Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

TRISTAN

After we returned to the tour, Emily went to her bus, and I went to mine to face the fire of my bandmates.

"So, like, what does this mean?" our interim keyboardist, Melvin, asked. "You're not getting the surgery, so it's just gonna keep getting worse?"

"Not necessarily. I'm trying to manage it-resting my voice when I don't have to use it. So all this talking right now isn't really helping me."

"Why not just get the damn surgery?" Atticus challenged.

I didn't want to admit I was scared. But that was the truth. "There are risks to that, and I need to do more research. I'm seeing my doctor when I get to L.A."

Atticus shook his head. "I don't understand why you haven't talked to me about this before."

"He talked to me ," Ronan added.

Atticus glared at him. "That makes it ten times fucking worse," he spewed. "You open up to him about this and not me?"

"I just didn't want to alarm you. Ronan confronted me about it. That's the only reason I told him. I couldn't lie once he asked me a direct question."

"I notice everything while you guys have your heads stuck in your asses." Ronan raised his chin at me. "I also noticed Tristan getting out of a car today with Emily, though he's trying to convince me nothing is going on there. Might explain where he's been for the past day."

Atticus's eyes widened. "Emily the hot roadie?"

That comment irked me to no end. He'd better not have any freaking ideas about her. I'd kill him if he so much as thought about making a move on Emily.

"Yes. That Emily. But there's nothing going on," I lied.

Atticus flashed me a suspicious look. "You were with her the entire time you were gone?"

It made no sense to deny where I'd been, though I wouldn't be telling them anything else -more for Emily's privacy than my own.

"She grew up an hour away from here. I went to her house to get away from the tour for a while," I explained. "She knew I'd canceled and offered me a safe place to decompress."

" She knew you canceled the show before we did?" Ronan frowned.

"So what? She doesn't have a vested interest in anything. I felt comfortable talking to her about what was going on. She and I are cool like that."

Atticus shook his head. "You expect me to believe there's nothing going on between you and her?"

"I expect you to realize that it's none of your freaking business what I do."

"Well, no wonder you haven't been interested in anything lately besides retreating to your room after the show. Probably jerking it to thoughts of Emily," he chided.

I shook my head. "I need to be done talking now. I have to rest my voice."

No one argued with that as I headed past them to my bedroom in the back. Lying on the bed, I closed my eyes and vowed not to speak until we got to the next city.

I still couldn't believe what happened with Emily, the way she'd made the first move. Today shouldn't ever be repeated, but I couldn't possibly regret one of the best and hottest moments of my life. Who would've thought less was more? Holding back like I had, limiting myself to only pleasuring her, was one of the most erotic things I'd ever experienced.

And right now? I was so damn hard, I thought I might explode. It was a miracle I hadn't escaped to her bathroom and fucked my hand. But now I couldn't concentrate on anything else; all I wanted to do was taste her again. It had taken everything in me not to lower my mouth to her sweet pussy, but she'd given me more than I could've imagined to begin with.

Tonight I'd fantasize about what it would've been like to have more, to fuck her the way I wanted to. I'd already decided I shouldn't go there, though. Having sex with someone like Emily-someone I truly cared for-felt too intimate. It would mean something to me. And I couldn't afford to get feelings involved when I knew things would end as soon as the tour was over.

The bus lurched forward and began to move as we started toward the next city.

Having to endure the ride without getting to see or touch Emily would be torture. I wouldn't have minded exploring Shady Hills with her for days. Exploring her for days. Not sure her mother would appreciate my hanging around, though. How long could we keep her believing there was nothing going on? Pretty sure she knew better already.

I decided to call Emily's cell.

She picked up after a few rings. "Hey."

"Just checking in with you."

"I'm glad you did. How did it go talking to the guys?"

"It went okay. What choice do they have but to accept it? I'm glad the talk is over with."

"You shouldn't be talking to me. You need to rest your voice."

I sighed. She was right. "Will you text with me, then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Hanging up." I scrolled down to her name on my phone.

Tristan: Hi, Emily.

Emily: Hi, Tristan.

Tristan: Do anything interesting today?

Emily: You might say that.

Tristan: I'm still mad you wouldn't switch buses and stay with me tonight. Now I'm cuddling with Duffy and not you.

Emily: Duffy?

I looked over at the worn, gray stuffed toy I'd had since I was a kid.

Tristan: My ratty teddy bear from childhood. Where I go, he goes. The guys have given me a lot of shit for that over the years. But he's my good-luck charm.

Emily: That's actually adorable.

Tristan: Adorable for a nearly thirty-eight-year-old man to be sleeping with a teddy bear? Not sure. But I don't give a shit. It's the one thing I have from home, and he's sticking with me.

Emily: I can only imagine the things poor Duffy has witnessed.

Tristan: Thankfully, one of his eyes is coming loose. So he can't see very well.

Emily: Oh, that's good. LOL

Tristan: He wishes you were here on the bus with us, though.

Emily: I'd be safer on the BDSM bus.

I grinned.

Tristan: Ah yes, the BDSM bus and magic mushrooms.

Emily: Pretty sure the only magic mushroom is in your pants.

I bent my head back in laughter.

Tristan: I think you're right. And boy, you are fucking sassy tonight. I love it. Definitely seeing different sides of you today, literally and figuratively. ;-)

Emily: If today taught me anything, it's to stay on my own bus.

Tristan: Ouch. Am I that scary?

Emily: You're that good. And therein lies the problem.

Tristan: I barely showed you how good I am. I wanted to do more, but I need to be careful with you. I also don't trust myself not to take it too far.

Emily: I had no business messing around with you.

Tristan: Why do you keep saying that? We make the rules. And if I had my way, you'd be on this bus right now.

Emily: Didn't you have enough to explain to them today? You want to add why I'm suddenly traveling with you?

Tristan: I don't care what they think; although, I did deny anything between us when they asked earlier. But that was mainly to protect you. I didn't think you'd want them to know.

Emily: They suspected something?

Tristan: Ronan caught me with your scrunchie before. He also saw us getting out of the car together today.

Emily: I could get fired if they think we have something going on.

Tristan: I'll fire anyone who tries to fire you. There's no one who'd go against me. Plus, we don't have a company policy against dating people on the tour.

Emily: Have you ever dated anyone on one of your tours?

Shit.

Tristan: Never seriously.

Emily: You fucked someone who worked on a tour, then?

I sighed. I didn't want to lie to her.

Tristan: I had a thing with our former PR person. The one before Veronica. Last time we were in Europe.

Emily: I see. So this is what you do-hook up with people on tour.

Fuck .

Tristan: You asked me a question. I was honest. Don't use my answer as an excuse to minimize what's happening between us. I've been with a lot of women. That's not news. None of that has anything to do with you and me.

Emily: You and me? What am I to you exactly?

She'd given me an opportunity, and I didn't want to fuck it up. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before typing.

Tristan: You feel like home to me. You've felt that way from the moment I met you, even when you were a stranger. I'm still trying to figure it out.

When she didn't respond, I feared I'd said too much. But that didn't stop me from continuing.

Tristan: Every time I'm around you, I feel like myself, the person I was before all of this craziness happened. I love how honest you are. You make me smile. And you make me wish I had all the time in the world to figure out how to make you happy. Because when you smile at me, it brings me joy. I don't understand what's happening here. But I like you. More than I've liked anyone in a very long time.

The dots moved around longer than normal, but she finally texted back.

Emily: You make me smile too.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Tristan: And sometimes I make you moan. Thank you for letting me do that, by the way.

Emily: Pretty sure I should be thanking you.

Tristan: I'd love the opportunity to do it again, even if you don't seem to think it's a good idea.

Emily: You were the one who said we needed to stop at kissing.

Tristan: I can be swayed.

Emily: It's not a good idea.

If she had doubts, I had to take a step back.

Tristan: No pressure from me. Just know my door is always open if you decide you need me.

Emily: Everyone else in the world has the passcode to your room, so why not me, right?

Tristan: I can't tell if you're mad or joking.

Emily: I'm smiling.

Tristan: Phew.

Emily: You should try to rest.

Tristan: Yeah, you're right. But just know that as I close my eyes, I'll be thinking of you-what we did and what we didn't do. And that will probably keep me up.

Emily: Goodnight, Tristan.

Tristan: 'Night, Emily. Sweet dreams.