternoon and evening recovering from the way Evelyn had looked at her, and frankly, wasn't ready to acknowledge her own immaturity. It had resulted in her ignoring the rest of the squad—including Luka, who was clearly taking it personally.

"Hey," he called after her down the hall. "You can't ignore me forever."

"I can do whatever I want, I'm a grown woman," she said loudly enough for him to hear, trying to get the door shut behind her before he could barge in. She was, much to her dismay, not fast enough.

He placed a thick hand between the frame and the door, stopping her from locking herself in. "Are you still upset about training?"

"What do you think?" She looked at him with her arms crossed as he leaned against the threshold.

"Will you at least hear me out?"

"Are you going to apologize? "

"Obviously," his brow knitted. "And for the record, I would have done it sooner if you hadn't kept running away. I'm sorry, Aria. If I had thought you would get hurt, I never would have done anything."

"Then why did you?" She knew she had overreacted, but now curiosity got the better of her.

"Because." He paused, considering. "Because I was selfish," he rubbed his jaw. "If you want me to be honest, I knew it would light something in you." His eyes studied her face, searching for something as he continued. "Even seeing you angry was better than seeing that hollowness that creeps into your eyes sometimes. I knew you could handle whatever I threw at you. I promise I wouldn't have done it if I thought otherwise."

The stone in her chest began to soften. "I almost didn't handle it, though. I wasn't prepared."

"But you did handle it. Incredibly," he looked at her with genuine praise. "And you have to be prepared for anything in battle. I don't know, I thought it might help. But I realize now it was stupid." His features remained tight with concern. What he'd said about the hollowness… It was true. She'd felt more in that moment than she had about anything the past weeks. At her silence, he said again, "I'm sorry. Truly."

She believed him. And now she felt extra guilty for how immaturely she'd reacted. Because he was right—the more real-world experience she got, the better. "Fine," she caved, a smile tugging at her lips. "But you're lucky we have to present a united force today, because I usually hold grudges for a lot longer than this."

"How very fae of you," he laughed, dropping into a deep bow, sarcasm lacing every word. "Thank you so much for your forgiveness, Princess, I don't know how I'll ever repay you. "

She rolled her eyes. "You know, I was going to apologize for overreacting yesterday, but I've suddenly changed my mind."

"Well, consider your non-existent apology accepted," he said, resuming his spot in the threshold, worry once again creasing his forehead. "Are we okay, then? You and I?"

"We're good," she said. He released a sigh of relief. "And gods, please never bow to me ever again, I think I hate that."

He lifted his chin with a smirk, peering at her with those deep brown eyes under thick lashes. "I'd happily get on my knees instead, if that's what you'd prefer."

She reddened as he held her gaze in quiet challenge. She'd gotten cold feet with him the last time he'd done this. And again with Evelyn yesterday, still too overcome with emotion from training. But she'd agreed to let herself enjoy the next couple of months, just in case they were her last.

Right as she was about to offer a quip of her own, Taren's voice carried down the hall. "The Assembly is here!"

She wanted to groan at the timing. Luka composed his face before taking two steps back. "My offer stands," he said, retreating down the hall, leaving her standing flushed in her doorway.

***

Aria watched her parents walk through the gates of the Solstice Sanctum, her stomach tangled with nausea. This morning, she wasn't sure she'd be able to contain the anger she'd worked so carefully to hide away from the others—the anger Luka had unknowingly unleashed during training the day before. But as they were escorted into the courtyard where she sat, she was mostly just relieved to see them. She had missed her parents, despite it all .

Greeting them both with a hug, she breathed in the familiar floral scent of her mother, whose bright blonde hair was in a thick braid down the center of her back. In her flight leathers, she looked like a warrior, not a queen. It was so unlike the mother she typically pictured in her mind, soft and flowing. Regal and elegant.

"Come find me when you're settled," Aria said. "I want to fill you in on a few things." And demand some answers, she thought . Her stomach knotted with anticipation.

Joyen nodded and headed toward her room. It wasn't long before the queen approached Aria and Taren again. The two had been discussing some of the things Aria needed to work on the next time they trained, so she was happy for the interruption before she remembered the reason she had asked her mother to talk in the first place.

"Hi, Taren," Joyen smiled. "It's nice to see you."

"Your Majesty," Taren replied in greeting. Aria could tell they were trying to be cordial. Joyen may not have picked up on the slight disgust in their tone, but Aria did.

"Care for a walk?" Aria asked. "If you're too tired from your trip, it can wait…"

"No, no, I'm fine," she replied, holding out the crook of her elbow for Aria to take. She hesitated before looping her arm through her mother's, something she hadn't done in a long time. They used to love walking side by side through the castle gardens when she was young. She and her father had never really been close, but her mother had always loved spending time with her. Once she'd started at the Institute, though, they began to grow apart because of their busy schedules and Aria's changing interests. The nostalgia fueled her unease.

"How was the flight?" Aria asked, making small talk until they got a little further away, avoiding any prying ears. At last, they made their way through the gates and began walking along the stone trail that circled the Sanctum.

"Oh, it was fine. We visited Clem's parents again on the way here. They're incredibly kind," Joyen grinned.

"Good, good. They are very sweet."

Joyen eyed her daughter protectively. "How has your time with the shifters been? I hope the Fulgara boy hasn't given you too much trouble."

Aria let out a staccato laugh. "He's definitely trouble. But… It's been surprisingly okay. We've all grown pretty close, honestly."

"What happened there, then?" Her eyes lingered on Aria's temple where her gash was still scabbed.

"Oh," Aria touched it instinctively, grateful the burns on her arm were hidden by her sleeve, "just a casualty from training yesterday. No reason to worry."

"That's good," Joyen said. "I'm glad to see you making friends. I think seeing you all work together will be a great example for the rest of our troops, don't you?" Aria nodded. "So, to what do I owe this lovely walk with my daughter?"

Aria stopped and pulled her arm from her mother's, turning to face her. The look on the queen's face told her she did, indeed, know something was off. She should have known her mother would see through the innocent request. Might as well get it over with.

"I know the truth about what happened at the border battle," Aria said confidently.

Joyen's brow furrowed. "I don't know what you mean."

"Please don't do this again," she begged. "I really need you to be honest with me right now. I found Amyr's journal in the library," she said, hoping to protect Lemira's innocence. Just in case. "She wrote about everything. In detail. And I want you to own up to it. I'm tired of being lied to. I deserve to know the truth. Our people deserve to know the truth—"

"Aria—"

"Please. I mean it. I need you to tell me everything. This is your chance to come clean. I—I can't handle all of these lies anymore, okay?"

Joyen searched her daughter's face, which remained neutral, despite fighting to remain calm internally. She dropped her gaze to the ground, avoiding Aria's eyes. "We tried…" she whispered, almost to herself. "We tried to stop it."

Aria's facade crumbled. "So it's true," she said, moisture gathering in her eyes as her voice cracked. "You—You killed him. For nothing."

"It was a mistake," Joyen pleaded, grabbing for Aria's hands. But she pulled away from the queen, turning and walking further down the path. "Ari, please!"

"Don't!" Aria whipped back around. "Don't pretend like you care about anyone but yourselves! First Vera, and now this? How can I ever trust you about anything ever again? You've lied to me, you've lied to your own people. All for your own fucking pride," she hissed as she spoke, snarling. "You're cowards. All of you."

Joyen recoiled. "Aria, please. Listen to me. I will own up to it, all of it. I will tell you anything you want to know." Tears left tracks down her face. "Let me make it up to you, to everyone." she said. "Please don't walk away from me, you are everything to me. The only thing that has ever mattered. Everything we've done, we've done to protect you. You have to believe me."

"Then start at the beginning," Aria said. "Don't even think about leaving anything out."

"Okay," Joyen said hoarsely, "okay. "

Aria listened as her mother explained that Vera was jaded about her marriage to King Arach from the very start of their courtship, because it meant she lost the power she had once coveted. How relinquishing that power to her daughter, in a marriage to one of their biggest enemies, was just salt in her wound. Joyen speculated that Vera never really had anything against the Zephyrs and their people, she just didn't like answering to anyone but herself, even her own husband.

Aria watched her mother intently as Joyen described how Vera's resentment grew into her finding ways to sabotage Joyen and Arach any chance she got in a desperate attempt to undermine their rule. On multiple occasions, Joyen caught Vera's spies that had infiltrated their Guard and acted against their orders. Though she couldn't prove it, she theorized it may have been some of Vera's people that had initiated the archers against General Fulgara. But if they wanted to remain united after the Joining, they'd had to hold firm in their leadership. They could show no sign of weakness or mistake.

"It broke my heart, Aria," Joyen sobbed, now leaning against the stone wall for support. "I've never hated Denover like my mother. I've wanted peace on our continent so badly, for so long," she paused. "For General Fulgara to come to us took such bravery, such humility. It's something I continue to admire about him. It truly shattered something in me to watch him fall at our hand… But how was I supposed to explain to Shara and the rest of the Council that his death had been an accident? That we had foiled any opportunity for peace? She never would have believed us."

Joyen explained that, instead, Professor Embris had advised them to remain calm and stoic in the face of this storm. They had to double down. And still being young rulers, they'd decided to follow her advice. But after months of rebuilding confidence in the Assembly after the battle, Joyen began having second thoughts. Amyr's health declined rapidly in her depression. She'd refused to join them for meals or conversation anymore. Joyen watched Amyr's health eat at Jil day after day until suddenly Amyr was gone. And Jil became a shell of the leader and teacher she once was.

"But it was too late," Joyen shook her head. The Allarian people were already committed to the story they'd devised. Jil finally told Joyen, years later, that Amyr never knew it was Jil's idea, to pretend it wasn't an accident. Jil could never bring herself to tell Amyr, the love of her life, that she was the reason for the falsehoods that sent her into a spiral. The reason Amyr couldn't get out of bed anymore and ended up taking her own life.

"I know now that we were wrong," Joyen continued, the tears finally drying along her cheeks. "I was embarrassed by the actions of our Guard—whether it was Vera or not. But it was too late to walk back our reasoning to the Allarian people, especially the soldiers who had fought so hard to protect us that day. It is why we expanded the battle course offerings to include negotiations, why we have not sought to cave to the Unifiers' threats. We, too, wish for peace." She paused, her eyes distant. "It has weighed on me every day. After our behavior, I am so shocked—so grateful —they are willing to try again."

"The shifters?" Aria asked, still trying to absorb everything her mother told her.

"Yes. Especially Shara. I have long admired her resiliency and leadership. I have had to maintain the charade of hatred—well, more like mild dislike—all these years. But I think this may finally be our chance to come together as a continent. I am hopeful of that, at least. "

Aria's forehead creased in confusion. "Why have you never told them that, then?"

"Your father is still very prideful," she sighed. "He's concerned that, after all this time, it would seem like a weak excuse. A fake attempt at reconciliation. I don't blame him. Though, I told him before we came here today that I would no longer keep up the act. We expected retaliation from them right after General Fulgara's death, but when it didn't come—even after a few years—we just agreed to let the dust settle and maintain a semblance of normalcy for our people." After a moment, she said, "It pains me to admit all of this out loud. We are cowards. I know that."

"I think they deserve to know the truth, don't you?" Aria asked, her voice soft.

As soon as she said it, she realized she was just repeating the same advice Taren had given her the day before. She wanted so badly to be more upset with her mother, but she was just so tired. And she could tell Joyen was finally unloading the truth, the whole of it. Aria could let herself think she would have handled things differently all she wanted, but the reality was that her mother genuinely thought she was doing the best she could at the time. Was it right? Of course not. But she had a chance to right things now, and Aria hoped she took the opportunity.

"I will never ask for their forgiveness because we do not deserve it," Joyen paused, deep in consideration, "but you're right. Just as you deserve to know the truth, so do they. I just… I don't know how to approach it. I don't think I could look Shara in the eye and tell her that her husband should still be here with us. That we wouldn't be in this situation if we had resolved things fifty years ago," Joyen sighed, wrapping her arms around herself, seeking comfort from the realization that hit her like a brick wall .

Aria sucked in a deep breath. "Let me talk to Luka first. He may have some advice."

"I can't ask you to do that, Aria." Her mother looked like a young girl just then, so unsure of herself. Not the ruler of a realm.

"You're not asking me to do anything," Aria replied. "I wanted to talk to him about it anyway, but I needed to hear your side first." Now that she knew she was right about Amyr's journal, she wasn't afraid to talk to him anymore. Nervous, but not afraid. "But," she continued, "I want you to know I still don't agree with how you handled things. I appreciate you finally coming clean, but I wish it wouldn't have taken me confronting you about it for you to tell the truth."

"I know," Joyen replied somberly, meeting Aria's gaze. "I am not proud of many things your father and I have done. But I am so proud of you and who you've become, my daughter. You are so headstrong, so stubborn. And sometimes impulsive. But one day, you will be the greatest ruler Allar has ever seen. I am more sure of that than I've ever been of anything else in my life." She grasped Aria's hands in hers. "Thank you for asking the questions so many are afraid to. You have my word. No more lies, starting right now."

Aria squeezed her mother's hands, praying that was true.

***

Joyen returned to her room after her walk with Aria feeling simultaneously disgusted and hopeful. She'd hoped Aria would never learn about her and Arach's lies, but now that she had, she would do everything in her power to make things right.

Now, she just had to wait for Aria to report back about her conversation with Luka .

She found Arach in their room sitting at the small desk, reading some correspondence he'd brought with him. With all the meetings they'd been having, they were dreadfully behind on letters and formal requests.

Joyen sat on the corner of the desk, drawing his eyes upward. "We need to talk," she said.

"Can it wait until I'm done? I only have a few left," he responded, returning his attention to the letter in front of him. His long, red curls hung loosely against his face, and his beard was long enough now that it nearly touched the desk where he hunched over it.

Something compelled her to take his locks and sweep them behind his shoulder. "You're going to tangle your hair in your pen if you're not careful."

He looked up at her again, surprised by the intimate touch. It wasn't often that they co-existed in the same space, especially not while they were working on things that didn't require the other person. They rarely even slept in the same bed, unless required to while they were traveling.

"Is something the matter?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes," she replied, admiring the new creases along the corners of his eyes. How long had it been since she'd really studied him? Not as her king, but as her lover? A long while, she admitted. Maybe that's why Aria struggled so much with relationships because she hadn't really grown up around many loving ones. Just another thing for her to feel guilty about.

"What is it, Joyen?" True concern deepened the lines in his forehead. Why did she like it so much when he looked at her like that? She wished she could bottle it, that worry. Arach worried a lot, just not about her. She savored the feeling, knowing it would likely turn to anger once she told him .

"Aria knows what happened to Molden," she started. "What really happened. Apparently, Amyr carried a journal, and it somehow found its way to Aria."

Arach's face began to redden as she'd predicted. "Does anyone else know?"

"Not right now. But Arach, I think they should," Joyen braced herself. "Shara, at the very least, deserves to know. Wouldn't you want to know, if you were in her place?"

"Are you crazy?" His voice grew louder as he shoved his chair back and stood. "That woman will light us on fire the first chance she gets if she learns the truth! It's bad enough that Aria knows. We can't let her tell anyone about this…" Arach began to pace. But Joyen remained seated, determined not to feed into his reaction.

"Listen to me," she said calmly. "You know how much I have grieved over that day. And I have listened to you and Jil time and time again. But I know this is the right thing to do, and I need you to support me in this.

"Our daughter—our powerful, kind-hearted, headstrong daughter, our only child—has lost all faith in us. And I won't stand for that any longer. She cares more about Allar—and all of Wren, for that matter—than we ever have. And we should feel lucky that she cares so much when we have given her every reason not to, do you understand me?" She continued before he could respond. "I am sick and tired of harboring all these lies, and I promised Aria I won't hide anything from her any longer. That we won't hide anything. I miss my daughter, Arach. I miss her fiercely. And I won't let us drift any further apart than we already have."

Arach blinked at her, his expression unreadable. "So, what do you suggest we do, then? "

She sucked in a deep breath, a bit shocked that his usual pallor had returned. She'd expected him to put up more of a fight. "Aria is going to talk to Luka and tell him the truth, first," she said. "She thinks he'll have a good idea of how Shara would respond to the news, and how we might go about delivering it."

He closed his eyes tightly. "You didn't think to talk to me first?"

"No, Arach, I was a little too busy trying to salvage the tenuous relationship with our daughter. As she's reminded me plenty, lately, she's perfectly capable of making decisions. And I think the decision to speak to Molden and Shara's son is a good one."

"There's nothing I can do, here, is there?" Arach's eyes seemed to plead with her to change her mind. But her mind was made up.

"You could support the two most important people in your life, for a change."

Arach winced. The punch met its mark. He remained silent for a few moments, deep in thought. He ran a thick hand down the length of his beard before meeting her gaze.

"Okay," he said resolutely. "You're right. It's time."