19. So Alive, So Dead

My girl was a force of nature, and watching her in her element, charming people, and cats for that matter, making her dreams come true, only made me fall deeper in love with her.

But what the fuck was I going to do about Xan? He may have Willa fooled that he was trying to be a good guy, and I did not want to hurt their relationship, but I loved her, and I wasn"t going to let anyone stand in the way of our happiness.

After the last customer left with their brand new cat in a carrier under their arm and a tea latte to go, I locked the door behind them and pulled the cord on the neon open sign. Willa looked beat. Happy, but exhausted.

"That was a crazy day," she murmured, giving me a hug, and nuzzling into my chest. "Tell me you"re here to carry me home to bed. Who knew cat wrangling mixed with coffee making would be so exhausting?"

"That"s the very next thing on my to-do list." I was insisting she get some extra sleep, which was not my original plan. Although, a couple of really great orgasms could send her off to dreamland.

I made her leave some of the cleanup for the morning and put her into my car. She yawned and laid her head on my shoulder as we drove the few blocks back to my house.

"You wanna sneak into the hotel with me tomorrow night, sweetheart? I promise not to accidentally on purpose knock on Coach"s door this time. Unless, of course, the thrill of getting caught is on your kinks list."

She didn"t look up at me and gave my arm a soft squeeze. "I promised Xander I"d go to his game tomorrow night. He asked me to be there, and I don"t want him to think I can't support him just because we"re together, you know?"

I nodded, trying to ignore the little twinge of unease in my gut. Xander"s challenge had me on edge. "You"re good, Kingman. But you"ll never be good enough for her."

I couldn"t tell Willa that. Not when she was so hopeful about rebuilding her relationship with her brother.

"That"s great, babe. I"m sure it"ll mean a lot to him to have you there." I forced a smile, an idea forming. "We can go together if you want. Dad"s box will have room for us."

Looks like I"d be sneaking out of the hotel instead of Willa sneaking in. But I"d probably get in less trouble for going to my brothers" college football game than getting caught with a girl in my room after bed check. And honestly, I"d be happy to pay that fine. I hadn"t been to a Dragons game since I"d joined the Mustangs. Might be fun to hit the alma mater.

Willa bit her lip, looking torn, which surprised me. "That"s really sweet of you, but... Xan said he already has a ticket for me, probably sitting with my parents. I don"t want to ruffle any feathers, you know?"

I swallowed back my arguments, reminding myself that this was about supporting Willa, not giving in to my own worries. "Of course, babe. It'll be nice for you to hang out with them."

She snuggled into my arm. "I haven"t been to this many football games since high school. Two in two days? What have you done with the real Willa? Because this is a clear case of body snatching if ever I saw one."

Willa had made a lot of changes in her life, and she hardly seemed fazed by it. "I"ve thrown her into a supernatural prison with no memory of who or what she truly is. But there are four wolf shifters there who will help her remember through the power of her magic va-jay-jay."

She giggled and smacked me in the arm. "You read The Fate of the Wolf Guard?"

"Yep." I hadn"t read this much fiction in quite a while, but I"d always been a big reader. And honestly, I was learning as much from romance novels as I did the nonfiction I usually chose. Not just about sex either. Plus, it was fun to share a hobby with my girl. "I really enjoyed all the historical references. Not to mention some of those very interesting sex scenes. We should definitely try doing it outside in the woods under the full moon."

"When in the world did you have time to read a whole series this week?"

We pulled into the garage, and I loved the naturalness of chatting while coming home together. When her uncles were back, I"d ask her to just move in with me. Then we could do this all the time. "The nights I wasn"t spending with you."

Seven met us at the door and she scooped him up, giving him a snuggle. "At least somebody had fun. If I have to go Christmas shopping with any of my family members one more time this month, I"ll cry. I don"t know who thought malls were a good idea, but they need to be smacked around."

Her cat spent a long time smelling her up and down and rubbed his face all over her chest. Lucky bastard. At least with him, I could have Willa to myself by distracting him with a can of fancy cat food.

Afterward, I fed both her and her cat and took Willa to bed, indeed fucking her until she fell asleep after a couple of orgasms.

But as comfortable as I was with her laying in my arms, I was restless.

I left her sleeping peacefully and padded down to the living room, my mind churning, bouncing from one thing to the next. I hated not being able to focus.

There was some game tape I could watch, but for once, the thought of diving into football analysis didn"t appeal. Instead, I threw on a hoodie and some Crocs, and slid the back door open. Seven sprinted out after me and took up residence on one of the lawn chairs. "Good call, buddy."

I picked him up and sat down, settling him in my lap. The full moon stared down at me and Willa"s words from earlier echoed in my head. "What have you done with the real Willa?"

It was a joke, of course, but the Willa I"d first met, the one who"d breezed into town with wanderlust in her eyes and adventure in her heart, had transformed so much in the past few months. She"d taken on the challenge of running the café with gusto, pouring her creativity and passion into making it thrive.

Willa slipped into any role with ease. She was a world traveler, a teacher, then a small business owner and a rescuer of cats. She went from the girl next door to instant friends with a pop star. She was a romance loving book worm who knew just as many football stats as I did.

Watching her come alive with this new purpose, this new direction, had been breathtaking. But it also stirred something in me, questions were coming up that hadn"t even crossed my radar before.

She was so fucking joyful, colorful… alive.

What was I?

I"d had one goal my whole life, and I was living it now. I"d never allowed myself to ever think about anything but playing pro ball. I loved the game, lived and breathed it. The thrill of competition, the rush of adrenaline, the satisfaction of pushing my body to its limits, it was everything to me.

My life, my goals were always so black and white.

But seeing Willa embrace this whole new life, this new career path, made me wonder. What if football wasn"t forever? What if, God forbid, I got hurt and couldn"t play anymore? Who would I be then?

She was flexible, adaptable, and could so easily be whatever she wanted to.

I was a football player.

That was it.

How would that ever be enough for her?

Seven purred, probably his way of laughing at me for being a dumbass. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face but giving myself a nose full of cat hair.

Life was good, great even. I had an amazing woman who loved me, a family who supported me, a career that most people could only dream of. I just couldn"t shake the feeling that I needed to work harder. Do more. Be more, for all of them.

A snowflake drifted down in front of my face, and then another. This would make for a cold game for the boys tomorrow night, but it would probably be gone by my game on Sunday. It didn"t snow as much here as people thought it did.

So many people hated the snow, but I"d always loved it. Some of my very first memories were of playing in the snow. For the first time in my adult life, a very old but familiar pang hit me right behind the eyeballs. It crept down my throat and made it go tight.

I wished Willa could have met my mom. I think they would have really liked each other.

Seven made a weird sort of chirping sound at me and then crawled up my chest and settled himself there like a soft, fluffy cat baby. I gave him a hug and it weirdly made me feel comforted. God, I really was turning into a cat dad.

I needed sleep, needed to clear my head. Reset and focus on what was right in front of me. A girl I loved and a career I was really fucking good at.

I went back inside and slipped into bed, Willa instinctively curling into me, her warmth chasing away the chill of my thoughts. I probably shouldn"t have, but I couldn"t help it. I woke her with a series of soft kisses, and then fucked her gently until she was whimpering my name again and again. This time I made her beg me to make her come.

We were both a little bit extra tired the next morning, and Willa even had a couple of sips of my coffee before she went back to her house to change and get ready for her day. I was this close to telling her to just bring her clothes over here.

My head wasn"t in it at practice that morning either. It wasn"t like I didn"t know these plays frontward and backward and sideways. I could do them in my sleep. Which was basically what I did.

My mind was already racing ahead to the DSU game tonight. I knew I shouldn"t interfere, that Willa could handle her brother and her parents herself, but I couldn"t shake the feeling that Xander was up to something, and I needed to be there.

Once Coach released us, I made a split-second decision, pulling out my phone and dialing my dad"s number. "Hey, Dad. How do you feel about catching the Dragons game with me tonight?"

He"d be there anyway. Being the former coach and having three or four kids on the team at any given time meant it was his favorite past time.

"You asking me to contribute to the delinquency of a Mustang, son?" His tone was deadpan, but I knew him better than that. Once a Dragon, always a Dragon, and we always supported our own.

"Yep." I crossed my fingers he wasn"t as surprised by this favor as I suspected he would be.

He didn"t say anything for a minute, and I thought maybe I"d read him wrong. "About time you broke a few rules, kid."

I... didn't know what to say to that. My life was and always had been about following the rules and doing what was expected. All eight of us learned real early that was the only way the household could function. Except maybe Jules. She was the exception to every Kingman rule. And we loved her for it.

A few hours later, after I"d checked into the hotel the Mustangs stayed at for our home games and then snuck out, I was settling into my seat in the Kingman suite. My dad, and fucking Chris and Declan sat on one side of me, and Everett and Jules on the other. Seemed I wasn"t the only delinquent Mustang who liked to sneak out of the hotel to catch a Dragons game.

"Wondered when you"d get your head out of your tight ass and show up to one of these." Declan stole the hot dog I"d just grabbed and took a bite out of it.

What was this, razz the rookie day? "I"d have been here sooner if you dickwads would have told me this was a thing."

Chris shook his head. "No you wouldn"t have. You were too busy running circles around the rest of us to even take a break, much less sneak out to relax for a minute."

My oldest brother was the last one I thought I"d ever hear that from. He was the one who twitched if you were two minutes late for anything. He was also the brother I"d idolized most growing up. He had everything, and I worked my ass off to be just like him.

"It still took most of the season to get him here." Declan shoved the other half of the hot dog into his mouth and did not wait to swallow before he continued. "Something brought you here and it wasn"t to hang out with us."

Everett laughed. "It"s got to be about a girl."

Oh god, save me from older brothers. "It"s?—"

Jules cut me off. "Duh. It"s always about a girl with you lot. His girlfriend is coming to the game tonight."

Wait. When I prayed to be saved from brothers, I did not mean I wanted to be harassed by my one and only little sister.

"What I don"t understand is why she isn"t up here in the box with us." Jules shook her head at me like I really was a dumbass. "Who lets their girlfriend freeze in those cold, plastic seats in the snow?"

"She"s sitting with her parents." I was about to go buy a ticket in the cheap seats too.

"You could have invited them, son." That was big coming from my dad. He didn"t like having anyone but family in his box.

"I tried."

Every Kingman in the room turned and looked at me. Jules was the one to break the silence. "Uh-oh. Do her parents not like you? That"s got to be a new feeling for our own personal golden boy."

I opted to look straight ahead at the football field. "The Dragons are looking good this season."

My dad was the one who let me off the hook. "They are, thanks in no small part to Flynn and Gryff"s stellar performances. I expect they"ll both go in the first round this year, along with your friend Xander Rosemount."

Did I say he let me off the hook? Why did I decide to come to this game again?

Chris leaned over and stage whispered to Declan, "I thought I was the golden boy of the family."

"No, you"re confusing yourself with the Golden Girls," Jules leaned across me and Everett to not so quietly whisper back. "Of whom you will soon be joining because you"re so old."

As my siblings continued to swap jabs and the minutes ticked by while the teams warmed up and the stands filled with fans, I couldn"t stop my eyes from scanning the section below us where family members usually had tickets.When kickoff rolled around and there was still no sign of Willa, I started to worry. I pulled out my phone, shooting her a quick text.

Hey, babe. I decided to catch the game with my family too. You here yet? I thought maybe we"d all get a bite to eat after the game.

Her response came a few minutes later, and my heart sank as I read the words.

I"m here, but they can"t find my ticket. Xan said he left it at will call, but no one seems to know anything about it. I"m stuck outside the gate trying to argue my way in.

I was on my feet in an instant, already moving toward the exit. "I"ll be right back. Willa needs me."

I took the stairs two at a time, my mind racing. There was no way Xander had "accidentally" forgot to leave a ticket at will call for his sister.

When I finally spotted her standing forlornly by the ticket booth, my heart clenched. I jogged over, talked to Mrs. Bo, who, at a thousand and two years old still volunteered at the DSU ticket booth, and then waved Willa in.

She was shaking and I didn"t know whether it was from the cold or if she was about to cry. I was going to kill her brother either way. I pulled her to me and rubbed her back and arms. "Hey, it"s okay. I"ve got you."

She clung to me, her face buried in my chest. "I am going to murder him. I can"t believe he did this. I mean, I can, but... I really thought he was trying. Do you know my parents aren"t even here? I am going to kick Xan"s ass. He thinks I can"t do it, but I assure you, if I surprise him, I can take him down and sit on his chest so he can"t fucking breathe."

Maybe I didn"t have to get my brothers to help me bury Xander"s body. We"d be too busy helping Willa do it. She was pih-issed.

I stroked her hair, trying my best to tame the savage beast, and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I know, flower. I"ll help you bury the body later, okay?"

She was still seething as we walked up the stairs to the club level. "I"ll plant columbines on his grave so it will be illegal to dig it up. I"ll do it too. He"s been a giant douche from the land of douchebags since I came home."

Note to self: don't ever make Willa really angry and keep her away from the state flower. "Let"s go watch the game. We"ll deal with him after."

Xander might be trying to come between us, but I don"t think he realized how incredible his sister really was. He could doubt me all he wanted, but he was the one who wasn"t good enough for her. He was her brother for fuck"s sake. He should be taking care of her, supporting her.

I was going to enjoy seeing Willa take him down a notch.