Chapter Seventeen

Shelby

“You wanted to see me, Shelby?” Gavin stood propped against the doorjamb where it was apparent he'd been waiting.

My hands tingled with nerves. I'd thought to have a minute to sort myself out before I knocked, but he must have gotten a heads-up. Worried as I was, I hadn't noticed at first that he looked like he'd gone a round or two with the pavement. Did he fall down some stairs?

A scrape on his arm didn't match up to the bruise on his cheek. He’d taken more than a tumble. Before he could comment on me staring like a ninny, I answered his question.

“Not exactly, but River said I had to clear anything more with you.” Unable to help my curiosity, I added on, “Did you get in an accident or something?”

“Clear what, exactly?” he asked, ignoring my interest in his injuries. I wasn't brave enough to broach the subject a second time.

“Did he not tell you?” I was confused. “Or were you expecting someone else?” I looked around in a hurry. I'd already walked in on none of my business once, and I wasn't about to do it again. Especially when I was still trying to wrap my admittedly damaged head around the whole thing.

Gavin tried to suppress his smirk and ended up covering his mouth with a hand sporting scraped knuckles. I scowled, and he straightened from his lean with a shake of his head. No way he wasn't thinking the same thing. “I saw you coming. You turned around twice before you got close enough to my office, so I guessed you were headed here. Figured it'd be easier if I waited for you before you wore a path in the floor.”

I stared at him wide-eyed, trying to sort out if he was joking, until he sighed and gestured me inside. As soon as I was across the threshold, he pointed at the monitor with little squares. Instantly, I covered my blazing face with both hands.

In a muffled voice, I braved to ask what else he might have seen when I'd thought I was alone. “Do you have cameras everywhere?”

I startled at the twin grips encircling my wrists but let him pull my hands down until he could peer into my eyes. It was difficult not to look away.

“I wouldn't spy on you, if that's what you're asking. It's just the hallways and common rooms, plus a couple other places for security reasons. The bedrooms and bathrooms are private.” I nodded, feeling relieved until he reiterated his original question. “What did River say you needed my clearance for?”

Gavin turned me toward one of the low-backed, shell-shaped, oversized green chairs in front of his desk. He waited for me to sit before he took the one next to it instead of sitting in his office chair. His proximity made me nervous, but it was a nice attempt at being less intimidating. At least least I thought that's why he wasn't behind the desk.

Sucking in a breath, I blurted it all out before I lost my courage. “For more than me being stuck in my room or the little bit that I’m helping in the kitchen. I'm aware Dimitri doesn't actually need my assistance, and, no, he didn't tell me anything of the sort before you decide to take a strip outta him.” I started ticking my points off on my fingers as I got worked up. “I’m not allowed outside, I’m barely allowed internet access, no phone, and no access to what money I should have. Heck, I didn’t even get to pick these clothes out. They just showed up in bags in my room along with toiletries.

“Who picked them out? Why can’t I get my own things? Why am I not being told anything? Unless you count what Blake told me, but that was barely anything really from what I understand. I don't even know where I am, and you all sedated me the one time I was taken off the premises. As far as I’m aware, I’m not wanted for any criminal charges, so why am I being held like I am?”

Gavin's face shut down with each question until his previously open expression was anything but. “I’ll answer what I can, but most of this would need to come from Carter, Shelby. It’s not my place, and I don’t have all of the answers.” He put his hand up when my lips parted, about to go off on him. “Now, before you get mad and take a strip outta me , please consider that if I don’t know for sure, then it’s only misinformation that could cause trouble later on. If I tell you one thing now, and it’s not quite how it is, that doesn’t help you, right?”

Fuming, but unable to do anything about it, I reluctantly nodded my agreement. “Fine, but answer what you can, then. I don’t want Carter near me.”

Shadows clouded his eyes. “I understand, given recent…revelations.”

I snorted then winced at the burn in my throat. Immediately, annoyance flared at one of the neverending reminders that I still wasn’t at a hundred percent.

“See, I knew one of those boys would open their mouth. What all did they reveal ?” I demanded, full of anger and sarcasm. Was nothing private?

“First,” he evaded, “I’d like to know why you’re so uneasy around me. If you don’t mind?”

Ignoring the urge to roll my eyes, I humored him. “I’m uneasy around most everyone.” If he wanted to talk circles around me, he'd find out real quick I'd return the favor.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed then stood up. He passed me as he rounded his desk, grabbed his coffee cup, then retraced his steps and sat again. Instinctively, I’d scrunched back to the opposite edge, moving as far as I could get from him without leaving my seat.

“See? Point made,” he said with his sad blue eyes. “So, what can I do to stop this reaction?” I shook my head, unwilling to explain. “I don’t want to upset you, and I’m afraid of what might happen if you don’t know I’m there. What happens if I startle you?” I shook my head again, and frustration crept into his tone. “You’ve said you’ve been helping in the kitchen. What if I come in without you realizing and you end up cutting a finger off, Shelby?”

I jumped at his raised voice, then, much to my horror, answered in a knee-jerk reaction. “There’s nothing you can do. You look like him.”

Understanding replaced the frustration in Gavin’s gaze. “I had a feeling that might be it, but I didn’t want to assume or draw attention to it if that wasn’t the issue.” He sighed then twisted his lips up in a moue, bringing attention to another bruise on his chin.

Figuring I was already uncomfortable enough, I asked again. “How'd you get hurt, Gavin? You got an underground fight ring in here somewhere?”

His brows raised in surprise. “Um, no. If you must know, I got into a fight.”

“Did you win?” My curiosity was a much safer subject than my issues with his face.

With a shrug, he gave me a non-answer. “I achieved what I set out to accomplish, so I suppose you could say that.” Then he deftly switched the subject back onto me. “Anything else you'd like to know before I answer what I can?”

I shook my head. I did have another question, but I wasn't brave enough to bring it up just yet.

““Alright then. You are not, in fact, a criminal. You're here for your protection and to heal.”

I didn't wait for more, that answer was bullshit.

“I'm healed enough, and we both know that's not quite true, don't we? Rafe made that clear with his little visit. Why can't they leave me be?!”

Heavy with regret, his response was wholly unpalatable. “I can call Carter, but I can't answer that.”

“Fine,” I rasped, ready to give up and leave, regretting having asked anything in the first place.

“I'm sorry. We- I didn't know how bad it was. You wanted to know what happened to me?” I nodded warily at the abrupt change in stance then toed my flats off before pulling my feet up into the chair to hug my knees to my chest. “After I found out what Carter had not only allowed to happen, but participated in, no matter his reasoning, I went to give him the tiniest amount of the payback he deserves.”

My lips parted in shock. “You got into a fight with Carter ? Over me? Isn't he, like, your boss?” I was surprised, flattered, and in disbelief all at once, but underneath I was worried too. My emotions were hard to handle on a good day, and this wasn't one of them. What would happen to me if Gavin was removed? I didn't like the twist in my gut that accompanied the thought.

Having shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, he further confused me by sounding so matter-of-fact. “He deserved it. You didn't. End of story.” I was sure that wasn't ‘end of story,' but I felt like I'd pried enough, so I just nodded.

Screwing my courage up before I left without any answers at all, I dared to bring up another subject I was sure wouldn't go well. “I'd like to speak to my attorney.” My voice was small and timid, but he'd definitely heard me.

“Your attorney?” Gavin echoed.

“Yes. Mr. Caldwell. I don't remember his first name, but he handled my and—my prenuptial agreement. I'm not stupid, Gavin. There must be something my husband's family wants from me. Rafe’s visit and my continued… presence here lead me to believe as much. You won't tell me, and I'm not about to ask Carter, so please, make arrangements for him to come here.”

Gavin just blinked at me. I was pretty sure I'd left him tongue-tied, but I did have a backbone once upon a time. It wouldn't hurt to find it again. Well, it might, but it'd be good for me in the long-run.

Except it seemed that he'd only been trying to figure out how to break more bad news and not so speechless as I'd thought. My expression became strained when he frowned, that now familiar and despised regret clouding his eyes, then my face crumpled when he spoke. “Shelby, I'm sorry, but Mr. Caldwell, your attorney, passed months ago.”

“How?” I asked, brokenly. One more door to freedom had closed. I felt like I was slowly suffocating with each dead end.

“I'm not sure, but I can—” He stopped at the shake of my head.

“No, I don't want to see him.” I was adamant on that, but how was I supposed to get any information if I didn't? At some point, my wants might have to play second fiddle to my needs. Thinking aloud, I started a thought process that would have brought me to my knees had I not been sitting down. “Why wasn't I told? Shouldn't his firm have at least notified me?”

Of course, Gavin held his hands up, unable or unwilling to tell me anything again .

“I find it pretty damn convenient that anyone who could help me is dead!” I snapped. “It had to be after the wedding. I was still getting mail and had my phone until I went to—Oh, God, no.” I paled and clutched at my throat. My eyes were blurry with tears that I rapidly blinked back to watch Gavin's face. He'd pulled it into a blank mask again, but that was a tell in itself. Fearing the answer, I asked what I’d already begun to suspect. “When did Mama die?” Suddenly, I knew without him telling me. The phone call to Sylvia, the lies I was mentally unwell, the policeman who was sent away. Memories flashed through my head. The one which stood out the most? Riding home with Dirk while Carter stayed behind.

“Shelby…” Gavin's helplessness echoed in the single word. If I hadn't heard it, the sympathy he was hard-pressed to hold back, pulling his eyes tight at the corners, would have confirmed my fears.

“Did he kill my mother?” I demanded, hoarse from overusing my voice. It didn't help that my grief was trying to strangle me. I didn't know how much more I could be expected to take before I broke.

“Who, Dirk?” His attempt to redirect, or maybe scare me off, with my dead husband's name failed to elicit a reaction.

“No, Carter. Though I imagine Dirk had something to do with it. So… Did he. Kill. My mother ?” My shout was pathetically weak but clear.

Another memory, a more recent one, flashed through my mind. The cousins’ slip-up, clearly cutting off Carter's name when talking about Sasha and Marigold. In the wake of my realizations, Blake's adamancy that he'd be killed for opening his mouth didn't seem so far-fetched. “Wait, did he kill Dirk? Sasha and Marigold? M-Milo?” My stutter was more from the tremble setting in than the lingering fear about speaking one of my tormentors’ names. Despite my eyes being wide as all get-out, my vision tried to darken. Who even is he?

“Shelby, I think we should call it a day, alright?” Gavin suggested without an attempt at an excuse.

With a sad smile, I shook my head. “It's okay, Gavin. I think I pieced it together. I just didn't realize he was capable.” Afraid to ask but needing to know, I forced myself to continue in a whisper I knew would make my throat worse. “Did he hurt Mama?”

I breathed a sigh of relief when Gavin shook his head. There was little doubt it had been my fault for running to her, and I couldn't stand not to know if she had or hadn't been aware.

“Did she know? When it happened?”

“Shelby, please,” he whispered back, like I was the one breaking his heart.

I pressed on, unforgiving of all I'd lost. “It was because I ran to her, wasn't it? If she was gone, I had nowhere to go. If my attorney was gone, I had no way to get another. Tell my boss I was mentally unwell, and she wouldn’t let me have my job back.” The sound I made was bitter and broken.

“No!” Gavin barked with the slash of his hand through the air. It was about enough to make me jump, but he either ignored it or he was lost to his own upset. “It wasn't your fault. None of it was.”

“But he did do it, didn't he?” I couldn't give up, not on that subject.

Sensing I wouldn't let it be, Gavin revealed what I hadn't considered. “If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else.”

I paled further if that was possible. “Milo, you mean?” I nodded as I spoke, answering myself, though Gavin had already given the jerk of his head. “Yes, that would have been worse. Just tell me, please. Did she suffer? Was she scared?” A tear slid down my face to drip, unchecked, off my chin.

Gavin shook his head. “She didn't even know he was there. It appeared to be an accident.”

“Right, well,” I started, then realized I had nothing left to say. I just wanted my bed. “I think I should head back. Thanks for the talk, Gavin. It was—enlightening.” As my mind checked out, my customer service persona took over enough to attempt to paste on a pleasant expression. It failed, so I settled on a brittle neutral one instead.

“Shelby,” Gavin warned, “you can’t be talking out of turn about this. Do you understand?”

I nodded and stood up. My legs were shaky, but I made it to the door under my own steam. “Thank you for not lying to me. Really, I appreciate it. I think I understand now what it means when one of you tells me you can’t risk it.”

Tentatively, he stepped toward me, slow enough it had to be deliberate. “May I walk you to your room? Or wherever it is you’re wanting to go? I don’t want you to end up hurt because I let you go alone.” He very nicely sidestepped making any accusations, but he was able to keep eyes on me as he’d already proven.

I gestured to the monitor on his desk. “Pretty sure you can watch me get there, Gavin.” He nodded and carefully reached for the door handle. Once he’d opened it, I stepped through and wrapped my arms around my chest in an effort to hold myself together. I felt his stare on me long after I’d walked away.

I kept my face down until I got back to my room. Finding out the how didn’t change that Mama was gone, and I couldn’t reconcile the man I’d met at the fair with the one who was a murderer. Carter killed Mama. But he’d also killed my husband and the others. I just didn’t understand.

Needing some uninterrupted time to myself, I went to the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it then made quick work of my clothes. I sat on the floor of the stall and let the water wash my tears away as I tried to come to terms with the most recent revelations and what they might mean for me.

If he’d killed everyone else in the room that day, why had he gone to such trouble to save me ?