Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Zurielle

Forgiveness isn’t a simple thing. It’s fluid and imprecise and often beyond me. But then, I’ve never been in a position where my forgiveness was required for something more serious than a petty fight with one of my sisters. Growing up as the youngest of five meant that I was constantly being railroaded by my older sisters. If I had something they wanted, it ceased to be mine and became theirs instead. Sometimes one of the many nannies we went through during my childhood would step in. Giving forgiveness in those cases was easy. No matter how we fight, I love my sisters.

Maybe it really is that easy this time, too.

I thought my feelings were simple once I learned the truth. Now I’m not so sure.

I stare down at Alaric laid out naked on the table. A fine sheen of sweat covers his skin and he’s panting as if he just ran a long distance. What Ursa did hurt him, but there’s no denying he liked it. I’ve never seen his expression so relaxed as it is now.

Not to mention his cock. It’s hard and curved against his stomach, and has been since the first strike.

“What are you thinking, darling?”

I drag my gaze away from Alaric and look at Ursa. She’s fastened her locs at the top of her head, keeping them out of her way, and the hairstyle leaves her gorgeous face on full display. I could spend hours kneeling at her feet, just looking at her. She’s worn clothes most of the time we’ve been together, and it feels like this is the first time I’m really getting to appreciate her fully.

She’s extremely curvy. Breasts and hips and ass and thighs, her stomach soft in a way that makes me fist my hands to keep from reaching for her. Her medium-brown skin glistens with sweat, but I get the impression that she could spend all night beating Alaric without pause. That’s how strong she is. Something deep inside me quivers at the thought of having all the formidable dominance directed at me while she holds a method of delivering pain in her hand.

Ursa chuckles a little. “I asked you a question, Zurielle.”

I clear my throat, my gaze dropping to her breasts before I force myself to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mistress. I can’t remember the question.”

She laughs again. “I suppose I can’t be too mad since it’s the sight of me that gave you temporary amnesia.”

“You’re beautiful.” I’m not supposed to speak out of turn, but I find I can’t go another minute without telling her exactly how much I want her. “I would like to make you come again.”

Her lips curve. “I know. And you will.” She snaps her fingers. “Now. What were you thinking while you watched me beat Alaric?”

I don’t want to answer. I really don’t. But the glint in her dark eyes tells me that she won’t allow me to change the subject or dodge the question. I pull the blanket more firmly around my shoulders and stare at the floor. “I was thinking that there are a multitude of sins I will forgive a person if I love them.” It feels like she’s ripped open a deep wound, and I can’t help finishing bitterly. “It seems to be a character flaw of mine.”

“Is it?”

I can hear Ursa moving, but I only get a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye. I swallow hard. “Yes, Mistress. It’s impossible to see it as anything but that.”

“Darling, you’re hurt and looking at this through a bitter shade of glass.” She stops next to me and sifts her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes, my body relaxing into her touch even as I wonder when it became such an instant response for me. Ursa keeps stroking me. “You’re soft. Others might see that as a sin, but it’s not. It’s an asset. Cling to that as long as you possibly can, because you’ll lose part of yourself when you let the world make you hard.”

I don’t mean to argue, but then I don’t mean to do a lot of things where this woman is concerned. “How can you say that? You run your own territory. You have to be hard in order to accomplish what you have.”

“Do I?” She tugs my hair until I look up at her. Gods, the way she looks at me. Like I’m a present wrapped up just for her. Like I truly am hers. “You haven’t been paying close enough attention.” She gives my hair one last tug and releases me. Ursa walks to the table and urges a still-dazed Alaric up. She kisses him, deep and thorough, and leans back. “You’re forgiven, lover. Don’t disappoint me again.”

“I won’t, Mistress.”

She helps him ease off the table, and I don’t miss the cruel little edge to her smile as he winces with each step. Ursa eases him down next to me and pulls another brightly colored blanket out from the basket next to the couch. She drapes it around Alaric’s shoulders. “Scoot.”

We instantly obey, parting like the Red Sea to allow her a spot between us. She settles down onto the couch in the vacated space and draws us back to her. Ursa tucks me under her arm and guides Alaric down to lay his head on her thigh.

I don’t mean to close my eyes, but the events of the last few days are catching up with me and Ursa feels so gloriously solid against my body. It might be because I can’t see her, but I hear her slow exhale as she relaxes against us. As if she’s setting down a burden she’s been carrying for a while.

She’s so strong all the time. Does she allow herself to lean on anyone? It’s not my right to ask—to demand that—not when I won’t be here after this week, but I hope she lets Alaric in, at least. I stroke her thigh in slow motions, giving comfort in the only way I think she’ll allow from me. A soft touch. A gentle slide of my skin against hers.

Ursa sifts her fingers through my hair slowly, soothingly. This whole moment settles something in my chest even more than the sex has. I’m enjoying my time with them. I don’t want it to stop. Any of it.

Time passes slowly, the strange cocktail of adrenaline and lust wearing off and leaving me aching and strangely sated. My ass still stings and my pussy is sore in a delicious kind of way, but it’s my soul that feels the most exhausted. The highs have been too high. The lows, too low. I don’t know which way is up any longer. I’m a deep sea diver that’s gotten confused and lost. I have a fifty-fifty chance of swimming for the surface. An equal chance to descend to depths I’ll never return from.

I should be more scared.

I know that, rationally. I am in the home of a territory leader in Carver City, one who’s already stated that she wants revenge against my father. Just because she’s kind to me doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy me for this week and then dump my body on his doorstep at the end of it. I know that, but I can’t get the fear to stick. There’s some bone-deep belief that Ursa won’t harm me, and I can’t seem to reason my way past it.

It’s too late, anyway. I’m here and I’ve agreed to uphold my part of the contract. If she’s going to turn on me at the end of it, if taking my virginity wasn’t enough to capture her revenge… There’s little I can do about it.

Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself so I don’t have to think about escaping. Maybe I’m just so weak that I am only too happy to cuddle up next to my father’s enemy because she showed me a little bit of kindness. Because she talks sweetly to me and touches me like I might be precious to her.

It’s a lie. It has to be.

I’ve already been sucked in once by Alaric. Surely I’m smart enough not to make the same mistake with Ursa?

The thought makes me open my eyes and sit up. I don’t look at her. I can’t, or I’ll be enraptured by her again and forget about the distance I desperately need to maintain. I clear my throat. “I, uh, I need a shower.”

“In a moment.” She takes my wrist in a gentle but immovable grip. “You tensed up, darling. Thinking dark thoughts?”

Again, honesty pours forth despite my best efforts. “Are you going to kill me and dump me on my father’s doorstep at the end of this?”

“What?” She sounds so genuinely shocked, I forget myself and look at her. She masks the shock quickly, but I know what I see. Ursa shakes her head. “What motivation could I possibly have to go through all this only to kill you?”

“You hate my father. I still don’t know your side of what happened, but you went through such lengths to get revenge. Surely you’re not going to stop with giving me orgasms.”

Now Alaric sits up, though he’s moving a little gingerly. “Ursa isn’t going to kill you.”

“She’s right,” Ursa says slowly, almost as if she’s contemplating it. “A life for a life, so to speak.”

Alaric shoots her a sharp look. “Stop it. She doesn’t know you’re just fucking with her.”

“Am I?”

“Ursa.”

“Oh, fine.” She clasps his chin and gives him a quick kiss before turning to me. “My goal is to cause your father pain—not start a war between Olympus and Carver City. If you die, he’ll do everything in his power to make me pay, even if he has to raze both cities to accomplish it.”

I stare. “The way you say that makes me think you actually considered killing me at one point.”

“Barely considered, darling. As I said, it served no one in the end.” Ursa glances at Alaric, seems to take in his tense look, and sighs. “Fucking you is as good as killing you. You consented to this, consented to it from beginning to end and with eyes wide open. You knew Alaric and I wanted to cause your father pain, and you went forward with it anyway. There wasn’t complete honesty, but there also weren’t truly lies, either. You knew who we were to him.” She shrugs. “Your father will never forgive you.”

Pain lances through me. It’s the truth. I know it’s the truth even as part of me wants to deny it, to claim that love will conquer all. Really, I’m not that naive. “You can’t know that.”

“Can’t I?” Ursa arches a brow. “Go ahead. Call him now and see if he picks up for his traitorous slut of a daughter.” The words have no heat, not until I imagine my father saying the same words in anger.

I flinch. “So you’ll use me and discard me.”

“Darling, you’re walking with over half a million dollars. You can go anywhere, can decide to be whoever you’d like. I’m leaving you better than I found you.”

I can decide to be whoever I like. The thought brings another on its heels, one that I’ll never voice, no matter how addicting it is to tell Ursa the truth.

I want to be yours.

I’m not hers. Not in the way Alaric obviously is. Wanting that is about as effective as wishing on stars. It will never happen, not when she looks at me and sees her revenge against my father instead of a person. If she’s kind enough while doing it? That changes nothing.

Ursa takes a slow breath. “Come on, darlings. Let’s get you cleaned and rested for tonight.”

I almost don’t ask, but I’m desperate for something else to focus on beyond my realization of how far in over my head I am. “What’s tonight?”

Ursa rises and waits for us to join her on our feet. “Tonight, we’re going to the Underworld and playing a little game.”

A little game. Because that’s all this is to her—a game. She only chose me so she could punish my father, not because she actually wants me. I bite down my disappointment and follow her down the halls and through her bedroom to the master bath. The tub is more hot tub than bath, a deeply recessed area with jets and seating for four. She leans over, giving me an excellent view of her ass, and turns the taps on. “It will be a moment. Stay here.” Then she walks away, leaving me and Alaric alone.

“I’m sorry.”

I look at him and my heart gives an uncomfortable thump. Things would be so much simpler if I could just turn off my feelings for him. For both of them. It doesn’t seem to matter how angry I am, how clear the evidence that he lied… I still care.

But that doesn’t mean I can let go of what he did.

I sigh. “You’re not sorry. Not really. You feel guilty, but that’s not the same thing. You wouldn’t do anything differently if you had a chance to go back.”

He starts to argue but finally shakes his head. “Maybe I’d tell you the truth from the beginning.”

“It wouldn’t work.” It pains me to admit it, but this strange addiction to honesty continues even when Ursa isn’t around. “If you told me what my father was while I still lived in his house, I don’t know if I’d believe you. Even if I did, I can’t guarantee that I’d agree to help you hurt him.”

“Zuri, you didn’t agree to help us hurt him,” he says it gently, as if trying to reassure me.

“Don’t do that.” I shove my hair back from my face. “Don’t give me an out. You might have helped manipulate me into making that choice, but ultimately it was my choice. Just like it was my choice to fuck you while Ursa was on the phone with him.”

Alaric holds perfectly still, watching me with those clear blue eyes. “You’re going to have to clarify what you’re getting at because I don’t understand.”

I take a deep breath. “What I’m saying is that I understand why you did what you did. I’m not giving you a free pass, but I get it. If I were in your position, I can’t say with any confidence that I wouldn’t do exactly the same thing. It wasn’t personal.”

“Zuri.”

I really should remind him that he’s not a friend and only my friends call me that. It feels like a lie, though. I turn, and Alaric catches my hands. He’s still moving stiffly, but his grip isn’t weak. He gives me a light squeeze. “If I’d known you, I never would have agreed to play things out this way. I like you, and you deserve better than to play the part of a pawn.”

“Yes, I do.” I look down at our joined hands. “I’m still very angry, but it’s all mixed up in other feelings. It’s confusing.”

“Welcome to spending time with Ursa.” He chuckles. “It will be okay. It’s only tonight and another five days.”

The reminder feels like it’s weighing down my entire body. “Right. Five days.” Only a fool would beg to stay beyond that. As Ursa said, she’s leaving me better off than she found me. At least materially.

It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve sacrificed everything for people who will move on with their lives together and forget that I ever existed.