17. SEVENTEEN

SEVENTEEN

I wake up the next morning naked and alone in bed. I stretch out onto my back, pull the bloody sheet up to my chest, and sit up.

Sebastian is fully dressed, sprawled out on the sofa looking down at his laptop.

"Hey, come back to bed," I say.

But he doesn't reply or even look up, furiously tapping away at the keys in front of him.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that Blakely said you could come to the wedding. Do you want to? You don't have to dance."

Still, he doesn't answer.

"Fuck, I have to be downstairs in half an hour. Maybe we could stay a little bit longer. I'll even go to that club with you if—"

"Teagan, let me ask you something," he says, his tone calm and even.

Too calm, too even. Like Bone Saw.

"Yeah?"

"Have you always been a lying fucking whore?"

"I—what? Why would you say that to me?"

"Where were you the night before last, Teagan?"

"I…already told you," I say weakly. "I was here…at the hotel."

He turns his laptop toward me and drops it haphazardly on the table beside him. "Then what the fuck is this Teagan?"

I climb out of bed, pull on a t-shirt, and approach the screen, my hands shaking with adrenaline. I expect to see Declan or Luca, but I see…nothing.

"I don't understand," I tell him. "What am I looking at? It's just an empty hallway."

"Exactly," he says. "That's your hallway, Teagan. I've watched the entire footage from the time you last texted me until you open the door for your sister the next morning, and there's nothing there. The video has been replaced with a loop. So, do you want to try again? Who were you with the other night, and how did you get back into the room, Teagan?"

"I don't know…" I blink, sending tears rolling down my cheeks.

He grabs me by the hair and pulls me toward him, screaming, "Stop. Fucking. Lying."

"Sebastian, please stop," I cry. "I don't know what's real and what's not!"

"Well, tell me how you think you got back in the room," he says, his voice calm again.

"I think that…"

"Teagan, you have about five seconds before…"

"I'm trying, okay? I think that…I followed what I thought was another hallucination out of the club and then onto the roof. I was going to jump, but he pulled me back."

"Who?"

"Declan. Declan did."

"And then what?"

"And then he…he gave me a water bottle, but I think it was roofied. He told me he was sorry and that he loved me and I was safe, and then I think he brought me back because I woke up here, sick."

He slams the laptop shut and stuffs it back into his bag.

"Sebastian…what are you doing? Where are you going? Are you mad at me?"

"Am I mad at you?" he scoffs. "Teagan, I've never been this fucking angry in my life, and that in itself is a big fucking problem."

"I didn't do anything wrong."

"You should have called me the moment you fucking saw him. He was explicitly instructed not to come back."

He was told not to come back. That's why I've been alone, and he knew it. The realization hits me like a punch to the gut.

"So, you lied to me. They did want me. It's a punishment like he said."

"Yeah, well, now you're a trap. Let's see how you sleep at night. It won't be with me because I'm…fucking compromised. But someone will be watching you, Teagan—your every fucking move from the second you leave the hotel. They're already in position."

He turns for the door, and I grab him by the arm. "Sebastian, please don't go!" I cry.

He pushes me off hard enough that I fall flat on my ass on the ground. "You have no idea how close I am to snapping your fucking neck. I'm hanging on by a fucking thread, Teagan."

"I didn't do anything wrong," I repeat weakly.

"You said you loved me!" he shouts. "You're a liar. You're sick, Teagan. It might be months, it might be years, but they're going to take you out, and good fucking riddance."

"But I do love you," I tell him. I crawl to his feet and wrap my body around his leg like a fucking child. "You don't mean it. Please, Sebastian! Please, don't leave me; everyone always fucking leaves me."

"Well, I wonder why. Get off me, Teagan," he says, shaking me off again. "You have no idea what you've done."

"But…where are you going? Are you going to be in trouble?"

"I'm going to go spend a few days in a sensory deprivation chamber to get my head straight and try to figure out how the fuck I was manipulated by a twenty-one-year-old girl!"

"I didn't do that. I wouldn't do that."

"I guess it's not entirely your fault," he says. "I should have never answered the call. I assured myself that it was just like any other, but I was wrong. There must have been a sliver of humanity left in me after all."

"I don't know what that means."

"And then I became fascinated by the pretty, murderous thing that curled up in my psychotic, egomaniacal brother's lap like a kitten—"

"What—"

"Maybe I was even a little jealous, but I won't make that mistake again. The next time I see either of you, it'll just be to make sure you're really dead."

With his bag in his hand, he walks out the door.

His brother. Declan was his little brother—the one his dad chose to keep when men in gold masks came to his home demanding he hand over one of his sons to save himself. Declan got a new brother to love and protect and a life of privilege; Sebastian was raised in seclusion and extreme abuse to prepare him for a life of violence and blind loyalty.

Declan went to concerts and dreamed of being a rockstar. Sebastian was a child who wished for death.

"Sebastian, you don't have to do this!" I shout after him. "Don't go."

I pull myself up from the floor and step out into the hallway where he stands in front of the elevator, staring straight ahead, waiting.

"Sebastian, please stay," I sob, tears streaming down my face. "It doesn't have to be like this. We're not monsters."

"You'll see how wrong you are," he says calmly.

"I love you," I tell him, my lower lip quivering. "We could be a family."

The elevator finally dings, and the doors open in front of him.

"Look at me!" I scream at the top of my lungs before he steps inside. He actually turns, maybe just because there are others in the hallway now, and he's worried about what I'll do next. "I mean it."

His eyes are empty, his face emotionless when he turns away and steps into the elevator without another word. I stay there until the elevator doors close, leaving me with the handful of people lingering in the hallway, staring at me.

It could be worse. They could be taking photos or trying to steal my blood.

Sniffling, I wipe my cheeks and return to the room. I feel like a puppet moving around gathering my things and dressing myself—but my mind tells my body it has to move anyway, and so what else am I going to do?

I wait in the lobby for my sister and her friends, shifting uncomfortably in my seat as the waistband of my pants rubs up against the cut near my hip.

"Hey," Blakely says. "I didn't know if you'd be riding home with us or not with Sebastian here."

"Um, no, he, uh…he left early," I tell her, grabbing my suitcase and heading toward the parking garage.

"You look like you've been crying," she says. "I guess you saw the news."

"What news?" I ask.

"Oh…I'm sorry, Teagan…"

"For what? Sorry for what?"

She sighs, pulling her phone from her pocket and handing it to me. "They think those girls are dead."

I read the headline on the screen: Former Gods of Tomorrow Blood Cult Members, River and Hazel Pinault-Hollis, Suspected Dead from Apparent Suicide.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Yeah," I lie. "Yeah, I just…need to sit down before I read this."

"Yeah, no problem," she says.

We all pile into the vehicle, and I read the details on Blakely's phone. River and Hazel's ankle bracelets were removed in their home a few nights ago, where police found suicide letters, and they've been searching for them ever since. They got a lead when a car reported stolen from nearby was found abandoned in the Kaibab National Forest near The Grand Canyon. Police K-9 units alerted on their scent in the car and followed it to a nearby cliff, where the trail was lost. They've been combing the area for any sign of their whereabouts or remains, but believe it's likely that by now, animals could have gotten to them and torn them apart.

But I know that's not the case. They wouldn't have jumped; I just hope they made it out of the country safely and without any interference from shiny assholes.

Which reminds me, there's a new one following me now. And I have no way to warn Declan and Luca that they know they're here. Now, I have to be afraid that if they aren't coming back for me, it's because they were caught by The Order and either killed or sent away, and it's my fault. I wish I'd told Declan that I love him…even though I'm angry. I wonder if, when they come for him, he'll think I gave them away.

I wonder how long it'll take before all of the wondering drives me insane…again.

I hand the phone back to my sister and then lean back in my seat, silently crying on and off for the rest of the drive.

After Blakely drops me off, I go to my room, take out my phone, and send more texts I know will go unanswered.

ME I meant everything I said.

ME I miss you.

ME We don't have to be monsters.

I take my pills and fall asleep, and when I wake up later that afternoon and try to send another message, it doesn't go through.

The service has been disconnected. Now, I have no way to communicate with any of them.

Or do I?

I quickly spring up in bed and sit down at my desk, and then I log into my old @blacklicoricenotpoison account I created to contact Luca after the first concert.

It's still there.

After ensuring the door is locked, I lower the lights, put on an old Halloween mask, and hit record.

"I don't know what the odds are that you'll actually see this, but there are some things I need to say, and so I had to try. I'm still mad at you, but I do love you, and I didn't get to tell you that." I swallow a lump in my throat before continuing, my voice cracking. "Don't come for me…it's not safe. I'll be okay."