11. Avery

The next twelve days sped by faster than I was ready for them to move.

The air was thick with the scent of freshly mown grass and the lingering warmth of the sun. It was a much warmer start to spring than we were used to in Illinois, but I wasn’t complaining. After the weekend, April was upon us, and I was thankful for more sunny days than snowy ones. The temps were even in the sixties, which seemed remarkable.

The guys threw me a pre-wedding celebration after our Thursday game. Although we didn’t win the series that week, we came damn close to doing so, and the energy of the group was growing more and more each week. More students also attended the games to watch the team play. I had no doubt that we could pull out a win over the next few weeks with how the team performed.

When we walked back into the sports facility, a table was set up with balloons and a cake that read, “Congratulations, Coach K on your home run.”

I couldn’t help but feel loved by the scene in front of me. The guys had lost a game, but they smiled ear to ear as if the celebration was more exciting than a win. The gesture was so kind and warmed my heart even as it tugged at the threads of doubt woven through my excitement. I should’ve been more excited about the wedding taking place in two days, about my wedding. Yet with every passing second, I felt more and more anxiety in my chest. I felt more unsure, more unstable, more…scared.

I wondered if that was normal. Was it normal to feel terrified in the days leading up to “I do”?

Nathan stood back and took everything in. He’d been a bit quieter over the past few days, and I couldn’t pinpoint why, but I also knew it was none of my business. He was my co-worker, not my friend. Anything going on in his private life was none of my business. Still, I couldn’t help but notice his less-than-perky self.

Caleb cut the cake and handed everyone a slice. I took two pieces from him, and I walked over to Nathan, who was visibly frowning. I held out a slice of cake toward him. He took it and gave me a lazy smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Yeah, sure.” Curiosity hit me more with each passing second. “Are you upset about the game? Even though we lost, I think we had some amazing plays, and with some solid drills over the next few weeks, we can get the guys in better shape. I have no doubt we can beat the Graters when we play them and?—”

“Don’t marry him,” he blurted out. His voice was low, only slightly above a whisper, and direct. My mind took a second to comprehend what he said. The seriousness in his tone broke my heart.

“What?”

“You heard me, Avery. Don’t do it.”

I blinked, and when my eyes opened once more, Nathan’s stare looked more dreadful. As if every passing second was breaking his heart.

“Nathan. I know Wesley and I have had a few rocky weeks, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’ve had many more okay days than bad. And we love one another and?—”

“He hurt you,” he expressed through gritted teeth.

“He apologized.”

“What’s the point of an apology if he keeps doing the same behavior?”

I felt sucker punched by his words.

He stepped in closer, his voice a hair above a whisper. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Accept the lowest form of disrespect and still consider it love.”

Those words pierced through me as I stumbled back, shaking my head. “I’m not doing this, Nathaniel.”

He sighed. “Aver?—”

“Two days,” I whisper-shouted so the guys wouldn’t hear me. “I’m getting married in two days, and you think you have the right to sweep in and say these things to me? You think it’s okay to tell me not to marry someone just because of a few moments of disconnect?”

“I’m thinking about you and what you deserve.”

“Well, don’t!” I spat out, feeling a mixture of emotions rocketing through me. “Don’t think about me, all right? It’s better when you don’t.” I started to walk away, and I didn’t look back. The rest of the event went well, and everyone headed off to their homes. I crossed paths with Nathan in the parking lot, and I still couldn’t comprehend our conversation that evening. My heart and mind were already at war, and Nathan didn’t make that any easier.

His words echoed in my mind, making me dizzy with confusion.

Don’t marry him. Don’t marry him. Don’t?—

“Hey, Coach?” Nathan called out.

I grumbled as I looked over my shoulder. “What, Nathan?”

“I’m sorry.” His hands slipped into his pants pockets as his duffel bag hung against his shoulder. “I was out of line.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “You were.”

Still, I didn’t know if that made him wrong.

“You’ll make a beautiful bride,” he stated softly.

The kindness in his words sent me for a loop. As I looked into his eyes, I saw the boy I once knew. The boy I once loved. The gentle boy who always made me feel as if I was the only thing that existed when his eyes landed on me.

That freaked me out.

He freaked me out.

“Thanks,” I muttered before scurrying away with thoughts that shouldn’t have belonged to me two days before my wedding. I couldn’t think about the fact that Nathan had just accidentally given me butterflies. I couldn’t allow those feelings to exist anywhere within my proximity.

Yara and Willowstayed with me at my house the day before the wedding. Wesley was staying with his groomsmen at a hotel in Chicago. We had the rehearsal a few hours before, and everything went smoothly. Daddy was still calling Wesley by the wrong name, but I figured that was just a bit of Daddy’s charm. I’d be weirded out if he called Wesley by his actual name.

Late into the night, Yara and Willow had retired to bed. My mind was moving too quickly to do such a thing, so I found myself trying to break through the thoughts racing through me.

“Avery?” Willow whispered, walking onto the back porch to find me standing there, staring out into the darkened sky. I hadn’t been able to fall asleep. My mind had been spinning for days now. It was a little past two in the morning, the morning of my wedding, and I didn’t feel…happy.

I was supposed to feel happy, right?

I looked over at her and pushed out a smile. “What are you doing up? It’s late.”

“I know,” she said as she moved to stand beside me. Her eyes glanced up at the star-drunk sky, and a small smile curled her lips. “Do you know how much I love you?” she asked.

I laughed slightly and shook my head. “Go to bed, Willow.”

“No, I mean it, Avery. I love you so much and have always looked up to you. I don’t think I tell you that enough.”

“You tell me all the time.”

“I know.” She nodded. “And still, it’s not enough.” We moved to the top step of the porch and took a seat. She leaned her head against my shoulder as we stared out. “Not only were you my big sister growing up but you were the mama I never had the chance to have. You were my Mary Poppins. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that. For being a motherly figure to me all my life.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“I know.” She sniffled.

“Are you crying?”

“Only a little.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes love feels so big in my chest that it leaks from my eyes.”

I chuckled. My sisters must’ve taken all the emotions and kept them for themselves. Sometimes, I wish I cried more. Maybe it would’ve moved some of the heaviness resting inside me.

She lifted her head from my shoulder. “But Avery…I was thinking about it earlier. You’ve been such a mother figure to Yara and me all our lives, but you haven’t had that for yourself,” Willow said.

Her words felt like a punch to my stomach.

“I don’t say that to make you feel bad. I only say that because I want you to know that I can be that for you sometimes…the one you can lean on.”

I bit my bottom lip. “What if my leaning gets too heavy?”

“It won’t,” she swore. “But if it ever did, I’d join a gym or something and become stronger.”

I laughed. “Thanks, Will.”

“Always.” She fiddled with her hands a little. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Does Wesley make you feel?”

“Feel what?”

“Anything,” she said.

I sighed and rested my head on top of hers. I couldn’t answer her question that night because it was too late to debate such things. All the bills had been paid. All the flowers delivered. All that was left were a few “I do’s.”

“It’s past midnight,” I whispered.

“Yes.”

“It’s officially my wedding day.”

Willow lifted her head and looked at me with the tiniest smile. For a moment, I saw flashes of my mother within her eyes. The kindest, softest comforting eyes filled with so much love. It almost brought me to tears as I stared at her.

I rested my head back against her shoulder as she wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against her side.

“Everything’s going to be all right, right, Willow?”

“Everything’s always all right. Even when the voices in our heads tell us differently.” She then stood and held a hand toward me. “Now come on. It’s time to get some rest before the big day.”