7. Kate

7

KATE

I haven’t moved since Cole left, and I don’t want to, lest it shatter the dream my brain has concocted. It must be a dream. A lucid, realistic dream because there’s no way a man like Cole would ever look at me the way he looks at me. Touch me the way he touches me. And cause my body to react so strongly.

I don’t recognize myself when I’m around him. As though I’ve lost all inhibitions. Like he’s a drug, and one taste of him reveals what I really want. And what I really want is him .

When he opened that door, I thought I was losing my mind. But as it turns out, I think I was finding it. Finding the part of me that I’d buried deep inside. I’ve spent most of my adult life making sure other people are happy. Making my client’s dreams come true. Making my sister’s dream come true. All the while I’ve set mine aside. But for the first time, I’m not ignoring them any longer.

I want Cole. I need Cole.

When I finally move, my muscles ache. I’m not sure how long I’ve been standing here but my eyes are dry and my throat is parched so I head for the living room to grab the tea I’d abandoned.

It’s dark, the room lit only by the fire. The storm’s still raging. Wind and snow swirl against the cabin as the walls creak and moan. And moan… My body lights up. That’s not wood moaning against the wind. That’s animalistic. The kind of moaning… I swallow, forgetting all about my tea as I turn around and listen to Cole moan.

I shouldn’t. The old Kate wouldn’t. But before I have a chance to protest my feet move, one after the other. My socks slide silently across the wood floor.

The moaning gets louder. Pained. And then my body ignites as I glance through the crack in the door, Cole’s massive cock strangled between a meaty hand. Stroking. Thick fingers kneading himself as he grunts. They’re deep but muffled, and when I raise myself onto my toes, I see why.

Cole’s smothering his face with my sweater, writhing as he pumps his cock and guttural, animalistic cries rent the air. My name. He’s moaning it again and again. Like he’s pleading for me. I’ve never felt so turned on. So acutely aroused. A single brush of his finger against my clit could send me over the edge.

But then he growls. Something chesty that rattles my body. And he tears my sweater from his face and stops stroking. He’s panting, hard and fast, and I need to get out of here. I shouldn’t be watching. I shouldn’t enjoy this as much as I do. I never thought I could drive a man that far.

I slip back into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind me. I take a few shaky breaths before I feel Cole moving through the cabin. His footfalls are slow but deliberate, each one landing with a resounding thump. I hit the light switch and then creep back into bed, pulling the covers to my chin as he stops outside the door.

It feels like hours pass, but it can’t be more than a few seconds. The handle rattles and the door creaks open slowly. I risk a glance and my body reignites all over again when I see him shirtless. Pantless, except for underwear. Big muscles bulging. Another bulge between his legs.

I seal my eyes shut but his image is seared into my mind.

One step. Two steps. I count each one he takes as he closes the gap between us. His scent fills my nostrils as he stands next to me. I swear he must hear my heart beating. And then I feel his fingertips, brushing the hair off my face, and then again across my cheeks.

“Good night, my little miracle,” he whispers. The urge to grab him rockets through me, but I resist. And good thing because his lips press against my forehead, searing my skin like a brand.

My vision is nothing but twinkling Christmas lights as I do my best to hold back the moan collecting in my throat. God, I’ve never had a forehead kiss that felt so sensual. One more and I might unravel. But then Cole turns around and leaves me in a muddled mess of nerves and need and desire.

It’s so unfair. I want to pout. I want to scream like some inconsolable toddler who isn’t getting what they want. But a few minutes after Cole leaves, I calm myself.

He wants me. I want him. And that blizzard isn’t going away anytime soon.

One more sleep ’til Christmas…

“How’d you sleep?” Cole asks as he slides a stack of pancakes in front of me.

I glance at them, salivating because not only do they look amazing with a fat pad of butter and syrup galore, but I’m starving after not eating anything last night. I’m hoping my next attempt goes a little better.

“Soundly,” I say.

Translation: Not at all.

I couldn’t get it or him out of my head. I tossed and turned, and eventually, I fell asleep but I can’t say for how long. I can’t even tell the time now because it’s still gray out. Snow’s coming down but at a manageable rate.

“Good to hear,” Cole says, turning around and heading back to the stove.

Apparently, we’re not going to talk about what happened last night. He’s going to pretend the pained cries from his bedroom as he palmed his… Well, cock doesn’t even seem right. Penis. No. That’s not a penis. That’s a damn weapon of vaginal destruction.

“What about you?” I ask, prodding him as I prod my pancakes hesitantly.

At the rate I’m going, I’ll likely find some way to choke on these pancakes. Cole will have to give me the Heimlich, breaking a rib or three in the process. Then onward to the emergency room by dog sled because there’s no way a truck could make it through snow this deep. And if we’re lucky, we’d only have to outrun a single avalanche on our journey.

“A little rough falling asleep, but once I finally relaxed, I was out.”

My fork scrapes against the ceramic plate like nails against the chalkboard. There’s nothing odd about his statement, but after what I saw last night, it’s taking on a completely different meaning.

“I hope I wasn’t keeping you awake.” It comes out before I have time to think.

Cole turns around, a stack of pancakes in his hands, and walks toward me. I’ll never get over how each step he takes rattles my chair. My legs. My… ahem. If only he’d pace around the kitchen shirtless…

“Why would you think that?”

I clear my throat. “My sleep routine gets screwed up when I sleep in a different bed. Different pillows. Different time. I thought stealing your bed might’ve disrupted you.”

He slides the plate on the table and then sits down, the chair holding his weight against all odds and laws of physics.

“Now that you mention it,” he rasps, fork scraping against the plate as he cuts a piece. “You did keep me up.”

I nearly choke on my pancake. Thankfully, I swallow it down with a sip of coffee. “Oh?”

Another bite. Chew, chew, chew. He’s staring at me, and I’m understanding what it means to have a penetrating gaze. I feel like he’s seeing through me. Like I’m laid bare to him. Like he was last night as he stroked himself to thoughts of me.

“Couldn’t wait to show you what’s so special about this mountain. Guess I was a little excited.”

More than a little excited, but okay. “So you think the snow won’t be too deep?”

Again with the look. I’ve never been so turned on and unnerved at the same time. I don’t know what to think.

“We’ll be fine. The first spot for cell service is about a twenty-minute hike on a good day. It’ll take a bit longer. But if it gets dicey, I’ll carry you.”

If it’s not dicey, I’d still like that, hanging onto him like a monkey as he trudges through snow.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“And if you’re up for it, I’ll show you one of the spots where we grow specialty Christmas trees. Although I know your relationship with Christmas is a little complicated right now.”

“I want to go to there.”

He snorts. “Well, I’ll take you.”

Even though he’s right—things are a little complicated right now—I can’t exactly ignore my favorite holiday over one bad experience. Besides, it’s almost— wait .

“Is it Christmas Eve?”

He smiles. “It is. We can try and get you back to town if you’d like. Might be difficult though.”

I shake my head. “No. I think I could use a break from Christmas with my family.”

“Another thing we can agree on.”

“But,” say, stretching the word. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep my promise. It’s my favorite holiday. And your birthday. We need to celebrate.”

“We can do whatever you’d like.”

“Do you have decorations?”

He mulls it over. “I think I’ve got a box or two in a closet. You thinking about decking these halls?”

“Would you mind? Maybe we could find a small Christmas tree out there…” I poke at my pancakes. I’m nervous. I’m getting flashbacks of asking my parents for a puppy for Christmas.

“If it makes you happy, I’m all for it.”

And for the first time this Christmas season, I’m feeling a little festive. A little hopeful. But what I’m really feeling is the way Cole is looking at me right now. Like I’m the one present he’s waiting to unwrap. Like he’s about to write my name on the naughty list.

And for the first time in my life, I want Cole for Christmas.

“Are we there yet?” I ask, huffing as I stand akimbo.

The gray skies have been replaced by a cloudless blue one, so the blanket of white snow is blinding. I haven’t had the chance to look around because I’m constantly squinting.

But if I’m honest, I wouldn’t be looking around if it wasn’t. Not with Cole in front of me. Those legs . That ass . I never considered myself a butt woman, but lordy, does Cole have a fine one.

“Almost,” he says, glancing at me over my back as I continue to try and catch my breath. “Want me to carry you the rest of the way?”

“You’re already carrying a sled. You don’t need to lug me around.”

“Wouldn’t be a problem,” he says, and I believe him. You could load him up like a pack mule and he’d ask for more. The man’s more of a workhorse than an actual workhorse.

“I’ll manage,” I say, still not managing to catch my breath.

I’m not sure how long we’ve been walking. Half an hour maybe. But one thing’s for certain: I need to work on my cardio in the new year.

“Come here,” he says, turning all the way around. I try to meet him but he closes the gap before I take more than a couple of steps.

He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a thermos. “Prepared for everything,” I mutter to myself, but Cole hears it and laughs.

“Hold this,” he says, giving me the cap before reaching back into his coat and producing a mug. “Trade you,” he says and I take the mug and he takes the cap before pouring hot liquid into the mug.

“Is this…” I whisper to myself.

“Hot chocolate,” he says.

“When did you find time to make this?”

“A mountain man never reveals all his secrets.”

I laugh. “Okay. But do you have some marshmallows to go with it?”

He smiles at me, capping the thermos before slipping it back into his coat and then— okay, what the hell?

“ Who are you?” I gape at him as he drops a handful of marshmallows into my mug. “Mary Poppins?” I grab his coat, giving it a little shake, wondering what else might fall out.

“Santa works. At least for one more day.”

This man is something else. I take a sip and dear lord it is good. “This is better than Windy Brews or the Inn’s hot chocolate.”

“Glad you like it.”

“I’m glad you finally decided to share. When were you going to whip that out?”

“When the time was right.”

I savor the warmth. The sweetness. And the way Cole’s staring at me again.

“If you pull out some whipped cream…”

“Fresh out, I’m afraid.”

“The man is mortal.”

He grunts. “I’ll make sure I have some for next time.”

I swallow, trying to focus on the sweetness as something sour roils in my stomach. Next time . Will there be a next time? I don’t want to think about leaving this town or Cole, but I know my time here is limited. I can’t live in this fantasy world forever. But I can’t help myself from dreaming. “I’m holding you to it.”

And for a moment, I think he’s going to reach out and touch me. Cup my cheek. Brush some hair away. Something . But instead, he makes a throaty sound and then turns around. “Five more minutes,” he says. “Mountain man’s honor.”

And five minutes after I finish my hot chocolate, we make it to the spot.

“We’re here.”

And almost on cue, my phone lights up with text messages and missed calls and voicemails from my sister, mother, and every other relative near and far.

“Oh boy,” I mutter to myself as I stare at my phone.

“Oh boy is right,” he rasps, raising his phone. “Guess we better get to it.”

“Guess so.”

He sighs. I sigh. And we both call our parents, letting them know everything’s okay, but both of my calls reach voicemail. So much for waiting by the phone…

Oh well, I don’t mind. I leave my message, letting them know I won’t be able to make it to the lodge for Christmas, but Cole assured me he’d get me to the wedding one way or another. After hanging up, I listen in on Cole’s call. I can’t help myself because he’s right there.

“It’s one year, Ma. It’s—sorry. Didn’t mean to call you Ma, it just slipped out.”

I can’t help but smile. I wouldn’t mind meeting the woman who can trip up Cole.

“No, do not come and get me. I’m fine. I’ll dig myself out in a few—Yes,” he says, staring at his feet. “Yes, I know it’s my birthday. How could—uh huh… Yep. Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow. Merry Christmas. Love you too.”

He hangs up and stands there for a moment, silently staring at nothing in particular, and then he looks at me. “I’m pushing forty and my mom acts like I’m twelve. Is it like this with your parents?”

“I think it’s that way with most parents.”

He sighs. “Okay, that’s done. You know she wanted to come dig me out herself? She wanted to load up a snowmobile with shovels and…” He sighs. “It’s okay.”

“Sounds like she loves you a lot. Misses you too.”

He nods. “First Christmas I haven’t spent with my family.”

I swallow. “Same here.”

“But I couldn’t be spending it with a better person.”

I swear the snow around me melts from the heat he just made me feel.

“I… I think so too,” is all I can think of saying, my mind and body flustered.

He closes the gap between us, wrapping an arm around me. Even though I’m wearing a heavy coat, it feels as though Cole’s touching my bare skin.

“Come here,” Cole says, squeezing me once, “I want to show you one of my favorite spots.”

We walk, Cole’s arm wrapped around me, until we reach a rocky outcropping.

“We’ll stay back. There’s too much snow and ice and I don’t want either of us to—” He motions with his hand and makes a whistling noise followed by a splat!

“Good idea.”

“You can see Whispering Winds from here. Right… there.” He points to buildings to my left. It’s a long way down the mountain but I swear I can see the Inn. And if I squint I think I can see the park, the massive Christmas tree, and possibly Evan in his sweater. Maybe not…

“Used to come here and have lunch with my dad when he was working.”

I don’t want to prod, but I have a feeling he’s not alive from how Cole’s talking about him. But then I get my answer.

“He passed away a few years back.”

“I’m so sorry, Cole.”

He sighs, squeezing me again. “Thanks,” he says. “You’d think I’d get used to it. Maybe some people do. I haven’t. And I feel it acutely this time of year. I think he and your blind date might’ve gotten along swimmingly.”

I snort. “Christmas lover?”

“Christmas lover.”

We look out at Whispering Winds for a little while longer as Cole talks about his dad and I listen. He sounds like a great man. I try to comfort him as best I can but this is all new to me. I don’t know what it’s like to have a parent pass. I know it hurt when my grandpa died when I was sixteen but it’s not the same.

“He was beloved by this town. It’s hard not to love the resident Santa Claus. But it’s even harder to fill his boots. My brothers and I try but it’s not the same.”

“I think you’re doing a great job. You’ve brought my Christmas spirit back from the dead.”

He snorts. “Well, thanks. Sorry for laying all this on you like that.”

“I don’t mind. I love getting to know you. All of you.”

He squeezes me again. “Let’s go and get you a Christmas tree.”

“Someone’s chopping down one of your trees!” I shout, pointing at two figures off in the distance.

“Son of a bitch,” Cole growls, charging through the snow like a damn bull moose.

I’ve never seen a man move that fast, and in snow nearly up to my knees, it’s a miraculous feat of strength. But I don’t have time to admire Cole, the tree thief turns and I scream, “Look out!”

The man revs his chainsaw as the second figure moves next to him, waving. The chainsaw sputters to a stop as Cole slows. When he reaches the figures, he hugs Chainsaw Man before doing the same with the smaller figure.

I follow tentatively, stepping in the massive holes in the snow Cole left behind. By the time I reach them, they’re all laughing, deep in conversation.

“Thought you’d have chosen your tree earlier,” Cole says to a man I strangely recognize. Nick . Quinn pointed him out to me at Windy Brews.

“We did,” he rasps.

“But it didn’t feel right,” says the woman next to Nick. “The first tree looked too lonely. I couldn’t leave him like that. He needed a mate.”

I snort and everyone glances at me. “I think you’re onto something,” I say. “Two trees? I can’t believe it never crossed my mind.”

“See,” she says, pointing at me and then grabbing Nick. “I’m not alone in this.” She turns back to me. “I’m Eva, and this is my husband Nick.”

“Good friends,” Cole says. “The only people I let in here to get a tree each year.”

Eva clears her throat. “Or two. Maybe… three?” she adds, a little hopeful.

“Pushing it Eva,” Nick says, pulling her into a hug. “But maybe we can talk about it.”

She winks at me, mouthing That means yes!

“Love the beard by the way,” Eva says. “I’ve been trying to convince Nick to dye his. I think he’d be a great St. Nick.”

“She’s feeling extra festive today,” Nick says, sighing.

“And you love it.”

He kisses her forehead and I melt. A few moments later, Nick pulls Cole away, asking for his help taking down the tree while Eva and I watch. I never thought watching a tree being taken down could be so sexy, although I’m pretty sure anything Cole does would have the same effect.

“So how long have you two been together?” Eva asks.

“Oh, we’re not. I’m… well it’s a little complicated.”

She smiles. “I know complicated. But I’ve found even the most complicated situations have simple solutions.”

I hum. “Maybe you’re right, but I’m leaving Whispering Winds in less than a week.”

“Considered postponing?”

“More than once,” I say, putting it mildly. I’ve thought about it more than I’d like to admit because it feels so crazy being this attached to someone I’ve only just met.

“Some risks are worth taking. I was supposed to spend last Christmas with a man a matchmaker set me up with. When that fell through I ended up going anyway. Found that big guy in my cabin. The rest is history.”

She stares lovingly at Nick, and I imagine it’s the same look on my face when I look at Cole. I light up when I see him. Fluttering emotions swirl through me. I’ve never felt anything like it before.

“Sounds kinda familiar, but my date wasn’t planned. It turned out horribly, long before he got ill from his homemade eggnog and?—“

“Wait. That happened… Evan ?”

I stare at her mouth agape. “You know him?”

She laughs. “Juliet set us up. I’m surprised he’s still drinking eggnog after the texts he sent me last year.”

“I’m done with it after watching—” I swallow the bile in my throat. “Hearing him.”

“Evan, Evan, Evan,” she says, staring at Nick. “I think we should go in on a gift for him. Without him, I’d never have met Nick.”

And I’d never have met. “Cole,” I mutter as he returns, and I stare. You’d think I’d get used to his height, straining my neck to look at him, but I don’t think I ever will. I’m in awe of his size. In awe of everything about this man.

“Ready to find a tree?”

Eva leans in. “Make sure you ask for the chainsaw first.”

“What?”

“Just a warning,” she says, not elaborating more as she moves towards Nick. “I hope I get to see more of you, Kate.”

Cole leans in, his warm breath covering my neck as he rasps, “So do I.”

Goosebumps. Tingles. Full-body chills. But even though it’s frigid out here in the forest, I could be naked and I’d still be overheated. And judging by the way Cole’s looking at me, he’s about ready to get a head start disrobing me.

“Come here,” he rasps. “I’ll show you how to handle my axe.”

Gulp.