Chapter 29

GAZING OUT OFhis living room window, Ash noted the dark and gloomy clouds moving in to bring rain and lightning crashing over them. It was fine with him. He hadn't planned on getting much sleep anyway.

It had been hours since he'd passed out onto the floor, waking up a half hour or so later with his mother and the town's physician hovering over him. He felt fine now, but Mollie was still watching him like a hawk. He'd dreamed of Laurel hopelessly wandering in the dark, desolate landscape of Malory's mental realm.

"You miss him that much already, honey?" Mollie asked gently, running a hand over his arm. "You can visit, can't you? And he'll come to see you?"

"It's complicated, Mom. I don't want to think about it right now." Forcing a smile onto his face, he turned to her. "Anyway, I'm home now. Let's talk about something else, like what you're going to cook for me."

"Why don't you go rummage through the kitchen and decide what you want me to make?"

"Sounds like a plan," he said, rising to make his way into the other room. Pursing his lips a bit, he tilted his head as he considered the items in the pantry. His eyes were drawn to the window over the sink, where he could see a bright patch of sunflowers shivering in the ominous breeze. Frowning, he gripped the edge of the checkered curtains and drew them together to keep it out of his sight. As he knelt down to survey the produce in the bottom of the refrigerator, the thoughts he was determined to keep solely on the food in front of him were shattered by his mother's shriek.

"Mom!?" Slamming the door closed, he barreled back into the living room, where she stood in front of the window, eyes wild with shock. "What's wrong?" He demanded, looking wildly around the room for the source of her horror.

"A dragon… There's a dragon outside!" She stammered out. "It landed right in our yard!"

He opened the front door, noting that several of their neighbors had already rushed out of their homes, jaws dropped and eyes locked in his direction. Bracing himself, for he knew the only reason why a dragon would have traveled to his home, Ash turned to face it.

The world seemed to melt away, leaving him alone with only his avenging fairy king with the lovely bones and aurelian eyes and wounded heart. The burning ache inside him roared to life, a wildfire that threatened to decimate his very being and leave nothing but charred remains. When Laurel's wetly shining eyes locked to his, he was sure that the sorcerer felt the same pain. Ash's body seemed to gravitate toward Laurel as he clumsily dismounted the giant beast, as if instinctively it knew the only way to quell the anguished pangs inside him was to give in and accept what destiny had deemed for them.

Staring cautiously at the healer, Laurel thought he might pass out from the nauseating combination of emotions rattling inside him as his legs carried him forward. He'd had so much planned, pretty apologies and confessions, but they crumbled inside him like autumn leaves, swept away by the wind in the face of the man he'd been so awful to only that morning.

Though he ached to rush forward and take Laurel, who looked so uncharacteristically brittle it nearly frightened him, into his arms and assure him everything was fine, Ash stayed fixed where he stood.

"Did you forget something?" He asked coolly, tilting his head a bit as he leaned his side onto the door jamb.

Petrified by his indifference, Laurel felt his lip quiver before commanding himself to be calm. He couldn't force Ash to take him back, that was something he'd already accepted. All he could do was give his sincere apology so he knew he hadn't meant the cruel things he'd said.

Shuddering a bit as he inhaled, Laurel felt as though every moment in his life had been leading up to this one. "I know you probably don't want to hear anything from me right now, and you're not under any obligation to listen, but… I made a huge mistake and I just want to apologize to you. I'm an idiot and I know you could do better and I've screwed up with you so many times and you just keep forgiving me and I'm sure you regret it, but I-"

"Laurel, stop."

Squeezing his eyes closed against the hot rush of tears he could feel building up, Laurel felt his stomach clutch inside him. "Okay, I'll stop. I understand, I wouldn't want to listen to me either."

"No, that's…" Sighing because no matter what he'd resigned himself to, he couldn't bear to see the other man in so much pain, Ash closed the last few steps between them, pulling Laurel to his chest. "I'm asking you to stop because we should do this in private. You don't have to sacrifice your dignity in public to apologize to me, sunshine."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." With his arms clutching a vise grip around the healer's neck, Laurel whimpered into his broad shoulder. With Ash's arms around him, it felt as though the dam holding in all his anguish had burst, finally allowing it to begin to rush out. "I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't. It's okay."

"No, it's not. Leaving you would be the biggest mistake I could ever make."

"You didn't leave me. Everything's okay," he swore, holding him as tightly as he could manage, as if he wanted to absorb him into his body, into his pounding heart. "I knew you would come back to me."

Sniffling, Laurel pulled back a bit to stare into Ash's eyes. "I don't want to live without you, Ash. I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. But I need you, so I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again. Just please give me a chance to make everything right."

"You already have. You're here. Now will you please let me take you somewhere we can talk without half the people I know staring at us?"

As his words sank in, Laurel glanced around. The small yards around them were filled with people, staring curiously at them and at Perrin and Nero, murmuring amongst themselves. Smirking a little at the immediately embarrassed expression on Laurel's face, Ash dragged his gaze up to where Nero lounged, spread out on the dragon's back.

"Are you going to wait around while we talk?" He asked the prince, who gave him a handsome grin that sent his dimples into sharp relief.

"I've come this far. Consider me invested."

"Hey, mister." A small boy who'd wandered up from a neighboring home called out. "Is this dragon your pet? Can I touch him?"

"Nicolas!" A horrified woman, presumably his mother, hissed out his name. "That is the prince. Don't call him mister."

"Ah, no, don't worry about anything formal," Nero assured the harassed woman. Sitting up, he stared down at the boy. "He's not my pet. He's more like a friend."

Actually, Prince Nero is more like my pet. But I would prefer if you did not touch him.

Amused by the antics of the prince and his dragon, Ash shook his head before linking his fingers with Laurel's to pull him somewhere they could be alone. He tugged, but found the sorcerer's feet seemed to be rooted to the ground. Following his line of sight, he realized that his mother, shrouded in the light from their doorway, was staring intently at Laurel, who stared back at her.

"Mom," he started cautiously, realizing very belatedly that he hadn't exactly finished his plan to slowly acclimate her to the idea of the pedigreed highborn. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce you before. This is Laurel. He's my…"

"I know," she finished for him, though she didn't take her eyes off the sorcerer. "He's your special person."

Though he felt unbelievably awkward, Laurel cleared his throat, bowing his head to her a little. "I'm sorry to meet you like this. I know it must be jarring for you to have me show up so suddenly, and… And under these circumstances."

"Ash didn't mention that you're friends with the prince," she responded, glancing at her son for a moment.

"I'm friends with Nero, too, Mom," Ash interjected, though her borderline accusatory expression had him barely able to resist squirming. "That's okay, isn't it?"

"I know that you must be apprehensive about someone like me, but I-"

"No," she cut Laurel off, shaking her head. "I'm not, really. I can tell that you aren't like Ash's father, because you came back for him. You knew he was hurting without you, and you came for him so he wouldn't be in pain anymore. That's a good thing."

Humbled by her very blunt and unguarded observation, Laurel felt himself falter. "I… I'm honored you would say something like that. I never want to do anything that causes him pain. I just want Ash to be happy… With me."

"I'm sure he will be," she responded, sounding assured before turning to her son. "You should go talk. I'll be here when the two of you are finished."

"Thank you," Ash said to her, before pulling his lover off and away.

"Where are you taking me?" Laurel wondered quietly as Ash led them around the side of the house. When he glanced behind him, he could see more brave souls strolling forward to see Perrin close-up.

"Just giving us a little privacy," Ash answered, giving a somewhat apologetic grin. "Gossip here spreads like lightning, so… Everyone in town will be talking about you by tomorrow morning, if you care about that sort of thing."

"I'm used to it," Laurel said honestly, giving a light shrug as they headed behind the small shed-like structure in the backyard of Ash's home.

"You should be flattered," the healer informed him. "They'll probably mostly just be marveling about how someone like me landed someone so gorgeous. Well, that and the dragon thing."

Snorting a little, Laurel chuckled. "Yeah, probably more the dragon thing."

Once they were securely concealed by the stable that housed his horse, Ash let his hand drift up Laurel's arm to cup his cheek. "I know you have more to say and there are things I need to say as well, but if I don't do this now, I think I might explode."

Before Laurel could question it, Ash's mouth was slanting over his, capturing his lips in a deeply passionate kiss that had tingles shooting down his entire form. As he felt the healer's tongue licking bold paths all over the inside of his mouth, he dimly thought he'd never quite get used to being kissed exactly how he wanted, every time.

Shaking his head, Laurel forced himself to pull away from Ash's warm embrace. "This isn't right, you know. You're forgiving me too easily. I feel like I'm being rewarded for treating you like garbage."

"I'm not rewarding you. I'm just not punishing you."

"You should be, though."

"Laurel," Ash's voice was sharp, his eyes burning like hot emeralds. "I think you've suffered enough. And punishing you would make us both feel worse." When the obvious guilt shimmering in Laurel's expression didn't fade, he sighed. "There are things I realized today, while I was away from you and finally had time to reflect on everything."

"What do you mean?" Laurel asked, nearly sighing in pleasure when their fingers linked together. After the slashing soreness he'd experienced in his chest all day, even the smallest touches seemed to be magnified.

"I know you're sorry for how you ended things, and you always take the blame for everything onto yourself, but I need you to understand that it's my fault, too."

"Your fault?" Laurel echoed, baffled. "No, Ash, that's not… You've been perfect to me. I'm the one that always screws everything up."

"Listen to me," he insisted. "There have been so many times that I could sense that you were overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally. I knew that I was smothering you, that you needed space. But I'm so selfish, and I wanted you with me so badly, I couldn't bear to give you the time you needed for yourself. I justified it by telling myself that we were going to end up together anyway, so there was no point in delaying things."

With their fingers still intertwined, Ash glanced up where twinkling stars had just begun breaking through the darkening sky. "I never really gave you a choice, even from the very beginning. My feelings were so strong and I was so confident in us, I made sure you couldn't refuse me. I ignored when you rejected me, and kept pushing at you until you gave in, so I could be sure I'd never have to be without you, but that's not what a relationship should be. And I'm so sorry for that, Laurel. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I should have given you the time you needed."

"I…" Hesitant, Laurel shivered as a breeze danced past them. "I never thought of it that way, you know. To me, you were just… Having to work hard to break through all the walls I was putting up to keep you out."

"You were putting up walls to keep me out because you needed more time, Laurel. And I demolished those walls because I didn't want to give you that time."

"So in other words, you're saying we both suck at this."

"Something like that," Ash acknowledged, unable to suppress a small grin at the bluntness. "But if I promise you that I'll give you space when you need it, you have to promise me that whenever you start feeling overwhelmed or freaked out, you'll talk to me instead of running away."

"I can do that," Laurel promised him. "The way I felt today without you, when I wasn't sure what was going to happen… I never, ever want to feel like that again, Ash."

"You'll never have to."

"I love you."

Drawing back, Ash could only blink as he stared at Laurel's face, struggling to process the words. They flowed inside him like water from the purest crystal lakes, crashing into every fiber of his being.

"Say it again," he requested.

"I love you."

"That's very impressive," Ash managed. "It sounds so natural. For some reason I always imagined you'd stutter over it or tell me to go to hell after you were finished."

Clearing his throat a little defensively, Laurel felt his cheeks color as his brows drew together in mild displeasure. It wasn't exactly the reaction he had hoped for. "Well, I practiced."

"You practiced," Ash repeated, in absolute awe of the human being before him. This complicated, irritable aristocrat who would curse like a sailor one moment, and all but beg to be held and cherished and treated like a delicate flower the next. The prickly sorcerer with the face of some otherworldly celestial being, a temper that flared faster than an oil-soaked torch, and a heart that bruised so easily it should be criminal. His wrathful, avenging fairy king with a golden crown and gossamer wings.

"Of course you practiced," he laughed, unable to stop the mirthful sound from bubbling out. "I don't think I could love you any more if I tried, Laurel."

"I'm glad you think it's so funny."

"I do," Ash admitted. "Tell me again. It sounds so good in your voice."

"You've lost your privilege," Laurel muttered, pouting a bit as he averted his gaze.

"Guess I need to try and earn it back, don't I?"

"This is coercion," Laurel complained as he was tilted back for another long, deep kiss. Feeling slightly dazed by the wealth of feelings blooming like a mad garden inside his chest, he wrapped an arm around Ash's neck to steady himself.

"I have to coerce you, or you'll never give me what I want," Ash teased, acutely aware of his own heart helplessly thrashing inside him, desperately enraptured and devoted to who was almost certainly the most difficult human being he'd ever met. And he couldn't have been happier about it. "I am completely in love with you, Laurel. A life with you is everything I want, everything I've ever dreamed of having."

The words Laurel had always been so certain he'd never hear seemed to have a physical mass, flowing inside him to permeate his soul and fill in all the crevices. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt whole and perfect and unblemished, like a glowing pearl.

"I never even dreamed of being this happy," he admitted. "You give me things I didn't even know I wanted."

"You know," Ash murmured, pressing his lips into his sorcerer's pale locks of hair as he spoke. "When you say things like that, it just makes me want to lay you down on the ground right here and show you how happy I can really make you."

"Ash, I love you, but there is no way in hell I'm going to be number three on the list of people you've been caught fucking."

"You say that now, but I have all the time in the world to convince you."

"No." Laurel's voice was flat, but as Ash gave a slow nod, staring directly into his eyes, he couldn't help but laugh. "Absolutely not."

"Forever," Ash reminded him. "You really think you can keep holding out on me forever?"

"Forever," Laurel repeated, resting his head on Ash's shoulder, leaning on him so he could feel the steady heartbeat in his chest. It wasn't something he'd planned on having, but nothing had ever sounded better. "It's a promise."