Chapter 4

I groan as my body is racked with pain. Curling up on my side, I screw my eyelids shut against the bright light that's burning my eyes. Bloody hell, that hurts.

"Ari?" The shocked voice has me opening my eyes, seeing an unbelieving Seb at my side.

I'm briefly disoriented, as I'm not in my usual shadowy corner of shame. "Where am I?" I ask, my eyes roaming around the room, not having the energy to move any more than that. I only then realise I'm lying down, and not just that, but I can feel the bed beneath me and the heat of Seb's hand holding mine. My eyes shoot up to meet his shocked gaze before he bursts into a blinding smile.

"Kill, Alex! She's back!" I wince at his shout, the volume making my sensitive ears hurt. In fact, everything hurts. "You're back at Moon River Pack. You came back to us."

Seb's eyes line with unshed tears as he looks over me, like he can't believe I'm here. Frankly, I don't blame him. I don't quite believe it myself.

"Am I really here? This is real?" I question, hope burning in me and making my voice break. I don't think I could cope if this isn't real. Seb's about to answer, but thundering footsteps sound outside of the door before two dominating presences fill the room. Removing my eyes from Seb, I look over to the doorway and see a frozen Killian and Alex staring at me in shock. Alex is the first to break out of his daze, grinning at me before fishing his phone from his pocket, pressing a button before putting the phone to his ear.

"Garett?" I hear him begin before he walks down the corridor and out of hearing range to finish the call. I'm grateful that he would think to call Garett, knowing how worried he would be about me.

The annoying sensation that has been bugging me since I entered the Shadow Realm pulls at me again, and if I had the energy, I'd be rubbing at my chest. I feel a tug that has me looking at Killian. His eyes are locked on me with an intensity I've come to expect from him.

"Killian." My voice seems to break whatever spell he's in, and he strides over to me, an air of violence following him.

"Kill," Seb mutters, trying to stand and block his path to me, but Killian snarls at him, and a whip of his alpha power settles over Seb, forcing him to sit down. Seb fights against his magical restraint, his growl ferocious. I'm briefly surprised at Seb's show of dominance against someone as powerful as Killian, but I don't have time to dwell on it before Killian reaches my side. Dropping to his knees beside me, he grabs my shoulders and pulls me to him, smashing his lips against mine in a searing kiss. Stunned, I freeze in his grip before returning his brutal kiss, the feral side of me coming out to play. My desperation and fear of never seeing them again pushes to the surface, resulting in desperate, heavy kisses. A cough at the door causes me to pull away, and a slight growl comes from Killian with my actions.

"Oi, none of that alpha macho bullshit," I scold, leaning back against the pillows as Killian releases me with an eye roll.

Laughter reaches me, and I look around the room and notice it was Alex who coughed to get our attention.

"Yup, she's back all right," he says with his signature smile, his eyes sparkling with repressed emotions. "We missed you, Ari." My chest tightens at his confession. Of all of my guys, I'm the least close with Alex. I still don't really know what, if anything, is going on there, but I can't deny the attraction I feel towards him. He bugs the crap out of me, but there is something about him that pulls me to him, and it's more than just his looks.

I drop my head back on the pillow as a wave of exhaustion washes over me. I don't miss the look Seb and Alex share between them. Killian, however, hasn't moved his eyes from me since he entered the room, almost as if he's worried I might disappear again. Frowning, I wonder if that's possible. Could I get pulled back to the Shadow Realm?

"Ari, what's wrong?" Alex asks as he comes closer, perching on the edge of the bed. I shrug in response to his question, so much has happened that my mind is spinning. I'm just so tired. As if to prove my point, a yawn overtakes me. Pushing up from the bed, Alex gestures to the others.

"Let her sleep for a bit, she's exhausted. We can't do much until Garett gets here anyway." The suggestion has Killian frowning, and his gaze finally leaves me to stare at Alex.

"I'm not leaving her, she might go again." Killian's comment confirms my suspicions, and his voice firm, leaving no room for argument.

"She needs to rest, she can't with you staring at her," Seb pipes up, earning a snarl from Killian. Ignoring the overbearing alpha, he stands and goes to leave the room. It's obvious that Killian doesn't plan on leaving, based on his protective stance next to me, but Seb's right. There's no way I'll be able to rest with all the alpha power and frustration that's pouring out of Killian right now. It's too distracting. I rub the bridge of my nose as I feel a headache coming on.

"Seb, you stay, but you two can go downstairs and wait for Garett. Seb can keep an eye on me until then." Neither Killian or Alex look pleased about being dismissed, but I hold up my hand to stop their protests. "Both of you are throwing out power. I can feel your frustration and I won't be able to rest like that." Looking suitably mollified, they nod and head towards the door. Killian stops and looks over me once more, before glaring at Seb.

"Call me if anything happens. I mean it." His last words end on a growl as Seb rolls his eyes, making a little shooing motion that causes me to chuckle weakly. Killian's eyes shoot to me when I laugh, some of the tension around his eyes easing a little at the sound, before he nods solemnly and leaves the room. So dramatic.

Alone in the room, just the two of us, I smile softly at Seb. I had an ulterior motive in getting the others out of the room. He's still sitting in the chair next to the bed, looking unsure what to do.

My soft, "Hey," causes Seb to smile back at me, and some of that innate cheekiness he has shines through his expression. I bite my lip, hesitating, before I ask, "Can I have a hug?" My words are spoken so quietly that he has to lean forward to hear me, and once he does, his small smile turns into a wide grin. He immediately moves over so he's lying on top of the covers on the bed. Facing me, he smiles again, his eyes sparkling with humour.

"You didn't have to disappear on us to get me into bed, Ari. All you had to do was ask." I snort at his comment. I missed this. As his arms wrap around me, I close my eyes, letting his warmth seep into me. I hadn't realised how much I needed this, the physical contact. Although the guys seem to have come to some sort of truce, I knew that asking Seb to hold me in front of the others would be pushing things and not fair to any of them. I shuffle closer, pressing my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet, almost vanilla like scent. His arm settles over my waist, and as he holds me close, I let myself relax in his embrace. I shift as the movement causes pain in my arm, something pulls at my memory, something I need to remember, but Seb starts running a hand through my hair, causing the thought to slip from my mind .

"Sleep Ari, I've got you." His soft voice lulls me towards sleep as a feeling of contentment fills me.

At first, I'm unsure if I'll be able to fall asleep. You're at your most vulnerable when you're asleep, and I've always done everything possible to make sure I'm not vulnerable—including sleeping alone. But I find that as I lay wrapped in Seb's warm embrace, his scent surrounding me, that I don't mind sleeping next to another person. I feel safe. While I listen to the steady rhythm of his heart beating, I finally let sleep pull me into blissful oblivion.

Whispered voices bring me back into consciousness, and I bury my face in the warm chest in front of me, trying to get back to sleep. I have no idea what the time is, but I'm too damn tired to get up.

"Guys, keep it down. You're going to wake her," a hushed voice scolds, rumbling through my body as it warns the whisperers by the door, and the room falls into silence in response. This doesn't last long though.

"How is she?" Garett's quiet voice reaches me. Wait, what's Garett doing here?

Come to think of it, where am I? Why am I in bed with someone? I groan as I push away from the person holding me, forcing my gritty eyes open. What I see has me frowning. Seb's lying on the bed next to me, on top of the covers with his arm draped possessively over my body. Alex, Killian, and Garett stand in the doorway, all peering in. If I wasn't so confused, it would be comical—three large men peeking through the small door frame.

"What's going on?" I ask, my voice husky from sleep.

The four of them share a look as Seb helps me into a sitting position so I'm leaning against the headboard of the bed. My tired, achy brain struggles to put two and two together. There's something I should remember, sitting at the edge of my memory. A sharp pain in my arm has me gritting my teeth and looking down in confusion, only for me to gasp in horror. My arm has dark marks running along the length of it, with a dressing covering a large part of my upper arm. I rip off the dressing and expose the raw wound below. The lesion oozes a blackish liquid, and spreading from the nasty looking gash are black veins that track up my arm and across my shoulder.

Like a thunderbolt, my memory returns—the Shadow Realm, the creatures, the man made of light, using my light to find the path home… I'm back.

I look around me frantically, my eyes catching on the men keeping watch. They can see me—I'm no longer trapped in the shadows. I can feel the cool sheets as I clutch them in my fists and the heat coming off Seb next to me. I release the sheet to raise a shaking hand in front of my face, turning it side to side. It's solid.

"Am I really back?" I whisper, not wanting to believe it.

"Ari." Garett's rumbling voice brings my attention to him, my eyes greedily running over his large muscled form like a woman starved. My words dry up in my mouth as he stalks towards me. I would never usually describe his walk as stalking, bear shifters are all muscle and raw power, but today, the look he has for me is purely predatory. Reaching the edge of the bed, he climbs onto it and crawls up towards me, and his large body hovers over mine so he doesn't hurt me. Seb has moved out of the way, leaning up against the wall next to the others while he watches the show.

As Garett presses his forehead against mine, I can see how hard he's fighting his bear for control. His eyes have changed, glowing softly as his bear comes to the surface. Bear shifters are very predatory and protective of their females. Even those who aren't their mates, or their direct family. Bear family groups often are made up of a mix, with many members unrelated by blood. It took me a while to realise that Garett considered us as his family. It should have been obvious, but I'm a little dense when it comes to belonging, my own family has well and truly screwed me up in that department.

I raise a hand and bring it to his cheek, his eyes locked on mine.

"You sacrificed yourself for me." His voice breaks on the last word and I can feel his body start to tremble. I don't respond, there's no point, my last words to him hanging between us. ‘I love you.' I had thought I was dying, and in that moment, as I was being pulled away to the Shadow Realm, it had been a worthy sacrifice. What had surprised me was the burning need to let him know how I felt before I was taken.

"Don't ever do that to me again." His voice is husky, and I wonder for a minute if he's going to cry. My strong, fierce bear shifter, on his knees before me, and it awakens something inside me. "I know you don't value your worth, but I do. We do. I don't think I could live through that again."

I'm left raw from his words. This is too much for me to process. My usual fight or flight response for this kind of situation starts to rise, but I have to fight it. I'm safe here, with these guys, my family. As if sensing my inner turmoil, Garett pulls his face away from mine, sitting back on his heels. He's still close enough to touch, and his eyes are watching me warily. I can sense the weight of the other guys' gazes on me as they wait for me to respond. I know this moment will define how we'll move forward from here, since there were a lot of unresolved issues from before the fight.

I take a deep breath and meet Garett's eyes. Come on Ari, time to admit your feelings.

"I meant what I said before I disappeared." I love you , I continue silently, and from the widening of his eyes, I know he got my message. I hear the others muttering, but I ignore them. All I can see and focus on in this moment is the look of heat and love radiating from Garett's eyes. It's as if we're the only two in the room, caught up in the pull we feel towards one another. When he surges forward, I eagerly meet him halfway as he claims my lips with his own. The kiss is powerful and raw, like he's trying to claim me and remind me why I should never leave him again. His hand cups the back of my head, keeping me in place, but it's gentle, like he's scared to hurt me. I return his kiss, pulling him closer to me as all my fear, loneliness, and regret come out in the process. I show him how much I missed him, how much he means to me.

A throat clearing brings our kiss to an end, but our eyes are still locked on each other, our breaths panting as a satisfied smile crosses his lips. I lean against the headboard of the bed and Garett sits next to me, his hand on my leg, as if he doesn't want to break the physical contact. Seb is watching us closely, arousal clear in his expression. When he sees me looking, he grins at me and winks, not at all ashamed that he's turned on from watching me kiss another man. I roll my eyes but can't help the little smile the crosses my lips. Kinky shit.

Killian looks borderline pissed off and bored, which I'm coming to learn is pretty standard for him. It's Alex's expression that surprises me most, the look of raw longing is obvious for me to see. He tries to hide it, his signature smirk quickly replacing it, but he wasn't quick enough. I need to spend some time with him to work out what's going on between us. But not now, I have enough going on without trying to figure that out as well.

"So, what happened after I…disappeared?" I finally ask, unsure how to phrase my question, but I need to know.

"You mean after you decided it was better to nearly kill yourself than let us deal with it?" Killian spits the words at me, the short leash on his temper finally breaking.

Wow. Harsh. I lean forward and cross my arms, my anger rising.

"They were about to kill Garett. I wasn't going to let that happen," I retort. I'm not going to let him make me feel guilty about my choices.

"So you just jumped straight to self-sacrifice? Without a thought about what that might do to us?" His words make me pause. In my panic at the thought of losing Garett, I hadn't thought of anything else, just that I needed to stop it. I'd accepted the darkness in that moment and didn't expect to survive it. But that hadn't mattered to me as long as the guys were safe. "What if one of us had done that to you?" he adds. I growl at that thought, my wolf finally making an appearance as she pushes to the surface. I don't need to look in a mirror to know that my eyes are glowing with her power. Killian nods at my reaction, gesturing towards me. "Exactly, that's exactly how we felt."

I lean back against the headboard again, feeling deflated. I'm too tired for this. Alex obviously notices and decides to take pity on me. He places a hand on Killian's shoulder, silently asking him to back off. For a second, I think Killian is about to protest as his eyes narrow at the hand on his shoulder, but he takes a deep breath and nods curtly at Alex.

"After you used your powers to kill Alpha Black, your father…" He pauses for a second, and I know that I'm in trouble for omitting that part of my history from them. "Everything went crazy. The rest of Shadow Pack ran. We managed to track down a few of them later, but Terrance escaped. He's now alpha of what's left of Shadow Pack." His words are harsh, like they hurt him to say. A pain runs through me at the thought of Terrance getting away, but I shouldn't be surprised, he always was as slippery as a snake.

"We thought you were dead, Ari." Seb's voice has me turning to look at him, the usual joker that I know and love is gone. "Killian went a little crazy and tore apart Marcus. Like, literally tore him to pieces." I frown at the crazy comment, but I can't find it in myself to be sorry that the pack traitor, Marcus, is dead. My only regret is that I didn't kill him myself.

"What do you mean he went ‘a little crazy'?" I ask, making finger quotations for emphasis.

"We think it was the mated pair bond. You were here, but your…soul wasn't," Garett jumps in, struggling to explain what happened. "It made him go a little… Well, it took a long time for us to calm him down," he finishes, and I look over at said "crazy" wolf. Kill ian is looking at me with narrowed eyes, like he blames me for his killing spree. I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes as I try to get my head around what they are telling me. I need a whiskey and a chat with Tori.

Wait, Tori. I rack my brain for why I suddenly feel anxious at the thought of my best friend's name. As I run my hand through my messy hair, I look around the room, and my gaze stops on the corner. I remember appearing in it when I was trapped in my shadow form. I think back to those times when I was brought here and gasp as I remember a conversation Killian and Garett had not long ago. They said they couldn't get a hold of Tori.

"Is Tori okay?" The guys share a look again and seem to be doing some sort of silent communication thing, it makes me nervous. "Okay, what's going on?" I ask, instantly getting worked up as the silence stretches on. "She's missing, isn't she?" I question, and dread lines my stomach as they all look at me in shock. This is one of those occasions when I wish I wasn't right.

"How did you know?" Alex asks, the guys looking like they all want to know that same thing.

"I think I…came back a couple of times?" They blink at me like owls before they all start talking at once. I hold my hand up for silence, my face scrunching at the sudden onset of noise hurting my pounding head. "It was like I was in my shadow form, but I couldn't get out of it, I couldn't touch or talk to you. Trust me, I tried." My tone is dejected, and I'm frustrated at my lack of control over my abilities. "I think something kept pulling me back, I had no control over it." I don't say anymore, but I have my own theories about what was bringing me back. My eyes fall on that reason, and he has a thoughtful look on his face, as if he might have an idea as well. "But that's beside the point. Where's Tori?"

Garett, who's still sitting on the bed next to me, takes my hand in his.

"We're not sure. She just disappeared, seemingly without a trace about two weeks ago. But don't worry, we'll find her." I can tell that not knowing Tori's location is affecting him too. He may not be as close to her as I am, but he still considers her a good friend. I don't doubt that he'll find her, but there is one thing that's bothering me about his statement.

"Wait, two weeks ago? How long have I been gone?"