33. Arianne

"Itold you to stay away from the window, Ari."

Halo's stern voice makes me jump. He's armed to the teeth. There are weapons on his belt and a knife strapped to his thigh. He's dressed in all black and is even wearing a black beanie.

I let the tiny inch of curtain I pulled back go. "I was just keeping watch. I feel bad that Switch and Bates are out there on their own. Can't we take them some food or something?"

The trip up to the cabin was frantic. Hastily packed bags, grabbing what little food we had in the fridge and cupboards, and throwing unopened boxes of diapers and formula and baby food into the truck.

Then we travelled in a convoy, Switch travelling ahead to check the road was clear, Bates following up behind to make sure we weren't being followed. King had been confident that we wouldn't be, but he'd sent the two of them to be our eyes and ears.

"No. They're fine. We gave them some of our supplies."

"If you say so. But at least put four bottles of water outside the door in case they need them."

"I already left a case of twelve and gave them the location of more on the property." The property he, Bates, and Switch staked out, walked around in excess of fifty times identifying possible entrances and exits.

In the candlelight, it's easy to imagine what Halo must have looked like in uniform. Tall and imposing. Armed and dangerous. Focused.

"Do you have any photographs of you in uniform?" I ask. There weren't any in his home.

"Why?" he asks.

"Just wondering how you filled out your uniform."

He opens his phone, scrolls around for a couple of minutes, and then hands it to me. "There's three. Full dress uniform, then two on deployment."

The first one is a proper military picture. "You look very handsome. And look at your hair!" It's short.

"Grew it as soon as I was discharged," he says with a huff.

"I like it better now."

I scroll to the next. This one, he's in fatigues, or whatever they call their deployment uniform. Khaki camouflage, a helmet, dark sunglasses, a weapon close to his chest, but he's laughing. "Can I get a copy of this one?" I ask.

"Whatever you want, kitten. You like it?"

"You're laughing. I like that."

The tension lines in his forehead seem to relax a little.

The final one is of a group of men. "Your unit?"

"My team, yeah. Our second deployment to Afghanistan." They're smiling for the camera, but as I zoom in on Jax's face, I can see the fatigue etched in his handsome features.

"Thank you for your service, Jax."

Jax smiles as I hand him his phone back. "My pleasure."

I drop onto the sofa and watch Lola, seated on a deep-piled rug, turn the pages of a thickly paged book. Her little hands shake with excitement as she turns them over.

"Book," she says, waving it at me.

"It is a book. You are such a clever girl." I look at Jax. "Why are we keeping the lights so dim?"

Jax takes my hairbrush off the small table and moves behind the sofa. He smooths his hands over my hair before kissing the top of my head, then proceeds to brush my hair. "The same reason we left the truck and bikes down the road once we emptied them. It's to make the place look like it isn't being lived in right now. The candlelight won't seep through the curtains as it's not bright enough."

The brush strokes are soothing. I love when someone plays with my hair. I also like when Halo pulls on it when we have sex. But there is something impossibly intimate and reassuring in the way he gathers each section of hair and pulls the bristles through it.

Tiny shivers ripple through me, bringing a sense of tremendous ease. And it's a soul-deep reminder that this man remembers to care for me, even when his world is a whirlwind of terror.

For a moment, it's like the chaos outside the front door doesn't exist.

When we arrived earlier, in daylight, the cabin looked absolutely charming. The front door leads into a lovely open space with a kitchen to the right, a dining area to the left, and a large comfortable sofa and fireplace in the middle. There is a lovely bedroom, a small-but-functional bathroom, and the surprise safe room.

The safe room was constructed out of the only closet space in the living room and was expanded into the kitchen. It was big enough for four people to sit on padded benches along the wall. Weapons sit in cases on the walls, each one with a key code Halo was given. There is a small fridge stocked with drinks and a shelf above it with snacks and nonperishable items. By the door is a touch screen panel that King told us would set off a string of alerts to Vex and others and show us the feed from the cameras attached to the outside of the house.

It was surprisingly comforting to know of its existence. And slightly shocking to hear from Halo on the drive up how King had used the cabin when he kidnapped Rae.

Plus, it means we aren't so far away from the rest of the Outlaws that it would take long for them to get to us. An hour maybe.

"I'm sorry this is our start, kitten," he says, finally.

I look up at him, and he puts the brush down. "What do you mean?"

"I overheard the other old ladies talking about this idea of a meet-cute. The way two people meet and fall in love. Ours wasn't a meet-cute. It'll never be funny. We met at your sister's funeral shortly after I'd buried Dad. There was a meet, but no cute."

I reach up to his arms and pull him down to me. It's an awkward upside-down kiss, but it's also sweet. "I can't regret it though. Meeting you was the best thing that happened to me."

Jax walks around the sofa to crouch by my knees. His palms are warm on my thighs. "I'm sure I would have found a way to make you belong to me somehow."

I straighten my shoulders. "I don't belong to anyone. I've made that mistake once before. I've fallen into the trap of believing I had to act and be a certain way to be worthy of love. And I refuse to do it again."

Jax grins at me.

"What's so funny about that?" I ask.

"Absolutely nothing. I'm proud of the way you've grown since you arrived here."

I tilt my head, my eyes fixed on him. "What do you mean?"

"Would you ever have spoken to your ex like this?"

I think for a second. "No."

"Why do you think you can speak to me like this? And that's not a threat in any way. Honestly, why do you feel brave enough to challenge me?"

I smile softly. "Because I know you won't hurt me."

"Too fucking right, I won't. Are you ready for your own leather though? Because as my old lady, I'd want you to wear a property cut like the others do. Would give me a real sense of pride to see you wearing a ‘Property of Halo' patch."

I don't belong to anyone. I've made that mistake once before. I've fallen into the trap of believing I had to act and be a certain way to be worthy of love. And I refuse to do it again.

I think over what I just said. Did I really mean it? "I remember how I felt when I first saw Iris and Briar in theirs, and I was envious that someone was willing to step up and love them and claim them. But I guess there's a difference in words. Maybe it's semantics. I don't want to wear one because you won me, because I belong to you. I want to wear one because you love me enough to tell everyone I'm yours. I want to wear one so it feels like I have a shield around me. One that protects me from the rest of the world. One that tells the world I'm proud to love you and build the life we have together."

Jax strokes my cheek with his knuckle. "You're the most precious thing I have, Ari. Whatever words express that, I give them to you willingly. Just promise me you'll spend the rest of your life with me."

My heart stretches beyond measure. Warmth fills in the space created.

Halo brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. "I just remembered we were rudely interrupted in the middle of a very important conversation when King arrived."

I shake my head, even as heat rises in my cheeks. "We were? I don't recall. I should probably check Lola's diaper doesn't need changing."

We both look at Lola, who is now chewing on the corner of the book with drool flowing over her chin.

"You and I both know that you changed her half an hour ago, and she's as happy as a lamb right now," Jax says. "What happened to ‘if it ain't broke, don't fix it'?"

He lifts from his crouched position and sits next to me on the sofa. He slides his hand around the back of my neck and squeezes gently. "Where were we in that conversation?"

"I think it was closed. We were finished."

Jax grins. "No. I think there was some intimation that there were needs I wasn't meeting. And then some vague gesturing that looked like this." He mimics my earlier hand waving gesture between us. "Something about dirty talking and domination and intimidation…yeah, that was it. You called me proficient."

I can't help but chuckle at the way his nose wrinkles in disgust at the word. "I think I maybe did say proficient."

He squeezes the back of my neck a little tighter, but it's not to hurt me, nor is it painful. It's possessive, and my insides melt like chocolate by the fire. "Okay. So, we're really going to have to break this one down. First, proficient? If I'm only proficient, we're doing it wrong, because I want to rock your world with my cock, kitten."

"Stop," I warn. "Lola might hear."

But he doesn't. "Second, I confirm I do like domination. I've been keeping it dialed down and more vanilla given your recent experiences. We'll grow with our dynamic. If I'm honest, I wanted to fuck you the first time I saw you. But the feelings I have for you started outside the bedroom. Being the person you turned to, the one who comforted you. Making sure you ate, remembering you can't eat pineapple. Helping you navigate leaving Patrick and starting over. I love being that man for you."

"I'm not usually such a mess." But I'm sure there is a smile on my face that calls me a liar.

Jax runs a knuckle down my cheek. "You're perfect, love. And third, you said it's intimidating, yet …? You paused there just as the bikes arrived."

"I feel like telling you anything good will feed your ego and you'll be an insufferable jerk about it." I touch my palm to his cheek and smooth his stubble.

"What if I said I'd spank you if you don't tell me?"

I trail my fingers over the strap that runs over his shoulder and down to his hip, filled with ammo. "When you speak to me like that…"

"Like what?"

I shrug, a little hapless. A part of me doesn't really want to answer, but I do. "I melt for you, Jax. That's the only way I can describe it."

He kisses me, this time with more heat than is healthy for either of us right now. "Have you any idea what it does to me when you talk like that?"

I shake my head.

"I'm going to prove how much I love you over and over again."

His watch buzzes, and he looks down at it. "I need to check in with my brothers." He tilts his chin at Lola. "Take care of Lollipop. Fill her tummy and tire her out if you can. It would be better if she doesn't scream all night. Somewhere rural like this, the sound will carry."

"I will. I'll take her into the safe room if she gets upset. That should deaden the cries."

"Smart girl," he says, sighing. "I love you, Ari. I promise this will be over soon."

As I watch his broad shoulders when he steps out of the cabin, I pray he's right.