5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kalwin

How long had it been since I had really felt happy? How was it that a man I had only known for two weeks got so far under my skin that an entire year later I couldn't get him out of my mind?

Bren was all I thought about during every waking moment, and visions of him clouded my dreams. So much so, that I dreaded waking up.

I had no way of contacting him, or even stalking him on social media. Not that I was planning on doing those things. I mean, I might end up doing that if I lost my last shred of will power.

I suppose that given the resources I had, I could get a listing of all the people that left Swena on the day that he had, and what their names were, and a basic description of them. I could cross-reference that with what I knew about him, or I could go to the coffee shop that he had been employed at and get his name and contact information. But just because I could didn't mean I should. That would be a huge violation of his privacy and a misuse of my own power.

Bren and I had decided to end things the way we had, and there was nothing I could do about that now.

Using my status as a member of the royal family to gain information about a visitor to Swena was crossing so many lines. The fact that I was tempted to actually do it should concern me.

I would not, though. That was a line I wasn't going to cross, no matter the temptation on the other side.

All I could do was wallow in my self-pity and dream of the omega that got away.

"Are you listening to me?" My twin brother, Iain, looked at me. He bounced his toddler on his hip, while his husband and bodyguard stood behind him off to the side.

"I'm listening," I said.

As my father had requested, I had taken over several of the duties of the royal family. I attended functions, headed up committees, and sat on advisory boards. Now the latest complaint was that I was doing too much. I was buried in my work, and I never seemed to enjoy myself. I swear I couldn't make these people happy.

I couldn't deny the accusation. I was burying myself in work. I almost certainly wasn't going to find someone to settle down with like my brothers had. I had already found someone, and I let him get away. There was no way I was going to see him again. Working provided me with the distraction I needed to stop myself from doing something stupid, like traveling to the States and looking for my Bren.

"You're going to the event at the daycare center, right?" my brother asked.

"Yes."

One of the local daycare centers had won the grant to expand their facilities. I had been on the committee that reviewed and approved the applications.

If you had told me a year ago that I would enjoy this work so much, especially the side relating to education, I would have laughed. But I did enjoy it. It was very rewarding. I did look forward to going into the daycare. I had spent a lot of time in the past year visiting various places, and I loved visiting children the most. Whether it was at the hospital, schools, daycares, summer camps—whatever it was, I enjoyed the activities that involved children. They made life so fun and carefree.

It paired nicely with the charities that my brother supported, though it did get confusing for the press if the two of us were at an event and we looked too similar. I started wearing my facial hair a little longer now, like I did when I was under disguise. I didn't need my disguise anymore. I wasn't going to get out of the public eye. What was the purpose? Bren wasn't there to escape with.

"You sure you are all set? You seem as if you might need… something," he said. He was eyeing me a little too closely. My brother had been distracted enough by his own family that he didn't look too deeply at me, which was what I needed. I didn't want him asking about why I was burying myself in work.

"I'm focused," I said.

"Focused isn't the problem. Seems like maybe you're too focused."

I rolled my eyes, an action unbecoming of a prince, that was for sure.

"Come on, Xaviar, distract your husband for me."

"He's working." Iain took a sip of his tea. He was a pro at handing his toddler while eating. I had to smile at the action, because most other royals would have a nanny to take care of their children, but Iain and Xaviar did the parenting thing very well.

"Of course. I know exactly what he does when he's working." I gave Iain a pointed look.

"Quit trying to change the subject. I'm worried about you. It's been a while, but it seems like you're just getting more and more sad. I gave you your space, but now I'm asking. What is going on?"

"I'm fine," I said, keeping my features blank so that he didn't see the sadness that plagued me.

"I don't believe you, and I'll find a way to get you to open up about it."

"Sure you will," I said, lifting up my plate of uneaten food. Another delicious breakfast that would unfortunately go into the trash. So what if I was craving cereal these days, like the kind that Bren had liked? If I told the chef that, he would have a heart attack.

"I'll see you at the event, Brother. Don't worry about me." I gave my nephew a little tickle on his chin and then a kiss on his head. "And I'll see you too, buddy, at dinner. All right?"

He gave me a thumbs-up and smiled his toothy little grin.

It would be nice to have one of those. On the good days, I let myself think about what would happen if I ever saw Bren again.

I wouldn't let him get away, I'd be down on one knee asking him to marry me and start a family with me. I'd tell him I was a prince, and that he could be one too if he would just run away with me to my castle. I knew my family would accept them just as we had Gus's commoner husband.

On the dark days though, like today, I let the heartache consume me. It leached out from the center of my chest and infected my whole body. My stomach twisted and my lungs never felt full enough, like being without Bren had stolen my very breath.

All that I could do was put one foot in front of the other and hope that Bren was happy, wherever he was.