18. Avery

“How goes it, roommate?” Nathan asked Tuesday afternoon before practice. He walked into my office and leaned against the doorframe with a smirk as he chewed gum. “That is, if you’re still considering being my roommate.”

“I have thought about it, but I realize it would cause too much drama in a town with gossiping people. Plus, seeing as how we hate each other, it probably wouldn’t be the best situation.”

“Who is this we that you speak of?” he said with a smile that was so sweet I almost considered not being in a bad mood. “I couldn’t hate you even if I tried, Avery Kingsley. And who cares what the townspeople have to say? They are already gossiping. Do you know that they gossiped about the size of the sausage at my brothers’ butcher shop compared to the grocery store? They spent the past two weeks comparing sausage lengths, trying to prove that ours were overpriced. I’m proud to say we won. Us Pierce boys have the biggest and thickest sausages on the marketplace.”

I stared blankly at him. “I’m not going to entertain that comment at all.”

“I’m serious, though. The town’s going to talk regardless. Might as well give them something to talk about.”

He took a seat on the chair across from my desk and tossed his feet up.

I shoved his feet off my desk. “Willow is going out of town for a little while, so she’s letting me stay at Big Bird until she returns.”

“Her mobile home?”

“Yup.”

“You’d rather stay on a school bus than with your devilishly handsome assistant coach?” he joked.

“Oh, I’d rather stay in a portapotty than with you.” The insult should’ve offended him, but he chuckled to himself. Must’ve been that shame kink of his kicking into full gear. “But thanks for the offer, Nathan. Truly. And for the weekend. I didn’t know I needed someone to take care of me as much as I did. I appreciate it.”

“Of course.” He clasped his hands together, and his eyes grew somber as his voice dropped an octave. “But…about what we talked about. With your…negative thoughts. Are you sure it’s best to stay alone while going through all this, Ave? I’d honestly feel more comfortable with you staying with me, but I know it’s not about my comfort. It’s about yours. Still…my offer stands.”

I wished he’d stop making my tired heart skip a few beats. I was supposed to hate him still, but he made it increasingly difficult to dislike him. Especially after the weekend we’d shared.

“I think I’m good. Thank you, though,” I said, standing up from my chair.

He kept sitting and staring at me, uncertain.

I released a small laugh. “Seriously, Nathan. I’m good.”

“I’m at 505 West Chipper Lane,” he said as he pushed himself to stand. “In case you change your mind.”

“I won’t, but thanks. Let’s get to practice.”

It was a beautiful spring day in Honey Creek, the perfect weather to get out on the field to run a few drills. Truthfully, I couldn’t have asked for better weather over the past few days. It would’ve been great weather for, say, a wedding celebration.

The moment Nathan and I met the players outside on the bleachers, I already hated the looks of pity they shot my way. I hated those looks. Nothing in the world was worse than other people feeling bad for me.

I cleared my throat and tossed on my baseball cap. “All right, team. Let’s just address the elephant in the room. Was I supposed to get married this weekend? Yes. Did it get called off at the last minute? Also yes. But this should not distract you from the fact that we are in the middle of our season, and with one more win, we will be off to the playoffs. Therefore, we must stay focused on the game. I’m sure you’ve all heard some rumors about Wesley and me, but I want you to know that I’m okay. I’m fine, and we need to?—”

“Coach K?” Cameron cut me off.

“Yeah, Cam?”

“Fuck Wesley!”

The rest of the guys cheered, agreeing with him. I glanced over at Nathan who had the tiniest smile curving his lips. I could almost hear him silently saying “fuck Wesley,” too.

I rubbed my palm against my forehead. “Now, that’s not needed. I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but you don’t need to. I’m fine and?—”

“Coach K?” Jason called out.

A weighted sigh rippled through me. “Yes, Jason?”

“I think Wesley’s a dumbass.”

“Yeah!” everyone else cheered. “What a dumbass!” they echoed, clapping their hands together.

I felt a tug against my heart. If you looked up the word loyalty in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of the Honey Creek Hornets baseball team.

I placed my hands against my hips. “All right. Anyone else have any thoughts on my current state of affairs? Let’s get it all out so we can move on sooner than later.” Everyone’s hands shot up to add their commentary on my life. I pointed at Kyle. “Shoot, kid.”

“If Wesley was such a great rocket scientist, then why couldn’t he calculate the trajectory of the path to keeping a good woman?”

I smirked a little.

That was clever.

I pointed at Caleb next. “All right, Cal. You’re up.”

“I’m trying to figure out how the rocket scientist had a failure to launch.”

Another good one.

“Steve”—I gestured—“what do you got?”

“I hope his love life is like a black hole after you, Coach K. Empty and meaningless,” Steve said with a shrug.

“If I were your type, I’d marry the fuck outta you, Coach K,” Eric said.

“Okay, okay, I think that’s enough.” I laughed. “And that’s also highly inappropriate, Eric, so you’ll run two extra laps today on the field. Anyway, now that we got that out of the way, can we get back to the game?”

Instead of agreeing with me, the guys all rushed over to me and wrapped me in a tight hug. For a moment, I froze, completely thrown off by their embrace. Then I felt myself start to get misty-eyed from the comfort they were showing me as they all whispered their apologies.

Those boys meant the world to me.

But I couldn’t cry in front of them. Even though my eyes wanted me to fall apart. I’d already done enough falling apart over the long weekend. I glanced up to see Nathan standing back with the gentlest smile as his arms stayed crossed over his chest. His shoulders rose and fell. I shrugged back toward him.

“All right, all right, all right,” I said in my best Matthew McConaughey voice. “I think that’s enough of the emotional junk. Get on the field and start to warm up, will you?” I playfully shoved them away from me. They began to jog out to the field, leaving Nathan and me there alone for a few moments.

“Those damn kids,” I said, shaking my head.

“They love you.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I picked up on that.”

“It’s kind of hard not to, Coach.”

My face flashed with heat as I shook my head. “Dang it, Nathaniel. You’re making it harder for me to hate you.”

Beingon the field and coaching was the first thing that made me feel okay over the past few days. It was a normality that I had been seeking. I knew that baseball was the one thing, outside of my family, that could make me feel better about anything that was bringing me down. The diamond felt like my haven. The place I could escape to when the rest of the world was too loud.

The guys played their best during that practice. That felt like a little gift they were giving to me. I appreciated it because I didn’t have enough energy to shout at them for messing up any drills.

We ended the night with a few sprint drills, which they hated. I didn’t blame them. I hated running, too. Nathan ran beside them as I blew my whistle, telling them to go faster.

Afterward, a few of the guys collapsed on the field, breathing heavily.

“I hope a guy never breaks up with Coach K again,” Caleb joked as he bent over from exhaustion with his hands on his hips.

I smirked to myself and ordered the guys off my field after they collected all the gear.

Nathan jogged over to me with a bag of bats over his shoulder. “They’re getting pretty good out there, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess you weren’t the worst addition to the team.”

His lazy smile appeared, and he tipped an invisible hat my way. “Appreciate that, Coach.”

“Don’t let it go to your head. I don’t need your ego to inflate.”

He began to pretend he was floating away from his inflated ego. I rolled my eyes. He smiled bigger. Kind of our normal interactions as of late. Damn. I was really starting not to hate the guy. That was mildly concerning.

Nathan glanced up at the darkening sky. “You better get inside before a downpour hits town tonight. It’s supposed to be a bad one.”

“Night, Nathan.”

“Good night, Coach.”

After doing some paperwork, I gathered my stuff and umbrella. By the time I left my office, it was already raining. I opened my umbrella as I stepped outside, and as I grew closer to my car, a smile spread across my lips as I saw Daddy leaning against it, holding an umbrella and flowers in one hand and a picnic basket in the other.

A small sigh rippled through me as I grew closer. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He grinned the same smile that made Mama fall in love with him, walked over to me, and kissed my forehead. “I know I said I’d give you space to show up to talk when you were ready, but I was worried. So I made us a picnic for dinner. Figured we could eat it in your car.”

My father, my hero. He was probably the reason no man would’ve ever been good enough for me. My standards were quite high due to him.

We climbed into my car and tossed our umbrellas into the back seat. Daddy opened the picnic basket, and my heart felt the comfort from the simple act. When Mama and I moved to Honey Creek, I was only four years old. The town hosted an event called Snack on Hillstack, where people could buy picnic baskets for charity. Daddy and Yara bought ours that afternoon. That was the first time we’d met, and I’m pretty sure that was the exact moment Daddy fell in love with Mama.

Ever since that, each year, Daddy packed picnics for each of us girls throughout the year, and he’d add in extra baskets whenever we were dealing with heartbreak. The basket held the same foods that it did all those years ago on Hillstack—peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, barbecue chips, apple juice, and orange slices.

My father—the hopeful romantic.

It turned out that picnic baskets were officially my love language.

As he handed me a sandwich, he asked, “How’s your spirit today?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m fine.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, not believing me, but he didn’t question it. “I saw the asshole Henry in town over the weekend,” he said nonchalantly, biting into his sandwich.

“Wesley,” I corrected. Over the years, my father had never called Wesley by the right name. It was a running joke that Daddy never learned the names of my sisters’ and my partners until he liked them. Wesley never grew on him. My father was convinced Wesley was too smart for his own good, which, in turn, made him stupid. Daddy said nothing good came from a know-it-all. Turned out he was right.

“Whatever,” Daddy said, rolling his eyes. “He came up to me to talk.”

“Really? What did he say?” I was somewhat surprised Wesley hadn’t reached out to me to talk at all. I didn’t know why, but I at least expected a few missed calls or long, well-written text messages. Yet it had been days, and not a whisper escaped him.

“He told me he was sorry for how much money I lost on the wedding and that he made his decision due to a lack of stability in your ability to filter your emotions and express real depth in a relationship.”

My jaw dropped.

Then again, yeah. That sounded like Wesley.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He took another bite of his sandwich and tossed a few chips into his mouth. “I punched him in the fucking nose.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. That was until I saw the seriousness in his eyes. “What?! No. Daddy, you didn’t!”

“Sure did. Got a nice cut on my knuckle from his big ole stupid nose that somehow cut me.”

My eyes all but fell out of my sockets as they bugged out. “Daddy! You really punched him?”

“One hundred percent. I guess you get my bad emotional filtering from me.”

The thought of my father punching Wesley was not something I saw happening, but I wasn’t entirely shocked by the idea. If there was one thing about Matthew Kingsley, it was his strong papa bear skills. He might’ve been an amazing construction worker with his own business, yet he always said his first and most important position in life was being a father.

Unfortunately, Wesley found out what mess-around-and-find-out actually meant.

“Dad,” I groaned. “Everyone in town is going to have a panic attack about you punching him.”

“I’m fine with being the gossip. I don’t care. And he shouldn’t have been speaking about you in such a way. Especially with that woman by his side.”

“A woman?” My stomach slightly knotted up. “Drew?”

“Yes. He said it was his best friend. What’s that about, huh? That’s weird.”

“What’s even weirder is they dated for a long time.”

“That’s why I hate men,” Dad exclaimed. “We’re idiots. He had the diamond of the ball and ended up with rusty nails. I never did like Trevor.”

“Wesley,” I corrected. Though it didn’t matter.

He brushed his hand against the back of his neck. “How’s my girl, though? You okay?”

“Yes. I’m good.”

“You’re lying?”

“Yes. I’m lying.”

He nodded. “Figured so.”

“I’m staying at Willow’s until I can find a place.”

“You’re both staying in Big Bird? That has to be cramped.”

I shook my head. “No, Willow headed off to…” My words faded off, realizing I was not supposed to tell Dad where Willow was.

His brows shot up. “Where is Willow?”

I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

“Avery Kingsley, tell me right now before I go find out from Yara and make her pregnant self cry.”

I sighed. “She’s going to Puerto Rico for a few weeks, then off to Europe. She said she’ll message you when she lands.”

“Puerto Rico?!” he gasped. “With who?”

“Good question,” I quipped.

He sighed. “If I had hair, they would all be gray because of you girls.”

I laughed and rubbed his bald head. “Luckily for you, you started balding in your thirties.”

He huffed. “Lucky me indeed. Remind me to kick Willow’s butt when she makes it back to Illinois.” He then grew somber again. “Avery?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I know, Dad.”

“Avery,” he repeated.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

My heart skipped a few times as tears burned at the back of my eyes. I nodded slowly. “I know, Dad.”

“You know, as a father, you’re learning as much as your kids are learning, too. And you figure out that each kid needs a little something different because they’re all individuals and unique. I think I love that most about you three girls—you all are so different from one another. But sometimes that makes it hard to know how I’m supposed to show up. If this whole situation happened with your sisters, I’d know what to do.”

“What would you do for Yara?”

“Let her cry on my shoulder while I researched becoming a hitman.”

“And Willow?”

“Go skydiving with her.”

“And me?”

“That’s the thing, you see…I’m not quite sure. That’s what bothers me the most. I think the issue is you’ve always been the strong one. The one who never seemed to need help, yet you were always helping others. And I think you hate the attention and people offering help because it makes you feel weak.”

“That’s true.”

“Yeah, but baby girl, asking for help doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes asking for help is the strongest thing a person could ever do.”

That was a concept I’d simmer on for a good amount of time.

“This is enough,” I offered, holding up half of my sandwich. “You showing up, Dad. That’s enough for me.”

He smiled, and I felt it kiss my soul. “That’s one thing I’ll do for forevermore, my love. I’m always gonna show up for you.”

We continued eating, and he managed to get a few laughs out of me, too, which made him feel like the biggest success that afternoon.

“What’s this I hear about Nathan Pierce sweeping you away over the weekend?” he asked. “I heard about it over at the coffee shop.”

I groaned. “People are talking already, huh?”

“You know this town. It’s what they do best. What’s the deal with you and Nathan?” He lowered his brows. “Is there something there?”

“Gosh, no. Not outside of his coaching with me. He just found me in a bad moment and got me out of town for a bit.” Daddy’s brows stayed lowered as he studied my face, and I laughed. “Seriously, Dad. There’s nothing there. He was just a friend helping me out of a hard time.”

“A friend?” he questioned. “Last I heard, you hated his guts, and he was going to ruin your coaching style.”

“Right. No. I still hate him. I didn’t mean friend. I meant coworker. He’s fine. It’s whatever. He’s not that bad of an addition to the team. The guys like him. It’s nothing, though. We are strictly professional. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Dad smiled a “bullshit answer but I’ll accept it” kind of smile, and we left the conversation at that.

After our meal, he headed home, and I drove to make one more stop before heading over to Big Bird. My house.

Well, my old house.

I knew Wesley was out of town doing training for his new position, so I couldn’t think of a better time to pack my stuff and drive it over to the storage locker I’d rented.

After parking my car in the driveway, I climbed out of the vehicle and grabbed the boxes waiting in my trunk.

I stood still in front of the house that once was a home. My home. I felt the disconnect already. As if my spirit had already unplugged from the memories made within those walls.

Then again, I wasn’t certain I’d ever truly plugged myself in.

I headed inside and packed up my things.

Later that week, movers would come and get most of the boxes and place them into a storage unit until I found my next stop.

After I finished, I grabbed two suitcases and put them into my car.

As I locked the front door, I figured that would be the closest I’d get to having a real goodbye with Wesley. We didn’t get the closure I thought I deserved after three years. On the day of the wedding, I was in shock, but ever since, I’d wondered how he’d been more than once.

I wondered if he was happy.

I wondered if he missed me.

I wondered if he’d wished we had better closure, a better goodbye.

Goodbyes felt harder when they were one-sided.