42. Nathan

The problem with breaking up with Avery was the fact that the baseball postseason wasn’t over yet. We still had two weeks left together. We’d still had to interact in front of the guys, day in and day out, as if nothing was different between us.

She’d do her best to act unfazed by the fact that she ripped my fucking heart out and stomped it out while she went over strategies. I hated everything about it. What I hated more was that she seemed…okay. She seemed fine with the fact that we weren’t us anymore. We didn’t even get long enough to really become us, either. It felt like déjà vu. Our shot at happiness was once again being ripped away prematurely.

“You got everything for the final tournament games?” she asked me as I stood in her office. She began packing up her paperwork. She’d been avoiding eye contact, but that wasn’t unusual over the past few days. She’d been working her ass off to avoid looking my way.

Her damn stubbornness was going to be the death of me.

“Yup. We’re all set. The bus will be here at two to transfer us to Ridgedale.”

“Perfect.” She picked up her duffel bag and tossed the strap onto her shoulder. “If there’s anything else you need before?—”

“How the hell are you all right?” I snapped, getting more and more annoyed with her nonchalant persona. “How are you acting like everything’s all fine and dandy when I’m sitting here fucking broken?”

Avery’s lips parted as she froze for a moment’s time. A flash of hurt shot through her eyes, showing me that she wasn’t handling it as well as she had me believing. She still cared. She still felt. She was just working her damnedest to suppress those emotions. She blinked a few times before a hardness returned to her stare. She rolled her shoulders back and cleared her throat. “Do you have any more questions before Ridgedale?”

The coldness of her words sliced through me.

“Nope,” I said. “Nothing else.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she stated, walking my way to leave.

As she crossed my path, I grabbed her arm and pulled her close. “Why are you doing this, Coach?” I whispered. “Why are you pushing me away?”

Her voice cracked, and she closed her eyes for a moment. “I have to, Nathan. I can’t…I can’t…” Her eyes opened once more, and I saw it again—the aching of her soul seeping out from her irises. “Please let me go,” she said, her voice barely audible.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” I asked. “I don’t want to let you go. Not again. I’m trying to love you, Avery.”

“I know.” She nodded, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. There it was again—her truth.

“Then let me.”

“I can’t,” she murmured.

“Why not?”

She turned her lips up into the saddest smile I’d ever witnessed. I never knew a smile could break a heart until that very moment. She shook her head slightly and shrugged her shoulders. “Because how can you love me when I don’t even know how to love myself?”

Fucking hell.

How could seeing her broken, struggling heart so easily shatter my own?

“Avery—”

She pulled her arm away from my hold and wiped her tears, shaking her head. “Please, Nathan? Can we just make it through the rest of the season and then move on?”

No.

I wanted to fight with her. I wanted to tell her that she was being irrational and that she shouldn’t have allowed the demons in her head to keep her from being loved, but I knew how it was to be so deep in the darkness that you thought you didn’t even deserve the slightest touch of love. I hated that she felt that way. I hated that there was nothing I could do to help her shift those dark thoughts filtering through her mind. So I did the only thing I could think of doing at that very moment.

I gave her the space she’d requested.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Thank you,” she muttered, a small sigh of relief rippling through her words.

She started for the door, and I called out one last time. “Hey, Coach?”

“Yes?” she asked, looking over her shoulder.

“We’ll get our boys to state and win. I’ll be the best assistant coach for you. You have my full commitment to this team. I also won’t bring us up again,” I promised. “I get it. You’re done, so I’m done. We’re done. There’s no going back for us, so let’s just make it through the rest of the season.”

My words landed against her, and it looked as if they broke her heart. Which, in turn, broke my own. Because that was how our two hearts worked—when hers broke, mine shattered.

“What doyou mean she’s gone?” Easton asked as he and my other brothers sat on my front porch, confused as ever as to why Avery wouldn’t be joining the Sunday game. I wasn’t going to play, either. I wasn’t up for that shit.

“I mean exactly what I said. She’s gone. She left on Monday,” I told them.

“On Monday?!” River hollered, tossing his hands in the air. “How have you gone a week without telling us Avery was gone?”

“I didn’t figure it was worth mentioning,” I said as I headed for my car. “I won’t be playing today. I got too much stuff to take care of.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, pause, time-out!” Grant shouted, chasing me. “You can’t just tell us you lost the love of your life and leave it at that.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Grant. I thought that was Easton’s job,” I muttered.

“But she is,” Easton said, walking toward us. He leaned against my driver’s door, blocking my entrance. “She is the love of your life.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes shit doesn’t work out in life,” I barked. “Now move, Easton.”

“No,” he said, standing stern. “Not until you get Avery back.”

“Easton,” I growled. “Move before I move you.”

Grant shot over and stood beside Easton. “You’ll have to move me, too.”

River hurried over and stood next to the two of them. “Me too, brother.”

I grumbled. “Stop being dicks and get on with your own lives, will you? At least Evan has enough nerve to mind his own…” My words faltered as Evan stood in front of my car, too. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Not you too, Evan.”

“Sorry, brother. It’s just you’ve been grimacing more than me this past week. I can’t have someone taking my sultry looks. I got that copyrighted. Tell us what happened,” Evan said.

“Yeah. What did you do?” Grant asked.

I narrowed my eyes. “What did I do?” I barked. “What makes you think that I did something wrong?”

They shrugged in sync as if they were quadruplets instead of two sets of twins.

“Avery just seems…perfect,” River said.

“Well, she’s not!” I blurted out, tossing my hands up in frustration. I paced the space with irritation filling every inch of my being. “She’s messed up and hard and confusing and abrupt. She makes rushed decisions and sees everything as black-and-white with no middle ground. It’s an all-or-nothing mentality with her, which leaves almost no room to let other people in. She’s hardheaded and mean. She’s so damn mean to me sometimes, but even meaner to herself. She’s damn rough around the edges, too. She’s so rough that if you even look at her wrong, you’d end up with papercuts somehow, and I, I, I?—”

“You love her,” Easton expressed quietly.

I paused my footsteps.

I took a few deep breaths.

I felt a tug of my heart as I nodded. “More than breathing.”

“Then go get her back,” Evan said, patting me on the shoulder. “I don’t believe in that love stuff for myself, but I believe in it for you, Nate. You’ve been a completely different person since reconnecting with Avery, too. You’ve been happy. Don’t lose that.”

“It’s too late. She wants nothing to do with me. This whole week, we’ve had games, and she has hardly looked my way. It’s torturing me, and I can’t take much more. I know she has her issues, but fuck. She won’t let me in. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Keep trying,” a voice said from behind me. I turned to see Priya standing there. “You’re supposed to keep trying, Uncle Nate.”

I sighed and shook my head. “It’s not that easy, Squirt.”

“I didn’t say it was easy. I just said you had to keep trying,” she replied.

Evan started toward Priya. “Listen, Pri, this is grown folks stuff and?—”

“No offense, Dad, but you’re a guy. And guys are a little stupid when it comes to what we women need.”

“Women? I thought she was a little girl,” Easton whispered with a pout.

“Well, I’m not, Uncle East. I’m a grown woman, and I know what Avery is going through. We’ve talked a lot over the past few weeks of her being here, and I think I get her. She has trust issues.”

“I know. Because of what I did to her when we were younger, but?—”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s because her mom left her when she was a kid. We talked about that together…losing our moms.”

Evan’s brows lowered. “You’ve talked about that with Avery?”

“Yes,” she said.

“You never talk about it with me,” he urged.

“That’s because I know it hurts you still, Dad. Even if you say it doesn’t.” Priya turned back to me. “But that’s not the point. This is about Avery, not me. When she lost her mom, she lost her trust in the world. She had flashes of trust, but it’s easier for her to run away from something good because she has a belief that nothing can stay that way. That things can’t stay…good. That’s why she pushed you away. She got scared.”

“Yeah. I know. It still doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with me,” I expressed. “I’m not going to pressure her to let me in. That’s not fair to whatever it is that she’s going through.”

“I’m not saying to pressure her,” Priya said. “I’m saying keep trying. Maybe not as a romantic partner, but as a friend. Sometimes people don’t need romance. Sometimes they just need someone in their corner.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and lowered my brows. “When did you get so smart, huh?”

Priya smiled. “Last week after my AP Chemistry test. Now, come on, guys. I made a new batch of cookies I want you all to try for me.”

The guys shot from in front of my car with haste and started in the direction of Evan and Priya’s place. If I knew cookies would get them to move, I would’ve offered that up from the jump.

Evan hung back with me and grimaced as he watched his daughter walk away. “I still have no clue how she became so wise,” he said.

I patted him on the shoulder. “She was raised by a good man.”

“No,” he disagreed, gesturing toward the other three guys who were playfully pushing Priya around. “It takes a village.” He smirked slightly. “She’s right, too, you know. About Avery. Just keep making her feel seen. Besides, you’ve waited how long for her to come back around? What’s a little bit longer?”