Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

Lala

The following morning, Holden and I were lying in bed, neither of us ready to get up and face the world.

I still couldn’t believe he’d come all the way here.

After we got back to my house last night, we’d almost started fighting again until he’d grabbed my face and kissed me, hard. Then he carried me to my room and made love to me like he had the night before he left New York—slowly, sensually, and in a way that made me certain my heart was all-in to the point of no return.

The morning sun streamed through the window. As we lay side by side in my old bed, I grew anxious, knowing I was about to bring up the subject of the woman who’d answered his phone. I trusted his explanation, yet I still felt unsettled about it—both the situation itself and my reaction to it.

“You should get to the airport early to make sure you don’t miss your flight,” I said.

“I want to go to the hospital with you first.”

“You don’t have to, Holden.”

“Yes, I do. I want to be here for you every second I can until I absolutely have to leave.” He searched my eyes. “You’re hesitant about me going? Don’t worry. I’ll make up a story again for your dad.”

“You shouldn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, but come on. We have no choice right now since they don’t know about us.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

There was another reason why Holden’s being there might cause a scene today.

“Warren said he might be stopping by this morning.”

Holden took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “Okay. Whatever. I’ll feed him the same story.” He rolled his eyes. “I fucking hate that you care what he thinks. But I get it. You don’t need the drama right now. I can put my ego aside for a day.”

“Thank you for understanding.” I ran my fingers along his chest and added, “Speaking of which, I owe you an apology for the way I reacted to that woman answering your phone.”

“No, you don’t. You reacted the way I sure as fuck would’ve if the situation were reversed. The whole thing was just bad luck. I don’t blame you for freaking out.”

“If she’s your manager, why didn’t she just explain who she was? She could’ve easily done that. But she sounded shady, to be honest.”

Holden sat up straighter in bed and turned his whole body toward me. He hesitated. “Daisy is my manager, but…she and I had a quick fling once.”

My stomach turned as I moved back and muttered, “Of course.”

“Fuck.” He shut his eyes briefly. “Would you rather I lie to you, Lala?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“We’d both moved on. She got engaged earlier this year. I was really happy for her, because the dude seemed like a nice guy. But then she told me she broke it off with him recently. I think she might’ve been hoping something would happen between us during this tour. But when she insinuated that, I told her about you.” He sighed. “Anyway, she might not have properly explained herself out of spite since I’d turned her down.”

I nodded. “Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry I’m so on edge. You’ve had to put up with a lot, too, when it comes to Warren being around. We have to trust each other.”

“Tell me you really mean that, Lala. Look into my eyes and tell me you trust me. I need to hear it before I go back on tour.”

I got up and straddled him, wrapping my hands around his stubbly cheeks. “I trust you, Holden. I do.”

He placed his hands over mine. “I came to make you feel better, not to cause you any more stress.”

“You leaving the tour and coming here means so much to me.”

After we dragged ourselves out of bed, Holden whipped us up some eggs and coffee before we headed out.

The hospital visit went more smoothly than I’d anticipated, since Warren never did show. That was a huge relief.

Holden fed my dad a story that I’d offered to drive him to the airport today. I couldn’t imagine what my father would’ve had to say if he knew Holden had spent the entire night with me.

But despite that little awkward lie, we got the best news ever: my mother was out of the ICU, and her condition was stable. I felt confident enough to leave the hospital when it came time to take Holden to the airport without feeling like I’d be missing anything important.

When we got to the drop-off area at Philly International, Holden towered over me as he enveloped my body in his. The hair not covered by his beanie was blowing in the wind.

“Your visit went by way too fast.” I spoke into his chest. “I wish so badly that you didn’t have to leave.”

“I can’t even begin to express how much I wish the same, sweetheart. This fucking sucks.”

I looked up at him. “If my mother continues to get better, I’m gonna go back to New York in a few days.”

“Okay.” He squeezed me tighter. “Call me day or night. Seriously, Lala. You’re my priority. None of the other shit matters right now.”

“Knock ’em dead tonight at the show. I’ll be thinking of you.”

“I’ll be thinking of you every fucking second.” Holden lifted me up in grand fashion.

I giggled at the gesture.

He looked into my eyes and said, “I…” He hesitated as he put me down.

My heartbeat sped up…

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much,” he finally said.

And just like that, my heart deflated.

***

A few days later, I was at my parents’ house packing my things. Since my mother was set to be discharged soon, I was clear to return to New York.

It was a huge relief that Mom was going to be okay, and I was so grateful that I’d been able to be here, even if I was now super behind with my research project. Ultimately, that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered more than family.

My father appeared at the doorway to my bedroom. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I put down the shirt I’d folded. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Just came home to grab a few things and stock the fridge.” He went silent for a bit as he watched me pack. “How long have you been messing around with Holden Catalano?”

I froze. “Why are you asking me that?”

“I saw him with his arms around you that first day he showed up at the hospital, Lala. But more than that, I’m not stupid. You don’t think I’m able to put two and two together? You end your engagement to a great guy. You live next door to Holden. He randomly shows up at the hospital and just so happens to be in town. Do you think your dad is blind?”

I exhaled. “Okay. Yes, Holden and I have been seeing each other.” Admitting that felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

He raised a brow. “Are you telling me you left Warren for him?”

“No. I mean, Holden might have been a mitigating factor, but I ended my engagement because I wasn’t ready to be tied down, Dad. Plain and simple. Holden and I are just…having fun right now. Seeing where things go.”

“Jesus, Laney. I don’t have to tell you why this sounds like a really bad idea.”

“I know you have preconceived notions about him, Dad. But Holden and I care about each other. I can’t say with a hundred-percent certainty that I know where it’s going, but I trust him. He’s not gonna hurt me.”

“I know he was a damn good friend to your brother. But his reputation certainly precedes him. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing exactly.” I laughed. “But right now, I’m happy. In a different way than I’ve ever been happy before. I feel…” I paused. “Alive.”

He nodded. “Well, then I have to accept that.”

The doorbell rang, interrupting our conversation.

“Are you expecting someone?” I asked.

“No.”

Dad and I walked together to the front door.

When he opened it, I saw Warren standing there, wearing a short-sleeve collared shirt and a bow tie.

“Hi, Bill. Just came to say goodbye to Laney before I have to head to work.”

My father stepped aside. “Come on in, son.”

“Hey.” I waved.

“Hi.” A look of sadness crossed Warren’s face.

My father grabbed his keys. “I’ll, uh, give you guys some privacy. I need to get to the market and pick up some things before Mom comes home anyway. I’ll be back in time to see you off, honey.”

“Okay, Dad.”

After my father left, I looked up at Warren, who was twiddling his thumbs nervously.

“You seem preoccupied. Is everything okay?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “Things really aren’t okay, Laney.”

“Come sit.”

He took a seat across from me on the couch in the living room.

“Talk to me, Warren.”

“Well…” He sighed. “I got it—the job in California.”

“You did?” I smiled. “That’s amazing!”

There wasn’t a shred of joy on his face. “Is it?”

“Yes.”

“This might be the opportunity of a lifetime. But if it meant us getting back together, I would turn it down in a heartbeat. I know you never wanted to move out there. And you mean more to me than a job.”

My chest constricted. “You need to take it.”

He hung his head. “I guess I know what that means.”

My voice shook. “I’m so sorry, Warren.”

He lifted his gaze to meet mine. “I can only hope to God that when you come to your senses, you’ll want to join me out there. I’m not giving up hope on us, even knowing you haven’t been honest with me. Even knowing you broke my heart, I still can’t give up on us.”

His words took a moment to register. “You said I haven’t been honest with you. What are you referring to?”

His stare was penetrating. “Was he the reason you left me?”

I gulped. “Who?”

“Holden.”

My mouth opened and closed a few times. “How…”

He stared at the lamp vacantly. “I came to the hospital a few days ago. He was there with you, holding you—when it should’ve been me. You were tucked away in a corner by a vending machine, probably hiding. You likely didn’t know I’d be coming from that direction, but I’d stopped to use the bathroom. You were too wrapped up to notice me.” Warren rubbed his temples. “I left because I wasn’t in the mood to make a fool of myself.”

That tore my heart into a million pieces. “I’m so sorry, Warren. I should’ve told you I’d started seeing him. He’s not the main reason I ended things. It was more about a need to experience life before settling down. But—”

“It just so happens he was right there when you made that decision, I suppose?” Warren stood. “I need to go. I’m late for a meeting.” He walked toward the door but turned around before leaving. “I’m not going to judge you for your choices. He would not be the type of man I’d choose for you. He’s a phase, Laney. And you will come to your senses. I am confident of that. I plan to wait for you to do that, but I don’t know that I can wait forever.”

***

Mentally spent, I arrived back in New York that night feeling terrible about myself. At the same time, I was happy that Warren had gotten the job in California. He deserved a change of pace, in a new environment where every corner wouldn’t remind him of me. That said, his words about Holden being a phase had gotten into my head a little, especially since I’d had ample time alone in my car to let everything fester.

After taking a shower and getting into comfortable clothes, I curled into my sofa and decided to check out After Friday’s Instagram page. There were photos posted of the last couple of gigs, including the one the night Holden returned from Pennsylvania. He’d told me that one went particularly well and that the music exec had told their manager he’d be in touch.

They must have put someone in charge of taking these supposedly candid shots, because they looked fantastic—Monroe making love to the mic, Dylan playing bass with his eyes closed. I particularly loved the shots of Holden swinging his drumsticks under the neon lights. His eyes held so much passion. It made me miss the heck out of him. I would’ve given anything for him to be next door right now.

Almost as soon as I had that thought, my phone began to ring. It was a FaceTime call from Holden. As fast as humanly possible, I answered, “Hey! How did you know I was thinking about you?”

“Are you back in New York?”

“Yes. I got stuck in killer traffic, so I just got back a little while ago.”

“Damn. It’s almost eleven there. That sucks. But I’m so glad you got back safely.”

Holden had mentioned the band would have a tour bus for the last leg of their trip, and I could see he was lying down in a cramped space. His hair was going in all directions. How I wished I could’ve run my hands through it.

“What are you up to tonight?” I asked.

“We have the night off. A couple of the guys are heading out clubbing, but I’m just gonna order a pizza and hang out on the bus and watch movies.”

“Why aren’t you going out with them?”

“Just no interest. I’m wiped, and all I want to do is talk to you.”

“Syphilis!”

I cocked my head. “Did someone just say syphilis?”

“That was Monroe. Ignore him.”

“Chlamydia!”

“Who was that?”

“Dylan.”

“Why did he say that?”

“The guys have a running joke that the reason I’m not into partying is because I have an STD. I’ve told them why I have no interest in hooking up with random women out here, but they’re having too much fun ragging on me. They’re acting up worse right now because they see me on the phone with you. Ignore them, please.”

I laughed. “That’s crazy.”

He suddenly got up and began walking to the back of the bus. “Hang on. I’m going to the bedroom for some privacy.”

Holden lay back on a bed. “Ah. That’s better.” He reached to his side and lifted up a lace thong. “Monroe had a little too much fun in here earlier today.”

“Ew.” I laughed.

I remember him telling me they’d take turns using the main bedroom as opposed to sleeping in the bunks.

“I wish I were there lying in that bed with you.”

“Why don’t we pretend, beautiful?” He slipped his shirt over his head, showcasing his gorgeous chest and tats. The man was a work of art.

Every nerve ending in my body rose to attention. I’d planned to spend this phone call filling him in on what happened with Warren, but forgetting about everything sounded like a much better idea.

“Can anyone barge in on you right now?” I asked.

“Nope. I locked the door.”

With that, I slipped my own shirt over my head.

Holden’s mouth dropped. I guess he hadn’t been expecting me to do that. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“I just thought since I get to look at your beautiful chest, you might want to look at mine.”

“You know I love those tits, but it’s like torture since I can’t suck on them. If we’re doing this, though, I’m down, Lala.”

I began to circle the tips of my fingers around my nipples.

“Oh…it’s on, then?” Holden’s eyes filled with mischief as he moved to adjust something. He lowered the phone momentarily. “See what you did?”

He was completely hard, his marvelous cock sticking straight up in the air.

Feeling hornier by the second, I murmured, “I want to watch you stroke it.”

“Oh, you dirty girl. I fucking love it when you talk like that.” He grinned. “And of course, I’ll touch myself for you, but only if you do the same for me.”

I raised the phone to an aerial position so that he got a full view of me as I slipped my shorts down and began massaging my clit.

Holden’s head bent back as he jerked his cock up and down and groaned. “Keep the phone like that so I can watch you. That is so freaking hot, Lala.”

Closing my eyes, I got lost in our mutual masturbation.

“I’m gonna lose it,” he finally groaned.

I looked over at the screen to see the explosion of cum spurting from the tip of his cock.

I let go, too, feeling the muscles between my legs contract as I surrendered to this much-needed ecstasy after a long few days. I let out a long sigh. “That was so good.”

He panted. “We need to do that more often while I’m out here.”

“Now that I’m home, we can.”

“Yeah. Probably wouldn’t have been wise to get off to me on FaceTime while your dad could’ve popped in at any time back in Pennsylvania.”

That reminded me. I could at least tell him this part of the story right now. “Speaking of my dad…”

Holden pulled his pants up and sat straighter. “What’s up?”

“Well, he saw us hugging at the hospital, and he put two and two together.”

He shut his eyes. “Shit.”

“It’s okay. I admitted we’ve been seeing each other. He accepted it.”

“Was it really that easy, or are you holding back?”

I didn’t want to lie... “He’s concerned about your reputation, but I think that’s understandable considering you were pretty wild and always had a different girl around the last time he spent any amount of time with you.”

Holden pulled on his hair and seemed to be contemplating something.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I’d want to kill me if I were him.”

I ended up telling him about Warren getting the job in California and the fact that I’d admitted to my ex what had been going on between Holden and me.

We stayed on the phone a while longer, until I could no longer stay awake. While the future still remained uncertain, I closed my eyes to the sound of Holden’s voice, knowing that for now, moments like tonight with him were all I needed.