14. Maverick

Maverick

I told him. I can’t believe I actually told him. What I said is true, I don’t actively hide being bisexual, but I don’t talk about it either. Not unless I feel like I need to. Like when Sebastian was struggling with his own sexuality. But other than that, I just don’t talk about it.

It’s no one’s business really.

But last night—after that kiss—I just couldn’t hold it in. I know nothing can really happen with Cooper, but it felt wrong keeping that from him. Letting him think that kiss was anything other than me wanting to kiss him.

Because man, did I want to kiss him.

And now, I can’t stop thinking about it.

My eyes open, and I can feel Cooper’s body right next to mine. His warm, welcoming body. And I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like if he let me inside him. “Maverick?”

His voice is like honey, and I slowly close and open my eyes, trying like hell to get my libido under control. “Yeah?”

I turn my head, and his face is right there, his eyes wide open. “Did that all really happen last night?”

My lips turn up in a smile. “What part? The kiss or the talking?”

“Both.” He licks his lips, and I know it’s innocent—I know it is—but my eyes stay trained on his mouth. “You kissed me and then said you’re bisexual.”

“I did,” I answer his non-question.

He tucks his hands under his head, facing me, his gaze dreamy. “So . . . how did I not know that? Or anyone. Because I know that would have been a big story.”

“It would have,” I confirm. “I don’t talk about it, and I haven’t actually ever been with a man before, so there wasn’t really a reason to make it public.”

His eyes widen, and all I can do is watch and wait. “You’ve never been with a man? I mean, like, at all? Last night . . .” I can’t help but be a little amused as he processes.

“Last night was my first kiss with a man.” I help him out a little, and his jaw drops, his eyes going even wider.

“With me?” he squeaks out, and it’s so damn adorable, I want to kiss him again. And again. I don’t ever want to let him out of this bed.

“Yes.” I try to keep my voice even.

I can see the thoughts buzzing around his head, but surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything at all. I don’t really like that. I love when Cooper rambles. “Me.” He looks dazed, like he can’t believe it, and I frown.

“You.” I reach out and brush my thumb over his pouty little bottom lip. “And it was incredible.”

I remove my hand from his lip and rest it on my hip, knowing it’s far too dangerous to keep touching him. “What does this mean?”

My heart constricts in my chest, and I want to say so many things. I want to tell him I’m crazy about him and want to kiss him over and over again. That I don’t want last night to be our last kiss.

But I know what it’s like to be forced into the spotlight, and I can’t do that to him. He’s too good. Too damn pure. So sweet that I know that world would bring him down. That would be an injustice.

“It means you gave me an incredible gift, Cooper.”

“A gift?” he asks, looking confused.

I nod, forcing myself to sit up and move to the edge of the bed, facing away from him. “A gift. You gave me the most amazing kiss from a man. It was more than I could have ever imagined.”

“Why does this sound like a bad thing?” he asks carefully, and I hear him sitting up in the bed, even though I can’t see him.

“It’s not.” I look at him over my shoulder, his hair adorably rumpled from sleep as he finds his glasses and puts them on. “It just can’t happen again.”

He frowns, his whole face falling, and man, do I hate that. “Oh.”

Damn it.I turn so I can see him better. “My life is . . .” I sigh, not even sure how to finish the sentence. “It’s . . .”

“Complicated?” he supplies for me.

“Yes,” I say with a huff. “So damn complicated. I just want to race, but goddamn, I can’t even go and get gas in my car without camera phones filming me. I don’t want that for you.”

“For me?”

I smile at him. He’s so damn cute. “Yeah. If we kiss again, I’m not going to stop. And since we both have a lot of responsibilities outside this apartment, people on their stupid phones are bound to catch us kissing.”

I like the blush that forms on his cheeks. “You wouldn’t be able to stop?” he asks very slowly.

Is he crazy?“Of course, I wouldn’t be able to. It was nearly impossible last night.”

“Why?” he asks, and with most people, it would sound like they wanted a compliment, but that’s not Cooper. Cooper really doesn’t understand why, and again, I find myself wondering if he’s a little crazy. Who the hell wouldn’t want to kiss Cooper all the damn time?

I get off the bed, moving to sit next to him and looking into his eyes. “You have no idea how fucking amazing you are, do you?” He opens his mouth. And then closes it. And then opens it again, but no sounds come out. “You don’t,” I answer.

“But . . . it can’t happen again?”

I shake my head. “I can’t do that to you, Cooper. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Fair?” he asks, still in that daze, but I don’t like how disappointed he looks. Hell, I’m sure I’m wearing the same expression.

“I care about our friendship too much. I don’t want to lose you.”

“But how would kissing me make you lose me?”

My eyes are on his lips, and I realize how close we are on the bed. How easy it would be to kiss him and let the worries drift away for the moment. “Celebrity . . . It changes people.”

“It didn’t change you,” he argues.

I smile sadly at him. “It did.”

“How?”

Bitterness creeps in. Anger at all the memories of a camera in my face. Of smiling pretty in the background when they wanted a shot of just Pheobe, then moving into the shot so they could get a perfect shot of the couple. I can’t imagine what I’d do if they tried to pry Cooper away from me to get just a shot of the celebrity.

“It just has. I want to race, Cooper. I don’t want to be the next headline.”

“And being with a man . . .” His cheeks turn redder. “That would definitely be headline news.”

It would for sure. Along with every single detail they can dig up about Cooper. They wouldn’t stop.

The inevitable invasive questions make me feel hot and uncomfortable enough to stand up from the bed and pace around for a moment before stopping in front of him. “I need our friendship. I love our friendship. But I won’t put you in those positions I hated. I can’t.”

“Maybe just one more kiss?” he asks, his eyes wide and his lips parted as he looks up at me, blinking innocently—but this time, I know it’s not so innocent.

I grin at that. “I see you’re going to be the death of me, Coop.”

He laughs at that and then sighs deeply, hopping off the bed and wrapping his arms around my neck, but not to kiss me. He just hugs me tight, his face in the crook of my neck. And it feels so damn good—so right—with him in my arms, I could weep at the loss when he pulls back.

“Our friendship is important to me too.” I sigh in relief, but then Cooper goes up on his toes, his hot breath brushing over my ear when he whispers, “But that kiss was by far the best kiss I’ve ever had. And if you ever want to do it again, do it.”

With that, he walks away from me and out the bedroom door, like he didn’t just send a full body shiver through me and rock my entire world.

Yeah. This is going to be absolute torture.