Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

EMILY

I couldn't tell you what came over me.

Was it the way he was looking at me-like he wanted to devour me-or just the way I'd been feeling about him for so long? What made me lose control like that?

But after I leaned in, I stopped short of actually placing my lips on his.

Instead, I chickened out and retreated, stumbling on my words. "I lied when I said I wasn't interested in you. I just don't want to be. It's dangerous and can't go anywhere and-"

He grabbed my wrist. "Were you just about to kiss me, Emily Applewood?"

"I considered it."

"Why the fuck did you stop?"

"Because I thought better of it."

"You mean you let your mind get in the way of what you really want?"

I shook my head and moved my gaze away from him. "I can't want you, Tristan."

"But you do. Is that what you're saying?"

When I didn't answer, he placed his hand on my chin until I looked him in the eyes. Even that little bit of contact made me weak in the knees.

"Emily, I told myself I wasn't allowed to kiss you. That I wasn't going to do something that made you think I wanted more from you than your friendship. But you wanting to kiss me ? That's a fucking game changer." He licked his lips. "Lean in again. This time, I'm gonna catch it."

Unable to resist, I succumbed to the magnetic force between us, leaning in halfway. The next thing I knew, Tristan had wrapped his big hands around my face, his calloused fingers firmly against my cheeks. My body went weak against the couch as he leaned over me, pressing his lips to mine and pushing his tongue inside. Oh. I sighed into his mouth, relishing the reciprocal groan that vibrated over my tongue, the warm heat of his breath traveling down my throat.

The muscles between my legs contracted as he circled his tongue around mine. My body caught fire.

The kiss grew deeper, more frantic as my panties grew wetter by the second. I had never experienced this level of sexual excitement before, where I'd wanted someone so badly that nothing else in the world seemed to matter. Raking my fingers through his thick, messy mane of hair, I was desperate for more.

As if he could read my mind, Tristan flipped me around to straddle him.

He looked up at me, his beautiful blue eyes drunk with desire. "You are a fucking dream, Emily."

Between my legs, I felt the heat of his massive erection through his pants. That should've been my signal to rip myself away from him, but instead I bore down, pressing my clit into his bulge as he throbbed beneath me. Unable to control my need, I gyrated my hips to feel more of him. This had to be what taking a drug felt like. Because even though everything in me said to move my body off of his, I couldn't. It felt too good. I couldn't stop if my life depended on it.

"That's it. Grind against me. Do whatever you want. Use me for your pleasure." He groaned. "Fuck."

As my hips moved faster over his crotch, I kissed him with equal fervor. Tristan tasted divine as I savored every inch of his hot tongue. I tightened the muscles between my legs to keep from coming, all the while feeling selfish for using his body to satisfy my starvation. It had been so long since I'd been touched and forever since I'd been touched by a man. I'd only ever been with boys. This felt different. Much different.

A moment later, he flipped me back around to hover over me on the couch. He looked deeply into my eyes. "When was the last time you had sex?"

"Two years ago," I panted.

"That's a long fucking time. Who was it?"

"A guy from college. It was horrible. I didn't even come."

"And before that?"

"Jacob." I swallowed. "He was my first and the only other person."

He closed his eyes, seeming conflicted. My heart raced as I waited for him to say something.

Tristan finally opened his eyes again. "I'm not having sex with you. But I want to make you come. I want to watch your face and experience every second of you coming apart. I want to make you forget everything that's ever bothered you. Will you let me do that?"

Having completely lost my inhibitions, I nodded, desperate for whatever he was willing to give me.

"Are you sure your mother won't come home?"

"She won't. She can't leave work."

"Can we go to your room, just to be on the safe side?"

"Yes." I would've gone anywhere he wanted just to have his mouth back on mine again.

Taking his hand, I led him down the hall to my bedroom. I locked the door behind us and we tumbled onto the bed. Tristan put his gorgeous, tattooed arms on either side of me. Then he lowered himself to kiss me. Once again, I was lost in his breaths, his taste, the friction of our mouths. His erection pressed into my abdomen as our kiss deepened. Pulling his hair, I felt starved for more.

"You're so fucking hungry for it, Emily, aren't you?"

"Yeah," I muttered, bending my head back as he sucked on my neck.

"Me too. And I can't wait to devour you."

Allowing myself to get lost in him was wrong. I'd regret it tomorrow. As far as I was concerned, though, that was a problem for future me. Current me was too damn busy.

Until now, I hadn't realized how different it would feel to be with a man, how much more my body could react just from kissing him, from the feel of his scruff against my face, from his deep groans. I'd only gotten a taste today, and already I couldn't imagine ever being satisfied by anything less than this.

Jacob had been practically a kid when we were together. We were both over eighteen when we'd had sex, but very inexperienced. And the guy I'd slept with in college was completely forgettable. Tristan had me practically orgasming from kissing. I didn't know my body was capable of feeling so sensitized. It couldn't possibly get better than this.

With our lips still locked, Tristan slid one of his hands down to unbutton my jeans. Even the feel of his hand was enough to set me ablaze. He slid my pants down, and I worked to kick them off. Then I felt his warm palm cup me through my underwear. I jerked my hips, pressing my clit into his hand. He moved his palm in firm circles, never interrupting our kiss.

He slipped a finger into my panties, then another until three of his fingers were inside of me. "Oh God," he mumbled as he moved his fingers in and out, fucking me with one hand while the other squeezed my breast through my shirt.

"I can't believe how fucking wet you are." Rubbing his fingers along my clit, he spread my wetness around. "That feel good?"

I could hardly speak. "Ye…yes."

While I respected his decision not to rush into anything, I would've given anything to feel his cock moving in and out instead of his fingers. But Tristan had drawn a line. I was equally disappointed and grateful, since I was apparently not able to make responsible decisions today.

He fucked me with his fingers faster as he kissed me harder, never taking his lips off mine. My breathing quickened; I felt ready to lose it. But Tristan stopped kissing me suddenly. Cold air replaced the heat on my mouth as I yearned for the return of his lips.

He lowered his gaze to his hand, watching the way his fingers moved in and out of me.

"You have the most magnificent pussy. I wish you could see how beautiful it is." He pressed the thumb of his opposite hand against my clit as he sank his fingers in as deep as they would go. Then he began moving them. "Listen to that, how wet you are."

While I never wanted this to end, I felt myself coming undone.

As my breathing became more labored, he rasped, "Let go. Come all over my hand, baby. I want to watch you come."

Those words pushed me over the edge. The muscles between my legs tightened around his fingers, his thumb pressing into my clit as a powerful orgasm ricocheted through my body. It was euphoric, and he was so right, because in those seconds, not a single thing mattered in the world-not Henry nor Jacob dying, not any of the guilt I knew would come. It was just me and Tristan-his touch and his taste, our mutual desire causing me to lose all sense of reality, all sense of right or wrong.

He stayed with me until my muscles pulsed the last few times.

"That was so fucking beautiful," he whispered.

I could hear the wetness as he pulled his fingers out of me. My eyes followed as Tristan brought his fingers, covered in my arousal, to his mouth. He licked them clean as if it was the best thing he'd ever tasted. That made me tingle all over, nearly reviving my need to orgasm.

"I think I just found my new addiction." He slid his tongue across his bottom lip. "Fuck drugs. I could get high off that ."

I reached up to thread my fingers through his hair. "You sure know how to make a woman lose her damn mind."

"Feel good now?"

"I don't remember the last time I felt this good, Tristan."

"Good." He lowered himself and enveloped my mouth with his, groaning over my lips. "Don't let me do anything more than that to you. Because once I fucking start, I won't be able to stop."

"Not sure I'm a very good influence, considering I'm the one who reached out to kiss you and started all this."

We lay across from each other in silence for a while.

"You surprised the hell out of me when you leaned in," he finally said.

"I surprised the hell out of me . But I agree, this can't be a thing. I just had…a moment. I've wondered what it would be like to kiss you for a while. I wasn't expecting the rest. But we can't do any of it again."

He groaned. "No way I can go through life without kissing you again. But I'll find a way to control myself beyond that."

I knew better. The more we were around each other, the more dangerous it would be. No way would I be able to resist doing more with him if he tried.

What have I done?

Reality came crashing down. My throat felt parched as I swallowed. "I don't like this feeling." Not sure I meant to say that aloud.

His brows drew in. "What feeling?"

"The after . It was amazing in the moment. But the after? The after will kill me. I'll be thinking of what we did all night tonight."

He pulled me toward him. "Then ride on my bus with me, so neither of us has to be alone thinking about it."

My eyes widened. "Are you crazy? How are we supposed to get away with that?"

"I'll make up an excuse as to why I need you there, if you want. But fuck what they think. I want you with me."

"You're gonna make up an excuse as to why you need me in your bedroom ?" I laughed. "And what gullible people are going to buy said excuse?"

"I don't really give a fuck if they do or don't."

"Well, I do," I insisted.

He wrapped his hand around my hip. "The entire time here with you, I've barely thought about my voice. When I'm with you, I forget everything else and just enjoy being in the present. All I want to do is talk to you, look into your eyes, and now…kiss you and touch you. Bring you to orgasm. There's nothing else I care about at the moment."

I smiled sadly. "Becoming dependent on someone to forget about your problems isn't healthy."

"That's not why I want to be around you. Forgetting the bad shit is a result of being happy and present."

"I won't be around forever, Tristan. And I shouldn't get close to you like this."

"Says who?"

Of course, he didn't understand why I'd messed up so terribly in crossing the line with him. There was a lot he didn't understand about me. But rather than explain further, I looked over at the time. "We're gonna be late. We have to get back to the bus."

Tristan reluctantly got out of bed. He looked concerned as he watched me gathering my things.

"Hey." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "You alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." My stomach felt unsettled. Surely he could tell I was lying.

But even I couldn't pinpoint, nor articulate, what exactly was bothering me. It was so many things. The fact that I hadn't been honest with him. The fact that I wanted nothing more than to stay in this cocoon with him forever. The fact that seeing all those women throw themselves at him would be a lot harder now that my heart was involved. The fact that I might've had sex with him if he hadn't been so in control of the situation today. The list was endless. This was not at all where I was supposed to end up when this tour began.

As Tristan and I waited for our ride outside my mother's house, he rested his chin on the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be held by him, allowed myself to feel safe and cared for during this last moment of peace away from the tour.

Because I knew in my heart that everything had just gotten a whole lot more complicated.