Chapter 3

Chapter Three

B en wished he could plead the pain in his arm meant he couldn’t talk, but as much as it hurt, it was clear he was capable of carrying on a conversation despite persistent pain. He wouldn’t divulge the most intimate moments of his time alone with Jemma, but he would disabuse her father of his misguided belief that Ben saw his daughter as anything less than perfect for him.

“I followed Jemma out because I saw leave alone and without her cloak. I feared there were more men lurking outside, and I didn’t want her walking home alone. Before the raid, Charlie and I spoke, and she made me aware of something I never realized. When I met Jemma on the beach that day, she took my breath away. Not just her beauty but her spirit. I wished I had more time to talk to her, but I had to leave with my father and brother to meet with you. My father warned me Jemma’s a princess and far too high above my station. The next time I saw her, I was too heartsore to speak to her. Instead, I was a coward and asked another girl to dance. After that, it felt like too much time passed to explain my reason. It wasn’t until tonight when Charlie explained what Jemma must have thought—what your family must think—that I realized how gravely I erred. Your daughter is intelligent, caring, funny, challenging, independent, and yes, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It was never once that I believed she was unworthy of me. I’m unworthy of her.”

Theo watched the young man, and he’d suspected social status had played a part in the beginning. However, Ben never asked Jemma to dance, always partnering with his sister or other young women who always seemed to blend together to Theo. He eventually concluded the same thing Jemma had. It had pained him to observe Jemma watching Ben, clearly wishing they would speak or dance. But he’d also witnessed Ben watching Jemma, and he couldn’t reconcile why the young man was brave enough to smuggle and ferry contraband, flouting the British government, but couldn’t find the courage to speak to one young girl unless he didn’t have genuine feelings for her. He assumed Ben thought her alluring because she was different, perhaps good enough for a dalliance but not good enough for marriage.

Ben grew anxious as Theo observed him. He wanted to squirm, but he forced himself to remain still. It embarrassed him to know Theo assessed him and likely found him lacking. He wanted to prove to Theo that he cared about Jemma and would provide for her, even if he was only a baronet’s second son.

“Lady Vinita is a princess, but not in the way we see them in Britain. India is much like Wales was in some ways, a country made up of principalities. While my wife and her sisters weren’t royals as we think of the word, they were nobility of the highest order. When Lady Vinita and I met, I was a lowly officer in the East India Company. I hadn’t inherited a title, so I was merely Theodore Rowe. It was Rajesh’s grandfather who was an earl. He descended from a lineage appropriate to wed a princess. I fell in love with Lady Vinita, but I feared her father would reject me for being both English and lesser nobility. Even that’s contentious as plenty believe baronets aren’t nobility since we aren’t part of the peerage. I understand your misapprehension that your lack of rank made you unsuitable. But Lady Vinita, and in turn Jemma, don’t see themselves as princesses. Jemma never grew up as one. It’s unfortunate your father’s concern and attempt to protect you from disappointment was misguided.”

“Then you don’t see me too far below Jemma to be a potential suitor? You understand my hesitation was never about Jemma’s appearance or her place of birth?”

“I do now, and you’ve never been below Jemma. You’re both children of baronets.”

“That’s what Jemma said. She doesn’t see herself as anything but a baronet’s daughter. It shocked her to realize why I’d kept my distance, and I deeply regret not explaining sooner.”

“It’s a misunderstanding that’s easily understood. It stands to reason why you might admire each other, but neither of you felt you could approach the other.”

“Would you allow me to court Jemma?”

Theo considered Ben’s question. He knew what Jemma wanted because she’d avoided any discussion of marriage unless he forced it upon her. Then she was evasive and unwilling. He would never coerce her into an arranged marriage. He wanted his children to find the happiness he and Vinita had.

“I will allow it. How long do you believe you need to discover whether you suit?”

Ben swallowed. He was certain Theo knew he and Jemma did more than just talked. If Ben suggested too short a time, he feared Theo would assume they needed to wed with haste. But neither did he wish to appear like he dragged his feet.

“I believe we already suit, and I think Jemma feels the same. I’m asking to court her, so I might spend time with her before we wed. But I don’t need time to discover whether I wish to marry her. I know I do.”

“Will you continue to trade and ferry goods once you have a wife and possibly children?”

“There’s no one else for me to hand the responsibility over to, so it means I can’t stop. I don’t want to jeopardize Jemma’s safety, and I don’t want to leave her a young widow. But it’s not as simple as merely walking away.”

“What would you do if you weren’t a smuggler?”

“I’d farm.” Ben nearly winced at his proclamation. He didn’t mean he intended to stand knee-deep in soil every day and expect Jemma to be a poor peasant wife who worked alongside him. “I mean, I’d be a gentleman farmer. I’ve saved my shares of the profits since I started and can provide for Jemma and a family. I’ve invested wisely with Raj over the past year, and I prosper from my brother-in-law’s legal ventures as well as the smuggling. I can buy a farm and employ men to toil on it. I enjoy being outdoors, and I would spend time in the fields too. But I can offer Jemma more than just cabbages and potatoes.”

“Did you discuss this with her tonight?”

“No. It was far too cold and dangerous for any extended conversation. I want to discuss it with her sooner rather than later. If she’d rather a different lifestyle, then I will adjust my plans to include hers.”

“And if she doesn’t want to be a gentleman farmer’s wife? What then?”

“Then I will buy a ship from Raj and strike out with my own venture. He knows captains he trusts, so I would have one of them sail for me. I would financially support the voyages and become a trader like Raj has been for years.”

“Would you sail?”

“No. I enjoy being in boats and have since I was a child and Father used to take me fishing with him. But I don’t crave the adventure of the high seas. I don’t want to be away from Jemma that long. I want a life with her as my wife, and I can’t do that if I’m never in the same place as her.” Ben shifted his gaze to the closed study door and wondered where Raj was. He also wondered what Jemma was doing. “Do you know what Jemma wants?”

“No. We’ve always assumed she’d become a nobleman’s wife and likely live at least part of the year in London.” Theo knew that did little to reassure Ben that his lack of a title as a second son wasn’t the impediment the young man feared. “Jemma would be far happier with the life you described. London holds little appeal to her, and she prefers to spend her days outdoors.”

A tap on the door paused their conversation as Theo bade whoever knocked to enter. Raj stuck his head around the door. The new arrival shifted his gaze between the two men as he entered the room. He approached Ben and handed over a fresh shirt.

“Indira had a bad dream. She feared men would chase us here and storm the manor. It took a story from both Charlie and me to settle her.” Raj continued to watch the men as walked to the settee while Theo poured three glasses of whiskey. Each man sipped in silence before another knock had all three looking toward the door.

“Papa, I came to let Ben know there’s a chamber ready for him on the third floor. Mama has some laudanum if the pain grows too unbearable.” Jemma held up a bottle in one hand and a spoon in the other. Ben loathed how he felt on the medicine, but he crossed the room to accept both from Jemma. He wouldn’t appear ungracious, and he craved being close to her again. He wished her hand was in his as it had been in the kitchen. But he would have much preferred she be in his arms again like earlier that night.

“Thank you, Jem.” Ben took the bottle and spoon from her. When he did, the stitches in his right arm pulled, and he smothered his yelp. He glanced at the medicine and considered whether a dose to numb the persistent pain was worth the headache he would inevitably have. It sorely tempted him since a restful night’s sleep would do him worlds of good, but he was unlikely to have it if his discomfort continued to grow as it had been since he sat up from the table.

Jemma had assumed Raj would have already brought a shirt to Ben. She hadn’t anticipated he’d still be bare from the waist up. She disliked seeing the bandage wrapped around his upper arm. She peeked at it, reassuring herself no blood seeped through it. Nothing she said couldn’t reach her relatives’ ears, but she kept her voice low.

“Is there anything you need before you retire? There are two pillows on the bed already, but if you need another to put under your elbow, I can fetch it. There’s already a fire in the grate, and the room has warmed. It should be comfortable, but if you should need another blanket or something?—”

Ben put the spoon and bottle in his right hand and reached out to rest his left hand on her wrist. He gave it a quick squeeze and swept his thumb over the top before letting go. He wanted to slide his hand into her and entwine their fingers, but it was impossible with Theo and Raj watching them.

“Jemma, I’m certain you’ve already thought of everything I might need. I’m sorry I scared you tonight.” She lowered her gaze and nodded. Ben waited for her to say something—anything—to let him know she hadn’t changed her mind about them after realizing the danger Ben regularly faced. “Jemma?”

“Hmm? Oh, um, sorry. I was woolgathering.” Her smile was short-lived, but it was the saucy one Ben loved. He grinned at her reminder of their first conversation when she’d overheard Ben’s father telling his son to stop staring at her. They grew quiet, and Ben expected her to excuse herself, but she made no move to leave. Her brow furrowed as she once more stared at her shoes. Ben glanced over his shoulder. Theo looked unconvinced of the soundness of his decision as he walked toward them. Raj followed, and both men stopped when they reached the couple.

“Jemma, do you need to speak to Ben?”

“Yes, Papa.” Her voice quivered, and Ben reached for her, uncaring that he shouldn’t touch her since they weren’t even courting let alone not betrothed. When Jemma wrapped her arms around his waist, he encircled her with his good arm. The moment her head touched his chest, she burst into tears. Theo and Raj slipped from the room, but Theo left the door wide open. He shot Ben a glare that promised castration if Ben didn’t behave as a gentleman should.

The younger man nodded before guiding Jemma to the settee. He looked back through the portal and saw no one nearby. He sat, then pulled Jemma onto his lap before she could take a seat next to him. He stroked her back as she cried. Her tears came heavy and fast but ended as abruptly as they started. Her palm ran up his bare ribs and over his chest as her cheek rested against the smooth, heated skin.

“What do you need, sweetling?” Ben whispered against her forehead.

“A few more minutes with you to convince myself you really are hale and that no one will take you.”

“I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

“But you’ll leave in the morning.” Jemma didn’t care for how morose she sounded, but it was how she felt. She feared for him with his injury, but she didn’t want to watch him leave when they’d finally admitted they wanted the same thing.

“That’s unlikely now that I can think more clearly. I need to wait a day or two since those men will expect me to flee. I’m fearful they’ll seize all the goods. I need to remain out of sight and out of mind until they move onto something else.”

“That’s wise.” Jemma wished that weren’t his only reason to stay.

“Sweetling, that’s the excuse I’ll give everyone else. I don’t want to leave you.” He watched her tilt her chin up, and he leaned forward to proffer a kiss. It began as a brush of the lips, but it wasn’t long until her arms slid around his neck, and he tightened his hold around her waist.

He flicked his tongue against her lips, and she opened to him, remembering what she’d learned earlier that night. She welcomed his invasion, sucking softly on his tongue. She didn’t know what possessed her, but it seemed like the natural response to his questing tongue. Her fingers wove through his hair as his right hand rested on her hip. The medicine and spoon were forgotten on the settee next to where Jemma curled her legs to rest her feet. The hand on his uninjured arm caressed along her back and her outer arm as she melted against him. He would gladly remain like this all night.

Jemma lost herself to the kiss, forgetting she sat in her family’s home on a man’s knee to whom she wasn’t even betrothed. Anyone could walk in and find them, but she cared not. Too many years of dreams just like this scene made impossible for her to pull away. From the hunger she tasted in Ben’s kisses, she understood he felt the same way. He held her tight against his body, and she loved the way he made her feel cherished and safe, along with aroused. She’d lusted for him for years, but she underestimated the strength of her ardor before she knew what it was like to kiss him. But it was like for him to kiss her.

When they pulled apart, they stared at each other before they both smiled like the cats that got into the cream. They rested their foreheads together and both felt calmer than they had all night. Jemma pressed a kiss to his cheek and cupped his jaw.

“Do you think Papa would let one of my brothers go with you?”

“Jemma, even if he would, I don’t want that. I don’t want your brothers in danger. Right now, it would be best for me to ride alone.”

“So there’s only one target.” Jemma’s lips thinned before she continued. “There was only one target tonight, and they hit it. If someone’d been with you, they could have shot back while he handled the horses.”

“Or there would be two people with bullet wounds and no guarantee they wouldn’t both be dead.” Ben eased Jemma away from his, so they could see each other more easily. “I would never, ever forgive myself if someone in your family got hurt defending me. I could never look you in the eye if I was the cause.”

“You wouldn’t be. We’re from smuggling families. We all know what’s at stake. Anyone who goes on a run knows the risks.”

“Exactly. I won’t ask your brothers to face that.”

Jemma’s shoulders drooped. She didn’t want her brothers facing loaded muskets, or worse, have their backs to them. She knew she couldn’t ask Raj to go because Charlie was with child, and he had two orphaned nieces who depended on him. As she considered that, her brow furrowed.

“Raj and Charlie sailed her to make it easier on Charlie and the girls. Couldn’t you take Raj’s ship rather than go overland. It would be faster and far harder for anyone to capture you. You could be there and back in time for Christmas.”

“I thought about that, but I don’t know that Raj would agree. He captained the ship on their voyage here. I don’t want to ask him to leave Charlie behind with their nieces. You know she often doesn’t feel well until midafternoon. She tires easily too.”

“Mama and I are here to help her. Would you consider asking?”

“Yes, in the morning.” Ben sighed as Jemma settled back against his chest. They stayed like that for another ten minutes, but they were both soon yawning. They feared they might fall asleep in Theo’s study, and that would cause a scandal neither of them wanted. They didn’t want to be shamed in marrying. While the house was quiet, they noticed lights shining beneath her parents’ chamber and Raj and Charlie’s. As a guest who wasn’t part of the baronet’s family, Ben’s chamber was on the third floor. It tempted Jemma to show Ben where the room was, but the floorboards on the third story squeaked, and Ben’s chamber was above her parents. Theo and Vinita would know if two sets of feet moved above them.

They stopped at the foot of the stairs leading to where Ben would find his chamber. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he kissed her forehead. That satisfied neither of them. Their lips pressed together, and once more the temptation to take the kiss further nearly consumed them both. But anyone could find them trysting in the passageway, and it would be just as damaging as being found kissing in the study.

“Will you go for a walk with me tomorrow, Jem?”

“Yes. We stay on the grounds, and my maid can accompany us. She’ll be discreet and walk far enough behind us that we can talk without being overheard.”

“Your father gave me permission to court you. I’d like to start then.”

“You don’t think me sitting on your lap, kissing you, wasn’t the start of our courtship?” Jemma waggled her eyebrows, and Ben stifled a groan.

He’d been painful hard while she sat pressed against his length. He ached while they’d just kissed. Her enigmatic smile and mischievous eyes were more alluring than anything he’d ever seen. He’d learned what to do with a woman from trips to the Bedruthan Steps’ tavern and a few others, but no experienced seductress drew him like Jemma did. He’d told himself he would never have a future with Jemma, so he wasn’t betraying her. He also told himself if ever he did, he should have some idea what he was doing. And he told himself to picture her each time.

“Our walk can be our first official outing as a couple,” Ben suggested.

“I’d like that. I want to go to sleep, so tomorrow gets here faster.” Jemma beamed at him.

“It can’t get here fast enough.”