12. Avery

It took me an hour to pull myself out of bed on my wedding day. Then once I was up, everything moved at warp speed. People ushered me around, makeup and hair were all a flurry. Willow added flowers to my hair, and Yara touched up my lipstick. Daddy didn’t cry, but his eyes were misty. He still called Wesley by another name. Everyone in town was at the chapel.

Everyone but Nathan, I suppose.

My heart beat at the speed of light.

My brain filtered through a million thoughts.

“Can I get a moment alone with the bride?” Tatiana asked, ushering everyone out of the room. It was as if she’d known the overwhelm hitting me. She walked over to me, wearing the most beautiful strapless coral dress, which showed off every perfect curve she had. Gosh, I bet Mama and Tatiana were such a good time when they were younger.

Gosh, I wish Mama was here.

Tatiana walked over to me with a small treasure chest in her hands. She gave me her warm smile and led me over to the couch to take a seat. She sat beside me, placed the chest on her right side, and then took my hands.

“How are you?” she asked.

Don’t ask me that, Tatiana.

I pushed out a smile and nodded. “I’m great. This is the best day of my life.”

She narrowed her eyes, trying to tell if I was lying or not. But she didn’t question it out loud. Instead, she reached for her chest and opened it. “I have a few gifts for you.”

“You didn’t need to?—”

“Don’t, Avery,” she said. “Just accept my love.”

I laughed. “We all know how hard it is for me to accept love.”

“Yes,” she said softly as she placed a hand against my cheek. “We do.”

She began to take items out of the box. “Something old,” she stated, pulling out an old pearl bracelet. “It was my great-grandmother’s. She wore it on her wedding day, and it brought her great luck in love.” She placed it on my wrist, then picked up the next item in the box. “Something new, diamond earrings.”

“Tatiana,” I breathed out.

She shook her head, knowing I would disagree, but she continued, placing the earrings into my ears for me. “Something borrowed and something blue kind of go together,” she explained, reaching into the box and pulling out a ring with a blue stone.

My heart gasped as my hands fell to my chest.

Mama’s wedding ring.

That made my eyes glassy.

The same something borrowed and something blue that Yara wore stitched into her wedding gown.

“Your father gave it to me, along with some thread and needle. May I?” she asked.

I nodded slowly. She threaded her needle and stitched the ring to the fabric of my dress right over my heart. Exactly where Mama’s love belonged.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Always,” Tatiana replied.

She sat back and placed her hands in her lap. “How are you?”

I laughed. “You already asked me that.”

“I know. I was just hoping we were past the lying stage is all.” The knowing grin she gave me made me chuckle even more.

“Nervous,” I confessed. “Scared. Terrified.”

“That sounds more honest,” she agreed. “Thank you for the truth.”

I fiddled with my hands. “How does a person know if they’ve found the right one? How does one know that it’s meant to be always and forever?”

She shook her head. “Sweetie, don’t ask me. I thought by now I’d be married to Richard Gere or Idris Elba,” she joked. “But honestly, I don’t think anyone truly knows. We just hope. We hope and take the risk.” Her brows lowered. “But, Avery…if any part of you is not sure…”

“I’m sure,” I said. “Just scared.”

“Okay.” She patted my hand in hers and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Because I was ready to start my getaway car.”

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but I was told it’s time for the father’s first look at the bride,” Daddy said as he stepped into my dressing room with the photographer behind him. His eyes fell on me, and he gasped, instantly growing misty-eyed. “And what a bride she is. My beautiful baby girl.”

I stood and shrugged. “How do I look?”

He took my hands into his, giving them a light squeeze. “Like a dream come true.” His eyes fell on the wedding ring Tatiana stitched onto my dress, and a moment of somberness found him. “Two of my favorite heartbeats resting against one another.”

My father.

The romantic.

There were so many nights I’d wished his blood ran through my veins. I knew I would’ve been better with Matthew Kingsley’s love in my DNA.

Tatiana excused herself as the photographer captured a few photos of my father and me. Then Daddy asked them to give us a moment of privacy.

“You look so much like your mama, Avery Harper.” He sniffled, holding my hands to his chest. Tears fell from his eyes, and he shook his head. “You’d think giving away one daughter already would’ve made this easier. But it’s just as hard.”

I wiped away his tears. “You softy, you.”

“Just you wait. It comes with age.” His brown eyes locked with mine. “Are you sure you want to do this today?”

How many people were going to ask me that?

“Daddy,” I scolded.

“I’m just saying. Ryan’s fine and all?—”

“Wesley,” I corrected.

“Whatever. The rocket scientist is nice and all, but you…you’re the shooting star. Don’t forget that, will you?”

“I won’t.”

He kissed my forehead. “Okay. I’m going to wipe my face before we get this ball rolling. Ten-minute warning. I’ll see you out there. I love…” he started, tapping my nose.

“You,” I replied, tapping his back.

I was happy when I had a moment to be alone. I needed to remind myself how to breathe, yet my dress felt so tight that it was almost impossible to do. When I was alone, I allowed my smile to falter. When I was alone, I didn’t have to pretend to be okay.

I stood in front of the oversized mirror, smoothing my hands over the fabric of my gown and shaking my head slightly. “Mama, what should I do?” I whispered, praying she could hear me from wherever she was.

Before I could turn around, the dressing room door opened through the mirror, and Wesley appeared.

“Wesley! What are you doing? You can’t be in here!” I shouted as I darted behind the couch in the dressing room. “It’s bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day!”

“It’s fine,” he said, clasping his hands together. “You know superstitions are ridiculous. The probability of?—”

“Don’t come talking about scientific probabilities when it comes to seeing the bride in her dress on the wedding day,” I ordered. “Let me be superstitious about this one thing. Leave.”

“Avery,” he said. The seriousness of his somber tone shot a wave of panic through my chest.

I rose and tilted my head toward him. “What’s going on?”

He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck before sliding his hands into his pockets. “I, um, I just found out some pretty big news.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just…Drew just called me with some big news. I got the job.”

I narrowed my eyes. “The job?”

He brushed his hand over the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to mention it until I knew for sure. Honestly, I didn’t think I had a real shot at it. This is all surreal, but well, I wanted to tell you now before we…continued.”

“Tell me what? What’s the job?”

“I got accepted to a new program that will train me to go to outer space.”

“Oh my goodness!” I gasped, my hands falling to my chest. “Okay. Well. That’s a lot.”

“It’s based in Asia.”

My eyes widened. “Asia? For how long?”

“For four years, that’s before the space part, which would be three more years.”

“Four years? In Asia? We’d have to move?” I questioned, my mind spiraling. Was I imagining this all? Was this some kind of fever dream?

“Well, you see, it would just be me going.” The words leaving his mouth didn’t seem to land correctly. What did he mean, it would just be him? “Which is why I think we should put a hold on this.”

My stomach.

It dropped.

“A hold?” I breathed out. “A hold on what?”

“On this. On us. You know. Until I get my footing. Until we can see what this all becomes.”

Oh my goodness.

He was leaving me ten minutes before we said “I do.”

This dress.

It’s too tight.

I hate this fucking dress.

I stumbled backward, hitting the edge of the couch as reality settled in.

“You’re leaving me for a job?” I asked, getting flashbacks I thought I’d buried so many years ago.

“You’re leaving me for your career?” I asked Nathan, tears streaming down my face. “But…we…I…I love you. Please don’t, Nathan. Please don’t go,” I begged, rushing over to him and tugging on his T-shirt.

Just like that, I was eighteen years old again, having a man choose his career over me. Having him walk away, leaving me alone. I would’ve felt better if he’d left me for Drew. But for a job? Without warning?

I wanted to fall apart, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t go back to that feeling from all those years before. I couldn’t be weak. I couldn’t feel.

Shut off the emotions, Avery. Stand strong.

“Okay,” I muttered, shaking my head, still in disbelief. “Then go.”

My shell hardened, but my heart?

My heart was in dismay. I wouldn’t show him that fact, though. Instead, I’d be tough. Hard exterior yet fragile inside.

“Then go?” he echoed, looking at me as if I were insensitive. “Avery, you can’t mean that.”

“I do mean that.”

He shook his head in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I came here hoping you’d fight for us.”

“Yes, well, I’m not feeling up to the challenge,” I replied, crossing my arms.

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his expensive suit. “This is what I thought would happen. You’d be cold and dismissive.”

“What do you want me to do, Wesley? You want me to fall to your feet and beg for you to stay? You want me to plead my case for why you should marry me five minutes before ‘I do’? Because that will never happen.”

“I know,” he agreed. “Which is why I know I’m making the right choice.”

“You could’ve chosen earlier, you know. Before I put on this stupid fucking dress,” I hissed. “Your timing blows.”

“Yeah, well, this all just unfolded. Drew just told me the news.”

“Of course she did,” I breathed out. “I’m sure that wasn’t calculated at all. For a rocket scientist, you sure are naive.”

“This whole jealousy thing is wild, Avery. Drew has been a great friend to me. She knew how much I’d dreamed of this opportunity.”

“Why would she know and I not?”

“Because we don’t talk about things like this. We don’t talk about stuff the way me and Drew do. You don’t get me on that level.”

“Then why the hell would you ask me to marry you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t mean it like?—”

“No,” I cut in. “Keep that energy. I don’t get you like she does. I’m not all sweet and bubbly and charming like little Miss Drew. I don’t like rocky road. I actually know how to play charades. And I don’t make inappropriate advances on another person’s partner.”

“See, this is how she said you’d react.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, it is. And I know why you’re reacting this way.”

“Do tell.”

“Because you’re hard to love!” he blurted out. “You make it so damn impossible to even have heart-to-heart moments, and here I was, stupidly waiting years for the day that you’d open up to me. I love you, Avery. I do. But you don’t make it easy. Which is why it’s easier for me to go now.”

Hard to love.

Those last few pieces of my fragile heart?

Eviscerated.

I shut my eyes.

I took a deep inhalation.

Then I released it slowly.

“Please go,” I requested as I opened my eyes.

“What…” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What am I supposed to tell everyone? People are waiting for us in the church. Maybe we can go tell them together.”

“No way in hell am I going to do that.”

“Avery…”

“Tell them exactly what you told me.” I sighed, grabbing my purse and cell phone. I slipped out of my heels and put on my blue Chucks. “Tell them that you left me. Tell them that you got a new job with your ex-girlfriend. Or tell them a complete lie. I don’t care, Wesley. Just…” I tried to hold back the tears brewing in the back of my eyes. “Leave me alone.”

I left the room and went through the back of the church, avoiding making eye contact with anyone. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone. The last thing I wanted to do was see people look at me with pity in their eyes. I hated pity. There is no worse feeling in the world than people feeling bad for you.

I knew I’d have to face the looks of others for a long time. I knew I’d be the gossip of Honey Creek for a good second. But before I could focus on that, I had to somehow find the courage to keep breathing.