17. Avery

“Are you okay?!” Yara and Willow remarked as I pulled up to Willow’s bus. After Chicago, Nathan dropped me back off at my vehicle Monday evening, and from there, I headed straight to Willow’s.

My sisters came rushing outside, shouting in sync as I climbed out of my parked car.

Before I could reply, their arms were wrapped tightly around me. Their embrace made me want to melt into them more than ever before. I would’ve cried, but I’d hit my ten-year crying quota on my actual wedding day.

“I’m good, I’m good,” I said. I felt emotionally spent, but it felt good to be back with my sisters after spending a long weekend with Nathan. A concept I was still making sense of. Even worse, I was considering living with him.

How could a life turn so far upside down in the span of seventy-two hours?

“I made some herbal tea for us. Let’s go inside,” Willow offered, wrapping her arm around my waist as she guided me to the steps of her mobile home.

Willow’s home was beautiful. It was a school bus that she and some guy she randomly knew transformed into a mobile home. It had everything a single girl could want, space-wise, including a living area, a kitchen, a shower, and a bedroom with a queen-size bed. It was remarkable how much space it seemed to have within it. Before she made the home, we watched dozens of RV and van transformations to make sure she had her dream home.

Some people probably judged her for her dream home being a mobile home, but Willow was like the wind and loved to move at her own will. That bus—or Big Bird as she called it—had seen more of America than I had.

The three of us took a seat on Willow’s sectional couch. Willow began to pour the tea into cups that she had set up on her coffee table.

Yara struggled to cross her legs and get comfortable before turning toward me with a look of heavy concern. “Avery…what in the world happened?”

“I’m sorry I disappeared like that. I should’ve called you guys. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to face anyone or anything. It was as if my brain shut down, and I just needed to get out. Nathan happened to find me at the batting cages, and well, he offered me an escape. So I took it.”

“I’m not going to lie. Finding out you were with Nathan Pierce was the last thing I expected to hear. I figured you’d be on Mars before shacking up with Nathan Pierce at his penthouse,” Willow expressed as she sat down beside me.

“I wasn’t shacking up with Nathan Pierce at his penthouse,” I urged. “I was running away from my life. Two very different things.”

“Still. A little surprising,” Yara said calmly, placing a hand of comfort against my kneecap. “Tell us what happened.”

I sighed and told them the whole story.

“So he just called it off?” Yara asked.

“Yup,” I replied.

“He’s such a jerk,” Willow griped.

I knew that was true, but still, a part of me hoped to find love, or something close enough, with Wesley.

When I was young, before Mama and Daddy found each other, it was just me and her for a while with my biological father. He didn’t treat her well at all, and I remember from a young age watching her cry more tears than any person should’ve cried.

The day she found the courage to leave him, she packed up our things and put them in the back of her car. I’d never forget her turning to look at me and saying words that stayed with me for a long time. “Go where you’re loved, baby girl, and never stay a second longer when the love is removed.”

But what if there wasn’t a place like that for me?

What if there was no place where I was loved?

“He also said I was hard to love,” I murmured, feeling those words sting me the hardest.

Maybe because they were true.

“He said what?!” they shouted—again in unison. We Kingsley girls had a way of doing that—speaking in sync.

“Oh, screw him!” Yara yipped, shaking her head in shock. “I can’t believe it. What a jerk. I truly can’t believe he was bold enough to say that to you.”

“And to think I gave him a friendship bracelet at the rehearsal dinner,” Willow said, her words soaked in disgust. I knew it probably sounded silly, but Willow took her friendship bracelets very seriously.

I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not. It’s very far from fine,” Yara stated. Her eyes flooded with tears, and I grumbled a little, knowing the waterworks would flow soon.

“Yara, don’t cry,” I ordered.

“I’m not going to cry,” she replied.

With a sigh, I picked up a napkin from the table and held it out toward her. “You are crying.”

“I’m sorry, but this is just so heartbreaking. I can’t believe he had the nerve to say that to you!”

Geez. She was crying harder than I’d been. And of course, Willow started tearing up, too, because she was a sympathy crier. If anyone within ten feet of her was teary-eyed, she’d burst out into an emotional tailspin. It quickly became clear why I chose to run away for the weekend instead of going to my sisters. I knew my sisters were more emotional than me, and if I had to comfort them during my own breakdown, I would’ve been a terrible mess.

I sighed and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “There, there,” I muttered. “Really, though. I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” Willow replied. “I can sense your energy.”

“Are you sure you aren’t sensing Yara’s hormones?” I asked.

“Well, actually, that might be true. A lot of energy mojo is going on in this room. I should get my sage stick and?—”

“Oh no, that smoke makes me sneeze,” Yara remarked as she wiped her tears. “I’ll tame my energy.” She took a few deep breaths and wiggled her body. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” She turned to me and frowned and then placed her hand in mine. “Are you fine, Avery?”

“Just peachy. So please don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Like I’m some sad puppy left at a pound on Christmas morning.” Yara’s eyes filled with more tears, and I rolled my eyes. “Christ, Yara. Hold yourself together.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just that this little girl has me all wrapped up in my emotions,” she said.

“Wait, what? Little girl?” I bellowed out.

Willow’s eyes widened as she tossed her hands into the air. “It’s a girl?! I thought you two weren’t going to find out.”

Yara nodded, and I frankly was happy for the shift in conversation. “Alex and I just found out by mistake. A doctor mentioned it. Alex cried for the longest time—don’t tell him I told you he cried. It would damage his bad-boy persona,” she teased.

I think I liked Alex because he and I were so much alike. He didn’t like people. He didn’t like to smile. And he had a steady, resting bitch face. That was, outside of whenever he looked at Yara. I’d never seen another person’s eyes light up with so much love when they looked at their partner. If it weren’t for those two, I wouldn’t have even believed love was real anymore. They were the opposite of one another, too. It was as if a golden retriever fell in love with a black cat.

As I watched them sometimes, I’d wonder about my relationship—well, past relationship—with Wesley. Wesley and I made sense in a technical manner. He wasn’t romantic, and I hated romance. I didn’t like grand gestures of love, and he didn’t know how to perform any. Therefore, our lives matched up fine. What it lacked was…heart.

I didn’t mind it lacking heart, though. Most things in my life lacked heart except for my love for baseball and my love for my family. The last time I opened my heart up to another—well, we all know how that turned out.

“A baby girl,” I swooned, placing my hand over my heart. “We’re going to have a little niece!”

“Can we revisit doing a water birth in a pool?” Willow asked. “I know a midwife who would be so good at that. I met her when I was in Peru, and I think?—”

“No water births,” Yara quickly stated. “I will be in a hospital with many doctors and nurses around, thankyouverymuch. And they can load me up with all the drugs.”

“Okay, but holistic births are on the rise as of late. You can be an influential figure by diving in and having our baby girl in a pool,” Willow expressed.

Willow would always live up to her name and free-spirited beliefs.

“Congratulations, Yar,” I said, taking her hand. “Really. I’m so happy for you and Alex.”

She smiled softly and shrugged. “I’m a little scared if I’m honest.”

“Scared of what?” Willow asked.

“What if I can’t do it as well as Mama? What if I’m not a good mother?” she quietly questioned. “I said the same thing to Alex, and he told me I was wrong, but those thoughts cross my mind sometimes. I just…I wish she was here to help me through this sometimes.”

I knew that feeling too well.

“I wish she was here, too. Over the weekend, that was my main wish.” Sadly enough, wishes like that never came true. Not in the way we’d hoped, at least.

“Oh, Ave. I can only imagine. I miss her so much—a lot more lately. You’d think it would get easier over time, but…” Yara shrugged. “Sometimes, it feels as if it only gets harder.”

“Tell me about it,” Willow murmured, growing somber.

My heart ached for my youngest sister. She never even got the chance to know our mother since Mama passed away during Willow’s birth.

Sometimes I wondered if that was why Willow always ran off on her adventures around the world. She constantly sought something that was missing. Unfortunately, a mother’s love couldn’t be found in other places. It couldn’t be replaced by other forms of comfort.

She didn’t talk about not being able to have a relationship with Mama, though. Truthfully, her saying “tell me about it” was the closest she’d ever come to speaking about our mother. Usually, she was quick to shift the conversation to something that didn’t involve Mama in any way, shape, or form.

“Willow…” I started.

She hopped up from the couch and clapped her hands together. “I have an idea!” She smiled brightly as if her heart wasn’t just broken from the conversation. That was the thing with Willow Kingsley; she covered her sadness with smiles and conversation shifts. Maybe I had more in common with my little sister than I thought.

“Let’s hear it,” I said.

“Two words. Puerto Rico!” she exclaimed, wiggling her hips with excitement. “I was going to go next week to meet up with this guy I matched with on a dating app?—”

“I saw this same plot in a horror movie.” I sighed. I swear, my littlest sister gave me the highest level of stress from her travels.

“Anyway! I’m still going, but you girls should come with me! It will be a great three-month trip.”

“Three months?!” Yara and I blurted out in sync.

“You can’t go to Puerto Rico for three months with a stranger,” I scolded. “I forbid it.”

“Okay, Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Besides, it wouldn’t only be to Puerto Rico. I’ll be going to Europe to meet with a few of my lovers there, too. But I want you two to join me.”

“Willow. I know this might come as a surprise to you, but I’ll be having a baby next month.”

“I know! I’ll be back in town for baby girl,” Willow agreed.

“Yes, but also, Avery and I have these things called jobs that kind of tie us down,” Yara explained.

Willow made a face. “That sounds awful.”

Trust me, it is.

“You really should consider getting one, maybe,” I mentioned. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to plant some roots.”

“What? Just for someone to come rip them up? No, thank you. I’d prefer to fly instead of staying grounded. Nothing good comes from being committed and grounded.”

I wanted to argue with her, but there I was without a home or husband.

My life had been uprooted within seventy-two hours.

“Does Daddy know you’re going to Puerto Rico with a stranger?” I asked.

“No, and he doesn’t need to know. Not yet, at least. You know how he is. He’d worry.”

“We all worry, Will,” I said, shaking my head. “I would tell you not to go, but I know that would just make you want to go more.”

She smiled. “At least you have a good idea of the person I am. If you change your mind, let me know.”

I rolled my shoulders back and stretched. “I won’t, but thank you for the offer. I have too much to figure out back here. Like where I’m going to live.”

“Oh, crap. I didn’t even think about that. You and Wesley lived together,” Yara stated.

“In his house. Yeah. So I’m a bit shit out of luck on that front. I have to figure that out sooner than later.”

“Oh gosh. Stay here! You can have Big Bird,” Willow offered. “I won’t be here anyway. This paradise can be all yours. Plus, having someone watching the place while I’m gone would be nice.”

I glanced around the bus and had a moment of hesitation. Then I realized it was the perfect solution for the in-between period of my life. Like I said, Willow’s place was highly impressive. I didn’t hate the idea of it at all, and it took extra stress off me to try to figure out a living arrangement.

Even though Nathan ever-so-nicely offered me to be roommates with him.

“I’ll watch over your place until I can find my own,” I said. “Better than my other option.”

“What was the other option?” Yara asked.

“Nathan offered me to be his roommate,” I nonchalantly stated.

“What?!” they remarked.

Willow sat back down beside me, her eyes widening with the giddiest grin on her face. “Oh gosh, I can’t believe we haven’t dove deeper into the Nathan aspect of this whole situation. This is a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I disagreed.

“You running off with your former secret lover after your wedding was called off? Uh, yeah, that’s a big deal,” she said.

Yara nodded. “Sorry, Ave. I gotta agree with Willow. This is wild.”

“Did you two sleep together?” Willow asked.

“What? Oh my gosh, no.” I lightly shoved her arm. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I think sex is a beautiful way to release some stress hormones. It’s a beautiful, natural act that two people take part in, and?—”

“And it didn’t happen. I would never, ever sleep with that man,” I sternly said as I crossed my arms. “There’s no way in hell that would happen. I don’t like the guy. I hardly tolerate him.”

“You have to admit, though, it was nice of him to help you when you needed someone. I always liked Nathan,” Yara said. “And it’s even nicer for him to try to help you out with a living arrangement. Though, could you imagine the town’s gossip if you moved in with another man after you called off your wedding?”

I grumbled. “I could, and I hate the thought. I bet they’re already having a field day talking about me.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” Yara replied in a singsong tone which told me it was that bad.

“Everyone’s talking about it, huh?” I muttered.

“Literally everyone. Even Mrs. Carpenter, and she hasn’t spoken since 1995,” Willow said.

“Splendid,” I murmured, pressing the palms of my hands to the back of my neck. “Nothing better than a gossiping town gossiping about me.”

“Don’t worry. Alex and I had people gossiping about us, too, when we first got together. Now, they’re in love with us. Well, in love with me. I think they just put up with Alex and his grimaces,” Yara said.

“I can guarantee you that Alex doesn’t care that these townsfolk don’t like him,” I replied.

“Maybe that’s the mindset you need to take on with them, too. Be like Alex. Tell everyone to piss off,” Willow expressed with a smile. “He’d probably kick their butts for looking at him wrong, too.”

“Pray for my daughter’s first boyfriend,” Yara quipped. “But really, Avery. Screw the townspeople. They are small-town people with small minds. If you want to live with Nathan Pierce, by all means?—”

“I’m not living with Nathan Pierce!” I shouted. Even though, maybe just a little, maybe just for a small moment in time, I secretly considered the idea. I rolled my shoulders back and turned to Willow. “Do you have anything stronger than tea?”

Later that night,I lay in bed beside a slumbering Willow, unable to sleep. My mind was spinning too quickly that evening. To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one struggling to rest that night. My phone dinged with a message from none other than Nathan.

Nathan

I should’ve asked you this before you left, but what do you want me to do with the wedding dress?

Avery

Burn it.