22. TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY-TWO
T he shoes are uncomfortable. I feel like I'm in my own normal human costume in the tulle A-line dress. My hair hangs down my back in loose curls with a headband braid in the front. None of my scars are visible; all of my bruises have healed.
The ones on the outside anyway. As for the rest…just when I think they're getting better, something new comes along and presses on it.
"Hey, Teagan. It's good to see you."
"Good to see you, too," I tell the person I don't remember ever seeing in my life as they sign the guestbook. "Thanks for coming."
This isn't a job. It's a nonjob. It's the job you give someone just so they can feel included and the worst job for someone with my personality. Given the circumstances, I'll keep my complaints strictly confined to internal monologue.
"Thanks for being here," I say to another couple signing the book while awkwardly standing over them.
"What's that?" the girl asks, pointing to the table beside us.
"Oh, the message in a bottle? It's to leave a note for Blake and Austin to read on their first wedding anniversary."
"Aw, that's cute."
I smile and nod. "Yeah, so cute."
Kill me now.
Oh wait, I guess that'll really happen later.
After I watch them write a note and drop it into the bottle, I check the clock. Ten minutes. The wedding starts in ten minutes. There are maybe a handful of seats still empty, including the two beside my parents that were saved for me and Sebastian. I haven't seen him yet, and I'm getting nervous. What if he changed his mind?
My heart rate spikes, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
Just as I start to panic, he walks up wearing a black suit and a white button-up shirt—a better normal human costume than even Luca, especially considering not only is he not normal, but if you ask him, he's not even a human.
He says nothing before leaning over the table beside me and scribbling something onto the parchment for the message in a bottle. I cross my arms in front of me and look away before he calls my attention back.
"Hey, Teagan. How's this?" he asks, holding up the parchment.
I KILLED YOUR SISTER.
I stifle a laugh, looking around to make sure no one is watching before snatching it from his hand.
"You cannot put that in there," I whisper.
"Why not?" he asks. "You think it's funny."
Using one of the candlesticks Blakely hates, I light the paper on fire, watching it burn down to my fingertips before letting it fall to the sand. "I don't think that's the kind of thing she will want to be reminded of on her wedding anniversary."
I let it burn until there's nothing left but smoldering embers and then stomp it out with my heels. When I look up, he's staring at my dress.
"You don't like it," I say.
He places his hand on my waist and runs his fingers over one of the embroidered flowers. "That's not true. That's not what I was thinking."
"I don't want to know what you were thinking—"
"I was just thinking that it doesn't look like something you'd pick for yourself. And you deserve to have everything that you want. But you look beautiful, Teagan—just as beautiful as the first time I saw you."
I cock my head to the side, narrowing my eyes at him. The first time that he saw me, I was covered in blood in a filthy men's restroom.
"I know what I said. I know when it was," he adds.
"Teagan, you two can come sit now," my mom says. "Nice to see you, Sebastian. Thanks for coming."
"Thanks for having me," he says. "Everything looks great."
When she turns around, I shake my head at the killer beside me.
"Wait," I say as he starts to follow.
I quickly scribble onto one of those scraps of parchment, I hope you get everything you want. Love, Teagan.
I stuff it in the bottle, and we rush to our seats as everyone takes their places. A pianist plays "You Are In Love" by Taylor Swift, and everyone stands, waiting for Blakely to walk down the aisle onto the beach in a lace gown.
My parents and her bridesmaids cry as she makes her way to the altar; my mom reaches for me and clasps my hand in hers.
When she reaches Austin and we sit, Sebastian places his arm around my shoulders.
"How does the room look?" I whisper. "Did you take a picture?"
He leans into me, kissing my neck before whispering into my ear, "Convincing while not entirely obvious—nothing over the top. Got rid of the De Rossi cum sheets, too. And no, I didn't take a picture."
"Can I see it?"
"No, you'll mess it up," he says. "I already put your stuff in the car."
"I think it will be a relief for them…that it's over. Don't you think?"
He hesitates before answering. "Yeah, sure."
"I've been a burden to them. They can move on with their lives."
"I think maybe they'll stop seeing it that way," he says into my neck. "I think they'll miss you."
My mom nudges me, giving me a side-eyed glare, and I shut the fuck up.
The ceremony itself is short, followed by a reception under the same open-air tent where we had the rehearsal dinner last night. Luckily, for me, enough people canceled on Blake and Austin last minute that it wasn't an issue seating Sebastian. I catch looks from both of my parents as he speaks that seem to say now why couldn't you have met a guy like this six months ago? I think he did more talking than anyone at the table, and I just sat there…in awe of him.
Wondering how he plays the part so well and what he would be like if things had been different. Would he have been a rockstar, too, or just a regular guy? Was the killer in him more inherent than even he believes, and would this have always been his fate? Would all three of them have been a lot more innocent than they are now?
Would I have ever found love if that were the case?
Now, I'm alone at the table, pushing chocolate cake around on my plate. Sebastian stands at the other side of the tent, talking to Ashlyn and her husband, of all people. He's taken off his jacket and rolled up his white button-up, revealing his muscular tattooed forearms. The humidity has both of our hair going a little crazy, but the curls look good on him—it's just ruining mine.
It smells like rain again.
"More champagne?" Sebastian asks when he returns, handing me a glass. He sits in the chair beside me, turning it to face me.
"Aren't you worried I'll get sloppy and do a murder?" I ask, rolling my eyes as I set the glass down on the table.
"I'm sorry, Teagan," he says. He takes my hand in his and presses his lips to my forearm—not the one with the tulip tattoo but the one he'd written on in blood before. "I did miss you. I followed you down here to the beach earlier, and I watched you cut the bows off the chairs, and then I watched you eat alone in the corner of that cafe and cry. And I did hate it. I've never felt worse in my life."
"It's okay," I tell him. "No one ever taught you any better, either."
"You did."
I sip the champagne and avert my eyes, looking somewhere over his shoulder instead.
"Do you want to dance?" he asks.
"What? You'll dance with me?"
Sebastian shrugs. "Sure. If the next song is a slow one, I'll dance with you."
"Because I'm dying?"
"Yes." He places a hand on the back of my neck and leans in, pressing his forehead to mine before kissing me. "And because I'm going to miss you forever, Teagan. To me, you're everything. I lied when I told you that you'd forget what it's like to feel and care about things. Maybe you can put it to sleep, but you don't forget."
"I love you," I tell him. "Don't be mad at me for saying it—I'm going to miss you forever, too."
The song playing from the speakers fades into the next one, and it is something slow. He holds out his hand to me, and I take it, letting him lead me onto the dance floor. His hands sit low on my waist, holding me tightly against him. I rest my head on his chest, inhaling deeply. This is nice—too nice. For a moment, I close my eyes and allow my mind to wander. I imagine that we're ordinary—that this is our wedding, and we'd go back to California and a small house filled with books and music. We'd dance like this in the living room, and he'd kiss me and hold me after we fuck. Once a month, we'd have dinner with my family like we did before, but I wouldn't think about killing anyone. I'd smile and laugh like he did, and it would be real—for both of us.
But it is only for a moment, and then I let it go. I know who and what we are.
As the song ends, he pulls away.
"We need to go soon," he says. "Do you want me to make a big scene? Make it look like we're fighting to sell it?"
"No," I tell him. "Just try and make it look like you can't live without me instead."
"That won't be that hard," he says.
He kisses me again, his lips pressing hard against mine. My hands move from his back to his neck and through his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper. As his tongue explores my mouth, his hands move to the swell of my ass, gripping the cheeks hard through my dress.
"Time to go, Teagan," Sebastian says. "Go say goodbye, but make sure you don't say anything that will make them think you're leaving on purpose. I'll wait for you by the gazebo."
I sigh. "Okay."
I turn, take a deep breath to steady myself, and then scan the room for my mom and dad. They're standing on the opposite side of the room talking to Austin's parents. My heart pounds in my chest as I approach them.
"Hey." It comes out weak; I choke on the word just a little before pulling myself together. "I think we're going to go upstairs now. I'm getting tired."
"Well, if you and Sebastian get up early enough, you two should join us on the catamaran," my dad says. "The shuttle leaves at 8:30 AM."
"Oh, Teagan gets so seasick on those," my mom says. "Remember the trip to Maui? Watching her puke made four other tourists puke, too."
"Yeah, catamarans aren't really for me," I say. I was seventeen, it was choppy as fuck, and I was drunk. I couldn't really tell them that at the time.
Austin's parents laugh a little, but his mother's lip still turns up a little when she looks at me—just like it did all afternoon in the hotel suite.
"It was a whole thing," my mom says. "The boat's captain was furious. We'll text you when we get back, okay?"
She waves me off, going back to her conversation.
"Good night, Mom," I say, surprising her when I pull her into a hug. I don't breathe; I don't want to choke on the words again. "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I love you, too," she says, then adds much quieter, "You did good today."
My dad doesn't even know what to do when I hug him next; I don't think he's hugged me in over a decade. "Bye, Dad. I love you."
He just kind of awkwardly pats me on the back before backing away. "Good night, Teagan."
"Night."
I look for Blakely next, but I don't see her at first. My gaze lands on Sebastian instead, leaning against the railing of the gazebo. He points to his watch, and I shrug, mouthing the words I can't find Blakely.
He points down toward the beach where she and Austin are lying in the sand, still fully clothed in their wedding attire, letting the surf wash over them. I head in their direction, stepping out of my heels once I get to the sand.
"You okay?" I ask once I'm standing over her.
They're both soaked.
"Yeah," she laughs. "We're good. We're just tired of it. This is the culmination of all of the fucking stress and anxiety I've had over this damn day for the past few months boiling over. I'm setting it free."
"It was nice, though," I tell her. "I'm glad you guys re-invited me. We're going to head upstairs now; I'm tired."
"Lie down with me first," she says. "The water is warm."
I shake my head. "I'll ruin my dress."
"So? You're never going to wear that dress again. I won't wear this one again, either." Blakely screams a little as another wave comes up high enough to wash over them and my feet. It is warm, like she said. "Austin—leg sweep her."
"Okay."
He pushes himself up and leans over her, reaching for me, and I jump back. "That's unnecessary," I tell him and lie in wet sand on the other side of Blakely. "Happy?"
"I am," she says. "I'm really happy, Teagan."
"Good. You deserve it."
I hear another wave crash near my feet before the sea comes for us—even higher this time, washing over our faces.
"Oh, shit," Austin says. "All right, Blake. If you still want to do this, we need to move further back."
"Nice, right?" Blakely asks just as the sky opens up and it starts to pour. "See?" she shouts above the sound of the heavy rain. "It doesn't even matter now."
"Yeah, I guess not," I say as we both pull ourselves to our feet. "I heard rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck."
"It is," she says. "I told you, Austin."
He shrugs. "We don't need it."
"I gotta go," I say, pulling her into a tight hug. "I love you, Blakely. I'm really happy for you."
"I love you, too, Teagan," Blakely says. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," I lie. "Congrats, guys. Bye, Austin."
Instead of heading toward the same staircase I walk to, Austin and Blake run to the one on the other side of the building, likely trying to sneak back inside the hotel without any of their guests seeing them or demanding more of their attention.
Only about half of the people remain in the reception tent when I pass. With my shoes in my hand, I meet Sebastian by the gazebo, and we take the long way back toward the far building and the parking lot—the route where we're least likely to run into anyone else.
"How was it?" he asks as we walk hand in hand through the rain.
"It was okay," I tell him. "I feel good about it. I didn't mess it up by saying something obvious or being an asshole. Are there cameras?"
"Only in front of the main building," he says. "It's a very dated system—they won't be able to see anything anyway, but I took the plates off, and I'll keep the lights off until we leave the property. They won't be able to tell when we left. It's a rental from Texas, and I used a fake name anyway."
"If only you'd used your powers for good."
He laughs, shaking his head a little. "I'm doing good now for you, aren't I?"
"Yeah, you are."
"It feels like shit," he says as we reach the edge of the building. "Wait here. I'll make sure no one is around."
He peers around the corner and then puts his coat around my shoulders. "Walk to the car by yourself slowly and get in the passenger seat. Keep your head down."
I nod. "Okay."
I do as he said; I don't see anyone around before I lower my gaze and walk to the car, and I don't see anyone after I'm inside and close the door behind me. It's minutes after the dome light turns off before Sebastian gets inside the car. I slouch down low in my seat while I wait for him.
When he gets inside, I notice that pink suitcase in the backseat. I need to get out of this soaking wet dress. "Will you unzip this for me?" I ask, turning my back to him and brushing my hair aside.
"Yeah," he says. He slides the zipper from just below the nape of my neck to the swell of my ass, and I climb onto the center console. Before I can get into the back, he grabs me by the arm, stopping me.
"Teagan?"
I freeze, looking at him over my shoulder. "Yeah?"
Seconds pass, and when, still, Sebastian says nothing, I turn away, blinking back tears again. But before I can climb into the back seat, he pulls me into his lap, placing one hand on my cheek. With the other, he traces my jawline with his finger and then runs the same finger down my neck and over my collarbone.
He grabs the wet material of the dress bunched around my waist in his fists. I lift my arms and let him pull it over my head, leaving me naked in his lap. His eyes drop from my mouth to my chest.
"Sebastian…"
"Just let me look at you for a minute."
"Okay," I whisper.
Sebastian runs his knuckles down my sternum and then to the 'S' carved near my hip, and then presses his mouth to my throat, kissing my neck before moving onto my nipples, sucking one into his mouth while running his tongue over the hard tip, and biting it just a little before moving to the other side.
"Oh, god," I whisper, threading my fingers through his wet hair and holding him against me. "Sebastian…"
He pulls back, his mouth meeting mine, and we reach for the waist of his pants at the same time, fighting against his belt until we get his pants down over his hips and his dick free. I sit down hard, his hard cock easily slipping inside my soaked pussy.
I drop my head and moan when he impales me. "Oh, fuck…"
I roll my hips over his dick, riding him—slowly at first, all the way to the tip before sinking back down onto it, whimpering when it fills me. Sebastian grits his teeth and groans, and I pick up the pace.
"Fuck," he says. He leans the seat back, and I gasp, sinking further onto him, tearing open the front of his shirt. I've never had this much control with him before. I place my hands on his chest, right beneath my scabbed-over name, using it for leverage as I rock back and forth, harder and faster, chasing my own release. "Your pussy feels so fucking good on my dick, baby."
"Oh my god…"
"Are you gonna come?"
"I'm…yes…" My legs start to shake; goosebumps run up my spine as I sit back on him, barely rolling my hips as I come around him. I grab the handle above the door, and he grips my hips hard, setting the pace again while he uses my body to fuck himself through my orgasm.
"Oh, fuck!" I scream, riding it out. The second I let go of the handle, he flips me over, pinning my arms down at my sides as he drives into me. I spread my legs wide, putting one foot on the back of the passenger seat's headrest and the other against the now fogged-up window.
"You're still coming, aren't you? I can feel it."
"It just feels so good…" I whimper. "Master."
Sebastian groans, sinking his teeth into my chest as he thrusts into me.
"Ahh!" I scream through clenched teeth, wriggling my hips and squirming against his hold.
My blood drips from his lips when he looks up at me.
"Does that hurt?"
"Yes…fuck."
"Doesn't it feel better when it hurts?"
"Y-yes…"
He runs his tongue over the wound and then sinks his teeth into my shoulder. I scream again, writhing beneath him with my arms still pinned tightly at my sides.
"Ugh, fuck. I'm going to miss the way you squirm on my cock, little monster. Fuck…"
His cock jerks inside me and he comes like that—with his teeth digging hard into my flesh, sucking my blood.
I taste it when he kisses me and then, with his lips against mine, he whispers, "I love you, Teagan."
I swallow hard. "You do?"
"Yeah, I do. I know what I am. I know I don't deserve to be loved by you, not even for a minute. And when I'm sitting alone in dark, lifeless houses wishing I'd done things differently, I don't want this—not telling you and not touching you when I wanted to—to be one of those things. I'm going to miss you until the day I die, Teagan. I'll love you that long, too—whether it's five days or fifty years from now. Wherever you are…you should know that."
"I love you, too. I'll miss you, too. You can come—"
"No, I can't. I told you—there are so many reasons why I can't. But not wanting you and not loving you isn't one of them."
He kisses me again, rolls to the side of me, and then says, "Get dressed. We need to go; they're going to start wondering if I've changed my mind soon."
"Okay."
I climb into the back seat and open the suitcase, and Sebastian adjusts his seat and puts the car in drive. He pulls away from the hotel with the headlights turned off while I change into a tank top and a pair of jean shorts.
Once we get away from the beachfront hotels, he turns the headlights on, and I climb into the front seat beside him. He rests a hand on my thigh, and I lean against his arm, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Don't cry, Teagan. This is what you wanted, right?"
"Yeah, but—"
"No one gets everything they want, little monster."
"I know that," I tell him, sobbing. "But I hate this."
And I'm not stupid—I know I can't live with Sebastian. And I'm not willing to give them up, either. Luca loves me, too—he needs me back. And I need Declan. He's my port in the storm.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. We don't get to decide what hurts us.
He leans over and kisses the top of my head.
Panic sets in once we turn down an old dirt road winding through dense forest. I haven't had the best luck with old dirt roads like this one. My pulse races; my breath comes short.
"It'll be okay," Sebastian says. "It's not going to be like last time."
"How do you know?"
"No one's looking for you—for any of you. You'll be fine, Teagan."
I take the hand resting on my leg in mine and lace my fingers between his, holding it tightly, trying to focus on breathing.
But his pulse is racing, too.
"I think I'm going to puke."
"Please don't."
I keep my eyes closed, my face buried into his shoulder, until I feel the car roll to a stop. It's still raining—not the same heavy rain from earlier, but the misty kind that makes it harder to see in the dark. I can barely make it out, but there's a plane sitting on what I assume is a runway; the lights are on in the cabin, but I don't see anyone around.
"Let's go," Sebastian says, turning off the car. He releases my hand and reaches for the door handle.
I grab his forearm, digging my nails into the skin. "If they're not here, don't leave me."
"I won't," he says. "No one is leaving you, Teagan. Okay?"
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Okay."
I let him go, reach for my own door handle with shaky hands, and step out of the car. I open the back door to get my bag, but Sebastian places his hand on mine and moves it away.
"I've got it," he says. He takes my suitcase from the car, looks at the wet, floral dress on the floorboards, and says, "I'm keeping the dress."
"Okay." I choke on the word. My heart drops into my stomach, and I sob again.
"Hey," he says, cupping my cheeks in his hands. "Get your shit together. You're supposed to be a killer, Teagan. Look around—there are no cops, no one is shooting at us…" He nods over my shoulder. "And there's your boyfriend. No one is leaving you."
I look back at Declan, relief washing over me before my old panic is replaced by a new one. I press my palm against his heart, but I can't find the words, so I grip his shirt and pull him into me, kissing him hard enough that I feel his teeth on mine.
And when he pulls away, I feel Declan's hand on the small of my back. "You ready to go home, kitten?" he asks.
I nod. "I've been ready."
"Thank you," he says, extending his hand to Sebastian, "for saving her…and bringing her here."
Sebastian stares at it for a minute before taking it and shaking Declan's hand.
"If you wanted to come with us, I wouldn't tell you no," Declan says. "We're family."
"No," Sebastian says. "I'm not."
Declan shrugs and takes the suitcase from Sebastian. "Okay. Come on, sweetheart."
I take a few steps away from Sebastian before I turn back and jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and burying my head in his neck—right beside his Oscar Wilde tattoo. And I finally find the words.
"You will always be fond of me," I quote to him. "I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."
"Yeah," he says, holding me tightly against his body. "You do."
"I love you," I tell him. "I'll miss playing monsters."
"You deserve better than just playing monsters, Teagan. You need other things." He presses his lips to mine. "But I love you, too."
"Bye, Sebastian."
"Bye," he says, setting me down.
I walk back to Declan's side and take his hand.
"Take care of her," Sebastian says.
Declan nods. "Always."
I squeeze Declan's hand tightly in mine as we approach the plane—as if he might disappear or leave me again if I were to let go. Once we reach the stairs, he ushers me ahead of him. My legs feel like jello as I climb the staircase. And when I look over my shoulder, Sebastian's car is still there waiting, just in case.
But like he said, there are no police sirens this time, no gunfire. No one shoves me down in the dirt, and I'm not alone. I step onto the plane and see Luca there, sitting in the row closest to the door.
"Hey, baby," he says.
I smile through tears, wrap my arms around his neck, and sit in his lap. "Hey, Luca. Am I hurting you?"
"Are you kidding?" he asks before pressing his lips to mine. "No."
Declan steps onto the plane, and one of the pilots takes my bag from him before returning to the cockpit. The engines start up just after he disappears.
"You okay, Teag?" Declan asks.
"Yeah, I'm okay." But I'm not so sure. There's a new hole in my chest now—a fresh bruise to press on. And I think I'm going to feel it for a while.
As if on cue, Luca presses his thumb into one of the bitemarks on my chest.
"Ow!"
"What's that, Teagan?"
"Luca, leave her alone," Declan says. He pulls a blanket from the overhead compartment and wraps it around my body. "If he doesn't want to be nice, you can curl up in my lap, kitten."
He smoothes my wet hair away from my face and kisses my cheek before sitting across the aisle from us.
"I'm being nice," he says. "I'm always nice to you, aren't I, Teagan?"
"Yeah, you are," I tell him, relaxing against his body again.
"You were mine first."
I look at Declan, who raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, mouthing the words no, you weren't.
I smile at him. "Yeah, you're right, Luca."
The lights in the cabin turn off, and the plane starts to move down the bumpy runway. Luca tightens his hold on me, and I turn to the window, keeping my eyes on those two headlights. The car doesn't move until the plane is off the ground. I watch it reverse, turning around before disappearing again on that dark, dirt road.