Chapter 14

FOURTEEN

Colin

F encing practice starts today, though not for a few hours and it's all going to be different, since Oliver and Owen graduated, I don't know who our new captains are besides Ryan for epee.

My phone buzzes with a text from Isaac.

Baby Bird: I'm out front, come on!

Corruptor: You're such a people pleaser.

Baby Bird: I can leave and you can find your own ride.

Corruptor: Like I don't have a driver

Heading toward the door, I find Owen with his head hanging off the couch, still in his pajamas, staring at the ceiling. It's not all that surprising since it's not noon yet.

"I'm leaving."

Isaac and I are going to spend the day together since Oliver is at work and Isaac is anxious, but I don't say that. Maybe I want him to wonder who I'm going out with.

His gaze finds me and, like every time I have his attention, I can feel it like a physical caress. He's driving me insane. There's only so much jacking off I can do before the desperation for something more starts clawing at me. Since we moved in here, he's allowed me to touch him once for a few seconds, and he hasn't touched me. He won't even share a bed with me since we moved. The few times I've actually seen him asleep, he was on the couch or in his gaming chair at the computer.

I can feel the bad decisions coming, and when they present themselves, I don't know that I'll be able to turn it down.

It eats at the walls I've built to protect myself. I've made peace with my parents hating the very air I breathe, but this…disinterest will be the death of me.

The rejection is too much to bear. How did I think this was a good idea? I'd obviously had a crush on Owen, even if I hadn't admitted it to myself, and living with a guy who didn't want me reinforced all of the rejection my parents fed me on a silver spoon.

"Leaving?"

"Yes, leaving. You know, like going outside? And I have practice tonight, so I'll be back after that." He's melodramatic today. I can't help but wonder what it is that goes through his head during these bouts. "Did you take your pills?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? You either did or didn't."

"I don't remember."

With a huff, I stomp toward the kitchen and his medication box that I've had to learn how to deal with. Stupid little boxes with the days of the week on them so I can keep track of the days he skipped them.

"The box is empty, so I assume you took them. You aren't prone to throwing them away, are you?"

"No, that's too much effort. I thought about it, but I can't find the trash can." He turns his head towards me, dark hair shifting.

With my hand on my hip, I turn to stare at the top of his head. "Have you eaten?"

"I don't know."

"I swear to god!" I did not sign up for this. "Then you need to eat now. I don't smell coffee. Did you make any today?"

"I–"

"If you say, ‘I don't know' one more time, so help me I will throw your computer out a window."

"You can try, Oliver put safety locks on all the windows so they don't open more than a few inches."

"Why would he—" It clicks. "Owen."

"Who are you going out with?" he asks.

I don't have time for this. "I'm going out with Isaac. Eat or don't, I just don't care right now. Why don't you go bother Oliver at work?"

"Remember, we are married." Owen's voice makes me pause.

"What does that even mean?" I whirl around.

"You can't shatter that illusion, or it will be national news and a problem for the both of us."

"Flirting is harmless." And the only interaction I get that doesn't feel one sided. "It's who I am as a human." Not that you seem to give a shit.

I reach for the door, and there's movement behind me, but I don't turn to look. I'm ready to snap, and at this point, I don't know if I want to fuck him or hit him. Maybe both. Probably both. There's too much coming at me all at once, too many things needing too much of my attention.

The heat of his body infiltrates every inch of me despite him not touching me.

"I can't imagine what it's like to live with me. I'm sorry." His warm breath caresses the back of my neck, while his nose skims the shell of my ear.

The part of me that wants to be angry at him breaks. I'm not angry, not really. I know he can't really help it. I might not have depression or whatever else he deals with, but no one would choose this for themselves.

"It's an adjustment for both of us." My voice is thick with emotion. I'm trying desperately not to let it out.

"I wish I could be what you need."

I press my eyes closed. What can I even say to that?

My phone vibrates again with a text from Isaac.

"I have to go."

I run from the apartment. There's no other way to describe it. Like a fucking coward, I run.

By the time I make it to the car, I've pulled my shit together.

Sliding in next to Isaac, I smile at him. There's a glow about him, a confidence he didn't have last year. Good dick will do that for you.

And getting away from your homophobic parents.

"Oliver wants to know if Owen has eaten today. You haven't shared the app information."

"Oliver can suck my dick."

Isaac blinks. "I'm not saying that to him."

I shrug. "Worried he'll take it too literally?"

"Rude. Don't take out your bad decisions on me!" Isaac huffs.

I slip my arm around him. "I'm sorry. I'm just…frustrated."

"How's it going? Living together I mean." Isaac is so cute, pretending like he isn't gathering information for Oliver.

"It's fine. Much like it was before we moved out, except no Oliver."

"You are reminding Owen to take care of himself though, right?"

I sigh, so very tired of this conversation. "Owen is an adult. I remind him, but I'm not his babysitter or his mother. He's relied on Oliver too much. He has to figure out how to stand on his own."

The car falls quiet, which is fine. I don't want to talk about Owen anymore anyway.

Cassandra Claire Covington: I have a date tonight *eye roll*

Best Brother Ever: One that you arranged yourself?

Cassandra Claire Covington: Hilarious.

Best Brother Ever: With who this time?

Cassandra Claire Covington: Benjamin Louis

I have to think about that one for a minute. Who the hell is that? It takes me about ten seconds on social media to find the little twerp with a slicked back side part and audacity that gags me through a picture. Great.

Best Brother Ever: Try not to choke on his personality since he'll be shoving it down your throat.

Cassandra Claire Covington:…is that a euphemism?

I chuckle.

Best Brother Ever: Nope. If he touches you, call me and I'll break his fingers. I'm not kidding.

Cassandra Claire Covington: Thanks

We go to brunch, do some shopping, and eventually make it to school for practice. I got a notification on my phone that Owen left home, thanks to Oliver insisting on that too. Looks like he went to bother Oliver after all. It's probably good for both of them.

"Is he going to come to practices with us?" Isaac asks as we exit the car.

"I honestly have no idea."

There's an excitement in the air when we enter the fencing building. Every day is closer to the season opener. Since most of us were on the team last year, we get changed into practice gear.

"Any idea who the new captains are going to be?" Isaac asks.

"No idea, and honestly, as long as it's not me, I don't care." The last thing I need is to add team captain to my list of duties.

"You don't want to be a captain?"

"I'm not exactly captain material."

Ryan Abbott comes in to get changed and winks at me. Oh well, hello there.

I wonder…

"Hello Ryan, how was your summer?" I smile at him, standing just a little too close.

"You know how it is. Mother insisted on a month in Italy." No wonder he's so tan.

"Yes, mothers are the best at ruining our plans."

We leave the locker room shoulder to shoulder and head toward the bleachers to wait for Coach.

"Uh Colin?" Isaac whispers, but I ignore him. Ryan brushes a hand on my arm and tingles break out along my skin. Fuck, I haven't been touched, even a simple one like that, in weeks. I'm dying for it.

Leaning toward him, I inhale the expensive cologne the epee captain wears and whisper in his ear. "We'll have to get drinks after practice. I want to hear all about Italy."

"Boys," Coach Kennedy calls through the space, and we all turn toward him.

"We will be selecting captains in two weeks, all the team members will take a vote, and I will take those into consideration." He claps his hands together. "Now, let's get to work and see how much you all slacked off during break."

I smile at Ryan, little touches here and there. Nothing indecent, just correcting posture while coach finishes talking. This could be the answer to all my problems.

But then Coach says, "We are lucky to have a national team fencer among us. Owen will be joining us for practice for the foreseeable future."

My head snaps around to find my husband seething.

What is his issue? Not like he wants it.

I lock eyes with him and keep talking to Ryan. He gets closer, picking a little piece of fuzz off my shirt as he drops his voice to a flirty tone. I don't stop him, tearing my gaze away from Owen. He doesn't want me, so he can't be mad someone else does.