Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Lala

The door shut behind the redhead. When I looked back over at Holden, you could’ve heard a pin drop.

“I can explain…” he finally said.

I held my palms out and laughed. “I’m sure you could, but I don’t think I want to hear about it.”

Holden ran a hand through his thick mane of shaggy hair. “Fair point.”

Then his face turned red. Holden seemed embarrassed. It wasn’t like his history with women was a secret to any of us, so that surprised me.

“Well, that was a fucking awkward way to greet you.” He held his arms out. “Anyway, welcome to the building, Lala.”

“Thanks.” I fell into his warm embrace. “I’m so excited to be here.” My body buzzed at the contact of his chest against mine.

I could feel his heart beating fast, which was interesting. He had that delicious fresh-out-of-the-shower scent—soap and cologne—mixed with an intoxicating smell that was all his own; I remembered it from the last time we were this close—when we’d danced at Colby and Billie’s wedding.

I looked around. “Your place is exactly how I might have imagined it, Catalano.”

He cocked a brow. “Why’s that?”

“Drum set in the corner. Black furniture…”

“Please don’t say handcuffs on the bed post.”

I sighed. “That, too.”

He shut his eyes again, in apparent embarrassment, and then flashed the most beautiful smile.

I’d always had a crush on Holden. But believe it or not, it wasn’t purely physical. When we were younger, we used to talk a lot. Ryan never knew about all those private conversations. I suppose I’d had mini crushes on all of Ryan’s friends at one point or another, but nothing touched the one I had on Holden, and it had never gone away. That said, of all of my brother’s friends, Holden was the last one Ryan would have approved of for me. Holden wasn’t boyfriend material, even if women—myself included—couldn’t take our eyes off of him. Actually, Ryan had picked up on my admiration for Holden once. He’d caught me staring as Holden climbed out of our backyard pool and dried off his half-naked body one summer when we were all teenagers. My brother had warned me “not to even think about it.” Ryan loved Holden, but the idea of me and Holden together would have probably killed him—if he weren’t already dead.

“So…” Holden clapped his hands together. “Should we go next door?”

“Yeah. I’m excited to see it. Thank you again for letting me stay here.”

“Of course. Anything for Ryan’s little sister.”

“Thanks, although I’m not exactly little anymore.”

“I’ve noticed.” He smiled.

A chill ran down my spine as I followed Holden out to the hallway and watched as he opened the apartment next door for me.

I took a look around. Wow. The place was stunning.

The living room featured cream-colored leather furniture that looked brand new. A couple of chunky knit throws on the sofa and loveseat gave the space a cozy yet trendy feel. Everything smelled new. It was an open floorplan with the kitchen adjacent to the living area, and the light-colored granite countertop complemented the earth tones of the rest of the apartment.

“You guys did a great job setting this up. It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, thanks. Like I said, we’re experimenting with renting it out as an Airbnb. You got lucky that it was available.”

“I should say!” I wandered over to the kitchen. “Oh, thank God. There’s a coffee maker and pods. I was wondering if I’d have time to get coffee in the morning.”

“If there’s anything you need, I’m right next door,” he reminded me.

How could I forget?“Thank you.”

The fact that this apartment happened to be right next door to Holden’s made me nervous as much as it was comforting.

“So tell me about the geek adventures that brought you here.”

I crossed my arms. “You mean the research-project interview.”

“I’m teasing. But you are too damn smart for your own good. Always made the rest of us look like bigger idiots than we are.” He sighed. “Anyway, seriously, tell me about it.”

“It’s an interview for a research grant on the effects of dopamine in relation to Alzheimer’s disease.”

“Interesting.” He scratched his chin scruff. “Dopamine is like a sex hormone, right?”

Of course, his mind would go straight to that. “It’s a type of neurotransmitter that the body makes. It impacts how we feel pleasure. Too much or too little can affect us negatively. But yes, it is produced in response to sexual stimulation, among other things.”

“So, wait, too much dopamine can be a bad thing? It can make someone lose their mind?”

“Well, anything in excess is bad, right? But this particular study is focusing more on low levels of dopamine and the increased risk of Alzheimer’s.”

He nodded. “Ah. So the more sex someone has…the less likely they’ll get Alzheimer’s?”

I cleared my throat. “The research seems to point in that direction, yes.”

“Damn. I’m all set then. My brain will be sharp as a whistle.” Holden winked.

I rolled my eyes. “Sex does have many benefits. And very few downsides—as long as you’re careful.”

“I’m always careful,” he said, his expression sincere.

“Good.”

“Especially with Colby as an example,” he added.

Colby had impregnated his daughter’s mother during a one-night stand about five years before he met his wife, Billie. Saylor was a gift, but certainly that had been a hard lesson for all of the guys: one lapse in judgment could change your entire life.

He tilted his head. “So, tell me more about the benefits of sex.”

“Are you serious?”

“Sort of. I’m mainly enjoying watching your face turn red right now.”

I felt my cheek. “Am I?”

“A little. But really, I’m intrigued. I never think about hormones and shit and how all of that can impact someone for the long term. But good to know that sex has health benefits.”

“The increase of both oxytocin and dopamine during orgasm wipes out cortisol, which is the stress hormone.”

He nodded. “That’s why people feel so relaxed after.”

“Right.”

“But I never knew those hormones could, like, protect your brain. That’s huge.”

“Almost every decision we make—what we put in our bodies, food or otherwise—has an impact on our overall health.” I smiled. “You know what else increases dopamine levels?”

“What?”

“Music.”

“Ah. Nice. Another win for me.”

“The chills I bet you get in the middle of a great set? A lot of that is dopamine.”

“But like you said, too much can also be bad, right?”

“There are some negative side effects of too much dopamine, like anxiety, insomnia, too high of a sex drive.”

“So my memory will be perfect, but I’ll continue to go through life as a horn dog with occasional anxiety.” He nodded once. “Got it. Sounds about right.”

I laughed.

“Thanks for the education, Lala. You’re so smart.” Holden smiled. “It’s good to see you. It’s felt like forever.”

Dare I bring it up?“Yeah, I think the last time was Colby’s wedding, huh?”

“Yup.” He nodded slowly. “A year. Too damn long.”

His eyes locked with mine, and I immediately thought back to the dance he and I had shared at the wedding. Warren had disappeared to the bathroom. I’d looked up, and suddenly Holden was standing there in his place. I remember hoping to God Warren didn’t come back to find me dancing with Holden. It had been a slower song, and I didn’t want him to think anything inappropriate was happening. But maybe that’s because I was the one thinking inappropriate things. Like clockwork, the song had ended, and Holden left the dance floor right before Warren reemerged. My fiancé, therefore, had no idea that I’d just shared a dance with my childhood crush.

It was like it never happened—except for the fact that I had continued to think about it all night. I’d steal glances over at Holden and feel guilty because I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there’d been something special about that dance. Did I think Holden liked me like that? No. But his cutting in when Warren left did seem quite intentional. Maybe the sentimental feel of the wedding had gotten to him. Weddings are a huge milestone. They have a way of making you realize life is passing us all by. And I wondered if the song made him emotional about missing Ryan. Since I was the closest thing to Ryan there, maybe that was why he’d latched onto me in that moment.

“Anyway…” Holden interrupted my thoughts. “I know there are a lot of people eager to see you tonight. Colby and Billie are making dinner. They wanted me to bring you over to their place when you’re done settling in. I think we’re already late, actually.”

I rubbed my belly. “Oh my gosh. That sounds great. I’m starving. Give me just a second.”

I went to use the bathroom, then met Holden back out in the living room, and we headed over to Colby’s apartment.

Colby’s daughter, Saylor, answered the door and jumped up and down. “Lala!”

“Hi, honey! I’m so happy you remembered me.” I bent to hug her. “You’re getting so tall. I can’t stand it.”

She and I had only met a couple of times, but we’d spent some quality time together at the wedding. Saylor’s mother had never been in her life. When Colby got married, his wife, Billie, had taken on the role of her mother. It seemed to be working out great.

Saylor reached up to touch my hair. “Your hair is so curly!”

I fluffed my blond mane. “I know! It’s a crazy mess.”

“It’s wild. I love it,” Holden said from behind me.

“Thanks.” I felt a little flushed.

Billie came over to hug me. “We thought you’d never show, Lala! What took you so damn long?”

Billie was a super-cool person I was eager to get to know better. She owned the tattoo parlor in the building; that’s how she and Colby had met.

“I’m sorry!” I said. “There was tons of traffic. And then Holden was showing me the apartment.”

“I had her tied up for a while. It’s my fault.”

Wait, what?The fleeting image that conjured was quite vivid. I cleared my throat. “The apartment is beautiful. I can’t thank you guys enough for letting me stay here.”

Still dressed in a three-piece suit, Owen came over to hug me. “Are you kidding? This is Ryan’s building. There will always be a place for you here. Even if we have to kick Holden out to make room.”

“I’ll volunteer to kick his ass out myself,” Brayden said as he opened his arms to hug me next.

I’d really missed being around these guys. They reminded me so much of my brother, and I could feel Ryan here, too.

Colby was the last to appear. He’d been in the kitchen and came out holding a plate of something, which he placed on the dining room table.

“Hey, Lala!” He wiped his hands and came over to embrace me.

Shortly after that, we all sat down to a dinner of pasta, meatballs, salad, and garlic bread. Saylor proudly proclaimed that she’d arranged the salad all by herself.

During our meal, Colby grilled me a little.

“So, Lala…” he said. “Being that Ryan isn’t here, I hope you’ll understand that we have to play the role of the protective older brothers. Unfortunately, you get four for the price of one.”

“Four brothers, huh? That sounds like…a lot.” I chuckled.

“I have four uncles!” Saylor chimed in. “Three here and one in heaven.”

I smiled. “That’s true.”

“So, I have a few questions,” Colby continued. “For one, I don’t really know much about Warren. He seemed like a great guy when I met him at the wedding, but I don’t really know him. Tell me more. Why is he the one, out of all of the men in the world?”

“Oh, leave her alone.” Billie smacked his arm. “She doesn’t have to explain her feelings to anyone. You can’t always articulate what it is about someone that makes you love them. When you know, you just know.” She smiled at me.

“Sorry.” Colby shrugged. “I think it’s a fair question.”

I looked over at Holden, who stared back at me. He, like everyone else, seemed to be waiting for an answer.

I wiped my mouth, looking over at Billie. “It’s okay. He’s right. Ryan would’ve asked me that question a while ago. He would’ve insisted on spending time with Warren and vetting him.”

Brayden crossed his arms. “Okay, so why should we approve of him?”

“Well…” I paused. “He’s super smart. Funny. He truly cares about me. He makes me feel safe. He’s honest, which is very important to me…” I looked around the table.

“That’s it?” Colby chuckled.

Billie smacked his arm again. “What more do you want?”

“He’s curing cancer or some shit, right?” Owen asked.

“He’s a cancer researcher, yeah.”

Holden played with his pasta. “I don’t mean to sound stupid, but what exactly does a cancer researcher do? Like he goes into work and does…what?”

I straightened in my seat. “Well, a typical day for Warren might be putting cancer cells under a microscope and seeing how they interact with a particular organism. It takes many hours of work, trial and error, to make small gains in discovering what works and what doesn’t in terms of diminishing cell growth and therefore reducing disease burden.”

“That’s a very honorable job,” Billie said.

“He’s an honorable nerd, yeah,” Holden added.

I raised a brow. “Well, I guess we’re perfect for each other then, since that’s what you used to call me—a nerd.”

“Yeah, but you know I mean it lovingly.” Holden winked.

Colby looked between us. I hoped he didn’t sense my weird feelings for Holden. I remembered Colby watching Holden and me dance at the wedding. He’d seemed to be the only one who took notice.

After dessert, I stood from the table. “Well, I’m sure you guys have to get Saylor to bed, and I have to get ready for the interview tomorrow, so I should get out of your hair.”

Billie stood. “We need to do this all the time, if you end up getting the position. Maybe make it a weekly thing.”

I nodded. “I’d love that.”

Holden stood and accompanied me to the door.

When he opened it and went out, I looked up at him. “You’re leaving, too?”

“Yeah. Dinner’s over, right?”

I said a quick goodbye to everyone and followed Holden down the hall. We walked together back to the adjacent apartments.

Holden stopped at my door and handed me the key. Our fingers brushed together as I took them.

He stood in place for a moment, then suddenly asked, “Would you want to come in and have a drink with me?”

My stomach fluttered. Why did a simple question make me react that way? It was just a drink. But somehow anything having to do with Holden felt…dangerous. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him—or myself. I just didn’t think it was a good idea to fan the flames of whatever had been going on in my head since the second I’d arrived.

“I’d better not,” I told him. “I have a lot to unpack. And I need to be in tip-top shape tomorrow morning.”

“Right. Of course.” He looked down at his shoes. “Another time then.” He sighed. “When you get the job. You will. Because you’re Lala.”

“I wish I felt that confident.”

“You’ll do great.” He smiled, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment.

Yeah.There was undoubtedly an odd tension between us. It was the same tension I’d felt at Colby’s wedding and intermittently over the years. I just couldn’t be sure he sensed it the same way I did. I held up my hand. “Well…goodnight.”

“’Night, Lala.”

Holden waited for me to enter the apartment. After the door closed behind me, I took a deep breath in and tried to find my bearings. Relief washed over me. I’m finally alone.

I took a hot shower, which was badly needed, before drying my hair. I probably should’ve gone straight to bed after that, but I was wired. I ventured over to the refrigerator, assuming it would be empty. But I was shocked to find cream for coffee and a box of something inside. My chest tightened when I opened it to find a dozen Boston cream donuts. Ryan’s favorite. There was a sticky note on the top of the box.

Ryan says: “You got this, sis. Knock ’em dead tomorrow.”

Tears formed in my eyes. I reached for my phone.

Lala: You did that? The donuts?

Holden: Figured you needed breakfast in the morning.

Lala: You made me cry. Thank you. That was the sweetest gesture.

Holden: You’re welcome, sweetheart.

That made me tingle all over. I was a crying, tingling fucking mess. Jesus. I had a fiancé. I needed to stop reacting to Holden like this. Maybe it was just the excitement of being here. If I got the grant and came to live in the City, my emotions would settle down. And anyway, even if I didn’t have a fiancé, Holden Catalano would not be an option for me. He was every headache I didn’t need in my life. That moment we’d had at the wedding was apparently still messing with my head.

After devouring one of the donuts, I brushed my teeth and tucked myself into bed, once again impressed with the quality of this place as I felt the comfortable, memory-foam mattress beneath me. I briefly tested the sound of the alarm on my phone to make sure it would go off in the morning.

Just as I laid my head on the pillow, I heard a knock on the bedroom wall. At first I thought it was my imagination, but then it happened again.

I grabbed my phone again.

Lala: Is that you?

The three dots moved as he typed.

Holden: What are you talking about?

Then came another knock.

Lala: The knock on my wall!

Holden: What knock?

It happened again.

Lala: Did you hear that?

Holden: Of course, I did. I’m doing it.

Lala: Holden! LOL

Holden: Did you know our bedrooms are back to back?

Lala: I do now.

Holden: LOL

Lala: Oh God. I’m not going to have to listen to you “entertaining” people, am I?

Holden: I’ll try to be extra cognizant of the fact that you’re here.

Lala: Well, thank you in advance for agreeing to keep it down.

Holden: The only time it gets too loud is during sex parties. But those only happen once a month.

Lala: Sex parties?

Holden: Whips. Chains. (Handcuffs.) The whole nine. Dopamine OVERLOAD.

Is he serious?

Holden: LOL I’m just joking. No sex parties.

Lala: I never know with you.

Holden: I sort of wasted that one since I couldn’t see how red your face turned.

Lala: Sigh. I gotta go to sleep.

Holden: Okay. I won’t bother you anymore.

Lala: ’Night, Holden.

Holden: ’Night, Lala.

I forced myself to shut my eyes. I should have been practicing my interview answers as I drifted off. Instead, I imagined myself chained to Holden’s bed at a sex party.