27. Mai

Idarted out of the house and across the street to Jem's place. I needed to get the hell away from here. I couldn't believe Ryan had Derek hack my life. He must know everything about me by now. There were no secrets, no things that I could tell him when I was ready. No, he had to know everything now. How could we start something when the power was so one-sided? He was never going to see me as an equal. I would always be the little girl who needed protecting.

I slipped in the door, ignoring Jem's shout, and went straight to my room. I sat down on the bed as my anger drained away. My face burned, and I cringed, the humiliation of my choices weighing heavily on me. I'd been so stupid to stay with Seth, and now Ryan and his brothers knew it, too. Did they think less of me?

I had thought of coming back here over the years, but I didn't want to come back to the Pack like this. I didn't want them to see me as weak and vulnerable. I'd always thought I'd turn up and show them how strong I was, show them that I had achieved things in my life since I'd left, that I was more than my past mistakes.

"Mai?" Jem's voice called out as he knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

I took a deep breath and stood up. I didn't want Jem to see me like this, either. If he didn't know already, it was only a matter of time before Ryan told him the truth about Seth. I sighed, knowing I couldn't run from it.

"Sure."

Jem pushed the door open and looked me up and down. "You had quite the night."

It was a statement, not a question, and I knew he could smell Ryan all over me.

I held my chin up higher, daring him to make something out of it.

"I gotta say, Mai, I'm fucking delighted for you and Ryan. As your Alpha, I felt it when your mate bond sealed. You made a good choice. He loves you, Mai. Even more than he loves the Pack."

"He's an arrogant, pig-headed asshole!"

Jem grinned at me. "Yeah, that too."

"How do you put up with him? I want to tear my hair out! Or better yet, claw his eyes out!"

Jem chuckled. "Well, I'm his Alpha, so I can just order him to leave."

"I wish I could order him to leave, or shut up, or even to stop fucking looking at me!"

"You're fated mates, Mai. That's a special bond. You'll work out how to handle him."

I slumped down on the bed. "No, I don't think I will."

I had to leave. It was the only way. Start somewhere new, where I could be myself, where no one knew about the choices I'd made, the rejection, the stupidity. Where no one thought less of me.

"Mai," Jem said, his stern voice bringing me back to reality. "What happened?"

I thought about lying or shrugging it off. But Jem was my brother, and he would know I wasn't telling the truth. "He got Derek to hack into my laptop and phone. He invaded my privacy, Jem. He knows everything about me and didn't respect me enough to let me tell him about my life, in my own way, in my own time."

Jem sat down next to me. "He's scared, Mai. He just found you again. He's desperate to keep you safe. His wolf will be pushing him to keep you near at all times. He's going to be extremely possessive for the next few months. It's normal for a newly mated pair. You know how much he loves his brothers, would do anything for them, yet he's struggling for control whenever they come near you."

"His brothers?" I shook my head. "He knows I'm not interested in them, and they are certainly not interested in me."

"Oh, he knows that. But that's your rational human side talking. To his wolf, it is simple. You are his, and if another male gets near you, he will try to rip their throats out. At least for the next few months. After that, it will settle down. Probably."

Fan-fucking-tastic. This was going to complicate things if I did decide to leave. I would not only have my own wolf demanding I stay, but Ryan would come after me, too.

"You know he raised his brothers. He had to grow up fast, Mai, when their mother died and their dad checked out. Ryan always had a strong protective instinct, but the experience of raising his brothers, of keeping them safe under Oliver, of making sure they had a roof over their heads and food on the table… It honed this instinct into a sharp point. That's what makes him such a good Beta. It's what will make him a brilliant Alpha someday. But right now, it's working against him. He's terrified Seth is going to find and hurt you or that you will run again."

I closed my eyes. Of course, Jem fucking knew about Seth. Did the whole Pack know what an idiot I was?

"There's something important you need to understand about fated mates, about the power that comes with the bond. The Moon Mother puts two werewolves together, but that's it. There is no ‘happily ever after' unless we make it so. Fated mates have this potential, but we have to nurture the bond, protect it, and watch it grow." He hesitated, then continued, "Things with me and Hayley are difficult right now."

I nodded. It was hard to miss.

"You know what it was like for her living with her aunt. They treated her like a slave; she was a modern-day Cinderella. I got her out of it as soon as I worked out what was happening, but it shaped her, Mai. It shaped who she would become. Hayley needs constant love, attention, and reassurance. She is only happy if she feels that she is my top priority at all times."

Jem sighed, his expression somber. "After you left, after I was Alpha, I talked with Sofia. I talked to your school. I finally saw what I'd been too busy to see all those years. I realized the mistake I'd made in leaving Hayley to raise you. I confronted her. We fought." Jem paused, his eyes going distant. "We didn't talk for six months. I was busy spending most of my time trying to get the Pack stabilized and organize the search for you. We had to root out the old enforcers, work out who could be trusted. I stayed away because I blamed her for you leaving, even though it was just as much my fault as hers, and it tore our bond. Hayley felt lonely and deserted. For an Alpha pair, it was irresponsible of us. We hid it for a time, but it got harder not to notice the damage we were causing to the whole Pack. Then, a year ago, Hayley cheated."

I sucked in a breath. I couldn't believe Hayley had betrayed Jem in that way.

"It wasn't all her fault, Mai. She found someone who paid her attention and offered her the things she craved. When I found out I… I went crazy. Ryan stopped me from killing him. He knew if I had murdered him, the guilt would have crippled me. Instead, I banished him from the Pack. Since then, I've had to hope that our actions—mine and Hayley's—haven't irreparably damaged our mate bond. That, in time, we'll find a way past this. As the Alpha pair, our weakened bond has affected our entire Pack. It's the little things: fights in the Pack breaking out over spilled drinks, mothers nipping at their kids when they can't keep up, more road rage than normal. The Pack bonds are anxious, on edge, and it's making everyone that little bit more aggressive. It's dangerous for a Pack. They feel this niggle all the time, and instead of feeling safe and happy, everyone is wary of each other. I'm hoping we can fix it, but it's going to take time."

He looked into my eyes, his gaze intense. "I'm telling you this because I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. If you can trust each other, you and Ryan will become more powerful as a pair than you could individually. But take it from me: if you treat your bond badly, it will weaken you both."

Jem's eyes were haunted. "Talk to Ryan. Work through your issues with him. Don't throw it all away; don't let your bond with your fated mate be damaged over this."