Chapter Twenty-Six

Rain

My face hurt, but it was worth it having given Carter a few hits in return. What wasn’t worth it was Gavin chewing us all out and our girl facing our asshole boss without us.

“We’re not the good guys, Gav, just better than most of the bad ones,” I reminded him.

He scowled at me, completely unappreciative. “What happened to no sex? It would have been appropriate to leave her alone or, better yet, sedate her,” he snapped back, first at me then at Blake.

Blake, sporting a growing bruise on his cheek, scoffed at Gavin. “So we wait hours, have to make up some story about why we need a profile done immediately so that Hamilton doesn’t catch wind of it? All while locking Shelby in a room to sort herself out—just so we knew what it was safe to sedate her with, or if we even could , because that woman didn’t actually know what she’d dosed her with? Or simply let nature take its course a bit early because we all knew it was a matter of time until she hooked up with these two.”

I took affront to Blake jerking a thumb toward me and River, who was too busy doing something on his phone to care what the fuss was about. I supposed I was able to handle it, but I didn’t like not having his attention.

“It was more than ‘hooking up’, thanks though,” I snarked at him. He still had my screwdriver and had been keeping things from us in regard to our sweet Shelby. Dirty, Shelby, too if memory served right. I snickered to myself.

Gavin wasn’t so amused. “Don’t you two start. We’re all assholes; it’s been well established. Let’s not let this derail anything. And for fuck’s sake, Rain, what is so goddamned funny?” I froze under his glare, and even River looked up from his phone.

“Nothing relevant to this conversation,” I informed him and winked at my cousin. River tipped his phone, briefly flashing what he was doing. My eyes widened and my mind spun with the possibilities when I saw the thumbnails of all the silicone he was looking at.

“I don’t even want to know,” Gavin said, shaking his head. “Regardless of what should and should not have gone down, I will deal with the fallout.” He pinned me under a hard stare. “As long as it was fully consensual.”

“Of course it was,” River snapped without looking up. He tapped away at his screen while he reassured Gavin that we hadn’t done anything wrong, but I was dying to know what was in the cart. “It was this morning if you must know. We refused her last night and went to sleep as ordered and as was appropriate. ” River smirked, and I knew he was about to set Gavin off hardcore when he cut his eyes up to stare at the other man. “She had a not-so-platonic dream with you in it too.”

Gavin’s mouth dropped open, and I had to cover my mine with my hand or risk laughing in his face. “She did? What about, exactly?”

“Oh, so it’s fine and dandy when it’s you and not me, right, Gav?” Blake baited him, his back up. I really needed to find out what had happened between Blake and Shelby. He liked to play to extremes sometimes, and I worried she’d been rewired to like it a little too much.

“Fuck,” Gavin muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “New deal,” he said, looking at each of us with dead serious purpose in his gaze. “Shelby is apparently giving the green light. We all are respectful of her and each other, as well as vigilant for her triggers and wishes. And guys… We work on a plan to get her out.”

He tried to hide the sorrow in his eyes, but we all felt it. None of us wanted to lose her. We did want her to live though, free and clear of Hamilton’s reach. If Carter couldn’t get on board with that, it was just too bad.

He didn’t need to know.

***

Shelby

“Did you like the clothes?” Carter asked, breaking the awkward silence. He’d taken a seat in the unbusted chair, then we’d sat there for a couple minutes as the tension built—especially every time he eyed my neck and quickly glanced away like I wouldn’t notice.

“Clothes?” I looked around but didn't see a bag or anything.

His eyes narrowed on me like I was putting him on before he waved a hand in my direction. “Yes, clothes. I’d ask if you didn’t get them, but you're wearing one of the shirts.”

Shock rendered me temporarily mute.

“I take it no one told you,” he said bitterly, followed by a muttered, “figures.”

“I-” My mouth opened, but I stalled out. What was I supposed to say? The guys knew I’d have chosen to stay in a hospital gown rather than accept anything from him. But… “I should have known from the styles. They were all—me. The me before, anyway.” He seemed to know what I meant since he nodded, and I was glad I didn’t have to explain. He’d been there as my identity was erased, and I went along with it all despite every warning sign smacking me in the face every step of the way.

Carter sucked the corner of his lip in, the one that was split, before he came to some decision. “I wanted to bring them myself,” he said, regret in his blue, blue eyes. “I didn’t think you’d accept anything I brought, let alone see me, but I wanted you to be comfortable. It wasn’t something I could offer before.” He shrugged, then stood and came around the desk.

My hand shot out, stopping just shy of smacking down on my panic button when he dropped to his knees barely out of arm's reach.

“I don't know what games you're playing, but I'm not interested,” I shakily informed him. He was close enough to see the small rips in his shirt and the swelling on his face and knuckles.

“Too many to count, but none right now,” he answered cryptically. Then, seemingly confused, he asked, “Who did you think the clothes were from?”

I thought he must be fishing to find out if I'd been lied to, but he wasn't going to get anywhere with it. “They didn't tell me, if that's what you mean. I assumed it was River or Rain since they seem the type to find out what I’d like, but they just appeared on my bed one day.”

“I'm glad you like them. I also wanted to tell you happy birthday, but I wasn't sure it would be appreciated.” He smiled wanly when I shook my head. “Didn't think so.”

“I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate.” My tone was curt, nearly dismissive. “Thank you for the clothes,” I added, unable to shake the need to do so.

“You're welcome.”

“Why are you here?” I asked, pointing to the floor so he couldn't mistake my meaning.

“I wanted to apologize without a desk between us.”

“ You wanted. That's all I hear coming out of your mouth, Carter.” Not to mention he hadn't said anything resembling ‘sorry.’

“You're right.” He shocked me with his admittance. “I also figured an apology won't make up for anything, and I don't deserve to be forgiven.”

“You aren’t the man I met,” I whispered, realizing I was still hurt over his first deception.

He answered simply. “I wanted to be.”

It wasn't something I could rehash right then. None of that mattered, anyway, but he did have answers Gavin couldn’t, or wouldn't, give to me.

“How did you kill my mother?”

He'd gone stark white at the abrupt accusation. “Shelby, I-This isn't what I planned. I'd hoped we could come to some agreement or truce.”

Carter at a loss for words? It wasn’t something I'd witnessed often.

“What? Did you think I wouldn't figure it out?” My voice rose with my anger.

“I hoped you wouldn't. It wasn't something I wanted to do,” he insisted, trying to defend himself, but I was stuck on the first part.

“ Hope ? I'm all out of fucking hope, Carter. You all made sure of that.” I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice.

Before he could find some other excuse or platitude to distract me, there was a knock at the door.

“Shelby? You alright in there?” Blake's voice was muddled, but the fact that I could make it out led me to assume he’d heard me raise mine.

“I'm fine. Stay out!” I yelled back the best I could, cutting off anything that Carter would have had to say.

The silence stretched until Carter finally found his words.

“I never meant for any of this to happen. If I'd kept my distance, maybe—” He shrugged helplessly.

The excuse set me off. I’d finally had enough, and, with my voice barely holding on, it all came out.

“Why?” I screamed at him. “Why’d you have to pick me Carter? What did I ever do to deserve y’all’s attention?” The sound of my thickening accent and the slip of improper language barely fazed me. Something Nina had spent months belittling out of me would have sent me into a tailspin not so long ago, but I didn’t give a damn in the face of Carter’s bullshit.

When he lifted his hands without an explanation, it did fuck all to cool my temper, but before I could let loose again, he answered me. “I don’t know. I saw you, and I wanted you.”

Tossing my hair back over my shoulder, deliberately exposing a whole lot of my mottled neck, I snapped back, “That’s not good enough. What reason did you have to ruin my life by coming into it that night?”

Suddenly, it was like a lightbulb went off. There had to be more to the story than I was aware of. Dirk, or Winston rather, had said as much, but I didn’t like to revisit those memories if I could help it.

Carter swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he zeroed in on the marks. But instead of losing his temper, he shifted the collar of his fitted black tee as dread crept over his features. “It was my job.” At my raised brow, he sighed and shifted so he wasn’t staring me dead on anymore. “That’s how it started out anyway. I was supposed to keep tabs on Judith for Winston Sr. and report back if she was talking out of turn.”

“What did Mama have to do with any of this?” I interrupted, finally catching on that she'd had a reason to freak out over me dating Dirk. “Was that why she was so scared at the wedding? I thought she just didn’t want to be there, didn’t approve.”

I was confused and still wanted my other answers, but this felt important too, as much as it hurt to know she was gone, crazy and abusive as she'd been, maybe there was a reason for this one thing.

Not to mention Carter had obviously known something back then, and I’d been the idiot who had dug her heels in anyway. The man had tried to warn me, though he’d gone about it in such a way, and waited so long to do it, that I hadn’t felt there was any other choice. Had I only known what would happen…

But no, I wasn’t going to go down that road. He had answers, and I wanted them.

“That’s a long story that I don’t know all of the details to. It wouldn’t do either of us any good to speculate either.” His face shut down into neutrality as he put an end to that line of questioning. The nonanswer containing not a single hint at what he did know made me assume he was lying. I’d figure it out eventually.

“That’s not good enough,” I shot back. I didn’t expect him to spill his guts, he wasn't that sorry, but I also didn’t expect him to change the subject.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Shelby. It was my job. I was barely more than a boy watching a pretty girl blossom into a beautiful lady. I had a crush on you, and when I had the chance to meet you, I took—” He shut up real quick-like, looking like he’d just stepped into a pile of shit.

Eyes narrowed, I shook a finger at him. “You took what , Carter? You took the chance? Because the only time I recall us meeting was the night at the fair when you took what you wanted and left me before the sun came up.”

The guilt in his blue eyes warred with the anger in his voice. “You have to know I didn’t want to leave you. It wasn’t safe for me to stay. I didn’t promise you anything further, Shelby. You agreed. ”

“I know I did.” I nodded as I admitted it. “But you knew who I was. For all I know, you orchestrated our meeting. Hell, that purse thief could have been a friend of yours!”

He winced, and my eyes got big. “No. NO,” he reiterated. “I didn’t know him, but he does work for me now. That was the chance I was talking about. I’d gone to do my rounds and found you leaving. I got curious as to what you were up to, and…well, Shelby, I followed you.” The man had the grace to look embarrassed after what he’d just spilled out and hurried on before I could comment on it. “You separated from your friends, and he came through… I meant to only give your purse back, but then I stayed. You know the rest.”

“No, I don’t know the rest. If you were following me, how did you have a room and a key already?”

“I paid one of the carnies to hook me up discreetly.” My jaw dropped as I forgot to be mad for a hot second.

“You are a stalker, you jackass!” His only response was to shrug, and that didn’t erase the hurt of it all.

“It’s my fault Dirk found you,” he blurted out, shocking me into silence. “He was jealous of the responsibility his father was giving me, barely more than a kid, over his son and heir. Dirk saw I was interested, and he took an interest too. It's why I stayed away as much as I could. He always ruined anything I wanted.” Carter looked miserable, but my heart was about to pound out of my chest at the implications of it all.

I winced as I shifted, then held a hand out to stop him from coming closer. “My ribs hurt, Carter. Deal with it. Apparently, it's all your fault.” I didn't quite believe that, but I knew the jab had hit its mark when he sighed dejectedly.

“I'm sorry I didn't get in there sooner. I was tied up with—”

“I don't care right now. I don’t have the capacity to deal with that yet. What I don't understand is why you having a crush on me, sneaking around, or anything else tied into D-d-d, that man , becoming obsessed with me.”

“Because I was interested, Shelby, I told you that. It's just how he was.” He said it so matter of factly that I had to accept it might be true. “It is my fault. I should have kept it professional and left you alone.”

“Still circles back, Carter. What was so special about me that you thought it was a good idea to ruin my life?” It might have been a tad unfair, but he wasn’t the good guy in this scenario.

“You were you . Your crazy ass mother, that falling apart house, and being kept under lock and key. In spite of it all, you were this bright spot. Nothing ever kept you down. I didn’t know how you could be that way. I wanted it, you , for myself. Besides the whole ‘boy having the hots for the girl’ thing I had going on.” His eyes begged me to understand, and I thought I did, but that hurt more than not knowing.

“So I was a bright spot that you wanted, and Di- Dirk wanted to snuff that out. Which you were aware would happen.” It sounded like some far-fetched nonsense, but it had been so real, it had killed me.

“No, I think he was going to send Milo to do it,” he admitted, “but then he must have fallen for you like I did “

“You're both stalkers,” I whispered, ignoring the fact that Dirk was dead for a moment.

Carter didn't even attempt to deny it. “I told you, it was part of my job.”

“Why was it your job to check up on me or Mama? I never saw or met any of you before that night.” It wasn't adding up, and I was almost scared to find out.

“It had to do with your father. Something he had done, I don't know the particulars.”

I narrowed my eyes on him. “My father is dead, Carter.”

He nearly rolled his at me. “I'm aware, Shelby. It was over twenty years ago.”

“That's before I was born. Why would Dirk's father have Mama and me checked up on? He wasn't helping us out, that's for sure.” At my waspish tone, Carter finally lost his composure.

“My entire family was killed because of whatever happened!”

I didn’t appreciate him snapping at me one bit. “Did you kill them too?” I taunted, wanting to hurt him like he’d hurt me, then paled at his revelation.

“No,” he said, devoid of emotion. “Winston Sr. did before he became my guardian. Gavin and the cousins are almost all that’s left of what was once the Rittenhouse empire.”

I didn’t know what to say. Yes, I felt sorry for the child he had been, but the man he’d become had chosen to take my mother from me despite knowing how it felt.

Shaking his head as if to physically dispel whatever was in his mind, he moved on. “This isn’t what I stayed last night for. I need to head back before I’m missed.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“For one, I wanted to see for myself that you're okay,” he reminded me. “I do care about you, Shelby.”

“For someone who says they care so much, you sure don't give a damn,” I shot back, done with him and the conversation. He pressed his mouth into a thin line, visibly reining in whatever bullshit wanted to spill out until I prompted him to finish. “And for two?”

“To see how attached you and my men have gotten to each other.”

When I asked why, he stood and paced away.

“Because,” he said regretfully, “you're not free to pursue anything with them, permanent or otherwise.”

Outraged, I came to my feet, barely restraining myself from yelling at him. “Says who? Is that why you’re keeping me a prisoner here?”

“Says—it just is, Shelby Ann. I'm sorry.”

“Your sorry isn't good enough, Carter.”

“I can accept that.” He pressed his lips together, his refusal to explain what he meant infuriating me.

Arching my brows, I braced a hand on my hip. “Good, then leave.”

“I can do that as well.” He turned, dejected, and paused with his hand on the door. “I'm glad you're okay from last night and…before.”

Bluntly, I informed him, “I wanted you to let me die.”

Pain bright in his gaze, he nodded. “I know. And now?”

My heart hurt, but I didn’t understand why. “You still aren’t the man I met. Maybe he deserved an answer, but I don’t believe you have the right to know.”

“Baby…” The endearment almost threw me back into the memory of him above me, making everything right, until I snapped out of it.

“Don’t fucking call me that. It was one night.” He winced when my voice broke, but he didn’t attempt to approach me. Calming myself, I gathered my composure, lifted my chin, and squared my shoulders. Let that be how he remembered me because I was done being locked away. “Goodbye, Carter,” I said coldly.

“Bye, Shelby.” His whisper barely preceded his exit.

As soon as he was gone, I allowed my knees to give out and curled up into Gavin’s desk chair. If I cried, my tears were for who he should have been, not the selfish man he was.

I was a stupid woman who'd thought he might apologize and give me my freedom. Why couldn't he simply follow through on his claims to care about me or my wellbeing?