Chapter 18

Caleb

When Mia walked in the door that afternoon, Caleb was waiting in the living room as the children played in the bedroom. He honestly didn't think she would come home until after the children were in bed, which had become the norm for her this past week. And when she got home, she usually went straight into her bedroom.

"Well, I'm glad you decided to come home today," Caleb snapped, sounding bitter even to his own ears. "You know, I've made dinner every night this week."

Mia froze. Then, she took off her coat and hung it on the peg. "Well, I'm here tonight. So, what would you like for dinner?" She walked into the kitchen and slipped on an apron.

"No, don't worry. I'll make dinner," Caleb said, following her in.

Mia jumped when she saw a bird in the sink. "What is that?"

"It's a pheasant," Caleb said as he walked over to it and started pulling out the feathers. "Mrs. Jenkins watched the children today, and I was outside when a flock of pheasants landed in the field. I grabbed my rifle and got one."

Mia went to the pantry and pulled some potatoes out of the brown bag. "My! If pheasants are coming back, then spring must be around the corner." She pulled a knife out of the butcher block and started peeling the potatoes. "In fact, on the way home, I saw some patches of grass. The snow must be melting off."

Caleb threw the pheasant back down into the sink. "Of course the snow is melting! The snow always melts when spring is near!"

Mia threw the knife down into the bowl and wiped her hands on her apron. "Caleb, I'm sorry that I haven't been here. I've had a lot to think about."

He threw his hands up into the air. "And you don't think that I haven't had anything to think about? I've been doing nothing but think!"

"Stop yelling—"

"Why?" he yelled as he looked at her. "You haven't been around to hear!"

"I haven't been here because you've been pulling away from me!"

"No wonder I'm pulling away! You haven't been here!"

"I haven't been here because you don't love me!" She threw her hands up, tears in her eyes. "Caleb, I love you very much, but you don't love me! I'm so stupid for falling in love with you, but I couldn't help it! I just can't live like this anymore!" Tears ran down her cheeks as she ran outside to the front yard.

Pain ripped through his chest as he held onto the counter. Then, he pushed away and followed her outside. Mia was kneeling in the snow and her shoulders were shaking. She was crying. He bit his upper lip with his hands on his hips, realizing that he had done this. He didn't even let her get in the door before he started in on her. This wasn't him.

He walked over and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "Mia, I'm sorry. Come on in and let's talk about this."

"No!" Mia whipped around, and tears were streaming down her face. "You don't want to talk! In fact, those were the first words that you said to me all week!"

"Well, I haven't said anything to you because you haven't been here!" he yelled.

"I haven't been here because you won't talk to me!"

Caleb threw his hands up in the air. "You really want to do this out here… in the snow?"

She swiped a hand across her face. "I don't want to argue in front of the children."

"Oh, that's rich!" he said. "You don't even spend time with the children!"

"Stop it, Caleb!" she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. "You don't love me! You love Jessica! I don't even feel like I'm your wife! You said you wanted a wife, but you already have one!" She let her hands fall to her sides, defeated as tears streamed down her face. "I can't compete with a ghost. I need to be loved, Caleb."

Caleb froze, watching her with his mouth open, knowing that what she said was true. "Mia, I've tried—"

"You've tried?" She screamed. "You haven't tried at all! I've been the only one trying! You want a babysitter for the children and a maid for the house, all dressed up to look like a wife! But you don't want a wife. Not really." She stood close to him. "You already have one." Then, she walked past him and stormed into the house.

Caleb placed his hands on his hips as he looked up at the darkening sky and then let out a deep breath. He walked in and knocked on her bedroom door, knowing she was in there. "Mia, come out. Let's talk."

She was crying on the other side of the door.

"Mia, I'm coming in." When he heard no answer, he opened the door, and she was sitting on the edge of the bed with her head buried in her hands. He let out a deep breath, and then knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her legs. "Mia, you're right."

She raised her tear-streaked face until her eyes met his.

He let out a deep breath. "I haven't been fair to you… and I'm sorry." He rubbed the top of her leg in a soothing gesture, but she stood and walked to the other side of the room, folding her hands across her chest. He sat on the bed. "Mia, let's talk."

She shook her head. "You don't want to talk. You just want to yell."

Caleb stood. "I'm sorry." Then he walked toward her, but she pulled away.

Tears sprang to her eyes once more. "Caleb, you need to let go of Jessica."

Anger suddenly filled his chest. "You want me to forget her?"

Mia shook her head. "No, I don't. But you need to let go of her so you can move on."

"I am moving on."

"No, you're not." Tears slowly ran down her cheeks. "And as long as you hold onto her so tightly, how can there be a chance for us?"

Caleb let out a deep breath. "There is no us."

Mia nodded. "Thank you for clarifying it for me. Please leave my room."

Caleb looked into her eyes for a long time and nodded. "Yeah, okay," he said as he turned toward the door with his back to her. "Mia, you're right. I want to let go of Jessica, but I just can't. She's a part of me… of who I am. Please, understand."

"I do understand. That's the problem."

Then, he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Caleb finished making dinner. During dinner, Shane asked where Mia was, and Hailey asked for Ma. Caleb lied, telling them that she wasn't feeling well, although he was tempted to tell them that she wasn't their mother. Their mother had died. But he just didn't have the strength, and he could never be that cruel.

The night wore on, and he was sitting by the fire, drinking a cup of coffee, when Mia walked out. Her eyes were glossy from crying as she wrung a handkerchief in her hand and headed straight for the children's bedroom. She froze at the door as she peeked in, and then walked in.

Caleb waited as he took another sip of his coffee and listened. There was no noise. He knew that she wouldn't harm his children, but he stood and walked slowly toward the door, and then pushed it open.

Mia was sitting in the rocking chair, watching the children sleep with her back to the door.

"Mia?"

When she spoke, her voice cracked. "Caleb, before you say anything, hear me out. I'm too tired to argue."

He waited, saying nothing.

She cleared her throat as she watched the children. "Tomorrow, I'm going back to New York."

Caleb gasped. Although he had been expecting it, it was still hard to hear. "I'll take you to Laramie tomorrow." His voice was heavy with emotion.

She shook her head. "No, I'll ask Colton to take me in the morning. It'll be too hard if you take me." She continued rocking back and forth.

He let out a deep breath as he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze.

Mia reached up and held his hand.

Then, he pulled away. Caleb walked back into the living room and slipped on his coat and hat. As he headed out the door, he tried not to think of Mia and how his life had crumbled… as tears ran slowly down his cheeks.