Chapter One

"Sarah? I wish to speak with you before we step out into society."

Sarah, who had only just finished her preparations for her first ball of the Season, turned to look back at her mother. "Good evening, Mama," she said, calmly, all too aware of what this conversation was to be. "I am quite ready, as you see. We shall not be tardy, if that is your concern."

"No, that is not my concern," her mother answered, a little sharply. "My goodness, Sarah, is that what you are to wear about your neck? Do you not think that a string of pearls might do better than a single diamond pendant?"

Sarah kept her chin lifted and her gaze steady, aware of her mother's seeming need to be critical of something, regardless of what it was. "I am contented with this, Mama."

Her mother clicked her tongue in disapproval. "No, I think the pearls will do much better. Here, now, go and fetch the pearls and replace this pendant at once."

Sarah turned to her maid. "No, the pendant will do quite well," she said, speaking over her mother's order. "You can retire now."

Lady Harcastle threw up her hands as the maid glanced from one to the other, clearly uncertain as to whom she ought to listen to. "Whatever is the matter with you, Sarah? I am doing my best for you and –"

"I am still able to make my own choices, Mama," Sarah answered, aware that she had interrupted but continuing on regardless. "I have already given up a great deal, though you may not think it. I should like to have a modicum of independence, if I can."

Lady Harcastle sighed, shook her head and then dismissed the maid with a wave of her hand. "Very well. Now, the reason I have come to speak with you is as regards your conduct this evening."

Sarah said nothing but merely lifted an eyebrow.

"You are not to speak of anything that a young lady would not know of otherwise. I am well aware that you have done a good deal of reading of late and that you consider yourself a little more learned than the other young ladies but that is not something that you are to promote. Indeed, no-one else is to know of it, particularly not the gentlemen that you are in company with. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Mama." The desire to argue, to throw back a harsh response to her mother's demands grew heavy on Sarah's tongue but she kept it back with an effort. There would be little point in arguing. After what she had overheard that day in the library, Sarah had decided to simply agree to all that her parents asked of her – to a point, of course – while, at the same time, disobeying them completely. The books that her mother had demanded she give up had all been left at the Harcastle estate but Sarah had every intention of getting her hands on yet more books where she could. It was unfortunate that her mother had insisted on having the library here at the London townhouse locked but it had not deterred Sarah in the least. Somehow, she would find a way back to her passion for learning regardless of what her mother or father knew.

"If a gentleman asks you what interest you have, what shall you say?"

I shall tell them that I have found the nesting habits of various seabirds to be of great interest of late, Sarah thought to herself, her lips twitching as she dropped her gaze. "I enjoy painting and playing the pianoforte. I do not enjoy embroidery, though I suppose I am meant to, being a young lady of quality." She lifted her gaze back to her mother, seeing the slight narrowing of Lady Harcastle's eyes. Clearly, her mother was uncertain as to whether or not Sarah was entirely serious in this.

"You can refrain from the latter," her mother said firmly, clearly making certain that Sarah understood her entirely. "I do not understand why you think to jest with me when there is clearly so much at stake here! You have much to do and much to gain, might I remind you? This is your only chance to –"

"My only chance to gain a husband, yes, I know," Sarah interrupted, now a little more frustrated with her mother's sharp words and hard manner. "You have made this all very clear to me, Mama, and I fully understand what it is you expect."

Her mother's gaze grew a little more icy. "And do you understand what will happen if you determine to go against what your father and I have dictated? What will happen if you stray from the agreements you have made?"

Sarah held her mother's gaze without blinking, her heart beating a little more quickly as she spoke the words she knew her mother wanted to hear but which she herself did not really mean. "Mama, I know that I must not speak of my learning, I must not talk about my love of reading and must not seek out any books with which to continue on with my passion. I understand that the gentlemen of London must not have even the smallest awareness that I am a bluestocking, they must not know that I have an interest in such things and I am to hide my character completely. Instead, I must alter myself so that I am nothing more than I ought to be. I will be the entirely proper young lady who must speak only of the pianoforte, of her interest in painting and nothing more. As well as this, I must speak to the gentlemen of their desires, hearing of their interests rather than my own and must never fall into any sort of discussion with any of the gentlemen I become acquainted with. My main responsibility is only to listen to the gentlemen I speak to, in the hope that by doing so, they will find me all that they expect of a young lady."

The edge of her mother's lip curled for a moment but then flattened again, making Sarah aware that her mother was uncertain as to how to respond. Either she was unsure as to whether or not Sarah was speaking the truth in genuine acceptance or if she was speaking with a hint of irony.

Sarah did not give her more time to consider. "Shall we depart, Mama? We will be tardy otherwise and I know you will not wish to be so. It would make a very bad impression."

"Yes, I suppose it would," came the reply, as her mother, with another sharp look, finally turned towards the door. "And do not put a foot – or even a word – wrong, Sarah. You are to be a bluestocking no longer."

***

"Good evening, Lady Sarah."

Sarah chuckled as she inclined her head, smiling at her friend. "My dear Catherine, I do not think that you need to call me Lady Sarah, since last Season we were not referring to each other in such a way!"

Lady Catherine immediately smiled, her eyes warm. "I am glad to hear it! I wanted to be cautious, since it has been some time since we were in one another's company."

Sarah sighed and, turning, began to walk alongside Lady Catherine as they both dutifully followed after their mothers. "Indeed it has. I have been residing at home and did not come to London for even the little Season, much to my chagrin. My mother declared that she was quite worn out after Martha's wedding and thus, we had to rest for some months."

Lady Catherine's eyebrows lifted at Sarah's tone, and Sarah offered her a wry smile.

"You know very well that it was not because of the gentlemen here in London that I thought to escape," she laughed as Lady Catherine grinned. "You know, I am sure, that I wanted nothing more than to get to the bookshops and to the great London Library."

"Indeed, I was certain that was what you were thinking of," came the reply. "But you will be glad to be in London again now, yes?"

At this, Sarah's stomach twisted and she shook her head. "I am afraid not. My mother and father have only recently discovered my love of reading and the great learning which has come with it and, subsequently, they have decided that they are mortified to hear of such a thing and have demanded that I do not pick up another book during my time here in London… if ever again!"

"Truly?" Lady Catherine's eyes were wide with astonishment. "Why ever should they say such a thing?"

Recalling what she had overheard, Sarah dropped her gaze, a knot in her throat which still came to her every time she considered it. "I believe their words were that they did not want to have a bluestocking for a daughter. No gentleman will ever consider me, they have said, so thus, I must come to London and pretend that I am vapid and even a little insipid so as to gain what they think is the most profitable." The words were like ash on her tongue and she scowled as she spoke, feeling the kick of pain in her heart all over again.

"That is astonishing!" Lady Catherine exclaimed. "Surely you have not agreed to it?"

Sarah looked back at her friend. "If I had not, then my father would have arranged a match for me. That might not have been a particularly bad outcome, were it not for the fact that the gentleman he was considering was dreadful, both in terms of his age and his character."

Lady Catherine caught her breath and Sarah nodded slowly, confirming that this was true.

"It was a true threat, though I was not meant to have overheard it," she explained, quickly. "Therefore, I resolved that I would accept what my mother put to me and I would give up my books and my learning… while still refusing to give up my books and my learning."

Her friend frowned. "And how are you to go about that?"

"Very carefully," Sarah answered, with a small smile. "I hoped that, mayhap, our friendship might be one of the ways in which I can continue on in my reading?"

"Of course!" Lady Catherine exclaimed. "We could walk in town together and I could insist upon stepping into a bookshop and you, given your kindness, would have no choice but to come with me. Thereafter, if you found a book which you wished to purchase, I could keep it with me and when you come to take tea, for example, you could spend some time reading it there."

A sense of relief settled upon Sarah immediately. "Precisely what I was hoping for," she said, seeing her friend's eyes light up. "I do appreciate you, Catherine. You and I share an interest in reading and I am grateful for your support in this."

"I am horrified that you have been forced into this, I must say," Lady Catherine answered, slipping one arm through Sarah's. "What will you do as regards the gentlemen of London? Will you truly pretend to be nothing more than a foolish young lady who knows very little aside from how to embroider and which fashion plate is the most popular?"

Sarah winced. "I do not know what I shall do," she said, honestly. "I had not really considered that, as yet. I must do what my mother has stated, of course, for the consequences of refusing would be severe but at the same time, I cannot imagine what it would be like to either be courted by or even married to a gentleman who did not truly know who I was! That is what my mother wishes for me to do and my own heart has turned away from that idea in the strongest manner – but what else is there for me to do?"

Her friend's lips pulled to one side as she thought and Sarah waited hopefully, eager to hear what wisdom it was Lady Catherine had to offer. She had spent the past few weeks fretting over her mother's insistence that she must marry, fully aware that she could not feign frivolity throughout her Season, courtship, and eventually, her married life. However, what other option did she have? She could not disobey her mother for fear of what consequences would follow but neither could she pretend to any gentleman truly interested in her that she was unintelligent and did not vastly enjoy delving into books!

Her hopes were dashed as Lady Catherine shook her head and sighed.

"I cannot offer you any advice, I am afraid," she answered as Sarah's shoulders dropped a little. "It is a very difficult situation, I must say."

"It is," Sarah agreed, heavily, "and I do not know how I am to escape from it. I – oh!"

This exclamation came from her lips as something heavy fell on her foot, followed by a figure knocking back into her. With another cry, Sarah fell back, caught by Lady Catherine who then held onto her tightly, helping her not to collapse to the floor.

"Whatever are you doing?"

A dark, angry voice rang around Sarah's mind as she fought to try and regain her composure. Her foot was aching, embarrassment burning through her as she tried to stand but found she could not.

"What did you do, Sarah?"

Sarah tried to answer her mother who had rounded on her as though this was her doing but she could not, such was the intensity of the pain which was now creeping up her leg.

"Sarah did nothing wrong! It was this oaf who barreled into her and caused her some injury of some sort." Lady Catherine was immediately at Sarah's defense, speaking boldly despite being surrounded by a great crowd of gentlemen and ladies, many of whom started to show an interest in what was going on.

"It is nothing," Sarah tried to say, though this was followed by another exclamation as she tried to set her foot down on the floor.

"Good gracious!" Her mother, now perhaps realizing Sarah was not at fault and was, in fact, truly injured, came to clasp Sarah's other arm so that she was supported on both sides. "Might I ask what it is you think you are doing in injuring my daughter in this manner?"

The gentleman scowled, his dark green eyes narrowed, a shock of fair hair falling over his forehead. "I did nothing to injure your daughter, ma'am. It was her own foolish fault, getting in my way as she did."

" You stepped back without looking where you were going or what you were doing!" Lady Catherine cried as Sarah, still struggling with the pain, managed to nod. "In doing so, you have clearly stepped very heavily back upon this lady's foot and have injured her to the point that she is unable to stand."

"It is just as Lady Catherine says."

Sarah turned her gaze to another young lady, seeing her narrow her eyes at the gentleman.

"Both my mother and I were witness to it," she continued, as the lady next to her – the one Sarah presumed to be the lady's mother – nodded. "This young lady – "

"Lady Sarah, daughter to the Earl of Harcastle," Sarah's mother put in, as the young lady continued.

"This young lady, Lady Sarah, was injured solely because of your inconsideration and foolishness."

"And then you have the audacity to attempt to blame her for it?" the older lady added, her voice filled with an authority which appeared to set the gentleman back given the way the scowl began to lift from his face. "She did nothing wrong! All she was doing was walking through the ballroom with her friend and you were the one who behaved with idiocy and thoughtlessness. Might I suggest that you take a moment and, thereafter, apologise? Mayhap you might also assist the young lady to a chair? It is clear that your heavy foot has caused her to be unable to even walk at this moment!"

Sarah closed her eyes, her face suffused with heat. "I – I am sure that I do not need any assistance though I am grateful for your concern." She tried then to put her foot down, only to stifle yet another cry as more pain shot through her ankle.

"You see?" her mother cried, only for the gentleman to step forward.

"Of course. Permit me, if you please."

Before Sarah could protest, before she could even say a single word, the gentleman had swept her up in his arms and, with her skirts draped over his arm, he carried her bodily to the back of the ballroom. She dared not look at him, however, finding herself utterly mortified that she was being treated in such a way – and that he felt the need to do so.

"I did not mean to hurt you," he muttered, his great strides eating up the floor as gentlemen and ladies stepped out of their way, astonishment written on every face. "Might I enquire as to your name?"

Sarah forced herself to glance at him. "Did you not hear it?"

The gentleman shook his head, his fair hair sweeping close to his eyes, his square jaw set and rather tight.

"Oh." Seeing now that he was doing this so that he would not be berated by anyone or bring any stain upon his reputation, Sarah swallowed tightly. "Lady Sarah. Daughter to the Earl of Harcastle."

"I see." He waited for a moment as the footmen opened the door that led out to the hallway. "A private parlour, if you please. The lady has injured herself."

The footman nodded and led him forward and the gentleman continued on effortlessly, as though she weighed very little.

"Might… might I ask as to your name?"

The gentleman glanced at her but there was no warmth in his eyes. Instead, there was a flicker in his eyes which spoke of irritation, perhaps of anger and Sarah shrank back within herself.

"The Marquess of Downfield," he stated, though he quickly looked away from her again. "Here now. Let me set you down upon this couch and then I shall send the footmen to assist you."

Sarah was a little surprised at how gently the gentleman let her rest on the couch, though as he set her down, the scent of cinnamon and sweet pine brushed across her senses, making her stomach kick suddenly. She looked away, smoothing her skirts as quickly as she could though her mother was present beside her in a moment.

"I will take the situation in hand from here," Lady Harcastle stated, barely glancing at the gentleman. "Thank you for your assistance, though I do hope you will be a good deal more cautious in the future."

Closing her eyes briefly – though silently reminding herself that she did not need to feel any sort of embarrassment given that the gentleman was responsible for what had taken place – Sarah heard him cough quietly as though to rid himself of whatever his first response was to have been.

"But of course. Do excuse me."

He left then without another word, leaving Sarah, her mother and a concerned looking Lady Catherine together in the room.

"Mama has gone to send a footman for the doctor," Lady Catherine told her, turning her head to glance after the gentleman though he quit the room without so much as a backwards look towards her. "I do hope that he apologised profusely to you for what he did and for the blame which he then tried to place upon you?"

"I – " Sarah stopped dead, frowning as she realized that the gentleman had not said a single word of apology to her. "Now that I think of it, I do not think that he did."

"What arrogance!" Lady Harcastle exclaimed, coming to pull a small stool forward so that Sarah could turn and set her injured ankle upon it. "I would have thought that any decent gentleman might have apologised for such an action."

"He did say that he had not meant to hurt me."

"But that is no apology!" her mother exclaimed, as Lady Catherine nodded fervently. "It is a dreadful thing he has done for now you shall not be able to dance or perhaps even walk for a time! You will not be able to attend balls or soirees and will have to rest at home, I am sure of it!"

Sarah blinked, letting her gaze turn to Lady Catherine who, after a moment, let her lips twitch. "That is a great pity, Mama," Sarah murmured, now aware that Lady Catherine knew precisely what she was thinking. "But I am sure that in time, I will recover."

"I will call upon you very often in that time," Lady Catherine promised, a slight gleam in her eye. "Tomorrow, certainly! I will bring you some things to cheer your spirits as you wait to recover."

"I thank you," Sarah answered, wincing as her foot was stretched out carefully by her mother so that it now rested on the stool. All the same, she considered, despite the pain in her ankle, there was now the sudden hope that she would be given the chance to read and that Lady Catherine would provide her with the means to do so. Perhaps this gentleman, despite his foolishness, had given her some happiness for if she could read again, even for a time, then that was a most excellent thing!