12. Arianne

I'm lying on my stomach, naked, as Halo's large hands work oil into my muscles. They ache with that soreness that comes from working out consistently for the first time, and Halo chuckles when I try to wiggle away from the delicious pain as he digs deep into muscles to help with the soreness.

Occasionally, his fingertips drift over the curve of my ass, and I feel the towel that was once covering me pushed farther and farther down my thighs.

I'm so tired and sleepy.

But the way his fingers graze between the cheeks of my ass stops me from falling asleep.

I roll onto my back and hear a noise in the distance, but I'm so in the moment that I can barely bring myself to pay attention.

The sound happens again.

"Arianne," Halo says.

"Yes, Halo," I murmur.

"Fuck," he curses. "Don't do this to me, Arianne."

Then the bed jostles, and I open my eyes to see Halo leaning right over me, a palm on the pillow, on either side of my head. I'm in my bedroom, the one in Halo's house, and my hand is between my legs.

Paralyzed, I can't move.

Another dream. This time the kind I've had more frequently over the past couple of days. The dreams where Halo is the star of the show.

It's not just sexual. It's the way he cares. I wasn't going to file a report about Patrick, but he persuaded me to go get my injuries checked and photographed at the hospital. Said it would leave an evidence trail should he try to contest the divorce. And then he paid for everything.

"Arianne. I wanted you to wake up so…" His words trail off as his eyes drift down my arm and see where my hand is.

"Ah, fuck," Halo mutters, but he doesn't move. I stare at him, and his gaze is fixed on my hand.

I'm not sure where the courage comes from, but I slide two of my fingers over my panties, gasping at the sensation.

Halo runs his tongue over his lower lip, then bites down on it. Tension vibrates around me. Maybe this is foolish. After our conversation four days ago, it feels utterly reckless, but the way he looks at me like he's hungry pushes me on.

His hand clamps on my wrist, and I automatically squeeze my thighs, trapping my hand between them.

"This has ‘bad idea' written all over it," Halo says.

"Would it be so bad?" I ask.

The cords in Halo's neck stand in relief, and his jaw twitches. "If I leave, are you going to finish this off yourself?"

"Want to stand in the doorway and watch? I feel like I owe you one." I'm not sure where the bravery comes from. His chest heaves with the deep breaths he's taking. Tension thrums between us, the air heavy with possibilities.

"Brat," he mutters before lowering his lips to mine. For a millisecond, I notice the difference to Patrick. His lips were always thin and angry. And while Halo's are soft, there is nothing soft about the kiss. He consumes me. I can't focus on anyone else but this man.

I steal my hand from between my legs and place it on his cheek. His scruff is rough beneath my fingers.

"Please, Halo."

"Let me," he says. And I swear to God, the way he growls those two words sends reverberations to my core. "Open your knees, baby girl. Let me see."

The words cause my insides to melt.

"Good girl," he says as I do as he instructs. His lips barely leave mine as he speaks. "You want to tell me what you were dreaming about that has you reaching between your legs?"

Nerves, embarrassment, and urgent desire battle inside me. "You were touching me. Massaging my skin. Touching me intimately."

"Yeah? Where was I touching you intimately? Here?" His fingers reach my panties, stroking over the damp fabric. My clit aches.

He wasn't, but I don't want to tell him that it was the feel of his finger easing over my asshole that has me so wound up. Or that it was the gentleness with which he touched me that turned my soul on fire.

Instead, I nod, because I don't want anything about this moment to change. The look in his eyes is heady, like I'm tearing at the very edges of his control. But instead of terrifying me, it wakes up the dormant parts of my body and soul.

"Shit, we shouldn't do this, but I need to know how wet you are." He dips his hand beneath the waistband. His thick fingers slide between my folds, forcing my lips apart.

I hold my breath, terrified I'm going to do or say something that will change his mind. But when he slides one of his fingers inside me, I arch against them, sliding my legs wider on impulse.

"You really need this?" he asks. But his fingers never stop. Inching in, stroking my walls, easing out.

I nod.

What else am I about to say? I need the release. And while I would complete this with my own hands if I had to, they can't match the stretch and burn of Halo's wide fingers.

I glance down and see his thick erection pressing at the zipper of his jeans. Reaching out one hand, I itch to hold it, squeeze it, give him some relief. Just as my fingertips graze the denim, Halo sits down on the side of the bed, and with the fingers not buried deep inside me, he grips my wrist.

"We're already making bad choices. Don't make it worse," he says as he pulls his fingers out of me and takes them to his lips. He slides his tongue between them, tasting me.

Ruthlessly, he slides them back in me, his fingers pumping deep as his other palm sits across my pubic bone, holding me in place, his thumb drifting lazily over my clit.

Hard and soft.

Fast and slow.

In and out.

I close my eyes as the intensity of it all washes over me, as the burn of an orgasm closes in.

What will happen when we leave this room? I have no idea. But right now, all I can do is focus on everything Halo is making me feel.

An orgasm without having to give one in return.

An orgasm that isn't preceded with violence.

"Give it to me," Halo says, and on command, my body does exactly as he says. I come so hard, tears sting my eyes.

Everything inside me tenses for what feels like forever, and then I cry out. "Jax."

His real name falls from my lips with ease.

Even as I gasp for breath, Jax eases in and out of me, slowing and gentling with every stroke, until he finally pulls out completely. He kisses me chastely when I'm still. It's tender. "Such a good girl."

The words make me feel extra gooey.

"But we can't do that again, Arianne."

Everything inside me deflates as quickly as it all sparkled.

"What? Why?" I sit up on the bed, tucking my knees beneath my chin so I'm looking at him. My wedding ring glints in the light, and I take it off. "Is it because of this?" I ask.

Halo shakes his head. "No. It's because you're young. You're vulnerable. You're mourning. You just got out of one mess, and the last thing you need is to dive headfirst into another. You're emotionally vulnerable, and it would be real easy to lean into me because I look like a solid bet after your ex."

"Are you saying I don't know my own mind?"

He shakes his head again. "I didn't say that. What I said is there are a shit ton of factors influencing the way you feel right now that might lead you to make a decision you might not make if those things weren't factors." His tone is so patient, it's almost irritating, which is a downer.

"Let's say I accept all those reasons for doing what I just did…that I'm emotionally upset, that I wanted connection with someone who felt strong to me. What was your reason?"

Halo places his hand on my cheek. "Because I'm a sucker for a pretty girl in need of an orgasm. Which is the other reason this isn't happening. I know way too many pretty girls who need orgasms right now."

"Ouch." I glance out of the window and look at the trees beyond Halo's property.

"Just being honest, Arianne. I got no immediate plans for a girlfriend, an old lady, or kids. And you strike me as a woman who, after everything she's gone through, wants stability so badly, she can taste it."

"I tried stability. Didn't work out too well for me."

Halo touches his fingertips to my cheek. "You pursued the right dream with the wrong man. Give yourself time to sort yourself out. Figure out what you want to do. Who you want to be. The life you want to build. When you know all that about yourself, you'll be able to identify the guy who makes all that better for you. He'll add to it. Not take away from it or diminish it."

"Didn't you say in the yard that sex and relationships aren't the same. Can't I just want sex?"

He slides his hand into my hair, running his fingers through the length before starting at the roots again. There is something incredibly intimate about the act. It makes me feel cherished.

"You can absolutely want sex, just not with me. Our lives are going to be linked forever because of Lola. She deserves the two of us not messing it up for her."

"It would help if you weren't such a good guy."

Halo raises an eyebrow. "You don't know me half as well as you should. And you need to know people better before you let them into that pussy of yours. Remember that when you're ready to move on."

Heat fills my cheeks. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel like something worth treasuring. I reach for his hand, caressing the callouses of his palm. "Is there any wiggle room on not doing that again?" I ask.

"That's the other thing you need to know about me. My word is law. And no. There isn't any wiggle room. You're a beautiful, sweet girl. Someone will worship you one day. But it's not me, it's not here, and it's not now."

I glance to the gift bags on the floor by the door. "If you feel that strongly, why are you in my room?"

"Forgot to tell you it's Lola's first birthday party this afternoon. She needs to be at the clubhouse by four. Bring her in my truck. I'll meet you there. And I figured, with the financial issues you had, you probably need a gift for Lola and might not have time to get her one. So, I rode out and got one for you this morning. I also got you a jigsaw puzzle and a journal."

When I look at the gift bags again, I can see a jigsaw shaped box. "You did?"

He pulls the sheet over me and tucks it around me. "Briar says doing jigsaws quiet her mind when she thinks back to what happened to her. And Iris uses a notebook to process all her feelings. You're going to need something like that, so I got ‘em for you."

"Tell me again how you aren't a good guy," I say.

"Just taking care of shit," he says as he stands.

I place my wedding ring on the bedside table. It's liberating to remove it. "So, if I need taking care of tomorrow…?"

"Careful, kitten," Halo says, but I see the way he pauses by the bedroom door for a second, shakes his head, then steps through it. "This was a lapse of judgement. A one-time thing. Don't expect it to happen again."