Chapter 28

twenty-eight

Emma watched Brynn pack up her desk, feeling a very unexpected pang of sadness in her chest.

"I'm a little surprised at how much I'm going to miss you," she murmured, rolling with the feeling. If Regan had taught her anything, it was that making someone feel good about themselves could be as simple as sharing your true – positive – feelings about them.

Granted, it still made Emma feel a little too exposed, but she was working on that.

Brynn smiled at her, her eyebrows lifting with that expression that said she was a little surprised, herself. "Wow. From somewhat friends to you're going to miss me, in a month? Emma, you are truly a dark horse."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't make me regret it."

"That feels more like it." Brynn ran her hand over her forehead with faux-relief. Still, her smile gentled into something more genuine, as she returned, "I'm a little surprised at how much I'm going to miss you, too."

Brynn zipped up her bag. "I'm sure, in fairness, you're going to miss me a little more. Given that you're about to get a newbie to sit across from all day, and there is simply no way they're going to be as wonderful to share this confined space with as I am."

Emma scoffed out a laugh, shaking her head. "Yep, and there goes any potential sappy feelings from the goodbye."

Brynn grinned back, unashamed. "It's hardly a goodbye, anyway. I can't wait to come over to the inner sanctum for dinner next week. See where the love story has unfolded."

Brynn let out an exaggerated sigh, clasping her hands together and leaning her cheek against them.

She groaned, turning back toward her computer. "If I regret anything , it's when you and Regan managed to exchange numbers."

Regan had dropped by last week to pick Emma up from work and take her out to dinner – something Emma could never really bring herself to be upset about in any way. She'd tried, really, to tell Regan to at least give her a warning.

But Emma really couldn't deny that she really enjoyed walking out of the office to see Regan waiting for her, that ridiculously bright, beautiful smile perpetually aimed at her. She hadn't even disliked it when Regan had done it the very first time, before they'd gotten together, and now …

Well, now, it made Emma's stomach flutter.

It was a kind of gentle spontaneity that Emma found she liked.

Last week, though, Brynn had left the office a few minutes ahead of her, and when Emma had walked out, she'd seen Brynn and Regan chatting like they were old friends.

Regan had asked Emma for explicit permission before she'd mentioned inviting Brynn over to their apartment for dinner, though, which she deeply appreciated. And even as she'd initially wanted to say no because it felt very… personal, having Brynn come over to her place, she'd found herself tentatively agreeing to it.

"Too late now," Brynn teased, waggling her phone at Emma, before she breathed out a sigh and looked around their shared space. "I'm all packed up; going to go say goodbye to Vicki before I head out."

Emma nodded in acknowledgement as she started working through Allegra's final emails for the day. It wasn't as though Allegra didn't have Emma stay on top of her emails throughout the weekend or that she drew a hard line between office hours at at-home hours; it was more that she wanted to make it clear to a certain echelon of people that she was a busy woman, and that she wouldn't be prioritizing their issues just because they'd decided to email her on a Friday afternoon.

"Emma?" Allegra called from inside of her office.

Glancing up, she could see that Allegra was already looking at her through the glass wall, expectantly. She was already standing even before her boss added, "In here, please."

Emma walked through the open doorway, turning on the tablet she kept notes on for Allegra as she went.

"I couldn't help but overhear your heartfelt goodbye to Brynn," Allegra commented, surprising Emma, as she looked up at Emma from over the top of her glasses.

Yes, and there was that feeling of exposure. Emma's stomach squirmed with it, before she forcefully reminded herself that telling Brynn she'd miss her wasn't wrong or inappropriate. "Like I said: surprising, but true."

Allegra's lips twitched into a grin. "Yes, I understand that. I do want to assure you that you won't be left to train someone brand new; I've officially poached Britney from health and fitness."

Narrowing her eyes, Emma wracked her brain trying to place a face with the name. "She handles their department admin."

Allegra nodded. "She's actually been doing much of the communications work that should be done by Lesley's assistant, as well as keeping the wellness department completely in check. I think you'll find that she'll be a more than adequate replacement."

"That's great," Emma commented, hesitantly. And, it was great; Emma definitely hadn't wanted to have to take it upon herself to show someone the ropes at Olly, get them familiar with their systems and policies. The fact that all she had to do was get Britney up to speed on Allegra's schedule sounded amazing.

She couldn't help but feel a little confused, though, at the fact that Allegra felt the need to call her into her office to discuss it face-to-face at the end of the day on a Friday.

"I thought so." The look in Allegra's eyes sharpened, as she pursed her lips. "Now, onto our actual business."

This made more sense, and Emma hovered her fingers over the screen of the tablet, at the ready.

"Now that Henry's been let go, I'm casting a wider net for submissions for next month. We have a gap to fill, and I'm not going to race to hire a new full-time staff writer. We'll obviously be looking at free-lancers we've worked with in the past, but what I'm looking for is something new. Ideally, I want a writing voice we haven't featured, before."

Emma typed shorthand notes for herself as she nodded. "Makes sense."

And it should be simple enough; people constantly sent in submissions for human interest pieces. Combing through them to find ones that were actually well-written, that had some real meat to them… well, Emma supposed that was why they were starting now.

"I want you to feel free to submit a piece; you can send it directly to me."

Emma was in the middle of typing out Allegra's words before the meaning of them sunk in, and everything inside of her froze.

Gripping the tablet tightly so she didn't make a fool of herself and drop it, she whipped her head up to stare at Allegra.

Who was staring back at her with a sharply arched eyebrow, clearly waiting for Emma to catch up.

"I'm – sorry. You want me to submit a piece?" More than anything, Emma hated the idea of looking like a moron to Allegra. But she couldn't help but to press this, feeling a little sure that she must had mis-heard.

"I'm not guaranteeing you'll be published," Allegra's tone was firm as she held Emma's gaze, as if needing to make sure Emma wasn't going to walk away from this thinking that she was taking over Henry's job or something.

Not something Allegra needed to concern herself about, because Emma was having trouble believing this was real.

"No, I know that."

"I've read over all of your notes for our Alton finalists; the edits and critiques you made were saliant and astute. I'd have made the same comments on many of them."

A flushed pleasure worked through Emma, and she found herself unable to hold back her smile. "That's amazing to know. Thank you."

Allegra waved her off, her stare intent and direct. "I felt inspired to pull up the pieces you submitted for the Fellowship, when you'd been accepted. Your writing was good. Very good. On a couple of pieces, I'd even go so far as to say exceptional."

Yeah, Emma now had to try to contain how wide her smile grew, as surprise swept through her. "Thank you. Again."

"I know, however, that you were unable to accept your place in the program. Which is a shame. It could have very likely changed your career trajectory." She narrowed her eyes meaningfully at Emma, gesturing around her own office.

Emma knew what she was saying even without her saying the words aloud. And it was true; if Emma had been able to complete the Alton Fellowship, to take a crash-course in upping her skills, to make all of the connections that would have been available to her, there was a good chance she wouldn't be working as Allegra's assistant to get her foot in the door.

It was something she'd tried very gamely not to think about over the past couple of months, granting people access to what had once been Emma's own dream.

Luckily, she'd had everything going on with Regan to distract her from ruminating on it too much.

"I'd like to think I'm on a decent trajectory, still," Emma cut in, deferentially.

Even so, she did mean it. Working under Allegra wasn't something she took lightly, and she didn't want her boss to think that Emma believed she was better than this.

"So you are," Allegra agreed, an air of approval in her tone. "And I'd like to see you continue it. So, get me a piece by next Wednesday, and I'll give it a read."

"Yes. Absolutely. Thank you." How much had Emma thanked this woman in the last five minutes?! It didn't matter; she'd do it even more if she felt like Allegra wouldn't be irritated by it.

"You don't need to thank me; you'll earn any publication by your own merit." Allegra frowned down at her laptop screen. "Before you leave today, make sure you move up my meeting with Margaret Eddy to Monday morning."

Understanding that she was being dismissed, Emma nodded. "Absolutely."

She had to bite her lip to contain her stunned smile as she turned back to her desk.

What was she going to write about?

The thought had started to bounce around Emma's mind, obsessively, for the last hour and a half.

She had essentially three days to think of something good – something interesting, something moving, something that made Allegra respect Emma as not only an assistant with potential but as a real, prospective writer.

As she left work, she already had her phone in hand, unable to quell her amazement any longer.

Emma – 5:42PM

I have giant news

Regan Girlfriend-Material Gallagher – 5:42PM

Good news??? Bad news? Scary news? What kind of news, beautiful?!

She still felt that slight hit of warmth on her cheeks at Regan's nickname. Granted, she'd heard the nicknames Regan had used to refer to Sutton over the years, so she couldn't say she was at all surprised that she was on the receiving end of her own nicknames. Given that they were in a relationship.

Given that Regan loved her .

Yeah. It had been a couple of weeks since Regan had dropped that L word on her, and Emma's stomach still fluttered at the idea. Regan wasn't shy about saying it, either.

She'd tell Emma she loved her before they went to sleep. She'd say it when they woke up in the morning. She'd pant it in gasping, moaning breaths when Emma made her come. She'd write it in little notes when she prepared Emma's lunch – something she'd only done a couple of times, but Emma found it damningly sweet.

Every time Regan said it, though, it made Emma pause. Made her feel .

She'd never been loved like this, before. Yes, her grandmother loved her unconditionally, and so did her mom, as different as they'd showed that love throughout her life. But romantically , it had never been close to this.

The only person that had ever said I'm in love with you to Emma had been Felicity. And it was not something she'd wanted to make a production out of, not something she'd given any fanfare.

That had been fine. Honestly, it had been what Emma believed she'd wanted. Something quiet, understated, and modest. Something that Emma had believed was just – real. No sappy, exaggerated gestures and meaningless fluff.

Though Emma had never had an easy time admitting when she was wrong, this was probably the easiest thing to be wrong about.

Because being loved by Regan wasn't quiet or understated or modest; it was loud and sappy and heart-pounding, and the realest thing Emma had ever experienced.

If someone had given her the hypothetical situation that her partner would tell her they loved her, but Emma wasn't ready to say it back, she'd have imagined it would make her anxious. That she'd feel pressured and uncomfortable and that she'd wished they'd waited longer to tell her.

She'd never have imagined that she didn't feel stressed at all by Regan's confession or repeated statements. It was purely because of Regan, herself. She didn't expect Emma to say anything back until she was ready, and Emma knew that.

And with that love came these nicknames. Most often, they were comments on Emma's looks – specifically, on how attractive Regan thought she was.

Again, something Emma was definitely not used to in any way. But… something she couldn't deny made her feel good. It felt wildly, unexpectedly good to be reminded how attracted to her Regan was. Emma hadn't felt better about herself in her entire life.

Regan Girlfriend-Material Gallagher – 5:43PM

?!?! the post-work rush is dying down a bit and now I'm dying to know what your news is!!

She couldn't even be upset about the fact that Regan had commandeered her phone and changed her contact info. Something that would have once driven her crazy was now something she looked at with every text and smiled at.

Emma – 5:43PM

Allegra is giving me the chance to submit a piece

She paused, before correcting herself.

Emma – 5:43PM

Actually, she asked me to submit something

Unsurprisingly, Regan's response was immediate, in spite of the fact that she was working.

Regan Girlfriend-Material Gallagher – 5:43PM

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR

That's so exciting!!!

EMMA!

I love you!!! You deserve this!

Biting her cheek, Emma shook her head as she walked toward the subway station.

Emma – 5:44PM

There's a huge chance it's not getting published

Regan Girlfriend-Material Gallagher – 5:44PM

Not with that attitude!!

Who cares, anyway! It's about the fact that she wants you to submit your writing!!!!!!

This was it.

Who else, in the world, would be so unadulteratedly, unashamedly, unassumingly thrilled for her, when she wasn't even published, yet. When she hadn't even written a piece, yet? Regan might even be more excited than Emma was.

Regan Girlfriend-Material Gallagher – 5:45PM

I guess it's a good thing I'm working until late tonight, huh? I'll be out of your hair for you to get some real, focused, dedicated writing time

Emma lifted her eyebrows in consideration; she hadn't even thought about that. But Regan was supposed to be working until ten, which meant Emma had the apartment to herself to write. That was great.

It would be silent and still and she'd have time with just her thoughts. That was… great.

Emma's steps slowed, realizing that she didn't really feel like it was great. The idea of going back to their apartment and being there alone for most of the night made her stomach sink, the distinct feeling of disappointment sliding through her.

There was nothing appealing to her about going home to their apartment – even to write this piece – when Regan wasn't going to be there. When she wouldn't get to see her exuberant smile or hear the enthusiastic words Regan was sure to have or to feel the press of Regan's mouth against hers. Going home to their empty apartment right now felt just like that: empty.

Emma could feel her heart start pounding in her chest at the realization. Was she crazy ? She'd never in a million years ever imagined this would her response, but it was undeniable.

That feeling stayed with her until she found herself not at their apartment, but at the entrance to Topped Off.

She took a deep breath, pulling open the glass door, as she heard the familiar jingle of the bells that signaled her entrance.

Even in the "lull" that Regan had described, the café wasn't empty. Topped Off was rarely ever truly empty. Regan was behind the counter, chatting animatedly with the only customer in line as she effortlessly made their drink order.

And… yeah.

Emma felt it, that feeling in her chest that she'd been experiencing for weeks now. That feeling that she'd written off in the beginning as the excitement over her new relationship. But if that were the case, it wouldn't feel the way it felt.

More intense, more insistent, as time continued passing. She felt it now, alive and buzzing inside of her, even louder than it normally was.

Coupled with it right now, as Regan handed the customer their drink and looked up across the café to meet Emma's eyes, was the tight spiral of nerves echoing through her.

Nerves, and excitement, and readiness, and love .

"Emma?" Regan's tone was tinged with wonder, her expression brightening with that smile Emma had never been able to dislike, even in their most antagonistic moments. "What are you doing here? Do you want to caff-up for the night of writing ahead?"

With a deep breath, Emma strode forward to the counter, and she had no idea what she was going to say, she just knew this was the time to say it.

"My middle name is Avery."

Confusion flit over Regan's face, even as a small, baffled smile tugged at her lips. "The way you've guarded that from me, I would have thought it was way more embarrassing."

Emma nodded. "It is. Because it's after Avery Wilder."

Predictably, Regan's eyes widened with obvious glee. "Shut up! Really? The actress?"

"Kimberly was fifteen, and her favorite show was Here for Tomorrow , so…" Emma shrugged, not even able to summon the kernel of embarrassment she'd normally feel when telling this fun fact to someone.

Especially not in the face of Regan's excitement, that gorgeous smile unfailingly making Emma's stomach flutter.

"That's so cool. Mine's Cady, by the way. After one of my mom's aunts. Boring origin story."

"And if I'd known you in middle school, maybe I'd feel differently about telling people my middle name. Because, yeah, the name itself is totally fine; as a name, I have no issues with it. It was people's reactions to finding out that my mom named me after an actress, when everyone in my private school was named after family members or other… respectable people, I guess, that made me embarrassed." She stared at Regan, thinking that if she'd known Regan earlier in her life, she'd probably feel very different about closing people out.

Regan's grin softened. "Well, kids can be really shitty. But I appreciate you telling me." The confusion from a few minutes ago crept back. "Is that why you came here?"

Shaking her head, Emma felt her heart start to pound – quickly and demandingly – in her chest. "No, I…" She drew in a deep breath, holding it in, and gathering strength from it to say, "I came here to tell you that I noticed you first."

Regan froze, her smile in place even as her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Uh… huh?"

Her breath came a little faster, and the words started to pour out of her. "A few months ago, the first time we went to my mom's for dinner and you called me into your room."

That memory was burned into Emma's mind, locked in.

Because, "It was the first time I'd ever seen you, undressed." And she'd tried so very hard not to let herself feel anything.

Regan nodded, slowly, as she placed her palms on the counter between them and leaned in. "Right. I remember that."

"You said that people always notice Sutton first," Emma prompted, and that sentence had sounded a little crazy to Emma, even then. "But I need you to know that I noticed you first."

Still looking confused, Regan's grin turned teasing. "Okay, sure, but only because I burned you with coffee."

Still, resolutely, Emma shook her head. "No, actually. If you recall, due to my gram oversharing, I'd already seen you in here and liked you, before that."

"Your crush, riiiight," Regan drew out, tilting her head up at Emma. "But–"

"The first time I ever saw you was also the first time I'd ever seen Sutton. She was in here; right here, actually." Emma gestured to the exact spot she was standing, right across from the register. "You two were talking, but I couldn't hear what was being said. And you made a comment, and you two both laughed. And yes, Sutton's beautiful – absolutely. But I noticed you . Your laugh and your smile and the way your eyes lit up."

She stared intently at Regan, hoping she understood what this meant to Emma. Not only the memory, but that she was telling Regan here. In public, in front of one of Regan's coworkers, who was only a few feet away, and was surreptitiously pretending not to listen.

And she only felt the barest amount of embarrassment, because she wanted Regan to know, and she wanted her to know, now.

The smile slowly faded from Regan's face, as she stared up at Emma with that look Regan sometimes wore when she stared at her. That soft, wide-eyed, adoring look.

"Emma," she breathed, and Emma shook her head.

There was more, and she needed to say it.

"I meant what I said to Sutton on that call; it was easier to lean into finding you irritating, rather than let myself give in to anything else. Because I did have a crush on you before we met. No, I didn't really know you. But I'd come in here for a few months, and I not only was attracted to you, but… I loved how funny you were. I loved that you never seemed daunted or overwhelmed during rush times. I loved that you were willing to give tourists recommendations, and that you remembered facts about your regulars. But I definitely was not ready to feel any more than that, so it was a lot safer to wall all of that away," she admitted, her cheeks heating, especially as she saw Regan's coworker turn and stare at her, all pretense of not eavesdropping forgotten.

"This summer has changed my life. And for someone who has never liked change, that's a scary thing. But it's all been… good. Everything in my life is better now than it was before, and it's because of you."

Wow, Emma felt a little breathless. She could hear it in her own voice, and she swallowed hard, as she whispered, "I'm in love with you, Regan. To the point that I don't even want to go home and take advantage of our empty apartment for the night. Because the thing I want to do the most when I have good news or even just when I leave work, is be with you."

She inhaled sharply with surprise as Regan hopped up from where she stood, bracing herself on the counter, and surged across to press her lips to Emma's.

Despite the emotion and the vulnerability and the public aspect of it all, she didn't care. She didn't care that they were in the café or that there were a few customers at the tables or that everyone was definitely watching.

She cared about the fact that she could feel the smile on Regan's soft mouth.

The moment was over within seconds, as Regan ended the kiss. As Emma blinked her eyes open, Regan was already in full motion. She made her way around the counter and grabbed Emma's hand in hers, tugging hard.

"Jackie, I'm taking my break," she informed her coworker, and Emma willingly followed Regan.

As Regan shoved open the door to the back room, she couldn't help but think about their first official meeting. Especially as Regan quickly turned and gripped Emma's shirt by the collar, and she teased, "Are you going to rip this one too?"

"Don't tempt me; you're lucky I didn't do it in the middle of the café," Regan growled, tugging Emma down to capture her mouth once more.

The kiss was hungry and searching and hot and sweet, and Emma gave into it, much like she'd given herself to Regan.