Chapter Nineteen

Blake

Being nervous was a novelty for me, and a certain little redhead had me all twisted out of sorts. Case in point? My fingers ran roughly through my hair before I flattened it out again. I didn’t need it standing on end when I showed up at her door, making me look deranged and desperate. On the bright side, at least I didn’t have it as bad as Gavin. Poor fuck had to answer the hard questions. I fully expected him and Carter to have another go-round if Carter kept fucking with her. Hell, for that matter, so would he and I.

Just thinking about the conversation I’d had with Gavin before going to hunt the cousins down left me shaking my head. I did not envy Carter if she ever got the gumption up to get ahold of him. He’d be a very regretful man, or at least more so than he already was. Pity we couldn’t cut him out altogether, though I thought Gavin might be headed in that direction soon. Thanks to the decisions he’d made, Carter had lost a lot of the trust we’d had in him. I didn’t think he’d thought it through before he sent Shelby to us. To be honest, we hadn’t either. None of us had expected to get attached to her, which left me idling in the kitchen, standing over Rain’s legs as he creatively cursed at whatever he was trying to fix under the kitchen sink.

“Need some help under there?” I asked in greeting. Startling either one of the cousins never ended well, even if it took a bit for them to get their revenge. I didn’t need that sort of karma coming down on me. Plus, I needed all the help I could get with Shelby, and they’d proven time and again they weren’t the least bit afraid to gatekeep her.

Rain scooted out from the cupboard before sitting up and shaking his head. “Nah, the drain just had a slow drip. Looks like whoever did the last repair cross threaded the connector, and it froze up tight. After I make sure we have replacement parts if it’s torn up or I twist it off, I’ll get some heat on it and see if I can break it loose. Dmitri might cook me if I leave him without a sink for clean-up. The bucket he’s been using will do just fine to catch it until then.” He finally stopped rambling on about the damn drain pipe when he finished sorting his tools, a frown on his face.I was used to their tangents, but I was itching to be on my way, so I interrupted his muttering about River losing his shit.

“Uh, Rain? I’m glad you’re fixing it and all, but Gavin relayed I’m supposed to take Shelby her dinner and her meds. Should I make her a plate, or…” Cooking really wasn’t my forte, and while I could manage, I’d rather Shelby actually eat what I brought. Lord knew she couldn’t afford to skip meals.

“Right, food.” Rain got to his feet and washed his hands, then he started pulling covered dishes from the fridge and another from the oven. While he assembled a tray, he stole glances at me until I lost my patience with it.

“Spit it out already,” I grumbled.

“Just wondering if I should take it to her myself, is all,” he replied with hope in his eyes. It faded into acceptance when I shook my head. “Didn’t figure. Here, she likes most of this. Wasn’t sure about the chicken since she doesn’t seem to be too big on meat, but maybe it hurts her to chew so much. On second thought…” he said, more to himself than me, before he turned like he was gonna start over.

“Oh no, you don’t. This is fine. I’ll personally come back and get her something else if she doesn’t eat. Remember, I have bribery.” I patted my pocket then winced at Rain’s glare. “I didn’t mean it like that . Jesus, Rain. Just meant she’ll eat if it gets her what she wants. You’re damned touchy today.”

Rain nodded then shrugged. “She’s had a rough few days. It makes me irritable because I can’t fix it.” I’d figured as much, but just like him, there wasn’t anything I could do to really help.

“I’ll go easy on her, and if she wants me to leave, I’ll text,” I promised as I took the tray.

As I made it through the door, Rain stopped me. “Hey, I think River left my screwdriver in her bathroom. He had to adjust the seat for the bidet before we packed up, so it should be right around there.”

I nodded, flicked my fingers up that I’d heard him, and kept going. If I didn’t get a move on, he’d follow me to find it himself. Likely, River had left it on purpose so he had a reason to go back. With a chuckle at their antics, I shook my head, then I sobered up when I realized I hadn’t settled on exactly what I planned to say to the skittish woman.

Sweating about my bad decision to wing it, I tapped on her bedroom door. After a minute, I knocked a little louder.

“What the hell?” I grumbled, growing concerned when she still didn’t answer.

It dawned on me that she might be asleep, so I tried the handle and found it unlocked, but the room was empty.

Anxiety mounting, I started to back out until I heard the shower running. Before I could set the tray on the desk, a cry hit my ears. Fearing she’d fallen and hurt herself, I acted on instinct, dropping the tray on the desk and hurrying to open the bathroom door.

“Shelby! You okay in here?” I wasn’t gonna go further in, I really wasn’t, but I didn’t expect her to shout my name in that raspy voice of hers.

She slapped a hand against the fogged glass with a groaned “Fuck, Blake” that didn’t sound entirely pain free. A second later, she seemed to realize I was there, and her blurred form scrambled to her feet. “Get out!” she screeched, her voice breaking. The order was followed by a softer exclamation of “Oh shit,” then what had to be a groan of pain.

I might have ignored that, but something cracked against the stall. I couldn’t ignore the alarming voice that popped into my head, reminding me that she’d threatened to hurt herself on more than one occasion.

“Shelby, what the hell is going on?” I demanded as I snagged a towel and hurried the few steps to the shower to open the door. I held the towel up in front of her, and she grabbed it with one arm while she held the other behind her. She was red in the face and wouldn’t meet my eyes.

After a cursory look around, it was clear the noise I’d heard was the shower head…set to massage.

Ohhh. I winced when I realized what I’d intruded on. I felt a whole lotta secondhand embarrassment knowing just what that felt like as she'd done it to me so recently, then I was hit with pride when I recalled her calling my name. I figured it would be insensitive of me to ask, so I kept my mouth shut on that front. “Shit, Shelby, I’m sorry. I thought you were hurt.” I started to back away, feeling like an asshole when she finally lifted her gaze to glare at me with half-glazed eyes, but then she shifted and winced, her eyes widening with alarm. “What’s wrong?”

“ Please get out,” she demanded more than requested, but my suspicions overrode my conscience’s pleas for me to leave.

“Show me your hand, Shelby, and I will,” I offered in compromise. She frantically shook her head, panic written all over her face. Trying to figure out the likelihood of her using the showerhead if the cousins had gotten her sex toys, I decided to brave it. We were already in an awkward situation. “Just give me whatever it is, and you can finish your shower. No judgment, Shelby, alright?”

With a whimper, she shook her head again. “I can’t. Just go away, please.”

“Show me your hand, and I’ll leave. I just want to make sure you don’t have anything to hurt yourself with.” My ultimatum lit a fire in her eyes, and she whipped her hand to the side before putting it right back behind her with a startled yelp. “What the heck is going on, Shelby?” I didn’t wait for her answer.

I was mad that I felt the need to violate her privacy, but I couldn’t in good conscience leave when she was acting so oddly. Not to mention, it was too late. I’d seen the flash of metal in her fist and was plain pissed.

She groaned. “Blake, no! I’m not hurting myself. Just get out!”

“Then what the fuck do you call it, Shelby? What the hell are you hiding?” I looked over my shoulder while ignoring the protesting woman. A quick scan, then a slower one, piqued my suspicions. “Dammit, Shelby, give me the screwdriver.” I backed up enough to see her face and realized she was embarrassed. It just wasn’t adding up.

“I said, I can’t ,” she gritted out.

I’m a dumbass.

Closing my eyes, I dared to ask. “Shelby, what exactly were you using that for?”

“None of your damn business!” she snapped back.

I nodded and stepped back. “Right. I understand.” Closing the door, I left the mortified woman to her own devices while I sat in the desk chair, contemplating what had possessed me to push the issue. I also wondered how likely it was that Rain would accept a replacement so I could steal the one she was using. Asshole wouldn’t let me have it if I asked, especially not if I told him what Shelby had been doing with it.

***

Shelby

There was nothing quite like getting caught with a screwdriver up your ass mid-orgasm to kill the mood. Or to give credence to your keepers’ assertion that you were beyond damaged, more in mind than body, but damaged nonetheless.

I was reluctant as all get-out to leave the sanctuary of the bathroom. If I’d thought for a minute Blake wasn’t waiting for me, I’d have gone out there and gotten my clothes. Instead, I was beginning to shiver in the coolness of the room with my hair still wet. I knew I had to face him. Really, if he tried to judge me, he didn’t have a leg to stand on after what I’d seen him doing, but it was still embarrassing no matter what.

Screwing up my courage, I tightened the towel around my thin chest and left the bathroom. I made a beeline for the dresser and pretended Blake wasn’t sitting at my desk while I retreated and put my clothes on. I was midway through brushing my hair when I caught his reflection in the mirror, one arm propped up as he leaned against the open doorjamb.

“I’m sorry I walked in on you,” he started, and I nodded. “I’m sorry, too, that I accused you of trying to hurt yourself. With everything that’s gone on, I wouldn’t blame you, and I was scared so I didn’t listen when you said no.” I nodded again, unsure of what to say. I was embarrassed and upset for multiple reasons, but his concerns had been valid. “You don’t have to be ashamed or anything. Not for any of it. I’m surprised those boys didn’t leave you a drawer full of stuff, but I can get you some if you’d like. Tools aren't really sanitary or bodysafe—”

“Stop, please,” I blurted, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Just… let’s pretend that didn’t happen, alright?”

He seemed to be ready to do so, but then pure curiosity lit his dark gaze. “Sure, but first, just tell me why you were calling my name.”

My face turned tomato red in an instant. I hadn’t meant to say his name, but he’d startled me, and since he had been starring in my fantasy, it had been an automatic thing when he’d barged in. Not that I’d be explaining any of that to him. From the smirk on his face, he had enough of a clue.

“Right, well, Rain asked for his screwdriver—before I came in, to be clear—so I’ll be needing that when I leave.”

The color drained from my face just as quickly as it had colored up. “Tell him you can’t find it. He can’t have it back! That’s gross.” I didn’t understand how this was even a conversation.

Blake laughed and straightened before coming up behind me and gently taking the hairbrush away. He started to finish the job I’d abandoned. “They’d frame it and hang it on the wall if they knew what happened to it. Don’t worry, though. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll get a new one and swap it out.”

I nodded thankfully even though I wanted to sink through the floor in embarrassment. “I should have locked the door,” I said with a sigh.

“Hey, I should have too.” He shrugged and finished, then took me by the shoulders and turned me around. With a knuckle under my chin, he peered down into my eyes. “I meant it when I said no judgment, Shelby.”

I wanted to believe him, but… “I couldn’t do it without the pain,” I confessed.

He frowned but didn’t shy away. “Did you tear yourself?” I shook my head, and his frown cleared. “Then it’s fine. I’m not sure if it was always that way for you, but people’s tastes change. I meant it when I said I’d get what you need. Just let me know, alright?” I nodded mutely again, and thankfully, he changed the subject. “I brought you dinner and meds. I’m sure the hot stuff has cooled off by now, but Rain fixed your tray so maybe those fancy plate covers kept it warm. Either way, I’ll reheat it if needed, but I’d like you to eat. I was also hoping to discuss some personal things, but I think those can wait for now.”

“Thanks, Blake,” I answered and evaded all at once. I didn’t doubt he had questions, I knew I did, but one ruined orgasm, the shame of it, and getting walked in on had me drooping in a hurry. I was still embarrassed, figured I would be for a while, but Blake not harping on it or anything went a long way toward making me comfortable with him again.

While I picked at my food, Blake kept the conversation mostly to my health. He checked in about the new medication for my anxiety and reminded me that I needed new scans. I reluctantly admitted they’d helped, but was adamant that I didn’t want to be sedated again in order to leave the property. At that point, I mostly lost my appetite. Blake agreed to speak to Gavin about it, and he left with my tray and the screwdriver shortly after while I attempted to pretend the damned thing didn’t exist. I wasn’t sure I would be interested any time soon, but I’d be locking the door for all future attempts to get off.