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Chapter 28

THEIR WALK WASmostly silent, with Helio's harsh breathing letting Laurel know that the magic he'd been blasted with was still hurting him a bit, though he hadn't been able to sense any permanent or lasting damage. It was lucky Malory's home was private, trees on all sides and a large property without any close neighbors, but Laurel shrouded himself and his vatra in a spell to keep them from being seen, just in case.

"You know that nobody can know where we were today, right?"

"That is the conclusion I came to when I saw you performing some kind of ritual over Malory's unconscious body, yes."

His vatra's deadpan way of speaking could be funny, when he was already feeling mildly hysterical, Laurel realized.

"What are you going to tell Dad?"

"I'll tell him that I met you after your appointment, and we talked. I won't worry him with any details."

They ducked into an alleyway once they were in the city proper so Laurel could lift the spell.

Once they were seated in a carriage, swishing the curtains closed to give them privacy from the eyes of the coachman and passersby, Helio exhaled deeply, looking troubled.

"I don't know how to express how regretful I am of everything that happened, Laurel. I had no idea about him, absolutely no idea. If I'd have known, I…"

"Please," Laurel responded softly. "You couldn't have known, so there's no reason to blame yourself."

"But I was careless. I pushed you to be with him, because… I was so self-centered, so arrogant, that because I recognized myself in his background, I assumed he would be a suitable partner for you. That was wrong of me."

"It's finished. I know this is all new for you and you're hurting, but… I've done my grieving. I don't blame anyone, and I'm ready to move on now."

Helio gave a small nod, though he was certain he'd live with the deep etching of regret in his heart for the rest of his life. "You have to understand that becoming a spectator in your life is an uneasy feeling for me, Laurel, but I know you're going to make the right decisions. I trust you to do that. But if anything ever happens that you need my help with, I will be there for you. No matter what."

"I appreciate that, but… Honestly, your belief in my decision-making feels kind of unwarranted right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I broke up with Ash last night. That's why he came to talk to you and Dad, I'm sure. So that someone else would know what happened if I started getting bad again."

The stretch of silence lasted longer than Laurel was comfortable with, but all he could do was wait while Helio seemed to process his confession.

"Is that really what you want? Do you no longer have feelings for Ash?"

"I hurt him, because I was so wrapped up in my own self-centered problems. Maybe it really is better for him to stay away from me."

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Helio exhaled. "Your father talked to you recently about how our families arranged us to be married, didn't he?"

"He told me about how you came to see him when he was afraid to go through with it, yeah," Laurel said, wondering what his vatra could be leading up to. "I was kind of surprised by that."

"Well, we were very young," Helio retorted, a tiny smirk tugging up the corner of his mouth. "I was more impulsive back then. Did he happen to tell you about our wedding day?"

"No, he didn't mention anything about it."

"I'll tell you something that no one else knows, only your father and I."

"Okay," Laurel agreed, intrigued. Helio was never the type to reminisce or tell pretty stories.

"When my parents originally informed me that I would be marrying a sorcerer from the kingdom of Kalterberg, I had no emotional reaction to it. After all, I was the one who had requested an arranged marriage. And I trusted their ability to choose a spouse that would be well-suited for me. But once I'd gone to meet him, spent time with him, he became more than a concept to me. I began to understand that he was a real person with hopes and dreams, and I didn't want him to just be an extension of me and our marriage. I wanted him to be happy with the life we would make together."

"In the days leading up to our wedding," Helio continued, "I began to have reservations. We'd already agreed that we enjoyed each others' company and that we felt comfortable in each others' presence, but there were things about your father that… I didn't know how to deal with. The thought of facing them intimidated me."

"What?" Laurel asked, confused. "Stuff you didn't like about him?"

"No," Helio denied. "You see, your father was- Well, he is very attractive. I'm sure you're aware that he regularly receives compliments and attention, everywhere we go."

"Yeah, I'm definitely aware of that," Laurel said, snorting a little. "But you don't get jealous of that stuff. Did it bother you that much back then?"

"I came to discover that in the town that Mina is from, he was considered very eligible and very, very desired. He had a lot of experience with being courted, and he'd been on dates with many of the men who lived there. His bedroom was filled with the trinkets and gifts he'd received from his admirers. At any rate, by the time the day of our wedding arrived, I was a nervous wreck, comparing myself to the men he'd been courted by before me."

"You?" Laurel asked, shocked. He couldn't imagine his straight-forward, coolly confident vatra having such an insecurity.

"Oh, I was absolutely petrified. And then that day, I woke up and another harrowing thought occurred to me. It consumed me, and in my existential crisis, I snuck into your father's room and told him we should call it off, and that he should go back home."

Laurel felt his jaw drop open slightly. "You tried to turn him down? Did you end up canceling that day and rescheduling it? Was he pissed at you?"

Helio shook his head slowly, remembering that day with so much clarity, it surprised him. "No one else ever found out about my request to him. He's very clever, you know, and he saw through me. He forced me to tell him what it was that I was so afraid of. And when I did, he made my concerns feel so preposterous that I never worried about them again. I was mortally embarrassed, but he never made fun of me for it. And then we went on to be married, and eventually have you and your sister."

"Wait," Laurel shook his head, baffled by Helio's story. "So what was it that you were so embarrassed about? What was the terrible thought you had that made you want to call everything off?"

Inhaling deeply, Helio glanced up at the ceiling of the carriage. "It occurred to me that we would have to kiss, in front of what felt like every person we knew, during the ceremony. I had never kissed anyone, and in my mind I imagined that my inexperience would be obvious to everyone watching, and especially to Mina. The public humiliation I envisioned was too much for me to bear, and I panicked."

"You tried to cancel your own wedding because you were scared to kiss Dad," Laurel repeated, blinking. It unnerved him a bit, but in a funny way, imagining this flustered young man that had grown to be his vatra.

"It seems ludicrous now, doesn't it?" Helio acknowledged. "But at the time, it felt like a very real concern to me. If I'd been betrothed to anyone but him, they might have laughed at me, or ridiculed me, at the very least. But because I was lucky enough to be marrying the right person, he gave me what I needed in that moment to move forward."

"What did he say to you?" Laurel asked, a bit hooked now. He realized he'd had no idea, until very recently, what kind of journey his parents had taken together to end up where they were.

Helio stared at him for a few moments, as though he were assessing a problem and deciding how to handle it. "He pulled me into a closet in an empty bedroom so we could be alone, and kept us hidden there while we talked. He allowed me to confess all of my fears to him, and he alleviated those fears by being honest with me about his own. And he insisted that we… practice, so that I wouldn't be concerned with appearing inexperienced when it came time to kiss publicly."

"Gross," Laurel pointed out, wrinkling his nose. "I don't want to hear about you guys sucking face in a closet."

Tilting his head in acknowledgment of the grossness of his statement, Helio gave a small smile. "My apologies. Our parents searched for us for over an hour before we came out of hiding. They never found out where we'd been or what we'd been doing, but it didn't matter. We were married just a few hours later, and I've never felt as though I couldn't be honest with him about anything since."

"So what are you really trying to tell me?" Laurel asked. He imagined if the story had been about anyone other than his parents he might have sighed over it. But the thought of his vatra and father as young, horny grooms-to-be making out in a locked closet was a little too much for his psyche. "You think I should go track Ash down and shove him into a closet for an hour?"

"That's very funny," Helio responded dryly, though his dark eyes reflected amusement. "My point is that sometimes we can hyperfixate on our own flaws, or our fears. But if you're with the right person, they'll know how to soothe those fears, and accept those flaws. They'll be thrilled to do that, because if someone really loves you, they'll want you to feel secure in yourself. They will love the parts of you that you don't like."

"God," Laurel groaned a little, pressing his fingers into his eyes. "I mean, I know that in my head, but… It's so hard. I don't want him to end up resenting me."

"He's too smart for that, and you are too smart to worry about that."

"Do you really think I could make him happy?"

"I think you already do. And he obviously makes you happy. You're happier with him than I've ever seen you. What else are you waiting for?"

You're afraid to be happy. Ash's words to him echoed in his ears. Hearing the man's voice, even just as a memory, sent sunlight blasting through him, obliterating the shadows that plagued him.

"I'm so stupid," Laurel realized. "What was I thinking?"

"We all make mistakes, particularly when we're afraid. He'll understand, Laurel."

"Yeah, I… I really hope so." Pulling the curtain aside, he realized they were within walking distance of Nero's castle. He gave a few bangs on the wall of the carriage to indicate for the coachman to stop. "Listen, tell Dad and Ingrid I love them and that I'll be home later. Well, maybe. I have to fly to Sweethaven."

"Fly?" Helio repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Laurel smirked a little, but shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll be back later tonight or tomorrow at the latest. I promise."

"It's a promise, then. I love you. I hope you know that, and you never forget it again."

"I'll remember. I love you, too."

SLIGHTLY PANTING WITHthe effort of the run he'd broken into, Laurel sailed past the guards at the entrance to the castle, who waved him through, recognizing him on sight. He hated running, but his muscles were pumping with energy at the thought of seeing Ash. Slipping through a courtyard they'd taken walks in, he smiled at the memory of the healer knelt down to talk to a hurt little girl. He was so gentle, so pure. There was no one like him in the world.

As he approached the wing of the castle that housed Nero and March's chambers, he stopped, sensing their presences nearby. A handy little party trick he'd picked up when he'd received Ash's aura. Rounding a corner, he saw them in an empty hallway, so wrapped up in each other that it was as if the outside world didn't exist. With his back pressed up to a wall, March giggled lightly as Nero's fingers held his face in place for obnoxiously loud, smacking kisses. First on his cheeks, then his eyelids, then his nose. Drawing back, the prince stared down at him as if he were made of the earth's most rare and precious substance.

Laurel watched them for a moment, waiting for the bitter envy he'd always felt for them to spark in his stomach. When it never came, he realized he wasn't jealous of what they had anymore. Clearing his throat to get their attention, he made his way toward them.

"Hi, Laurel," March greeted him cheerfully, threading himself around Nero's arm as they turned to face him. "Is everything alright? You look a little winded."

"We don't all run every day like you do, Mr. Perfect," he retorted, wiping a hand across his forehead.

"We could run together sometime," March suggested, smiling sweetly. "I could check your form and make sure you're at peak efficiency so you aren't wasting energy."

"Yeah, I'll think about it," Laurel lied, remembering that the fussy noble got up at the crack of dawn for his obsessive exercise drills.

"I'd like to check your form," Nero muttered under his breath, fingers drifting down dangerously low from March's slim waist to his butt.

Smacking the prince's hand away, March gave him a wry look as his cheeks colored. "You'll be checking your own form tonight if you don't behave, Neroki."

"Sorry, sweetheart."

"Man, Ramor's right. You really are whipped."

"Can it, sunshine," Nero quipped back, using Ash's pet name for him, unimpressed by the accusation. "That doesn't mean much coming from you."

"Actually, that's why I'm here. I need your help. It's time for you to pay me back from last summer."

Looking surprised, Nero lifted a brow. "What's up? Something wrong with Ash?"

"No, just with me," Laurel admitted. "I fucked up yesterday, and kind of maybe possibly ruined my life. I broke up with Ash and sent him home and I need to go there so I can… You know, beg for forgiveness, throw myself on his mercy, that kind of thing."

"Really not giving yourself a leg to stand on there in terms of saying I'm whipped."

"I'm serious," he retorted, eyes intense now. "I really hurt him, but… I made a huge mistake and I have to try to fix things."

"You want to ride on Perrin," Nero determined.

"I could go by train, I know, but I don't think I could stand just sitting there for hours while I don't know what he's doing or how he's feeling. I just need to be with him so I can explain."

"Fair enough," Nero said. "You know how to get there?"

Groaning, Laurel pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Not a clue. I never got a chance to go with him."

"Beritz might know," March piped up. Laurel wondered when he'd stopped calling Nero's father Your Majesty and started calling him by his first name. Then again, knowing how the king doted on his new son-in-law, he had probably insisted on it. "When we're in council meetings, he never needs to consult the map of the kingdom, even for very remote areas."

"That's true," Nero agreed. "He has that kind of thing memorized. Come on, we'll ask him." He waved for Laurel to follow as he hurried off in the direction of the king's chambers.

"Sweethaven," Beritz repeated thoughtfully, once they'd given him a quick rundown of the situation. "It's to the south, a good ways down." He reached into a drawer, pulling out a rolled parchment. Unrolling it on the table, he tapped a finger at the bottom, on a tiny dot labeled with the name of the tiny town. "There's a train route that passes through a station here. It's only a couple hours that way."

"No time," Nero said. "Love doesn't wait, you know," he added, smirking when Laurel glared.

"Is that so?" The king asked, amused as he shifted to lean back in his chair. "I suppose it's the fellow I've seen you around the castle with lately, eh, Laurel?"

"That's right," he confirmed.

"Could be a good match," Beritz decided, rubbing at his thick beard. "As long as he's tough enough to handle your sass."

"He seems to like it, actually," Laurel reflected. "For whatever reason."

"He did look quite smitten when I've seen the two of you," the king agreed. "I wish you the best of luck. As for me, I've got a stack of petitions to sort through, so I'll bid the three of you good day."

"I can't go, actually," March said. "Only two can ride Perrin, so I'm happy to come back and help you get through these. If you'd like," he added, his eyelashes fluttering when Beritz laid a massive, wide-palmed hand on the crown of his dark hair.

"A sweeter son I've never had," he swore. "You know I'd never say no to your company, March."

"Thanks a lot," Nero said dryly, though his eyes danced with humor. He was long used to his father's blatant affection for his husband. "Let's get out of here before he ropes us all into tedious, clerical tasks."

Beritz watched the three of them rush out from his chambers, lightly shaking his head at their youth.

AS THE THREEof them entered the enclosure, the king's map clutched in Laurel's hand, they headed toward the forest that Perrin typically liked to lounge in. In just a few moments, the dragon landed before them in a flurry of dark, shiny scales and displaced air. Laurel watched with a mild sense of amusement as he lowered his head to March, who put a hand on either side of the beast's fanged face and gave him a light kiss on his snout.

"Always trying to steal my husband from me," Nero groused, though his tone was obviously full of fondness for both of them.

Hello, young friends. It's been nearly a full cycle of the seasons since we've last been able to talk, Laurel von Isildor. Your soul is lighter.

"It's good to see you again, Perrin. I guess I don't need to explain what I need from you."

As before, there is no need. I'm happy to take you to your mate. Will all three of you be riding?

"You know it's not safe for three people, Perrin," Nero reminded him. "March is staying here."

But March is my favorite rider.

Laurel could barely suppress a snort. He didn't think he'd ever hear a dragon pout. But he also knew screwing with Nero and busting his chops was the playful dragon's favorite pastime.

"I get it, buddy," the prince sighed, slapping a hand onto Perrin's muscular flank. "March is my favorite rider, too," he added, raising his eyebrows to punctuate his obvious innuendo.

"You're an idiot," March told him, before stroking a hand over one of Perrin's sharply-tipped horns. "I'll ride you tomorrow, Perrin. The three of us will go up into the mountains, okay?"

"What about me?" Nero asked his husband, blinking his eyes in an exaggerated pleading gesture. "Will you ride me tomorrow, too?"

"Enough," Laurel begged, annoyed. "Get your dick wet later, I'm on a time schedule here."

"Yeah, sorry," Nero apologized, sounding genuine, before pulling March in for a tender, drawn out kiss. Laurel allowed them a few moments to say goodbye without complaint.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he promised. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Hurry back to me."

Nero heaved himself up onto the dragon's back, settling with obviously practiced ease, holding out his hand to help Laurel up with him.

"Oh, hey!" March said suddenly, peering up at them from the ground. "Laurel, you should practice saying you love Ash. You know he's going to want to hear you admit it, and you should be mentally prepared."

He hadn't bothered asking this time, Laurel noted. He supposed it was just obvious at this point.

"Fine." Laurel shrugged a shoulder. "I… Love him. Whatever. No big deal." The words felt like razors scraping his throat on the way out. When March only gave him a pained look, he scowled. "I'll practice in my head on the way, alright? Can we go?" He asked, bringing his elbow back to jab at Nero's chest.

"Let's go, Perrin," Nero commanded, and they rose into the air.

"SO YOU REALLYthink Ash is the one?" Nero asked, after they'd been flying awhile. Around them the sky was placid, a calm blue readying itself for the soft pink and glowing orange sunset. But ahead of them, miles off, there were gray storm clouds. Laurel hoped they'd be at their destination before crossing into them.

"Yeah. You have a problem with that?"

"I'm happy about it."

"Really?" Laurel sounded surprised. "You just want to take credit for setting us up, right?"

Nero snorted, shaking his head. "I don't care about that. I just… Never mind."

The serious tone, so rare from the prince, had Laurel glancing back at him for a moment. "Tell me."

"You broke my heart last summer. I wanted to help you, but I couldn't. Just like before when we… You know."

"I did?" Shocked by the confession, Laurel scrambled in his brain for what he could have said. "What did I do?"

"When I came to you for help finding March. What you told me about how you didn't think anyone would ever look at you like they love you… It killed me. I just wanted someone to prove you wrong."

Inhaling deeply, Laurel's vision of the clouds around them went blurry for a moment. "I was just bitter."

"But I didn't want you to be. I know we completely screwed it up trying to be together, but I'm sorry. I can't regret how things turned out, but I regret how unhappy we made each other."

"You make me happy now. You and your saccharine pretty boy husband. I…" Hesitating, Laurel felt his fingers curl into Perrin's sturdy scales. "I hope I make you happy, too. I don't want to cause any more problems for you."

"Laurel, I've caused my own problems. You don't have to feel bad about anything. I'm just glad we're friends again. You mean a lot to me. You always have."

"Yeah. You, too." Looking back at the prince over his shoulder, Laurel felt a grin tug at the corner of his mouth. "You know, it's a weird time to have this conversation, when your crotch is kind of crammed up against me."

Running his tongue around his teeth, Nero gave a few nods. "Yeah, that's… I can't do anything about that. Thanks for bringing it up, though."

"Anytime."

We are quickly approaching Ash's town, Perrin informed them. Do you feel prepared, young sorcerer?

"Not even a little bit, Perrin."

"Don't worry so much," Nero said. "I'm sure you were a complete dick, but just make it clear that you regret it and you want to move forward with him."

"Very profound advice," Laurel retorted dryly. "And if he decides he doesn't want to be with someone who is, in your own words, a complete dick?"

"He's crazy about you, Laurel. We both know it, so stop psyching yourself out. Go down there and man up and apologize for whatever you did, tell him you love him, all that. And then you can have make-up sex. It's a win-win."

Scoffing, Laurel tried to ignore the thrashing tsunami in his stomach at Nero's casual words. "Fine, whatever. I'll try my best."

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