Chapter Eleven

Joseph walked with Lady Louisa on his arm but felt not even the smallest hint of joy. The way she had spoken to him, the doubt in her eyes and the distrust in her expression had confirmed to him what he had already learned the previous day: he was of despicable character. He had spent the previous night and day lost in confusion, trying to hold onto his arrogance and pride and yet being forced to face the truth – that no-one in society wished to be in his company and that his character was so loathsome, he had lost not only the company of a dear friend but also his mother! If one's mother turned their back, then that was serious indeed!

"Lady Louisa, good evening."

A young lady stepped close to Lady Louisa but threw only a scathing look towards Joseph, reaching to take Lady Louisa's hand. "Do you need me to walk with you?"

Lady Louisa smiled but did not refuse the offer as Joseph had hoped. Clearly, this young lady did not want to be in Joseph's company but he himself was eager to walk alone with Lady Louisa, even if only for a short while. It was as though the world had been turned upside down in a single day, for now, not only did he yearn for her company, but also felt compelled to demonstrate that he would not resort to the very tactics he had once employed to shame her into acquiescing to his demands. It was as though, in seeing how the ton viewed him, he had been shamed into seeing just how dreadful a person he truly was. Trying to claw back some sort of vague semblance of a good reputation seemed futile but it was all he could think of to do.

"Lady Julia, permit me to introduce you to the Duke of Yarmouth."

Joseph quickly bowed though the young lady did not curtsy.

"We have already been introduced, though it was some time ago and it is clear you do not remember me, though I should not be surprised about that, given your reputation."

Joseph bristled instantly, still entirely unused to having young ladies such as her speaking to him in such a manner, though Lady Louisa was still just as blunt and forward as she had always been.

"No, you should not," she agreed, as Joseph quickly threw aside his upset, reminding himself that he had no reason to be angry at the truth being spoken to him, even if he did not like it. "However, given that he is my betrothed, please do try to be pleasant, Julia."

Lady Julia snorted. "I do not think that you should marry him, Louisa. He is not a good character and – "

"I do not think that sort of discussion is needed here," Lady Louisa broke in, surprising Joseph at her determination. "Please." She smiled, only for her gaze to go to the left of Joseph's shoulder, her smile growing. "Ah, Lord Quillon. Good evening."

A twinge of nervousness rose in Joseph's heart as he turned around to see his former friend approaching, though the gentleman did not look at him at all. Instead, he turned his attention solely to Lady Julia and to Lady Louisa, never once glancing at Joseph himself.

"Good evening." Lord Quillon bowed but still, did not look at Joseph. "How glad I am to see you both here again this evening. I must hope that your dance cards are not yet entirely filled for I should very much like to dance with you both!"

"I should be delighted!" Lady Julia was the first to offer Lord Quillon her dance card, though Lady Louisa bit her lip, clearly a little uncertain as to what she ought to do.

Joseph scowled. "If you wish to dance with Lord Quillon, despite the fact that you have already refused me, then I shall not prevent you, Lady Louisa. I shall not make a single word of protest, for, as I have said, I am very well aware as to why you do not have such a desire."

The smile that spread across Lady Louisa's face was a delightful one, though Joseph noted, it was not directed towards him. What felt like disappointment crashed over him and he closed his eyes, dropping his head as Lady Louisa handed her card to Lord Quillon. Something in him wanted her to have that same enthusiasm for his company, wanted to see her eyes light up as she gave him her card but instead, he was left with only disappointment and shame.

"I am not in the least bit surprised that you did not want to dance with the Duke, though I am grateful for your consideration of me." Lord Quillon sniffed and then glanced to Joseph for what was the first time since he had joined the conversation. "Good evening, Your Grace. Thank you for permitting your betrothed to dance with me."

"I do not give her my permission," Joseph snapped, upset at how Lord Quillon had spoken to him. "She does not require it. Lady Louisa is well able to do just as she pleases."

Lord Quillon blinked, then lifted one eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"His Grace is trying to convince me that he has altered his character somewhat, you see." Lady Louisa replied, with the boldness that he had come to expect from her. "This has only been revealed to me this evening and thus, I am more than a little uncertain when it comes to a request to stand up with him again."

Joseph closed his eyes, wishing that Lady Louisa had not spoken of such a thing to anyone. "Which I have assured you I quite understand," he said, a little harshly still. "Lord Quillon, I will repeat that I do not require Lady Louisa to ask my permission to dance with anyone. She may do as she chooses."

Lord Quillon's head tilted just a little. "An altered character, you say?" he murmured, clearly having only considered Lady Louisa's words rather than what Joseph had said. "And what has brought that about, might I ask?"

Closing his eyes and aware that there would be plenty of others around him who would be hearing parts of this conversation, Joseph's jaw tightened. "It is not something I wish to discuss here at present."

"Indeed."

Seeing the slight curl of Lord Quillon's lip and the doubt in the single word Lord Quillon had spoken, Joseph lifted his chin. "But I can assure you, I mean every word. I am sure that neither of you – the three of you, in fact – have no reason to believe anything that I say. However, be that as it may, I am determined to prove myself to all of you."

Lord Quillon looked away, turning his attention to Lady Julia. "A very swift change of heart, it seems."

With a harsh clearing of his throat, Joseph practically demanded that Lord Quillon's attention returned to him. "Yes, I will admit that it has been. Though that might be expected, when one loses not only one's closest friend but also the love of their own mother. In addition, when one realises that the ton as a whole has turned against him and that the only young lady who might give him even a modicum of her attention is the one now forced into a betrothal with you, then yes, that might well bring about a change of heart… or a new realisation as to just how dreadful a character one has."

This speech not only brought about a turning over of Joseph's heart as he spoke words of truth and hard realizations but also made Lord Quillon, Lady Julia and Lady Louisa stare at him with wide eyes, none of them speaking for some moments. Joseph, flushing hot, ran one hand over his hair and then turned away, choosing to step away from Lady Louisa entirely. He had no expectation that Lord Quillon would believe him, expecting instead that his friend would not be able to trust his words, just as Lady Louisa had done. Lady Julia's opinion he did not know but he was fairly certain that it would be similar to the other two. An uncomfortable prickling ran down his back as he walked away, certain that three sets of eyes were fixed to him but Joseph did not turn his head.

Suddenly, the only place he wanted to be was at home, away from the scrutiny of others, away from the dark looks which chased after him, from the dislike he felt pouring out of Lady Louisa and even Lord Quillon. Shame was not a feeling that he often endured but at this moment, it appeared to be practically pouring over him, soaking him through. Dropping his head, Joseph hurried to the door, out into the dark night and without even summoning his carriage, began to walk in the direction of home.