13. Cooper

Cooper

Oh. My. God.

Did I pass out? Did I die? Possibly.

Kissing Maverick couldn’t have been real. It had to have been a dream. A really, really good dream. The way he held me, his firm lips commanding mine, his strong tongue demanding entrance.

And oh boy, did I comply.

I didn’t want to stop, but no . . . it wasn’t a dream. It was real. I can still taste him. I can still feel him as we stumble happily into my apartment, followed by David and George and two guys they haven’t stopped sucking face with since the ball dropped at midnight.

I’m envious of them. Getting more than just one kiss tonight. But mine was with Maverick, and I’ll take that one fleeting kiss with him over a million strangers who want to do so much more than kiss.

George and David are clearly done being polite after sharing an Uber with us and head to their respective rooms, their guests wrapped around them. Maverick and I stay in the living room, awkwardly staring at each other.

We’re not drunk, but we both indulged in champagne before I closed up the bar and then a little more afterward with our small party.

“So, um . . .” I stumble over my words as usual. I don’t want him to go. “You can stay here tonight. I mean, just to play it safe,” I say as carefully as I can without blurting anything crazy like Please don’t leave or That was the best kiss of my life, can we do it again?

I mean, logically, I know that the kiss was just a pity kiss. He didn’t want me not to have a New Year’s Eve kiss. And it’s very sweet, but it fried my brain, and now I don’t really know what to do with myself.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him before that kiss. Now? There’s no way I’m ever going to be able to squash this crush. “You don’t mind?”

“Not at all!” I immediately say, and I’m not sorry about it. I look over at the couch and then back at him, my eyes wide and pleading, hoping he won’t call me out on the next part. “Maybe we could share my bed though? That seems to be our thing now,” I try to joke.

Thankfully, he smiles, but doesn’t laugh and doesn’t tell me no. Instead, he gives me one firm nod. “Yeah. Sounds like a plan.”

Oh my God. I might pass out. He said yes. Phew. It’ll be a miracle if I get through this night without severely embarrassing myself, but that’s okay. I’m kind of used to that.

We go into my room, and I close the door before I find the sweats he borrowed last time he was here and hand them to him. “Do you, um . . .” I bite on my bottom lip, just standing there, staring at him like a total idiot. “You don’t have to wear a shirt if you don’t want to, but you can. I can, um, find one for you . . .”

He smiles. It almost makes him look cute and vulnerable. But it’s Mav, so he’s still ridiculously hot too. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll skip the shirt.”

I nod far too fast, making myself a little dizzy. “O-okay. Yeah. That’s fine.” But then he whips his shirt off over his head, and my eyes land on his perfectly sculpted torso, carved by what has to be hours and hours at the gym. Tattoos are scattered throughout, but not covering his skin. “Yup. Totally fine,” I squeak.

Maverick looks amused as he runs a hand through his hair, his strong bicep flexing as he does. “Is it okay if I just change here?”

“What?” My entire mouth goes dry, and I can’t look away. “Here?”

“Or I can go into the bathroom, if that’s better.”

“Better?” I squeak, forgetting how to form actual words. “No. It’s fine. Totally fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.”

“Coop?” Oh shit. He looks worried. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I wave my hand in front of me, totally not okay because the hottest man in the world is about to strip in front of me, and I can’t seem to peel my eyes off him. “Of course. Go ahead and change.” I finally force myself to turn away toward my dresser as I open a drawer. I’m not even sure if it’s the right one.

I hear clothes shifting and sense his movement, but I don’t allow myself to look that way. “You can turn back around.” I hear his deep voice, full of amusement, and I know I’m being ridiculous.

I grab a pair of joggers and a t-shirt. “Um. I’ll be right back.” I say, my voice shaking because I’m having a little bit of a hard dick situation at the mere thought of Maverick removing his pants in my bedroom, and I need a second. “Make yourself at home,” I say quickly as I shuffle out of the room, not waiting for a response.

I head into the bathroom, trying to block out the obscene noises coming from my roommates’ bedrooms and close the door behind me. I look down at the bulge in my jeans and will it to go down.

I absolutely cannot jerk off in here while Maverick is waiting in my room. I so cannot do that. “Okay,” I whisper as I look into the mirror now and take a deep breath. “This is totally fine.”

That kiss was the best kiss of my life. The memory of it is engrained in my brain.

I take another deep breath and then let it out before I quickly change into my pajamas, not giving my dick another thought, even if it still refuses to go down. I can only hope it’s not noticeable as I go back into my bedroom, seeing Maverick is settled in my bed.

I flick off the light and move toward the bed, climbing in. My entire body is stiff and alert. My brain wants so badly to talk about that kiss—that kiss that was no doubt absolutely nothing to him.

It was a friend kiss.

That’s it. Don’t make it weird, Cooper.

“That kiss was incredible.” Way to go. Seriously.

I can’t see Maverick in the dark, but I do hear his surprised chuckle. “It was.”

O-kay . . . That doesn’t sound like he’s disagreeing at all. It kind of sounds like maybe he really believes it was.

“Coop?”

“Yeah?” I barely manage to ask.

“I’m bisexual.”

What? What did he just say? Say anything, Cooper. Now is not the time to be silent. But oh my God. There’s no way in hell he actually just said what I think he said. Words, Cooper. You have to use words.

“Cooper?” He sounds unsure, and oh, how I wish I could get words to actually work. But nothing comes out when I open my mouth. I swear, this never happens to me. I always have words. Way too many words.

It’s too quiet. Like my ears actually hurt from the silence.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but it’s true. Not a lot of people know that about me, but I thought you should know.”

“You’re . . .” I roll to my side to look at him even though I can’t actually see him. “You’re bisexual?”

I swear I feel him tense, even though I’m not touching him. “Do you think that’s wrong or something? I know a lot of people don’t believe bisexuality is legit⁠—”

“No. It absolutely is,” I say, quickly finding more words. I don’t want him to think I’m one of those people. “Bisexuality is as valid as gay or straight or demi. All the sexualities are valid. Very damn valid,” I say firmly, and I swear I can feel him smiling.

“Good.”

Good? That’s all he says? Really?“Why did you tell me that? I mean, I’m so glad you did. So glad, but why tonight?” My stupid heart flutters in my chest, thinking that maybe, just maybe it was the kiss. That maybe it meant something to him too, and he wanted me to know.

“It’s not really a secret, but it’s not something I put out there either. But we’re friends. So I wanted you to know.”

Friends.

I hate that word right now. Because I know, without a doubt, that word means that kiss isn’t going to happen again. That it was a friend kiss.

I have so many questions, but for some reason, I don’t feel so good at the moment, and I stay quiet.

I close my eyes, hoping he’ll go to sleep and that I can too because the word friends is just swirling around in my head over and over right now.

“Hey, Cooper,” Maverick whispers, and part of me wants to pretend I’m asleep, but I can’t do it. Curiosity wins out.

“Yeah?”

“That kiss was incredible.”

I want to celebrate, his words making me downright giddy. So happy that I want to do a little dance, but also . . .

What does that mean?

Does he want to do it again? Was it still just a friend kiss? Just an incredible one? I want to ask him. Just ask. Be direct, Cooper.

But I can’t do it.

Instead, I nod my head dumbly because he can’t even see me, and I roll to my back, forcing my eyes closed and my mouth to stay shut.

Good luck sleeping tonight.