Chapter Seven

Sheena let out a squeak and nearly dropped the lamp. The last thing he needed was his manor burning down in the middle of a blizzard.

"Nay," she answered.

Camdyn had been tired and was starting to drift off when his chamber door was opened. He assumed it would be his valet; instead, it was Sheena and all she wore was an oversized shirt that came nearly to her knees. She must have gotten her clothing from her older brothers because they were all ill-fitting. Not that he minded what she wore as he could see a good deal of her shapely legs.

He was also no longer tired.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I feared you becoming ill," she answered.

"I will be fine. In that you have my promise."

"Yes…of course…I am sorry to have disturbed you." She started backing out the door and Camdyn did not want her to leave. He'd waited over a year to be in the same bedchamber as her, but what could he say.

"Wait!"

She stopped but did not turn.

"May I ask you a question?"

She nodded but still did not turn.

"Is there a chance…any chance of winning your heart again?"

She grasped the trim of the door so tightly that her knuckles grew white, and his stomach sank. The answer was going to be no.

"Is it true?" Her voice was quiet with her question.

"Is what true?"

"Do ye truly regret how we began? Your duplicity in pretending to like me?"

"With all that I am," he answered earnestly.

"Did you truly fall in love with me?"

"Yes. That is something I would never lie about, no matter what the circumstance."

Her shoulders dropped, as did her chin. Camdyn wished she would turn around.

"Ye still love me?"

"Yes. I never stopped."

She let out a heavy sigh and his heart sank. Despite everything and how much he hoped, she was going to reject him. He had ruined everything, and he had no chance of winning her back. Otherwise, she would turn around and face him.

"Good night, Camdyn. Sleep well."

Then she was gone, closing the door behind her, and Camdyn was left staring at it.

Sheena extinguished all lamps in her chamber, opened the curtain and stood at the window. Every once in a while, there was a break in the clouds and the moon would cast a bright light on the snow-covered ground.

It may no longer be snowing, but the wind tossed the white around until it came in contact with a stronger, unmoving object, such as the base of a tree, where much snow had already piled.

She wanted to cry at the beauty of the landscape and wished all the clouds would move on so that she could enjoy the pristine elegance that remained unmarred by man or beast.

That was not the only reason she wished to cry. As the landscape out her window remained frozen, the ice around her heart had melted and was now dripping, which she suspected was the cause of the moisture in her eyes.

Her heart ached, but she suspected it came from healing, or possibly mending and stitching itself back together, the way a bone still ached for days after being set.

If only she would have remained to hear what Camdyn had to say after the but that night in the garden. If only she would have demanded answers. This past year and a half could have been lived so differently.

Except, had she waited and asked, she would not have heard him.

The need and love for Camdyn that she had felt in that garden before they had been discovered still lived within her. It had not been eradicated but new life had been breathed into it when she first saw him upon arrival at Oakley Park and then fully permeated her being while she waited for him to return, fearing that he had perished in the blizzard.

"You never answered my question."

Sheena nearly jumped and then whipped around. "You need to stop scaring me."

Camdyn frowned and slowly walked toward her. He then lifted his hand and with his thumb brushed away the tears from her cheek.

"Why do you cry Sheena? Is it because you can never love me again."

It was the most foolish statement she'd ever heard but she could not answer. Tears clogged her throat and made it impossible so instead of speaking, a sob broke. All that pain and humiliation that she had been holding in for a year and a half bubbled out of her and she could not have quit crying for anything in the world.

Camdyn drew her close and she sobbed into his chest as he rubbed her back. She wanted to explain but could not find the words. What she knew for certain, however, was this crying was healing. She had not cried over what had happened. She had wanted to be strong, brave, and determined and every time there was a chance of a tear, she had pushed it away and set her mind to something else so that she could forget Camdyn. Except she never forgot him. He was with her daily and nightly. He came to her in dreams, of their happy times when she was falling in love. Then she'd wake and hate herself for not being able to hate him for what he had done.

She had never stopped loving Camdyn Oaks no matter how much she had wanted to.

Sheena sniffed but there was nothing to wipe her nose and now she was embarrassed at having made such a display in front of him but at the same time so comforted to be in his arms to be able to let all the emotion out. She was free and lighter for it.

He shifted and reached into the pocket of his dressing gown and withdrew a fine handkerchief and handed it to her. Sheena accepted it gratefully and then wiped her eyes and then her nose.

"Are the tears because you can never love me again? Did I hurt you so deeply?"

She nearly laughed and finally looked up at him. "Nay, that is not the reason."

"Then can you answer my question, Sheena. Is there a chance of winning your heart again? Could you ever love me again?"

His blue eyes were so full of worry and concern, and she wanted to reassure him.

Sheena brought her hand to his face and the tip of her finger caressed the scar that she had given him. "I never stopped loving ye, Camdyn. I wanted to. I tried to hate ye, but I couldna. As much as I loathed doing so, I never stopped loving you and when you were gone for so long today in the blizzard, I realized just how very much my heart still needed yers."

He said nothing but he didn't need to because his lips said everything. Love and tenderness, mingled with passion and desire.

He pulled her tight against his body and she wound her arms around his shoulders. His arms caressed down her back, to her hips and then bottom. He had done so before, but then she'd been dressed for a ball. Now, she was only in a shirt far too large for her, and the heat of his hands nearly scorched her skin through the linen. Then she was lifted and carried, one arm beneath her knees and the other cradling her back and not once did he stop kissing her.

It was Sheena who pulled back. "Where are ye takin' me?"

"My chamber is warmer and my bed larger and more comfortable."

Anticipation shivered through her as well as a bit of fear. What did he intend to do?

"I am going to make you mine so that you can never leave me again."

The idea of being claimed was both frightening and exciting. And Sheena was not certain she was ready.

Camdyn strode down the corridor and into his chamber and then kicked the door shut before marching to the bed and placing her in the middle of it. Sheena pushed the shirt as far down her legs as it would go, bit her bottom lip and looked up at him.

He stilled and then sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "You do not want this?"

"Aye. Nay. I doona know." He lifted her hand and kissed the back of her fingers.

"Have I frightened you?"

"I am not certain," she answered because she didn't know what she wanted right then or why she was indecisive.

"Is it because you want to wait until we wed?"

Sheena had not even considered marriage, just that she was confused over what her mind had been telling her that her heart wanted. She wanted the comfort of being in his arms and the familiar anticipation and excitement of being with him.

"Do you not want to marry me?"

She stared at him, and everything settled into place. He was home. Camdyn had been home since the first time he kissed her in London. She had known it then, which was why she fell so easily and why she had been so devastated. "Aye, I want to marry you."

Camdyn grinned at her. "We shall do so as soon as the roads are clear enough to travel and I will sweep you off to Gretna Green."

She couldn't help but return his smile "If only we had left that night."

He pulled her up so that she was no longer lying next to him and caressed her cheek. "I have waited so long to make you mine and have you here so that we are never parted again but I understand why you wish to wait. I will honor that wish."

In that moment, Sheena was filled with comfort and love, so much deeper than before and she didn't want to be parted from him, not even a bedchamber away. "I was only confused earlier, Camdyn. So much has happened so quickly."

He grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I understand Sheena. We will take this as slow as you need, so long as you do not stop loving me again."

"I never stopped loving you Camdyn. I wanted to. There is a difference."

He leaned forward and kissed her with such tenderness that it made her heart ache. This was love and so different from desire. For such love is from where desire does grow.