16. SIXTEEN

SIXTEEN

" T eagan, you've been quiet tonight," Blakely says. "Are you still feeling sick? Are you not having a good time?"

I look up from my drink, realizing I've just been staring into the glass, fiddling with the stir straw between my fingers for quite some time now. I have a lot on my mind. I know Sebastian is here somewhere, watching me, but are Luca and Declan still here somewhere, too?

And there's still a part of me—this lingering self-doubt—asking me if I'm absolutely certain I didn't make the entire thing up.

And I guess I can't be.

"Sorry," I tell her. "I'm feeling okay, just a little tired. I'm having a good time, though—the show was good."

"Is our version of fun a little bit tame for you, Teagan?" Ashlyn taunts.

I raise an eyebrow, looking over the woman beside me. Old habits die hard, and I have no patience for her uppity mean girl bullshit.

"Do you really want me to answer that, Ashlyn?" I take the cherry from her drink and pop it into my mouth.

"Ashlyn, why are you picking on her?" Blakely asks. "She's not bothering anyone; she's leaving the past in the past."

"I know why she's picking on me," I say. "She's afraid of women like me. I see through it, and so does everyone else, Ashlyn. Your internalized misogyny is showing."

"Are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

"No one lets me do anything. That's kind of the point, isn't it? And for the record, I am having a good time, but I do think blood orgies are more fun."

"Teagan, Jesus," Blakely says.

"You're disgusting," Ashlyn scoffs.

"Hey, don't knock it until you try it," Lauren says.

"And there it is," I say. I raise my glass, and Lauren toasts with me from across the table.

"You're joking," Ashlyn says. "Tell me you're joking."

She shakes her head. "Well, maybe not the blood orgy part, but I can confirm that two is better than one."

Ashlyn looks disgusted, and I laugh harder.

"Can we change the subject, please?" Sophie asks. "This is supposed to be fun. Do you want to come dance with me, Ashlyn?"

"You'll have to pull the stick out of her ass first," I say.

"Teagan!" Blakely snaps.

"What? She started it, and you know it. I'm just sitting here minding my own fucking business, but if you don't shut her up, I will. You're afraid of me for all the wrong reasons," I direct to Ashlyn.

"You're only here because your sister feels bad for you," Ashlyn snaps. "You know that, don't you? And now we all have to suffer for it."

"Ashlyn, that's not true," Blake says. "And you know what? She's right—it is you. And you are scared of her, so maybe just—"

"Just shut up," Lauren finishes. "Just shut the fuck up."

"Exactly," Blake says.

I look across the table at her and smile. There's my sister—the one who stuck up for me and protected me after my accident. She's changed a lot over the past few years, just like I have, subtly enough that I barely noticed until suddenly, she was different.

I hope after I'm gone, no matter what that means, she learns how to be that person again.

"Teagan, isn't that your boyfriend?" Blake asks.

"Huh?"

I look up and see Sebastian making his way over to our table.

Jesus. What the fuck is he doing? I'm starting to think he enjoys playing normal a little bit too much.

"Un-fucking-believable," Lauren says. " That's the surgeon? You have to teach me your ways."

I almost correct her and tell them that he isn't really my boyfriend, but the look on Ashlyn's face stops me.

"Hey, Teagan," Sebastian says. "Hi, Blakely. Things look a little tense over here. Is everything okay?"

"Yep." I smile. "Everything is fine."

"You invited your boyfriend?" Blakely asks.

"I have never invited that man anywhere in my life," I tell her.

"Sorry to intrude," Sebastian says. "I told Teagan I'd be here for work for a couple of days; it's not her fault. I just wanted to say hello, and I ordered a bottle of champagne and asked them to send it over."

Just as he finishes the sentence, the server arrives with a tray carrying five flutes and an expensive bottle of champagne.

"Oh, it's fine!" Blakely says, changing her tune. "You're not intruding. You should join us." She stands, gesturing for him to slide into the booth beside me.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Yes, absolutely. Can we get another glass?" she asks the server.

"Better bring another bottle, too," Sebastian says. He takes a few hundred dollar bills from his wallet and hands them to the server. "Keep the change."

She smiles, thanking him as she takes the money.

He throws his arm around me and plants a kiss on my temple as any good, normal boyfriend would do. I narrow my eyes at him.

"What?" he asks.

"Where do you get that kind of money?" I whisper.

He shrugs. "It's not a bad life, Teagan. You'll see. Are you mad?"

I shake my head. "I would be, but—"

"But you were about to stab the one in the white dress?" he whispers, kissing my neck.

"No, I wasn't going to stab her. I might have punched her in the face, but this is so much better."

Because I can feel how angry she is, and there's power in that, too.

"You look beautiful, by the way," Sebastian says.

"You don't have to say that," I tell him. "It's too loud for them to hear you unless you're yelling anyway."

"I wasn't saying it for them," he says. "I forgot to tell you before you left this evening—you're beautiful."

I pause, waiting for something filthy or sarcastic to follow the compliment. When it doesn't, I blush. "Thank you."

We finish off the first and most of the second bottle of champagne before Blakely and her friends get up and start dancing, leaving me alone in the booth with just Sebastian.

A group of girls walk by, attempting to take a discrete photo of us and failing when the flash goes off. They all scurry away laughing.

"Sorry. That happens sometimes," I say. "Is that a problem for you? Photos of your face?"

"No," he says. "I told you—only you and one other person recognize this face as being both things, and there are no records of me ever existing. Not even at San Flores anymore, and they'll never even notice it. I enjoy it."

"Enjoy what?"

"Being able to move through spaces and crowds like this," he says. "I like being the other thing, too. It scares people. Even the members of The Order see me and they know they should be afraid. They know the quiet, masked things are the ones who will kill them if they ever become inconvenient. But I also like it when they don't know they should be scared."

"Like Blake and her friends? They sure seem to like you."

"They seem to," he says. "But if they really knew what I was, they'd be running. Not you, though."

I shrug. "No. Not me. I'm kind of jealous, though. I don't know if I'll ever be able to move through the world like that, no matter where or what I am."

"Can I get you anything else?" the server interrupts.

"No, thank you," Sebastian tells her.

She rests her hand on his shoulder. "Let me know if you change your mind," she says.

"See?" he says as she walks away. "Just like that. I'd rather paint the walls with her guts than stick my dick in them, but she has no idea. Most people are too stupid to see what's in front of them."

"I guess that includes me," I say.

"You recognize monsters," he says. "You just like to play with them—there's a difference. Do you want to go to a real party, Teagan?" He reaches between my legs, cupping my pussy in his palm. "I'll put on my mask, and you can be my pet. I'll show you some things that'll make your thighs clench." He leans in, kissing my neck. "I could show you some things you'll never be able to unsee, too, but only if you want to see them. Do you want to?"

Yes.

"I can't," I tell him.

"Why not?"

Because Declan told me not to go anywhere with you. And now, I'm scared.

"I'm playing normal girl, remember? For just a little bit longer anyway. Do you know how to dance?"

"No, Teagan. I don't dance."

"What if I go find someone else to dance with?"

"Don't fuck with me," he says. "You know what will happen. How about I take you into the bathroom and fuck that bratty mouth of yours?"

"Do it for me then," I plead. "Because I like it, and I'll miss it. And we're playing normal, so why not? Luca and Riv always danced with me."

"I've already done a lot of things for you that I shouldn't have."

"Fine." I swing a leg over his body so that I'm straddling him in the booth, facing him, and then lean in, kissing his lips. "Suit yourself."

I climb out of the booth and find Blakely drunk on the dance floor. She smiles and pulls me in closer. It's been so long since I've danced with my sister. Sebastian watches with his arm stretched across the back of the booth.

After a couple of songs, I feel someone press up against my backside.

"Hey there," he says. "What's wrong with your boyfriend over there? He doesn't want to dance with you?"

"No," I reply. "He doesn't."

"Well, then, he shouldn't mind if I do," he says.

"I mind." A hand closes around my wrist, pulling me in the other direction. I'm not sure how he moved that quickly, but Sebastian stands to my right, his jaw clenched tightly.

I shrug. "He minds. Sorry."

The guy walks away, deciding to try his luck with Lauren, and Sebastian narrows his eyes at me. "I told you what would happen."

"You were watching me," I say. "I didn't do anything, did I?" I grab him by his belt loop and pull him closer, swaying my hips. "You said I looked pretty. You can't blame them for wanting to dance with me, can you?"

"Yes."

"Why? They don't know the man watching me from across the room is a sadistic murderer." He grabs me by the hip, and I feel him growing hard against me. "You like that, though, don't you? Which one would you tear to shreds first? For me, it'd be the guy over there in the checkered shirt. He's handsy, and it's not an accident."

"How do you know that?" he growls.

"I'd rather not say."

"You."

"What?"

"The person I'd most like to tear to shreds in here is you."

"With your knife…" I pause, my hand closing over the hard ridge beneath his jeans. "Or your dick?"

"Either way," he says, "the answer is still you."

"Do it then," I challenge, stroking his cock between us.

"Which one?"

"I don't really care. You pick."

"How about both?" he asks, squeezing my wrist.

"Great. What are you waiting for?"

"I'm trying to decide which one I want to do first. You do look pretty when you're sleeping."

"You look pretty when you're mad," I tell him, twisting out of his grip. I take his hand and guide it down the front of my shorts and inside of my lace thong. "Feel that? I'll be wet either way."

His jaw flexes, a feral look in his eyes as he speaks through clenched teeth. "Let's go."

With a not-so-gentle grip on my hair, he guides me toward the back of the room.

"The exit is the other way."

"You don't have time for that," he says.

"There will be people in there," I tell him as he drags me into the men's restroom.

"You should have thought about that before you started acting like a whore."

He takes me to the very last stall, locks the door behind us, and pulls out his thick, rock-hard dick, pumping it in his hand.

"I want your pussy," he growls. "Take your shorts off."

I unbutton my shorts, pulling them down over my hips along with my thong, and step out of them, leaving my heels on.

He lifts me by the back of my thighs, and as I wrap my legs around his waist, he pushes me against the wall of the stall and sinks his dick into my wet pussy.

"Sebastian!" I cry out. He slams into me, shaking the wall of the stall and likely the next stalls over. "Oh, god!"

"That's it," he rasps. "Go ahead and scream. Let everyone know you're getting fucked like a little slut in here."

"Fuck!"

Admittedly, I wasn't thinking about that. I bring his mouth to mine, burying a moan into his lips. "Faster," I tell him.

He adjusts his grip on my waist, causing me to sink down harder onto his cock, and I gasp right before he pulls it back out and gives it to me faster like I wanted. The sound of his skin smacking into mine and the stall shaking reverberates through the space. He's going to fuck me through this god damn wall like the animal he is, and I don't even care.

Because the head of his cock is hitting that spot that makes my toes curl…over and over again. My heels fall from my feet onto the floor.

"Sebastian…"

"Is this what you wanted, little monster?"

"Yes," I whimper. I let my head fall against his chest and dig my nails into his back, letting myself come apart on his dick. "Ohhh…fuck."

He shifts my weight onto just one of his arms, but he doesn't miss a beat, fucking into me while he pushes my top and bra up over my tits.

"God, I fucking hate you," he groans. "I hate you for having such a tight little pussy and a body that begs to get fucked. I hate you for not knowing you shouldn't…" Thrust. "Fucking." Thrust. "Play." Thrust. "With." Thrust. "Monsters," he roars before going stiff deep inside my pussy and filling me with cum. "I hate you."

He holds me tight against him while his dick jumps inside me, and I cling to him, catching my breath while he rides it out.

"No, you don't," I say once I can form words. I run my hands over his cheeks and turn his face to mine, forcing him to meet my eyes.

"What?" he asks.

"You don't hate me, Sebastian. Tell me something real."

"Like what?"

"You missed me," I say, nuzzling my face against his. "That's why you're here—not because I didn't answer my phone, and you thought I might have gotten myself into trouble. You're here because you missed me."

For just a second, I think he'll admit it's true. Instead, he lowers me to the ground and says, "Get dressed. We should get out of here."

And then, I feel bad again.

I follow Sebastian through the club and then out to the parking garage where we take his car back to my hotel. Today, it has Montana license plates; I hadn't noticed that they changed before.

Wordlessly, we exit the vehicle and move through the lobby toward the elevator, and I realize exactly what this is.

He's not just the old man who raised him in isolation throwing me scraps—he's my lure.

The realization hits me like a ton of bricks as the elevator doors open in front of us. He's my lure, and it's just like Hazel said in her interview. They already knew exactly what I'd need to be manipulated because Declan showed them. He's not my boyfriend, he's my fucking lure.

And then they're going to train me the way they trained Sebastian until I'm not a person anymore…to punish Declan and Luca.

I'm still a sucker. Because, once again, I was starved for too long and fell in love with the monster. Even Declan could see it. The sex, the small scraps of affection were enough to sate me. But they messed up because even though the playbook was handed to him, he isn't built for this.

"So, are you staying here or…" I start awkwardly as he follows me into the hotel room. "I'm leaving with my sister at ten tomorrow."

The door latches loudly behind him in the dark room. I reach for the light switch, but he stops me before I can flip it on.

"Teagan, I missed you," he says, turning me to face him. "You're right. I wasn't worried about you—I just wanted to see you."

"Are you lying?" I ask, my eyes welling with tears.

"Why would I lie about that?"

"Because…you're my lure."

Sebastian shakes his head. "No, I'm not, Teagan. You're my lure."

His lips find mine, his tongue twisting with my own while his hands explore my body, grasping my tits through my shirt and growling in frustration, biting my lip before breaking away to rip the shirt over my head, tossing it aside. I watch as he does the same with his own, my eyes running over the hard, scarred body of the man in front of me.

"I love you."

He scoffs, shaking his head, and then shoves me into the wall. "Don't—"

"No," I shout, shoving him back. " You don't. Don't hurt me, don't call me names. Don't tell me that you hate me. I love you. You're not a thing or a monster—not to me. You're a person, and I love you." He stares back at me, silent, and I shrug. "No one ever taught me any better."

"Teagan—"

"I don't expect you to say it back," I tell him. "I know you can't love me, but I can still love you."

He pulls out a knife and takes a step closer.

"What? Now you're going to kill me?" I laugh. "You hate the idea that there's someone on this fucking planet who loves you that much?"

He reaches behind me with his other hand and unhooks my bra, using the knife to slide the straps from my shoulders and letting it fall to the ground.

"I'm not going to kill you," he says, his voice calm, steady. "But you said I could do both, remember? Take off your shorts and lie down on the bed."

I do as he asks, this time kicking off my heels before letting my shorts and panties drop to the floor. He watches, still and silent with his arms crossed in front of his bare chest, as I crawl onto the bed. The lights from outside reflect off the blade as I stretch out naked on the bed in front of him, my heart pounding in my chest.

And I stay like that for far too long, his eyes roving over my naked body until, finally, he moves, climbing onto the bed and kneeling between my legs.

My mind takes me back to the time Declan left me bloody on the bathroom floor, and I start to panic. "What are you going to do to me?" I ask.

"Just relax," he says. He plants a fist beside my head, shifting his weight onto it before pressing the tip of the knife to the 'D' on my chest.

"Don't!" I scream. "Sebastian, please, don't…"

"Why not?" he asks through clenched teeth.

"Because…I love them, too. It's all I have left to remind me. Please don't, Sebastian. It'll hurt me too much—you might as well kill me."

I wait with bated breath while he considers it, exhaling when he finally pulls the knife away, lowering it instead to the space just to the left of my right hip. Relieved, I slowly exhale through my mouth, staring up at the ceiling.

"Calm down," he tells me. "I'm better at this than them. I'm a professional; I know what I'm doing."

"Okay."

He takes my hand and moves it between my legs, guiding my fingers over my wet slit. "You should touch your pussy," he says. "It'll take the edge off. Different sides of the same coin, remember?"

I nod, and he watches as I push them inside of me, slowly pumping them in and out. I can hear how wet and slick I am with both of our cum still inside me, and I know he can, too.

"Fuck, there you go," he groans and digs the knife into my skin. "The only thing that could make that sight even prettier is your blood."

"Ahh!" I scream, gritting my teeth as I try not to squirm too much under the blade.

"Don't stop fucking yourself, Teagan," he says as the knife slices through my skin. I slide my cum-drenched fingers out of my pussy and onto my clit, and he's right—it does help. My skin burns as blood runs from the wound down my abdomen, over my pelvis, and between my legs, and it does feel good.

Different sides of the same coin.

"Oh, god," I moan, the pleasure between my legs beginning to outweigh the searing pain of the blade.

"Almost done…" he says. "There."

He sets the knife aside and moves down the bed, staring at his work before lowering his mouth to the wound, kissing and licking the blood from my skin, sucking it into his mouth.

My fingers slide over my clit faster, and I moan, my hips shifting beneath him. He grabs me by my wrist and takes my hand away.

"I'll take care of you now," he says. "Your pussy is covered in your blood, you know that? You look so pretty like this."

Sebastian brings his mouth back to my skin, licking down my body until his tongue finds its way between my legs. He laps at my pussy, watching me while he does it, with blood and cum dripping from his chin.

"Oh…oh, god."

He sucks my clit into his mouth and moans. "Mmmm…you taste so good. You were really close to coming, weren't you?"

His tongue starts working me again before I can answer, rolling hard and fast over my clit. He guides his fingers inside me, fucking me with one hand while the other pushes down on my pelvis.

"Yes…" I say, writhing beneath him. "Yes, I'm going to come."

My heels dig into the bed and I explode on his tongue. "Sebastian!" I scream. "Fuck!"

I see stars when I close my eyes. Maybe it's the blood loss, maybe it's something else, but either way, I keep coming, and he keeps sucking until my legs fall limp onto the mattress.

"Don't move," he says.

Not that I could, anyway.

I feel the mattress shift and then hear his footsteps across the room as I stare up at the ceiling. Then, I hear the minifridge open and close before he walks to the bathroom. When he comes back, he stands at the side of the bed and wipes my cuts clean with a wet towel.

"This is going to hurt," he says.

"What's going to hurt?" I ask.

I look up at him and watch as he unscrews the cap from a miniature bottle of vodka. I open my mouth but don't have time to object before he pins my thigh down with one hand and pours the vodka over the wound with the other.

"Fuck!" I scream. "God damn it, that fucking burns!"

"But look how good it looks," he says.

I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at the letter 'S' etched into my hip. It does look cleaner and smoother than the others. The turns don't come to a point the way they do on Declan's 'D'; they're one even, continuous line.

"Yeah, it does," I tell him.

"I told you—I'm a professional."

I pull myself up onto my knees and face him, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down over his hips.

"Can I do it to you?" I pull his boxers down until his hard cock springs free. "I'm not a professional," I say, wrapping my fist around him, "but I'll take my time."

I wrap my lips around his cock, swirling my tongue around the head before slowly sucking it into my mouth and taking it into the back of my throat and then, just as slowly, sucking it to the tip.

"Fuck," he groans, dropping his head before he grabs the back of my hair and thrusts hard into my mouth over and over again, my eyes watering. He releases me and pulls his cock from my mouth, hissing as if it's painful, and then says, "Get the knife, Teagan."

A smile stretches across my face. "Okay."

As I turn to grab the knife, he stretches out naked on the bed, working his cock in his hand. And I can't stop staring—he's sprawled out on his back with his legs spread. All hard muscle and tattoos, sliding his fist up and down his length. I can't wrap my fingers around it, but he can. His middle finger just barely touches his thumb as he slowly pumps the shaft.

"Well? Go ahead," he says, snapping me out of it.

I lean over him and press the knife to his skin.

"Lower, killer," he growls.

"Sorry," I say, bringing the knife down a couple of inches. He groans as I make the two small cuts that form the 'T' on his chest…but I don't think he's in pain. I think he likes it.

"Is that it?" he asks. "It's small."

"No…I want to make sure there's room for my whole name."

He laughs and, with his free hand, runs his thumb over my nipple. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"I might need help with the 'G' from a professional."

"No problem," he says.

He barely flinches as I etch my name across his chest, grunting while he pumps his dick in his hand, cum leaking from the tip. He only stops to guide my hand as I make the letter 'G' and then goes right back to work.

"Does it feel good?" I ask as I start on the final letter, glancing down at his dripping cock gripped tightly in his fist. It makes my clit throb. "Your dick is twitching."

"Yeah, it feels good," he groans. "Fuck."

"Done," I tell him, leaning down and running my tongue over the bloody cuts. I close my eyes, savoring the taste of the warm, coppery liquid on my tongue, but I don't get to for long.

Sebastian slides out from under me, gripping the back of my neck and pushing my head into the mattress before easily slipping his cock into my pussy.

He groans loudly as he impales me, forcefully slamming his hips into mine. "Fuck, your slutty pussy is messy, little monster. Your blood and our cum feel so…fucking…good."

"Oh my god…"

"You should see my blood dripping all over you, running down your ass..." He trails off, grunting each time he drills into me.

"Sebastian!"

"Fucking hell…this is going to make it harder not to cut you up."

He growls before spreading my legs wider, using a tight grip on my hips to pull me further onto him each time he thrusts inside me. I scream into the mattress when I come, my pussy clenching around his throbbing cock as he comes again, too.

"Oh…fuck," Sebastian moans. He stretches out on top of me, reaching around and grabbing my tits with both hands while he empties himself inside me, his hips flush against my ass.

And when he pulls out, I reach for him, lacing my fingers through his and pulling him into me. This is usually the part where he leaves me without saying a word or tells me how much he hates me.

"Be nice to me," I whisper, breathless. "I love you."

He wraps his arms around me, and I close my eyes as he trails kisses down my neck.

Afterward, he leaves the bed and pours alcohol on his own chest, but he doesn't react to the stinging sensation the way I did. I shower first, and then Sebastian, who simply said, "No," when I asked him to get in with me, but that's okay.

I bet he's never showered with anyone in his life. I'm sure no one has ever laid back against his chest in the bathtub, and no one has ever washed his hair for him—not for longer than he could remember.

But then he crawls back into bed with me, and he doesn't object when I curl up against his scarred back. I close my eyes and get this really ridiculous idea that not only will Declan and Luca come back for me, but maybe Sebastian could come, too. I could fix him while Luca fixed me, and do things for him that no one ever did, like buy him birthday cards or scratch the back of his head during a movie. Declan always liked that.

I move the hand from behind my head to the back of his neck and then thread my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp with my nails.

"Mmm, you better stop, Teagan," Sebastian says, his eyes still closed. "I can't get used to things like that."

"I won't tell if you won't." I press my lips against the damaged skin, kissing the old wounds that he says don't hurt anymore, but they changed him from a scared little boy to a ruthless killer. "Hey, Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"When's your birthday?"

He sighs. "I don't know anymore, Teagan. I think it was in January or February. There was always snow on the ground."

My eyes start to water again, and I squeeze them shut, wrapping my arms around his body. "I think you're beautiful, too."

"Just go to sleep," he says. "You can say more crazy shit to me tomorrow."