23. TWENTY-THREE

TWENTY-THREE

" A re you asleep?" Declan asks maybe an hour later.

"No," I say, opening my eyes. "I'm too nervous to sleep…like in the hotel in Vegas."

"Well, come here. Let me roofie you."

"No. Fuck no."

He laughs. "I'm kidding, Teagan. But come here…curl up in my lap, kitten."

Holding the blanket around my shoulders, I slip out of Luca's arms and cross the aisle to Declan, sitting in his lap and resting my head against his collarbone, in that space right under his chin.

"That's better," he says. "What's going on in your head, Teag?"

"A lot. What do you want to know?" I ask.

"Everything. Always."

I sigh. "I'm thinking about my family. I know they don't need me, and they'll be okay without me…I just hope that it doesn't hurt them too much. And I'm scared…because this is all I've wanted for months, and it seems like it was too easy. It seems too good to be true. For a minute, I even thought that maybe if I fell asleep, I'd open my eyes, and I'd still be at Rancho San Flores, and the real Sebastian—the one who works there—would come in and hand me a cup full of pills and close the door. How terrifying is that?"

"This is real, honey," he says. "But if you still need help with that—if you need medication or someone to talk to—we can figure that all out when we get there; I'll take care of you. And maybe this part was easy, but it was all so hard for you for months, and you deserve a break. You deserve rest now, just like you said."

"I'm thinking about Sebastian, too."

"I figured. So am I."

"Do you like him?" I ask.

Declan laughs, running his fingers through my hair and kissing the top of my head.

"What? Why's that funny?"

"I don't know," he says. "It's just…so very you. Yeah, Teagan, I like him. Because of you, I got the answer to a question that's haunted me my entire life…even if it wasn't a good one. It's still better than nothing."

I refrain from telling him that I know exactly what he means.

"What'd you guys talk about last night?"

"We didn't, really," he says. "I tried, but he was quiet and evasive. I could tell he didn't like it, so I just…sat there."

"Yeah, that sounds right."

He twirls one of my curls around his finger. "When we get to Caracas, we're going to have to cut your pretty hair off, Teagan."

"Will you still think I'm pretty?" I ask.

Declan kisses my lips. "Of course I will, baby."

"Then I'm okay with it." I kiss him again, moaning as my tongue explores his mouth before pulling his lip through my teeth. I pull the knife from my pocket and hand it to him. "Let's just do it now. I actually haven't done any more murders with this one, so it should still be nice and sharp."

"All right," he says, kissing me quickly. "Come on."

He takes me to the small bathroom in the back of the plane and closes the door behind us. I face the mirror, and he stands behind me, gathering my curls in his fist and pulling it taut.

"I'm going to cut it right here, okay?" He pulls it a little tighter and holds the knife just at the base of my neck.

"Oh…kay."

It almost comes out as a moan. We make eye contact in the mirror, and he raises an eyebrow. "Is this turning you on, you little slut?"

"Maybe…"

"Hold still," he says, pressing his erection into my backside. "I'd hate for this knife to slip, wouldn't you?"

"It'd be awfully messy," I tell him.

"Mmhmm," he says, pulling my earlobe through his teeth. "Like your sweet little pussy."

He wraps my hair around his fist another time and leans in, smelling my hair before pulling it back harder and sawing through the curls. The blade easily hacks through my long, dark hair.

Declan looks at it clutched in his fist and says, "Well, now I regret not putting you on your knees first. I'm going to miss holding onto that." He drops the hair into the sink in front of me. "How does it feel?"

I run my hands through it, shaking it out a little. More loose pieces fall to the floor. "Weird," I say, turning to face him. I reach down the front of his sweats and wrap my hand around his cock. "I bet there's still enough to get ahold of, though. Do you want to find out?"

Declan wipes each side of the blade on his shirt before pointing the tip to my throat, a slight smile playing on his lips. He runs the flat side down my throat and over my clavicles before flipping it over. My skin stings as he leaves three barely-there cuts near my sternum. I pump his cock in my hand while blood pools in the wounds before dripping down my cleavage. He watches it disappear below the neckline with a feral look in his eyes before slicing my tank top down the middle.

"Declan!"

It happens so fast that I jump backward.

"I can buy you new clothes," he says. "Get on your knees, Teagan. It's only fair."

I drop to my knees, wrapping my lips around his deliciously thick cock, licking the tip before sucking the head into my mouth. I trace every inch of it with my tongue while taking it deep into my throat, working it with my fist while I bob my head, taking him deep enough to make my eyes water.

"Fuuuuck, Teagan," he groans. I look up at him, my watery blue eyes meeting his dark, hooded gaze. He leans against the countertop, gripping it tightly with both hands, letting me work him for a few minutes before putting his hands through my hair on either side of my head and gripping it tight, testing it out.

And what do I do? I moan around his dick.

"Yeah, this will still work just fine," he says, fucking into my face. "Just gotta get a tighter grip—that's all."

I move my hand away from his cock, allowing him to thrust deeper into my throat over and over—slowly and then faster—until he pulls me to my feet. He kisses me, his tongue slipping past my lips as he starts to pull my shorts over my hips.

"Declan, wait," I say, grabbing his wrists.

"What's wrong, kitten?" he asks, kissing my neck. It's almost impossible to think when he does that.

"I…it's just…I had sex with Sebastian in the car."

"Mmm…I see," he says, sliding my shorts and underwear over my hips until they fall to the ground. "That doesn't deter me, so are you trying to tell me you don't want me to fuck you now, or are you just letting me know why your thighs are so sticky?"

"Um…I guess the second one."

"Good," he says before lifting me onto the edge of the counter. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he grasps my legs under my knees and pushes his cock inside me.

"Ahh!"

"You feel so fucking good, Teagan. I'm not mad at my brothers for wanting to fill your tight little pussy with cum. Your perfect body was made for this, baby."

His thrusts are hard yet slow and deliberate. He takes his time dragging his cock almost completely out of my pussy before slamming back into me.

"Declan," I moan. "I love you. Don't…don't stop. Don't leave me again."

"I'll never leave you," he rasps, increasing his pace. "Never."

"I'll…oh my god…I'll…fucking kill you."

He groans loudly. "I know you will."

"Oh, fuck, just like that. Don't stop. It feels so good…I'm gonna…"

I move my hands from around his neck to the counter, gripping the sides and spreading my legs wide. I let my head fall back and scream his name when I come.

"Declan!"

I whimper as the spasms wrack my body, still tight in his hold.

"You're such a good fucking girl, Teagan," he says. "You're so perfect, kitten. I love how you feel coming on my dick."

His hands travel up my thighs from the space under my knees until he reaches my ass, gripping each cheek hard in his hands while he comes. I wrap my legs around his back and my arms around his neck again, burying my face in his shoulder until he finishes.

"I love you, Teagan," he says, kissing the side of my head.

"I love you, too."

"I'll get you something to wear. Do you want my clothes or your clothes?"

"Yours," I tell him.

"Okay. I'll be right back."

After he leaves the bathroom, I climb down from the counter and clean myself up. I forget about the hair until I see it there in the sink.

It's a weird feeling.

"Don't be mad at me," Declan says when he sees me staring at it.

"I'm not."

He helps me into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and then we return to the main cabin. I wrap that same blanket around my shoulders, and before I can sit in the seat next to him, he pulls me into his lap again.

"Declan?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I can't stop hurting people?" I ask him. "What if I can't stop fantasizing about all of the ways I could kill people with just the things in the room? I've done it—or I've almost done it—so many times. It doesn't feel bad anymore. I'm not good."

"I do it, too, Teagan. Not quite like that—but I do. After I killed for the first time, all I thought about was doing it again. I'd be walking down the street and thinking, what would happen if I pushed this person in front of a bus? No one could stop me. I could make it look like an accident. Participating in the rituals sated it momentarily, but ultimately, only made the urge stronger. Killing doesn't help. But what you ultimately want is to be free, right?"

"Well…yeah."

"If you let your violent urges control you, you aren't free," he says. "And you won't be free; we'll get caught. But I'll make your life easy, and you can cut me whenever you want."

"I can?"

"If you're sad or you're hurting, you can take it out on me. I owe you that. If you need it, you can have it. I told you—you can have whatever you want from me. Maybe we can make up a new game."

"Like what?"

"You want to hurt me? I want to hurt you, too, Teagan. I told you I got hard seeing you on that roof—and you know what it did to me when I cut you in that hotel bathroom."

I swallow hard. "Yeah, I do."

"So…we'll learn boundaries. It'll be fun."

I nod. "Yeah…yeah, okay."

"Good girl." He nuzzles his face against mine before kissing my lips. "Is there anything else you're worried about?" he asks.

"Yeah…one more thing," I say, looking at Luca. "He doesn't look good. He's sweating."

And it's cold in the cabin, too.

"It's the drugs," Declan says. "The mood swings, too—he'll be okay. I'll give him a little more when he gets up. We'll get him through it, Teagan. He's young and strong. We have a doctor in Grodno, and we'll do it right."

"Okay."

"You should try to sleep. We'll be there soon."

"Maybe if you sing to me, I'll be able to sleep," I tell him.

He laughs. "You want me to sing? I don't think I've sung anything since we recorded your song."

"You said I could have whatever I wanted."

"Mmm…okay, true. What do you want me to sing?"

"Something I've never heard before."

"Teagan's so pretty. I love her a lot. While she's asleep, I take pictures of her butt," he sings.

I laugh hard. "Now I guess I know why Luca writes the songs."

"What? I thought it was pretty good."

"Do you really do that?"

"Nah. Only like…twice. Seven times max," he says. We both laugh, trying to stay quiet so as not to wake Luca. When it finally dies down, he says, "I haven't laughed in a long time. I missed you so much, Teagan."

"I missed you, too."

"Close your eyes, kitten. By this time tomorrow, everything's going to be different. We'll all be okay."

"No more beige," I whisper, closing my eyes.

"No, baby. No more beige."