39. Mai

Chapter thirty-nine

Mai

I jerked up from the kitchen chair, my heart pounding in my chest as I faced Jem. Thomas appeared in the doorway, gently guiding Jem into the kitchen. Despite Thomas pulling out a chair for him, Jem refused to sit down, instead grabbing onto the back of a chair to steady himself.

"Esme's spell went well," Thomas said, his voice soft but strained. "But it took a lot out of her. She's resting upstairs now."

Jem's gaze never left my face. But at least he wasn't attacking me, which was definitely a step forward.

"What did you do, Mai?" Jem repeated, his voice harsh.

I frowned, not sure what he was asking. "Um, Esme cast a spell to put your wolf to sleep for a couple of days," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "It was the only way to—"

"I know that," he snapped. Ryan's face went blank, and I knew he was about to come to my defense.

I shook my head once at Ryan, telling him I'd handle this.

"I'm not talking about the spell. I want to know about Hayley. "

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of Hayley's name. I had been dreading this moment, knowing that, eventually, we would have to have this conversation, but I hadn't thought it would be so soon.

Ryan moved to stand between Jem and me, but I gently pushed him back. "It's okay, Ryan."

I could feel Ryan's muscles coiled tightly under my hands. Neither Ryan nor his wolf liked the way this was going, but Ryan loved Jem like a brother. I couldn't let them get into a fight over this.

"You want to know about Hayley?" I asked Jem.

"Yes."

"About how I...about how..." I trailed off, appalled at the thought of having to tell Jem how I killed his mate.

Jem studied my face for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then, without taking his eyes off of me, he ordered, "Everyone out. Now. I want to talk to Mai and Ryan alone."

No one moved.

Well, this was awkward.

Thomas, Wally, and Derek all glanced at me. Jem wasn't their Alpha anymore, and they needed the go-ahead from either me or Ryan before they obeyed. I'd been so hell-bent on getting Jem back that I hadn't thought past that, or about how Jem would fit into the Pack hierarchy now.

I gave a curt nod, giving them permission to leave. They didn't hesitate, filing out of the kitchen, leaving Jem alone with me and Ryan.

As soon as they were gone, Jem slumped into the chair. He ran a hand over his face, and the scent of his exhaustion and sadness filled the room. My wolf whined inside of me, wanting to go and comfort him .

Too dangerous .

She snorted. Jem was her brother-wolf, and she had no fear of him.

"I keep forgetting I'm not the Alpha anymore," Jem whispered. "It's going to take some getting used to. A lot has changed."

"It'll take time, Jem," I sat down next to him, careful not to touch him. His wolf might be asleep by Esme's spell, but I knew just how strong Jem's wolf was and my touching him might be enough to wake him up. "It'll be okay."

Jem shook his head softly. "No, Mai. I don't think it'll ever be okay again."

Maybe he was right. I knew if I lost Ryan, my whole world would disappear. I didn't know how to make this better for Jem.

"Mai, please. Tell me what happened to Hayley. I know she's...I know she's dead. I felt it when she died. But I need to know how it happened."

I swallowed hard, trying to find the words to explain. Ryan leaned back in his chair and placed his hand on the back of my neck. The heat of his hand seeped into my skin, letting me know that he was here, that I didn't have to tell Jem alone.

"We suspect that Hayley was hooked on ripple. It was increasing her paranoia and made her susceptible to the lies that Brock told her."

Jem's eyes widened in surprise. "Ripple? In the Three Rivers?"

Ryan nodded. "Turns out ripple has been here for a while. It's spreading fast, all across the northeast territories."

Jem's shoulders sagged. "There's a lot I didn't know when I was the Alpha."

I hesitated, glancing at Ryan. He gave me a small nod of encouragement, and I turned back to Jem .

"Brock and Hayley had declared themselves as the Alpha couple," I said softly.

Jem closed his eyes, and I could scent his pain rolling off of him in waves.

"Ryan and I went to the Pack Meet where Brock and Hayley were supposed to be announced to all the Packs as the new Alphas of the Three Rivers. We challenged them. There was a fight."

I paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Hayley couldn't partially Shift anymore. It's a side-effect of ripple. Wolves who are hooked on it cannot Shift. But I could."

"How was that possible? You weren't the Alphas of the Three Rivers then."

I shrugged. "When Brock and Hayley took over, we went on the run. We formed our own, well, our own renegade Pack. They saw me and Ryan as their Alphas and I was able to use that. It meant I could partially Shift. I'd defeated her. The fight was over, but she came at me again." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I forced myself to say the words. "I killed Hayley, Jem. I'm so sorry."

Jem's eyes snapped open, and for a moment, I thought he might lunge at me. His arms shook, and it looked like he was trying desperately not to attack me. Ryan was tense next to me and I knew he was ready to tackle Jem if he showed any signs of moving toward me. Then the moment passed, and Jem slumped back in his chair, his face crumpling as he began to sob.

"I think she wanted to die. At the end. She thought you were dead, Jem. I really do believe that. And I think she wanted forgiveness for what she did. "

Jem's weeping filled the room, his shoulders shaking with the force of his grief. Ryan stood up and placed his hand on Jem's shoulder, offering silent comfort to him. I wanted to go and hug my brother, to let him know that he wasn't alone in this, but Ryan shook his head at me. He didn't trust the witch's spell, either.

"I'm so sorry, Jem," I repeated.

Jem swiped his tears away. "It's my fault," he said, his voice hoarse.

"No. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

But Jem wasn't listening. "I should have seen it coming. I should have known that Hayley was on drugs, that Brock was poisoning her mind. I failed her. As her mate, I failed her."

He looked shattered and broken, a shadow of the Alpha he had been.

"Do you remember what happened?" Ryan asked gently. "The night you disappeared?"

Jem nodded slowly, his eyes distant. "I remember we had all just gotten home, ready to coordinate against Brock and Tristan's takeover attempt. I remember opening the door and seeing Hayley, and feeling a warning come through our bond. And then...then nothing."

He shuddered, his hands clenching into fists. "I woke up in pain, in the cage room. Brock was there, along with a witch. I was paralyzed, couldn't move. And my bond with Hayley...it was gone. Like it had never been there."

Jem's voice broke, and he buried his face in his hands. "I passed out again after that. I don't remember anything else."

I leaned forward. "Did you see the witch's face? Anything that could help us identify them?"

Jem shook his head. "No, they had a hood on. "

I sat back, my mind racing. Could it have been the same witch that I saw when Seth took me? The one who tried to break my bond with the Three Rivers Pack?

I turned to Ryan. "Is it possible? Could a witch have brought Jem back to life?"

He shrugged. "Ever since the Council banned them from practicing here, wolves don't have a lot of contact with witches. We don't keep track anymore; we've no idea what they're capable of these days."

Fuck! We might never know if Jem had really died or not. "What did you mean your bond with Hayley was gone?"

Jem's face crumpled, and for a moment, I thought he might start crying again. But he took a deep, shuddering breath before answering. "It was like she was gone. Like she never existed, and we never mated," he said.

"It might have been something the witch did," Ryan speculated. "Maybe witches have found a way to transfer bonds. It would explain why Hayley thought Brock was her mate. If the witch had somehow transferred your bond to him?"

"If they did, it wasn't permanent. Over the next few days, the bond started to come back. Slowly, like a trickle. They moved me from place to place, but I could start to feel Hayley again. Feel her pain."

Jem closed his eyes. "And then, when Hayley…when she really did die...it wasn't like she was just gone this time. It was a tearing, an explosion of pain. And then...nothing."

He opened his eyes, and I could see the raw agony in them. "I passed out or shut down, I guess, when she died. When I woke up, the bond was gone again. And this time, I knew it was for good."