13. Steph

CHAPTER 13

Steph

I stared at the email that had been sent to me by the school board. It was official. I no longer had a job. After forwarding the email to Hutch, I called immediately.

“Hutch Wallace,” he answered.

“This isn’t fair!”

“Okay, is there something new I should know about?”

“Read your email.” My reply was far too testy, considering I’d just sent the thing and it wasn’t like the man didn’t have other clients or a life. My fuse was short and defied logic though. That was a new experience for me and probably everyone who knew me too.

“What the fuck?” Hutch’s response at least helped to validate my own feelings as he growled down the line. “This is not only unacceptable, it’s fucking illegal. I will deal with the school board. Don’t worry, we’ll get your job back.”

That was about the time that my defeatist attitude – also new – took hold. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“What? Why not?”

I sighed. “What’s the point in trying to work somewhere I’m not wanted? It will be nothing but added stress to an already crappy situation. Maybe this is for the best.”

“You said last night that you needed to work.”

“If Ollie gives me the money in that supposed joint account, it will hold me over until after the baby is born.” I thought out my expenses and what they would be like. “Well, it should if it doesn’t cost too much money out of pocket to have a baby. I’m going to lose my insurance, since I was fired.”

“You weren’t fired. You were-”

“I was fired and we both know it. They can pretty up the words all they want, but it doesn’t change the fact that I no longer have a job and I certainly didn’t leave my position willingly.”

“I’m so sorry, Steph. None of this has been fair to you.”

That was the understatement of the year. Not only did I have to deal with my husband having been unfaithful, but also his agenda when he married me, the loss of my job, the possibility of losing my stepson, and I had to face single parenthood while living through all that.

“Okay, well, I won’t push to have you rehired, but I think we should consider a wrongful termination lawsuit. Part of their justification included that you would need to be out on maternity leave shortly after coming back from being a security hazard to the school, so they saw no reason to welcome you back.”

“Thanks for that less than flattering recap.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Everything is…” I huffed in frustration. “Everything sucks right now, Hutch.”

“What can I do to help.”

“I think you’re already handling more than I can afford.”

“This isn’t about business, Steph. I’m here for you, outside of being your lawyer, I’m also your friend.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. Honestly, what I really want is a stupid cheeseburger and some French fries, but I can’t leave the house without people following me everywhere.”

“We’ll get you taken care of. Sit tight and get some rest for now. And don’t worry because all of this shit, from your soon-to-be ex-husband to the school system, is going to be handled.”

“Thank you.” I murmured and then hung up.

The house was still and so quiet. Denmark hadn’t been home last night, so our usual morning routine never happened. This was what it would be like in the future. It was still very much up in the air whether I’d have any rights to Denmark when all was said and done. Ollie might just decide to go search for a replacement nanny-wife, since there would be two children involved. He hadn’t been able to handle it on his own with one, so I had no doubt that was what he would do.

While he got to play happy families with my replacement, I would sit here on the days when he had our child and feel the emptiness of the house that should have been filled with laughter and shared joy at watching our children grow before our eyes. That dream was lost to me now. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier to wrap my head around what the future would look like from then on.

My phone dinged in my hand. Figuring the new text might be from Hutch, I glanced down at frowned because it was an unknown number.

Unknown Number: You think you can turn things around? Blow up my life? Make me look like the bad person? I have news for you, bitch. You forgot that I own your husband. Heart. Soul. And sex tape.

“What the hell?” I asked my phone as my eyes kept tracking over the message. It felt like it would change at any moment, if only I read the damn thing one more time. I quickly forwarded the message to Hutch.

Hutch: What was that?

Steph: A text some unknown number just sent me.

Hutch: …

While I waited on him to continue typing, another text came in from whoever it was. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach as I saw the thumbnail image on the video that was sent to me. It was Ollie, head thrown back, no shirt on, sweaty. It looked like he was in the middle of… “Oh God!” I gasped. The last message had said “Heart. Soul. And sex tape.”

“She wouldn’t.” I said as my finger hovered over the message. I debated for only a minute before I had to see for myself. Up until this point, I was hurt, upset, angry, and all the range of emotions one could possibly have when faced with the many betrayals my husband dropped at my feet over the past few weeks.

The thing that still felt unreal was the fact that he really did cheat. It felt like fiction, a lie someone cooked up to make me take the rest of it seriously. I knew it was true, since he admitted to it, but it was this arbitrary thought since I’d never caught them and Steve’s PI hadn’t even caught them in the act.

Hutch: Do not open any more texts from that person!

His warning flashed on my screen in a notification that I quickly ignored. I had to see it for myself.

The video did not start out with sex. Ollie and Jia sat there on the end of the bed. Ollie stared off into space or at the wall or whatever as Jia tried to gently pull his face toward her.

“Look at me, please!” Her voice sounded desperate, even to me. I believed she might break if he didn’t shift his focus to her.

“Julia, this isn’t right. You know I’m married.”

“What I know is that you still love me. You always have and I’ve never gotten over you. Maybe I was overwhelmed before, it could have been postpartum stuff that made me throw everything away,” She surmised, though that part hadn’t been very convincing as far as I could see. “I’ve always regretted losing you, though.”

She didn’t even mention regrets about abandoning their son, just him. The need to vomit hit me hard and fast but I managed to breathe through it as the video continued to play.

“I know you remember all the good times. I also know that you didn’t marry for love.”

“You know nothing, Julia.” Her tinkling laughter mocked me. From the look on Ollie’s face, he found the sound endearing. “What’s the laughter for?”

“Come on, Ollie. The only person stupid enough to believe you married that woman for love is her. God only knows why she would believe that. From what I hear, you never even showed her any affection. For heaven’s sake, Marcy Davenport told me that you didn’t even tell the poor little mouse that you loved her at your damn wedding.” I paused the video there and examined what she said.

That hurt because it was true. I also remembered Marcy being there because she had been Caleb’s date and had shown up in a fire engine red dress that turned more heads than my wedding dress because the parts that covered her body were like a beacon with their brightness when my entire wedding was done in subtle pastels. Then there was everything the dress exposed that seemed to be the talk of the night.

Caleb had apologized to me later that night. He said they met at the venue and if he had known what she was going to wear, there was no way he would have brought her as his plus one, but turning her away at the door would have resulted in her making a bigger scene.

I was so blissfully happy that day that I hadn’t even cared. Apparently, I hadn’t even cared to notice that my husband never said anything about love in his vows. We wrote our own. His were plain, simple, and only spoke of how it was meant to be, his family was now whole, and then he promised to take care of me – actually he promised to take care of his family. He used the word cherish, but never love. Never honor. Now that I thought about it, there was never even a vow to be faithful, so I suppose he didn’t actually break the wedding vows he made to me, since ours were very different.

Ollie spoke as the video started again. “None of that matters. I’m still married. This isn’t right.” I couldn’t even cheer him on because I knew where this video was headed and it certainly wasn’t with him remaining faithful to those words.

Jia’s fingers walked up the tailored legs of Ollie’s newest suit. He had been proud of that one because it was his first bespoke suit that was made just for him. “You know we have unfinished business. We were always meant to be together again, baby.” Her nails, painted a wicked purple, caught the light as they trailed up his thighs and met at the center where she lightly scraped them over the growing bulge there.

I felt sick seeing his instant reaction to her teasing touch.

“You think you have the right to touch me like that?” Ollie snarled at her as he grabbed her hand.

“I know I do. You’re mine. You always have been. Don’t mistake what happened as me being done with you all those years ago. I was never done with you. We’re not done. That little bitch is easily disposed of, or fuck it, she can stick it out as the nanny, so long as you never stick this,” she grabbed his genitals, “in her again. It’s mine, Ollie.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to come back and lay claim to me. I’ve been with my wife for four years, married for three of those. You think it’s that easy? You can just walk back into my life, fall on my dick, and we’re supposed to play happy families?”

“We could always just start with happy fuck buddies,” She taunted him and leaned in to nip his earlobe. “Or…” She panted. “You could punish me for walking out on you. Make it hurt the way you know we both like.”

Ollie reached behind her and gripped her hair. The way he snatched her head back and then looked down into her eyes made me think he would put an end to this. Maybe it had all been a lie. A cruel joke. But no. The words that left his mouth next put me well and truly in my place.

“You’re right. I didn’t love Steph when I married her, but someone had to be here to take care of the son you left behind.”

“You took advantage of having her take care of you too, though didn’t you.”

“Don’t act like you haven’t been out in California fucking every man who could get you a leg up in the business.”

That same laughter peeled out through the speakers. “You know it meant nothing. Just like I know that wife of yours means absolutely nothing.”

“You think so?” He growled at her.

“I know so.” She grabbed his cock again, only that time she managed to undo his suit and pull him free. She pumped her hand up and down his length. “This tells me all I need to know.”

“That’s a biological response, not evidence of shit except that you’ve been teasing my dick since we got here.”

She shook her head as if to argue and then thought better of it. She crawled off the end of the bed and situated herself between his thighs. I watched as her head bobbed up and down in his lap. He kept a fistful of her hair wrapped around his fingers as he helped guide her.

“At least you’ve always known how to suck a cock,” he spat at her. I didn’t miss the insinuation that she was the only one who did and neither did Jia.

She pulled her mouth off his length and laughed again. “What’s the matter? The prim and proper nanny didn’t know how to suck dick when you met her? You mean to tell me that you’ve gone four years, maybe longer, without a proper blow job? Poor baby. Let me fix that for you.”

He yanked her head back before her lips could touch his penis. I felt as though my whole world had crumbled all over again, but for some reason or other I couldn’t make myself stop the video.

He picked her up, yanked the slip of dress she wore from her body. There was nothing else to rip off of her. She had been naked underneath. “You always were ready for anything.” Ollie stood up then and pushed her back toward the bed. “Hands and knees, now!” He demanded.

As Jia assumed the position, Ollie took the time to pull a condom out of his pants pocket before he shed them and his shirt and tie. That was the most damning thing of all. He had come prepared. We had only used condoms for a week or two after I was on some medication and the last time we’d been together, just two days before the date stamped on the video, we hadn’t bothered using one. I thought it was just because he surprised me when I’d already been asleep, but in the morning, when I brought it up, he told me that we had run out.

That meant the condom he rolled on himself was something he had to go out and purchase. It meant that he had prepared for the eventual outcome of fucking his ex-girlfriend when he met up with her. He wasn’t having sex with her on the spur of the moment, because she seduced him and nostalgia took hold. He had gone to her prepared for the eventuality.

The minute he was suited up, he slammed into her without any preparation. Not that she needed it. Apparently she got off on tearing me down in front of him. Got off on teasing him too, no doubt. He fucked her, and I watched for the next ten minutes until he finally thrust hard one more time and threw his head back to groan out his release. Condom or no, he had just fucked and come while still buried inside a woman who was not his wife.

It was my turn to laugh as the video came to a close. Having a wife didn’t mean anything to Ollie. He had said as much. I had been so ridiculously stupid. So very, very blinded by my own delusional love that I hadn’t noticed the man I shared a bed, a house, a son, and a life with for years could be so cold and calculating. I didn’t know who my husband was anymore, but it had become very clear that I never did know him.

My stomach knotted and clenched in agony. How could I be so fucking stupid? How did I miss everything? Even my own brother had warned me, but whenever Ollie had taken me out, back when we were dating, he had been so sweet. He’d talked about how much he respected my job and passion for teaching small children. Flattering words were never in short supply. Small touches, quick smiles, and bullshit lies fell from his lips as easily as he breathed. I’d fallen for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Every one of my cherished memories since meeting Ollie and Denmark flitted through my mind, overlapped by the truth I now knew for sure. Each one was another brutal stab to my heart.

The day last winter when we took Denmark to build a snowman in the yard and I smacked Ollie in the head with a snowball. At first, he seemed angry, but it had been a front. He didn’t bother making his own snowball. Instead, he ran for me and I took off to get away from him while Denmark howled in laughter. Then Ollie finally caught me when I slipped on a slick patch in the yard and he made sure that my weight came down on top of him instead of the cold hard snow. The smile he graced me with had reached his eyes, hadn’t it? It seemed so genuine, especially when he rolled us so that he was on top and he kissed me until Denmark hit us both with a snowball and told us to stop being gross.

Our laughter and the happiness that swelled my heart full of love that day, now had the image of him gripping Jia’s hair tightly in his fist as he told her that she was right about me, superimposed over top the beautiful memory.

Every picture that hung on the wall or sat on the mantle in the house was a lie. I ran around and collected them all. My broken mind couldn’t handle seeing the fake memories in that moment. Not when my cell phone still showed an image of Ollie’s head thrown back in ecstasy as he released inside another woman. A woman who he had, just moments before, been trash talking me with.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I yelled at myself. It was crazy because I didn’t want to agree with the heartless assholes, but they were not wrong and I knew that now as I yanked every single photo out of their frames. “It’s all fake. All of it,” I yelled at the pictures as my stomach clamped down under the weight of the horrible, heartbreaking truth. I had been nothing more than a joke to him. My existence had really been as a fucking employee who thought she had a higher standing in his life than she did. I held up our wedding photo as the onslaught of tears made it difficult to see beyond the swirly, blurry image the moisture created. Ollie smiling down at his son as I looked at my husband with all the love in my heart. I ripped myself free of that picture.

Then, I went on a rampage that made me regret my actions later – if only for Denmark’s sake – as I shredded the pictures of Ollie and me and ripped myself out of all the family photos.

I should have ripped Ollie out because he was the evil bastard who put me in that family position without warning me that it wasn’t real. I screamed out all of my anger, sorrow, and frustration as my heart broke over and over again. I couldn’t even pack up and leave it all behind because Ollie’s son was an innocent victim in all this too. No matter how much my heart needed me to walk away and never look back, to start over somewhere else where no one would know who I was or how gullible I’d been, it wasn’t possible.

Den wasn’t the only reason it wasn’t possible. It was a pipe dream that there was a single place in the country, let alone the world, who hadn’t heard about my shameful existence. Only, they all saw me as the villain too. As if I would ever set out to destroy someone else’s happiness.

My anger-filled wailing fell away to be replaced by my grief-riddled, bone deep sadness. I sobbed on the floor in the midst of the mess that I made as my stomach cramped and it was only as I felt a trickle of wetness between my legs that my phone suddenly felt too far away. I’d wanted it to be far. Couldn’t stand the thought that the first thing I would see when I looked at it again was my husband’s satisfied face as he finished inside that woman. I couldn’t take the memories of them speaking about me like I wasn’t even a human being with feelings. I was just some dumb doll to be used for their own devices because I was too stupid to realize that a man like Ollie could never love me.

My head pounded and my cramps worsened as I tried to crawl across the floor to where I’d dropped my phone. The pounding grew far worse and I could almost hear it, like the beat of a drum… Or maybe a frantic knocking on the door.

“It sounded like someone was murdering her in there!” I heard a man say as my front door flew open and my brother and Hutch rushed to my side.

“Holy shit!” Hutch cried out as Steve picked me up and carried me out of the house.

“Grab her purse if you can find it. Meet us at the hospital and whatever you do, do not call that piece of shit and tell him what’s going on.”

“I won’t,” Hutch all but whispered as my twin carried me from the house and tucked me into his car.

“I’m bleeding,” I explained numbly.

“Know that. We’re going to the hospital.”

“Your car.” I couldn’t even get a full statement out. It was strange that suddenly, my worry was for my brother’s upholstery instead of the fact that I was pregnant, bleeding, and cramping. I knew what that meant. My mind had shut down when every one of my sweet memories from the past four years had been stripped away from me.

When we got to the hospital, flashes of light strobed all around us as Steve carried me into the emergency room. It didn’t register that they were people taking pictures. It never registered that someone had contacted my brother, and probably alerted the media, when they heard me screaming like a lunatic as I tore myself free from all those memories in my house.

Nothing mattered anymore.

I had never mattered.

I hadn’t been loved.

I hadn’t even been respected.

There was a giant, gaping hole in my heart and there wasn’t a single repair anyone in the hospital could do to make it whole again. I’d lost a piece of myself back in that house. It was gone forever now and my baby might be gone with it.

That was when reality kicked back in. My brain came back online, and my worry for the life I carried became more important that my grief. “My baby,” I whispered.

“They’re going to do everything they can, Stephie.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Sis. I will be right by your side.”

“It was all a joke to them. I’m a huge joke.”

“No. I don’t believe that.”

“You warned me.”

“I did. I’ve seen you together, Steph. It might have started as an arrangement for him, but you weren’t imagining things. There was more to the picture than I ever saw.”

I shook my head. “No, there wasn’t. I saw the video. Heard what he said. Saw what he did with her.”

“Motherfucker,” I heard my brother hiss before something stuck my arm and then moments later, I was blessedly pulled down into the darkness where thoughts and feelings no longer existed.