34. Josh

There is an ache in my chest so painful that it feels as though someone has taken an ax to it, and I’m not entirely convinced they haven’t. Even the whiskey and champagne burning its way through my system does nothing to dull the pain, not when I just lost her, not when I just watched her walk away without looking back. The weight of her rings crushed inside my palm makes bile rise up the back of my throat, and I feel my legs go out from under me. I slump down on the stairs and don’t move until Daemon comes back alone, and when he meets my stare, I know it’s even worse than I thought.

“Is she okay?” I force out, bringing my hand up to clutch my chest, as if just my touch alone could take the pain away. It can’t, because it’s not hers.

“No,” Daemon replies, not stopping to say anything else, as he brushes past me and heads back upstairs without another word.

I guess Hallie isn’t the only person I’ve disappointed.

I’m not sure how long I sit here, but it’s long enough for the sun to rise the next morning, and the alcohol to dissipate out of my system completely. I should probably feel something, anything that isn’t this giant, gaping hole in my chest where the sun once shined, but I don’t. The pain only intensifies with every passing second, until I can barely breathe. I need to see her, I need to find her, and make her understand why I did this.

Do I even really know why I did this?

I think back to the moment my father gave me the list of names, trying to remember what I felt, but I can’t, because the second my eyes landed on her name I knew this was only going to end one way. There was never going to be anyone else that I wanted to make my wife, and not because it wasn’t practical, but because she was the only choice my heart could make. I mean, she’s my best friend. Was my best friend.

My palm opens up and I look down at the rings I picked out for her, the ones she gave back to me, not caring about the cuts now staining my skin, and just wishing they were back on her finger. No, she isn’t just my best friend anymore, and I don’t think she ever has been. She’s my wife and I need to get her back.

I don’t even bother getting changed, I just grab my keys and drive straight over to her house, not caring that it’s barely even 7am. I can’t wait any longer, and as soon as I arrive I head straight up to the door to knock. I do it lightly at first, just a normal knock, but after a minute with no answer, I knock again, and then again, until I am pounding on the door so hard that the neighbor comes out.

Ignoring their disgruntled complaints, I pull out my phone and call my sister, but her phone is off, so I call the next best thing. It rings only twice before it connects, just like I knew it would. “Hector,” I greet Madeline’s bodyguard. “Where is my sister?”

“Good Morning to you too,” he drawls, more than used to my snappy attitude, but right now I can’t handle his jokes.

“Where is she?” I ask again, and he huffs.

“Where do you think? I’m parked on your street. Didn’t you just see me when you left the house?” he asks with a laugh, and I tip my head up to the sky and silently curse.

Of course, Maddie is with Nova, which means Hallie is there, she wouldn’t have wanted anyone other than her best friend last night.

“Thanks,” I snap down the phone, not bothering to stay on the line and explain myself.

No, instead I jump right back into my car and drive back across campus until I reach Hockey Row. As soon as I pull up I spot Hector’s car that I so clearly missed when I left, and I ignore his smirking face, as I storm past him up to the house. This time when I knock on the door I’m not gentle or quiet, and too impatient to give a fuck.

“Alright, keep your fucking dick in your pants,” an irritated voice shouts towards the door as they stomp towards it, and when they open it, I meet the pissed off eyes of my captain.

“Where is she?” I snap, in no fucking mood to speak to him, but all the prick does is smirk.

“If you’re looking for your sister, she’s in my bed, if you’re looking for your wife, she’s in my best friend’s bed,” he purrs, like a cocky asshole, and I fight the urge to punch him.

“Nova, if you don’t move out of the way, I will make you.” I don’t want to threaten him, despite how much I hate the bastard, not when I know it would upset Maddie, but right now the only thing I care about is my wife.

“You can try,” he taunts, leaning on the doorframe like I am in no way a threat. “I’ll even let you get in a free shot.”

“Why?” I question, and his honesty surprises me.

“Because I fell in love with your sister,” he admits freely, and it almost makes me like him, but then he adds, “And now she lets me do unspeakable things to her.”

“Nova, I swear to god,” I start, and whatever he sees on my face has his own softening.

“Look man, I’m sorry but she doesn’t want to see you. You know what you did and she needs time, so you’re not coming in here right now.”

He doesn’t even wait for my response, just slams the door in my face, and then locks it for good measure, like he thought I wouldn’t listen to him. I wasn’t going to, but fuck him for knowing that. So all I can do now is plonk myself down on the porch and wait.

I watch as Hector switches shifts with Maddie’s other guard, Julian, both of them eyeing me warily, and I remind myself to speak to Lincoln about hopefully keeping them on, or finding them similar work elsewhere when everything with my father goes down. Then I watch as people stumble home from parties, or head out for a run, and all the while, the only thing on my mind is Hallie.

Two hours pass with me just sitting there, before the door opens behind me and I snap my head around in hope, yet the only thing I find is my sister’s sorrow-filled eyes. “Hey, I brought you some coffee, you look like you could use some,” she smiles softly, taking a seat beside me, and I take it in silent thanks.

“Is she okay?” I ask desperately, and the pity in my sister’s eyes is sickening.

“No of course she isn’t,” she says sternly, before she throws the question back at me. “Are you okay?”

A humorless laugh slips out of me as I toss back, “No, of course I’m not.” I take a deep slug of the coffee, yet it does nothing to erase the pain in my head or my heart. “What do I do, Mads, how do I fix this?”

She eyes me with concern before she asks, “Your friendship? Or your marriage?” I don’t respond, because honestly, I’m not sure how, yet it doesn’t stop her from pushing me for more. “How could you do this, Josh, to Hallie of all people? She loves you so much that she would do anything for you, you know that. I mean, she’s so in love with you that she agreed to your stupid plan to marry you.”

My gaze snaps to hers as she finishes speaking, but I am already shaking my head. “Hallie isn’t in love with me,” I’m quick to reply, the words tasting sour on my tongue, and Madeline scoffs.

“Hallie has been in love with you since she was nine years old, and you’ve been in love with her too,” she tells me slowly, like she is talking to a child.

“I’m not in love with her,” I deny far too quickly, not admitting that I’m incapable of loving anyone, and she shakes her head with a laugh.

“Josh, from the moment you met her it’s like the two of you were magnets. I was her best friend, but you were her whole world. Are you going to tell me it wasn’t the same for you?” she pushes, only making the pain in my chest worse. “Think about it, you never let anyone say one bad word about her, you protected her, fought for her, defended her, you even made a campus-wide no dating rule for her—”

I cut her off, “Yeah, because I care about her, because she’s my—”

“She’s your what?” she asks, cutting me off in return, and all I can do is stare at her blankly.

When I don’t respond, my sister takes the now empty mug from my hand, and smiles at me sadly. “Maybe you should figure out what you want before you lose her forever.”

She doesn’t wait around for me to say anything else, just taps my arm in comfort before rising to her feet and heading back inside. The lock sliding into place like a fucking deadbolt across my heart.

I think about everything she just said, about Hallie being in love with me, about me being in love with her, and the question she just asked me, only coming up with one answer.

She’s my everything.

The realization hits me like a freight train. I love her. I’m in love with her. That’s what this pain in my chest is, it’s not from hurting my friend, it’s from my heart cracking open in my chest at the thought of losing my wife. Fuck. I am so madly in love with her that I never even saw it coming.

How the fuck am I going to fix this?

The question plagues me for hours as I sit there on the porch, my heart inside of the house behind me, and when I spy Daemon coming out of our house with Levi and Landon hot on his heels, I prepare myself for their onslaught.

“Hey man, I brought you some lunch,” Daemon says quietly, offering me a lunchbox and a drink, and I thank him with a smile.

“You look like shit,” Landon smirks, and I can’t help but laugh, as I take the cap off the water and take a drink.

“I feel like it too, brother,” I tell him truthfully, and all three of them look at me in wonder.

“What are you even doing here?” Levi snaps coldly, and my eyes flick to his in confusion, and Dameon watches him warily as he adds, “Give up on the fucking ruse, man, it’s getting old.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snap, at the same time Landon asks, “What ruse?”

The door opens behind me and I snap around to find Gray and Reign, coming out to see what all the arguing is. When I realize Hallie isn’t with them, I ignore Landon’s question in favor of my old friend, who looks at me with nothing but pure contempt. “Come on, Josh, you can’t exactly be surprised, she wasn’t going to settle for your fake bullshit forever.”

It’s only now I see it, too blinded by his friendship to ever notice it before. He likes her. “I’d be very careful about what comes out of your fucking mouth next, Jones,” I warn, because one wrong word about Hallie and I won’t give a fuck about how long we have been friends.

Levi scoffs, “Please, we both knew it was only a matter of time before you fucked everything up, like father like son.”

Landon’s eyes widen in shock, but it’s Daemon who steps up to Levi and warns him with a voice like death, “You need to walk away. Now.”

From experience, I know that it will only take one more word for Daemon to absolutely lose his shit, and for once I won’t stand in his way. Not with the bullshit pouring from Levi’s mouth, not with the way he is looking at me as if he despises me. I stare him down, daring him to say one more word directed at me, but his gaze flicks to Daemon as if he is completely beneath him.

“Don’t even get me started on your father, Forbes, Josh’s may be a piece of shit, but yours is a fucking murderer.”

The punch lands before he can stop it, the fist moving so fast none of us even spot it until it’s too late, only Daemon hasn’t moved an inch. When I turn my head to the side I find Archer staring down at Levi, his whole body shaking with rage, as he spits, “Get the fuck away from my house, or the only murderer around here will be me.”

All of us are frozen on the spot as we stare at Archer in utter shock, before Levi does the first smart thing today and scrambles back away from him. When I bring my focus back to Daemon, he is staring at Archer with a look I have never seen before, and it’s only now I understand what Hallie meant when she said their dynamic was interesting.

I think it’s more interesting than any of us have ever realized.

“What the fuck is going on out here?” Nova stalks onto the porch, flicking his stare across all of us, and when his eyes land on his best friend, he looks nothing short of confused.

“Josh, you’re still here?” Maddie asks, coming from the front door to join him, and I know from the multiple sets of eyes on me that they don’t have a clue what is going on.

I open my mouth to speak when my ringtone cuts through all the tension, and when I pull the phone from my pocket, I find my mom’s name flashing across the screen. I send it straight to voicemail, and only now notice the multiple texts and calls from her and my grandmother, leading to only one conclusion. The Mayor has finally fallen.

I flick my stare to Madeline and announce, “Dad has been arrested.” Shock flows through my teammates, but Maddie just stares at me with nothing but relief. It’s finally done. With that in mind, before any of my teammates can say anything I add, “My father is a lying, corrupt, piece of shit, who tried to force Maddie into a business marriage. I ruined it, but my father forced me to take her place. I was told I had to pick a wife, and Hallie’s name was on the list of approved choices. I picked her because she was my friend, and I knew I wanted an ally as I took him down.” Reign, Gray, and Landon all look at me like I have gone insane, but Maddie, Nova, and Daemon already know all this, so I force myself to add, “I have since realized that I am madly in love with my fake wife, and I need to fucking fix it, so I am not leaving here until I see her.”

I expect some backlash, maybe some pissed off rant about what I did was wrong, but what I don’t expect is Gray to groan, the anger leaving him completely as Reign bursts out laughing. “I fucking knew it,” Reign brags, jumping onto his friends back and rubbing his knuckles on his head. “Pay up, you little prick.”

My stare flicks between them in confusion, before Gray sighs, “Reign bet me your marriage was bullshit, I bet him it was real.”

If my chest wasn’t still burning with pain I would probably laugh, but instead I reply, “Then I guess we all lost, because my marriage may have been bullshit, but it was somehow the realest thing I have ever felt.”

All of them look at me in stunned silence, before Nova nudges Maddie. “You heard your brother. Go and fetch his wife, the man is in love.”

And to my surprise, she turns on her heels and heads back inside.

Hmm, I guess Nova Darkmore isn’t so bad afterall.

“Fuck, I love watching her walk away from me,” he grits, his voice laced in lust as he rearranges himself in his shorts.

Nevermind. He is a prick.