23. Brayden

"Brayden! Carson! Is this a bromance trip?"

"Brayden! Is this how you're celebrating winning the last race of the season?"

"Carson, did he make you pay for the trip since you got second?"

"Hell no, he's the winner. He has to pay," Carson teases the woman with a camera behind her and a microphone in her hand. How they were alerted to us being at the airport so damn fast, I'm not sure.

But we just landed in a tropical paradise, and somehow, we're already dealing with the media. Most of them seem to be social-media influencers, bloggers, and not the news media, but there are a couple of news crews there.

I'd be annoyed if I wasn't so damn excited to be here with Carson. The only part that sucks is I can't pull him to me and kiss his lips anywhere other than our room. We booked a bigass suite with several rooms, so we can at least share without any suspicion, and I'm eager to get there.

When we finally get behind closed doors, my lips are all over him. I can't get enough. Don't want to.

Mine. Mine. Mine,keeps flashing through my brain, and I keep trying to tell myself it's okay that we can't tell the world we're together, but it's getting harder and harder. They still portray me as a forever bachelor, and they've started to try to link Carson to several famous women.

Some he's never met. Some he's met in passing. All wanting to pin him as a womanizer and a player. It would fit the narrative. It would give them something interesting to report during the offseason.

But here we are on our bro trip, and all I want to do is claim him. Thankfully, Jenny didn't even blink when we told her our plans for the offseason. She told us to try to relax and have fun but not too much damn fun.

I grinned at that, not wanting to be a headache for her. Jenny has been good to me, and she's by far the best agent I've ever had.

"Three months here," Carson gasps, after kissing the hell out of me and dropping to his knees to undo my shorts.

"Almost," I say, stroking through the soft strands of his hair.

He wastes no time undoing my shorts and pulling them and my briefs down, freeing my already hard cock. He strokes it slowly. Expertly. We both know each other's bodies as well as we know our own at this point, but it never gets old. Everything is still so damn exciting with him.

He envelops me in his warm mouth, and it doesn't take him long before I'm spilling down his throat and moving him to the bed to return the favor. I make him come fast and hard, gloating with my eyes when I fall onto the bed on my back next to him.

"I had the disadvantage, you know."

"How so?" I ask, knowing what we're talking about. Loving the banter back and forth. He keeps me on my toes. I didn't realize it before, but I think I was bored. Complacent. Just going through the motions.

No one really challenged me. And I'm sure it mostly came from respect, but I didn't realize how much I love the competition of it all until Carson came along and pushed every single button I have.

I'm no longer sleepwalking through my career or my life. It feels like I'm living for the first time—maybe ever.

And it's because of him.

He gives me a look, cocking his head to the side. "Seriously? I had your cock in my mouth. That's enough to make me a horny mess. I had to wait for you to come. I was ready to go off the second you put your mouth on me. Total disadvantage."

I chuckle and pull him to me, so his head rests on my shoulder. "Fine. You win."

"Damn straight," he says with a little nod of his head.

Goddamn, I love him.

My heart stutters in my chest, and I nearly gasp for air. I love him. The thought hits me hard and sure. I do. I know I do. I think I have for a while now, but I haven't let myself think about it.

"Hey, you okay?" He looks up at me worriedly.

I stare at him, opening my mouth and then slowly closing it. I don't want to scare him off. On the off chance that he may love me too, I'm not sure we should say it out loud either.

The situation sucks, but he's still a rookie.

Miles wouldn't have been fine with Jeff being gay. I know that deep in my soul. I've heard stupid-ass comments he's made over the years. He's a homophobe, through and through. When Axel and Sebastian got married, he even made a comment that he was glad they weren't on his team.

That they would have been gone.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, and I'm not sure why I've stuck around. The truth is I'm a creature of habit. I don't like change, and I don't deal with it well. And part of me likes being on the team Jeff was on. It felt like it would be a betrayal to leave.

Sensible or not, it never really mattered.

But now?

I'm not sure. Maybe I could switch teams. Hell, maybe I could be content with being done with racing. But Carson is just starting out. If he comes out now and Miles dumps him from the team, others might be hesitant to pick him up.

Stating publicly that they just couldn't fit him in, but behind closed doors, it would be more likely they don't want any type of scandal. I grit my teeth. As if being gay or bisexual is an inconvenience to any of them. Like it should be handled as a problematic thing.

I hate the world sometimes.

"Bray?"

Right. I need to stay calm. "Just thinking about what we should do first. Maybe go hang on the beach? It's a nice day."

He's studying me carefully, not believing me, but thankfully, he drops it. "We have three months here. I say we just stay in and fuck."

I chuckle, pulling him into me. "I'm old, remember? I can't go again yet."

He laughs, but then it turns kind of stoic. Both of us are quiet and lost in thought. "I hate that we can't just do whatever the hell we want, even though we're on vacation."

I squeeze him to me. "We can." I try to reassure him. "What do you want to do? Go swimming? Surfing? Snorkeling?"

He glares at me, barely lifting his head to look at me but still manages it. "You know what I mean. I want to walk on the beach with you and hold your hand. I want all the bikini-clad chicks to look the fuck away because you're mine, and they need to know they can't touch."

I snort at that. "Going all caveman on me?"

"Damn straight," he says instantly, snuggling into my side. "But I can't, and it's bullshit."

I stroke my hand over his arm and side. "I know. But we can still have a good time, and we have this suite. We have each other."

I don't feel him smiling, and believe me when Carson smiles, I can feel it. "Yeah."

"Hey," I say, trying to get him to look at me, but he won't. "It won't always be like this."

We just have to get him to a safe place in his career. Well, safer anyway. People think the world has changed, and in a lot of ways, it has, but it doesn't matter. Anything that can appear to make you "complicated" when you have a fan base can potentially fuck it all up for you.

"Yeah, but part of me just wants to say fuck it and have sex with you out on the beach."

I laugh easily but shake my head. He'd probably do that. "Yeah, somehow I don't think Jenny would approve of that coming-out method."

His finger traces over my abs. "Do you think she knows?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure. She hasn't said anything to me about it. But I wouldn't be surprised."

He smiles now. "Yeah, she's pretty smart. She's probably already working on how to fix our fuckups."

I lift his chin now, forcing him to look at me. "This isn't a fuckup."

His eyes look a little glassy as he nods slowly. "No. It's not. Not at all, but she'll see it that way. As me being an immature kid."

"Nah, she's smart. She knows better."

I kiss him hard and want to tell him how much I love him, but before my mind can make my mouth speak, he hops out of bed. "Okay then. Let's go shower and head down to the beach. If I can't walk hand in hand with you, I'm gonna need a fruity cocktail."

I grin and hop up, walking over to him to plant a firm kiss on his mouth.

I love you.

And someday, I'm going to actually say the words out loud.