CHAPTER 40

Renatus

RENATUS SAT IN THE parlor, a glass of wine resting on his thigh as he gazed at the fire in the hearth. Flames of red and orange danced together like the sky at sunset.

Or what he remembered of the sunset.

It all seemed so… faded , so blank. Memories dimmed to almost nothing, memories from his previous life. From before.

And now, here he was, destined for a life of darkness… if you could call it life .

It had all been fine before the girl, before Vita.

Going through the motions had worked for so long—fulfilling political duties, drinking, fucking—and then she had to come along and change everything. He didn't want to care, didn't want to open himself to her, but everything in his being urged him to .

Though his heart was dead, no longer beating, it still ached for the girl.

Renatus was desperate, desperate to tell her everything, give her everything, let her see all of him, the good and the bad. If there was any good left. But look how that had worked out last time?

She had called him a monster, but worse, she had left him in his time of need. When he was a wretch, unable to curb his cravings, unable to resist the orders of his maker. She just left.

A light knock echoed through the room, then Aurora and Petran entered. He sighed, already bracing himself as they sat down on the velvet couch across from him.

They made small talk, Petran speaking of his return trip to Oakengate since the last one had been so successful. Aurora wondered loudly if she should join him this time.

The two glanced at each other with worried looks, and Renatus had to roll his eyes.

"Come out with it then, if you won't let me enjoy my wine in peace."

He took another sip from the glass, dry and peppery, the aroma of warm spices shrouding him.

Petran cleared his throat. "Vita is doing well. I saw her at the tavern this evening."

Such a simple statement, and yet it made every muscle in his body clench. He said nothing.

"She is coming along with her magic," Aurora added. "She's mastered some skills already, but we're restricted to the confines of her room at the inn."

Another sentence that lingered in the air like the scent of roses that permeated the palace and its grounds. Their intentions were transparent, and it boiled the blood that ran through his veins, weak from hunger.

A deep sigh from Petran, his voice more terse than Renatus had ever remembered hearing. "You should go to her, speak with her. At the very least, Vita deserves an explanation. You've hurt her, Ren."

Ren . A name he hadn't heard in a long time. Not since …

"I doubt she wants to see me," was all he could muster, without the normal edge his voice had.

Gods, he sounded pathetic.

"I'm certain she does, even if she pretends she doesn't," Aurora mused.

Renatus stood suddenly, almost spilling his wine before slamming it down on the table. The glare he delivered was deadly.

"And I'm uncertain why you both care so much about what I do. I have no qualms with you wanting to remain friends with her. You are free to visit her at your leisure. I do not wish to see her. I'm perfectly content with what I have, with my thralls, with the two of you."

Another glance between Aurora and Petran, before the mage spoke softly. "You know that's not the same. Your thralls, even us. We love you, of course we do, but not in the way Vita loves you."

Renatus growled, pacing the room with clenched fists. The fire crackled in the hearth and he willed himself to calm. His mind was racing. All the thoughts and feelings he'd tried to ignore, tried to lock in a box and bury deep within himself, were bubbling over.

"What does the girl know of love? She's young, too young, she's—" his throat clenched, choking off his words.

"She's an adult, fully capable of making her own decisions," Petran said. "And she's not Tullia."

Tullia .

That name. That name that he tried to ignore, to forget.

Renatus glanced at his two friends still seated on the couch. "But Vita can leave me, just like she did. I can let her in, I can show myself to her, and she can still leave."

The words scared him, more vulnerable than anything he'd uttered in the last two hundred years.

Aurora stood, making her way over to him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Vita will leave you at some point. She's mortal; death is inevitable. She may leave you before that, even if you give her everything, show her everything. That's how love works. You can give it your all, and it might not be enough. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. "

Petran followed suit, standing at his other side, his eyes soft, smile gentle. "You deserve love, Ren, whether it's for a few moments or a lifetime. You're different now, not the same person you were when you were turned. Constantly growing and evolving. We love you, but… there's clearly something missing. Something you want—something you need—that we can't give you."

Tears rolled down Renatus' cheeks for the second time in recent memory. He didn't cry, didn't long, didn't love…

But their words were true.

He could not go on like this, not without seeing Vita, without telling her how he really felt. He'd been cruel, as much as he told himself he wasn't, and the hurt he saw in her eyes made it clear.

Though he thought he was protecting her by keeping his distance, it was malicious to refuse her the love she wanted, the love she deserved.

Aurora pulled Renatus into a hug as his sobs filled the room, and Petran wrapped his thick arms around the both of them.

He decided.

He would go speak with Vita, and soon, he just needed time to think about what to say.