41. Hudson

41

HUDSON

T onight has been the epitome of perfection.

This was after the flawless day we spent with my parents and Grant, all of them getting to know Ember, and it was the happiest I’ve felt in, well, as long as I can remember. My favorite people getting to know this woman that’s consumed every bit of my soul.

Bringing her here was a risk. The stark contrast between our families could have brought on bad memories or feelings of envy and anger. My goal was to show her how many people care about her. I need her to see that, and I think it has.

She seemed to be handling the situation with her parents with ease. She laughed and held a conversation with Grant and my parents like she’s been a part of this family all along. We spent the day talking about my childhood, what she’s doing at XConnect, slightly censored for my parents, of course. Overall, being completely void of all negative emotion when it came to what happened last night, but that’s in line with exactly what she’s always done. Masked her emotions, putting a veil over a so-called weakness.

And I know she’s still a fucking emotional marathon runner. I wouldn’t bet against her putting her running shoes back on at this point. So, needless to say, I’ve felt the need to stay close to her. For both myself, and just to make sure she doesn’t finally break down.

Last night, she closed herself off and hardly remembers any of it. But she has yet to truly fall apart, and I can’t imagine she’s not on the brink of that. I don’t want to risk not being around if—when—that finally happens.

Ember has been wrapped in my arms all night. We’ve been on the front line for every single song Green Day has played on stage. At some point, Billie Joe Armstrong’s saliva or sweat, I’m not sure which, landed on my arm and I didn’t give two shits about it. I was listening to my favorite band perform live, with my favorite girl by my side.

Every time I’ve looked down at her, a smile graced her gorgeous face, like she was eating the lyrics in, just as much as I do every time I hear one of their songs.

Their songs were evenly spread out over the night, between slow and fast-paced ones, each of which just fell in line with each other. We shifted between jumping up and down, screaming the lyrics, to swaying together with her in my arms, depending on whatever song was played. I was surprised to see how many she knew, which just solidified the whole ‘she’s fated for me’ feeling even more.

At the end of the night, Billie Joe left the stage for only a brief moment after finishing with Good Riddance —which I appreciate now more than ever after meeting Ember’s parents. The crowd started chanting for an encore over and over. Of course, he came wandering back on stage, with a barstool in one hand and his guitar in the other.

After he sits down, he strums a few chords, then the familiar rhythm of my favorite song starts to play.

It’s pure acoustic and different from any other rendition I’ve ever heard .

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s home to me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one, I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone.

Their songs, specifically this one, got me through the toughest times of my life. After Veronica, after my injury, through so many issues with Henry. I soak in the lyrics and enjoy them for what they are to me now. What they’ve meant to me.

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating

Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me

Til then, I walk alone.

I’m walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline

Of the edge, and where I walk alone.

Read between the lines

What’s fucked up, and everything’s alright

Check my vital sign s

To know I’m still alive, and I walk alone

Ember’s body stiffens and stops moving with mine. As I glance down at her, her chin is tilted toward her chest, her gaze directly on the floor.

“Ember.” She doesn’t look up.

My feet shuffle faster than my brain can even keep up as I move myself in front of her. Cupping her cheeks, I force her to look up at me.

And the sight destroys me.

Tears pool over her emerald eyes before streaming down her cheeks. Pinched brows and a pained expression that I can feel radiating from her like a beacon.

“I’m all alone now.” Her voice is cracked and broken.

“Fuck. Ember.” I pull her into me, holding her close.

I knew it was a matter of time.

I had no idea it would be now.

She’s grieving the loss of her family, something I can’t even comprehend. Especially considering they are still living and breathing, yet they choose to disregard her like trash. I can’t imagine the hopelessness she feels, and how much she is questioning everything in her life.

“Shit,” I whisper under my breath.

I look around. We’re completely surrounded by hordes of people, holding up their lighters or phones displaying their camera light. Everyone’s sole attention is on the stage.

Seeing only one route, I place her arms around my neck and pull her into me. Gripping her hips and wrapping her legs around me, her body hugs to mine with vigor. Squeezing me as if she’ll lose herself otherwise.

I trail the front of the stage to the side of the venue, following the row of lights to the lit up exit sign, and barrel through the emergency exit.

The warm summer night air wraps around us as I carry her in the direction of the pickup area. I’m thankful we decided to Uber instead of driving so I don’t have to let her go, and even more grateful that there is a taxi waiting on the side of the curb so we don’t need to wait for a ride share.

Swinging the door open, I shift Ember’s leg to one side of my body and slide in with her on my lap. She’s shaking, her body hiccuping between the gasps of air she is taking between her tears.

“Ember…”

She tucks her face into my neck, avoiding my gaze.

So I squeeze harder, holding her as close to me as possible, and tell her the only truths I know.

“You’re not alone. You’re never going to be alone.”

I pause, holding my breath.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much.”