41. Avery

My legs felt like Jell-O the following day when I went to school. I had Nathan to blame for that, seeing how he’d kept me up all night long. Then again, I wasn’t complaining. Not in the slightest.

Students buzzed around with a lightness to them. School was coming to an end, and graduation was right around the corner for many of them. The energy felt fresh, renewed in some way.

“Coach K!” Cameron said, rushing over to me in the hallway after first period finished. He looked like he was still floating on cloud nine from the weekend. That made me happier than I could’ve ever expressed. “Dude! I wish you were there this weekend!”

I smiled. “I wish I was, too. But rumor has it that you had the best weekend ever.”

“It was amazing! My dad loved the campus, too. And Coach P showed us all around his old stomping grounds.”

“I love that. I’m glad.”

“Me too!” He grinned ear to ear, grabbing the straps of his backpack tightly around his shoulders. “Plus, the idea of him coaching there when I attend is so exciting. I mean, I wish I had both of you coaching me, but at least a part of Honey Creek is coming to Prest, too.”

My heart skipped a few beats as I tried to grasp the words leaving his mouth. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Coach Reed at Prest offered Coach P a head coaching position. He gave him a contract and all.” He narrowed his eyes. “Oh crap. I thought he would’ve told you when he got back. I’m sorry if?—”

I pushed out a smile and patted Cameron on the shoulder. “No, no, it’s fine. I knew. I just didn’t know he shared the information with you,” I lied. The bell rang, and I cleared my throat. “Get to your next class, will you? We can’t have you falling behind on your studies.”

“All right.”

“And Cam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you.”

He grew bashful and nodded. “Thanks, Coach K for…everything.”

After he left, his words grew heavier and heavier in my mind with every passing hour. When my lunch break came around, I left school and headed to Nathan’s house. I knew he was in town that afternoon, so when I went into the house to snoop around, I knew I’d be fine.

As I walked into the house, I noticed an envelope on the kitchen island that Nathan left there the night prior. With nerves bubbling up inside, I opened the envelope to find the contract that Cameron told me about. A contract for a lot of money.

I felt sick.

He was leaving me.

He was leaving and didn’t bother to tell me about the offer. Just like Wesley had done. Just like Nathan had done years before, too. There was no way that was possible.

Just like that, the make-believe world I had created with Nathan crashed straight into reality.

With a busy mind, I pulled out my cell phone and called the apartment complex in town. “Hi there. I was just calling to see if that one-bedroom apartment was still available. I’d like to come through today and sign a lease for it if possible.”

After I hung up the phone, I texted Nathan.

Avery

Can you lead practice tonight? I have some things to handle.

Nathan

Yeah. Is everything okay?

Avery

Everything’s good.

Nathan

Okay. I’ll see you afterward.

Avery

Yeah. All right.

I headed back to school for the remainder of the day, and afterward, I headed to the apartment complex to sign the lease. That took some time, then I headed back to Nathan’s place and began to pack my suitcases. I needed to get out of that place and away from him as soon as possible. My heart couldn’t take much more breaking. I was reaching the point where I had little to nothing left.

Unfortunately, I didn’t end up packing fast enough because Nathan showed up early from practice to find me about to walk out with my suitcases.

He arched an eyebrow. “Avery. What are you doing?”

I blinked a few times and shook my head. “I signed a new apartment lease. I should be able to move in next week, but for the time being, I’m going to go stay with my dad.”

His brows narrowed as confusion swirled in his eyes. “Wait, what? You’re leaving?”

“We knew this arrangement was temporary, Nathaniel. I was always going to get an apartment,” I said as I started to walk toward the front door.

He stepped in front of me, tossing his hands up in confusion. “Wait, I’m sorry, slow down. You’re acting weird.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. Why didn’t you tell me you were signing a lease?”

“Since when do I have to tell you everything I do?” I snipped at him.

“You don’t, but…” He shook his head. “This just feels like I’m being blindsided a bit.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Isn’t that a shitty feeling?”

His brows knitted. “What’s that supposed to mean? What’s going on, Avery?”

“Nothing,” I argued. “I’m just leaving.”

“Why would you stay at your father’s place instead of staying here for the week before moving in? Why would you even want to leave? I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t get why I had to hear about you getting offered a position at Prest University from Cameron. Then again, I guess that’s what we do. Keep shit to ourselves.”

His eyes grew somber as the reality of the situation settled in. “Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit,” I echoed. “Please move.”

“Listen, Avery…I didn’t know Cameron even knew about the offer. He misspoke.”

“Doubtful. He made it very clear that it would be great having you as his coach when he headed off to Prest. I think this is great. I think it’s great that I had to hear it from a student instead of from you,” I sarcastically remarked.

“I was going to tell you…”

“Why not last night? Did it slip your mind when you were fucking me against your dining room table? Did it somehow go forgotten while you fucked me in the shower and told me you loved me?”

His eyes widened as if I were speaking in a different language. “Like I said, it was a misunderstanding. Let me explain?—”

“No,” I spat out. “I don’t want your explanation. I want to leave.”

“Yes, Coach Reed offered me a position, but I’m going to turn it down.”

“Going to? So you made him think there was a chance? You’re considering it?”

“No, but in person, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and?—”

Tears.

They wanted so desperately to fall.

“Nathaniel, move,” I ordered as he continued to block the front door.

“Avery—”

“Move!” I shouted, my rage building more and more each second.

“You’re scared.”

“Excuse me?”

“Should I have told you last night? Yes. But it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, seeing how I had no plans of taking the job. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I fucked up with that.”

“Okay. Cool. Now move.”

“No. I won’t because you’re scared. You’re scared of this—of us—because we are getting serious. You’re trying to push me away before we can get closer because you’re scared.”

“Don’t tell me what I am!” I spat out. “The last thing I need is Nathaniel Pierce to tell me what I am!”

“You’re fucking scared, Avery!” he shouted, his hands tossing up in frustration as he paced the room. “You’re so fucking scared of being left that you are trying to run before that could happen again, and I get it. I fucking get it, but I’m not Wesley, Avery, and I’m not that fucked-up, scared kid that I was when I left before. I’m here. I’m solid,” he swore, pounding his hand against his chest. “I’m not leaving. So you can either be scared with me, and we work through this together, or you’ll have to be the one to walk because you don’t get to rewrite this story. You don’t get to go ten years down the road from now and tell the story that Nathan Pierce left you because I made a promise to you. I promised you I wouldn’t fucking do that. I’m staying, Ave. I’m standing here, and I’m staying. So fuck…just stay here with me, too.”

My mind was spinning as the words fell from his mouth. I could hear him, yet my thoughts wouldn’t allow his sentiments to stick. My mind was working too hard on trying to make me retreat because my messed-up thoughts were already certain he’d leave at some point. Maybe not today. But what about tomorrow?

Why wouldn’t he?

He left before.

Wesley left.

Mama left.

Maybe that was the one that cut the deepest. Maybe that was the one where my fear of abandonment truly took flight. Mama left me with nothing but trauma and a jaded mindset of what love could be because, in the end, that was what love did. It went away. Nothing in life was promised, and every human would leave this planet the same way—alone.

Even if I held on to Nathan for the rest of my life, there would be a day that I’d lose him, a day I’d have to let go, and I wasn’t sure that my heart could take that. I wasn’t certain that I could face a realm where he’d left me.

So I’d leave first.

I’d pretend to be hard when weakness was all I felt.

“Better to leave now than ten years down the road,” I murmured, my voice shaking from fear.

“What happened to heart over head?”

“I realized that was a stupid way to live,” I replied.

The flash of pain that hit his eyes almost made my own eyes cry. I’d never seen him look as broken as he had at that very moment. He swallowed hard and stepped to the side of the door, making a clear path for me to leave. “Just like that, huh?” he asked.

“Yup.” I sniffled and rolled my shoulders back. “Just like that.”

“Then go,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

I stood as tall as I could even though I felt extremely fragile. As I stepped out of the front door, Nathan said, “Congratulations, Avery, you did it. You pushed me away. You can have your life, and I’ll go on with mine. But just so you know, all I wanted—all I’ve ever wanted—was for this. For us. I just wanted another chance to love you.”

He turned and walked into his house, leaving me standing there to close the door for him. It only seemed right, seeing as I was walking away this time, not him.

I got into my car, and I only made it a few minutes down the road before I burst into tears. I couldn’t breathe, let alone drive. After pulling the car over, I reached for my phone and dialed Willow’s number.

“Hey, Ave. What’s up?” Willow asked.

I sobbed on the phone, unable to get any words out.

“Okay, okay. Hey, it’s all right. What’s going on? Where are you?”

I somehow managed to state where I was located. She heard me loud and clear.

“Don’t worry,” she swore. “I’m on my way.”

When she showed up in Big Bird, she parked right behind my car. She climbed out of her vehicle and rushed to my passenger seat.

“I’m sorry,” I cried as she pulled me into her arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I kept repeating. I wasn’t certain if I was apologizing for inconveniencing her time or if I was still apologizing to Nathan for leaving. Or maybe I was apologizing to my own heart for breaking it again.

“You’re okay. You’re fine. I got you,” she swore, pulling me closer to her as she hugged me. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

I sobbed even harder when she said those words.

Because I knew they were a lie.