Chapter 38

Reece

Sawyer is going to see Pippin. He doesn't provide many details. I almost ask if I can go with him so I can see Ezra, but he doesn't offer. So, I don't ask. I hate that I don't know anything about his family but there's a stone wall; I can feel it. In any case, Asher is taking me to see his mom.

Sawyer's truck disappears down the road. I climb into Asher's car and strap in. He gets into the driver's seat, and within minutes we're on the highway.

"Are you nervous?" he asks.

"I am. But that can't stop me from seeing her again, right?"

"Right. She's excited to see you."

"Does she know about us?" I ask.

Asher takes his eyes off the road for a second to look at me. "Yeah. Would you have preferred that she not know?"

I shake my head. "We never kept anything from her. Why start now?"

He smiles. "You're right. She loved you so much."

"You liked how much she loved me." The memories these days are easier to face. I can think about them now without as much guilt as I used to.

"I still do. She was a good mother to us."

I turn fully to him. "What did she say when you told her?"

"She said it was strange, but love is wonderful in all its forms."

"She's right." But my head is stuck on . . . love ?

We reach a suburb that looks like it was cut out of a magazine. Not the ones with million-dollar real estate. The ones that depict small cottages out on the prairie. The place you go to when you want to cut yourself off from the world. It's not extravagant. Hardly middle-class, even. But it is absolutely beautiful. I love it. It's how I always dreamed of living.

Mrs. Cameron is already at the small white gate when we pull up.

"She must've spotted the car up on the hill when we came around the bend," Asher says with a smile.

I hardly hear him. All the years melt away. All the shame and guilt melt away. I yank open the door and fly around the car. Her arms are already open, and I collapse into them.

All the tears I've refused to cry all these years come pouring out of me. This woman, who is not my mother, holds me in her arms like her long-lost son has returned.

I cry into her neck.

"Oh, baby. You're home now. You're home, Reece honey," she soothes. Her soft touch, patting my head and smoothing my hair down makes me cry harder. I never felt this much emotion even when I saw Asher again for the first time.

"Oh, honey," she coos in my ear. "You can let it out, honey. Let it all out, baby."

"I'm so sorry," I wail into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You were just a baby. What should you be sorry for?" she scolds gently.

"It was my fault. Our secret came out because of me. And then I denied everything because I wasn't brave. Everybody's lives got ruined because of me."

"No, honey. Not you. Never you. You were never supposed to hide in the first place. Now come inside so I can take a good look at you and feed you some food."

I lift my face from her shoulder, feeling like a giant fool. A grown man crying on the shoulder of a woman half my size on the side of the road.

She takes my hand in hers and leads me through the pathway to the front door. Asher trails behind us.

Inside, she turns and holds me at arms length. "Too skinny, my darling."

I laugh, wiping my wet cheeks. "I haven't eaten your food in over ten years."

Asher is in the kitchen, checking out what his mother has cooked for us. He always inspected the pots and pans like that, even then.

Mrs. Cameron pulls me to the living room, seating me next to her on a couch. Asher comes into the living room with two glasses of water. I hardly notice him. My eyes search the face of the woman before me. I don't know where to start.

"I'm sorry about Mr. Cameron," I blurt out.

She smiles. "He's in a better place and he watches over me every day. I believe that."

I am overcome by tears again. "If he never left Arizona maybe he would've gotten the right treatment."

Her smile remains. "It happened the way it happened, sweetie. I don't question it."

"Asher never played college ball," I say through my tears because she can't keep making excuses for me and my father.

"He still found his happiness. He just went in a different direction."

I cry harder, dropping my head to her lap.

"Oh, baby. You're still so sad."

I raise my head, trying to keep my emotions in check. "I got married," I tell her sorrowfully.

"I know, baby."

"I loved Ash, but I married someone else."

"He did too, but sometimes it just works out like that."

"They – they – Ash and Sawyer—" I don't know how to go on.

"How wonderful to be loved like that, don't you think?" she says, reaching over to wipe my cheeks.

"Do you really think so, ma'am? I won't mess this up too?"

"You could never mess anything up, baby. And yes, I really think so."

"I have so much to tell you," I sniff.

"We have time."

But there is one thing I have to tell her now. "I had a baby," I say.

Her eyes fill with the same love as all those years ago. "Oh, sweetheart. I know . . ."

"She died, ma'am. She died."

Mrs. Cameron pulls me into her arms. And for the first time, I realize that no one ever hugged me the day Abigail died. "Her name was Abigail," I whisper through my tears. "Her name was Abigail."

"Oh, that is a beautiful name, baby."

I don't know how long I stay there, buried in Asher's mother's embrace. It doesn't matter. Sawyer was right and Mrs. Cameron is right. I'm home. I have Asher. And Sawyer. And her. Only Mr. Cameron isn't here but she says he's in a better place, so maybe that's okay. Maybe he's in the same place Abigail is in, and, for the first time, I feel like maybe Abigail isn't alone.

It's okay. It's all okay now.