Chapter 18

‘Noah? It's Stevie. Why aren't you at work?' I called through his front door when there was no response to my knock. ‘Your father is there! And everyone is freaking out so I came to find you…'

I heard a weak noise followed by a cough.

‘Noah?' I said through the door. I heard another cough. He was definitely in there but clearly not coming to the door. So I turned the handle and it opened up, thankfully. I walked in and called his name. I heard a weak sound again so I turned and headed for his bedroom.

I stopped in the doorway. Noah was in bed, the bedding all messy around him like he'd had a restless night. The curtains were drawn, shutting out all light. He was on his back, his top half uncovered, flashing his bare chest. His eyes were shut. On the bedside table were piles of tissues and on the floor was a smashed glass. ‘Noah?' I said.

He opened one eye and groaned. ‘Why is it so loud in here?' His voice was weak and hoarse.

‘Um, it's completely silent.'

‘No, roadworks,' he said, lifting one hand to his head. ‘Pound, pound, pound. And there is no water.'

‘I think you dropped it,' I said, looking at the broken glass. ‘Does your head hurt?'

Noah coughed and rolled over onto his side. He pulled the covers up and opened his eyes fully. ‘Everything hurts. Have I fallen?'

‘No, I think you have the flu.'

His eyes widened as he looked at me in the doorway. ‘Stevie?' Then he shook his head. ‘I'm dreaming again. You are in the bookshop and I bought you a book.'

‘Oh, shit,' I said. He really was out of it. ‘Close your eyes again, rest; I'm coming back.'

‘That's what you always say then I wake up,' Noah mumbled, rolling onto his back again and coughing.

I left his room and walked into the open-plan kitchen area. My whole flat could fit into just this part. It was a dream kitchen. I tried not to think about how I once saw myself living here. There was no point in thinking about that now. Onwards and upwards. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water then looked in a couple of cupboards until I found a dustpan and brush. I hurried back into his room. ‘Noah, you need to drink this. Sit up,' I said, walking to the bed.

‘Can't,' he moaned.

‘You can. Here.' I reached behind him to pull up a pillow. Noah groaned but managed to prop his elbow on it and lift his head up. I handed him the water as he opened his eyes and looked at me but I wasn't sure if he had grasped whether I was really here or not. ‘And these.' I passed him two paracetamol tablets I'd had in my bag and watched as he dutifully swallowed with the water. It made him cough but he did it then he flopped back down with a heavy sigh.

I cleared up the broken glass then went back out into the kitchen to throw it away, then I remembered everyone at the office was panicking so I put my phone on speaker and called Emily.

‘Stevie, please tell me you found him?' Emily hissed into the phone.

‘Yes, and he's ill. Looks like the flu. He can't come in. He's half-delirious with it.'

‘You are fucking kidding me!'

‘Afraid not. Put me through to speak to Mr Matthews and the rest of you carry on with work,' I instructed as I went to look in Noah's fridge. It was empty save for some fruit and vegetables, and two bottles of wine. But I spotted lemon and ginger so I grabbed those and put the kettle on.

‘I love you,' she said as she put my call through to Noah's office.

His father gruffly picked up the phone. ‘Matthews.'

‘Hi, Mr Matthews, my name is Stephanie Phillips. I work with your son,' I said in my politest voice as I made Noah's hot drink.

‘Yes?'

‘I'm at Noah's flat. He's caught the flu and can't get out of bed.'

Mr Matthews tutted. ‘Are you serious?'

‘Deadly. But I'm sure you'll find everyone at the office really helpful if you need anything, or did you want to come and see Noah?'

‘I don't want to catch it,' he replied. ‘Tell him to call me tonight and I expect to see him tomorrow before I fly back.'

He hung up.

‘The apple doesn't fall far from the tree then,' I muttered as I fixed Noah a hot lemon and ginger drink. I added a drop of honey to it too then carried the mug into Noah's bedroom. ‘Noah?' I said softly as his eyes were closed again.

He opened his eyes. ‘Stevie, am I dreaming again?'

‘No, I'm really here. I made you another drink. You sound so hoarse.'

‘I dropped my water,' he said weakly.

‘It's okay, I cleared it up.' It sounded like he hadn't been able to get up for more water so no wonder his voice sounded so bad. He needed fluids. ‘Drink this, okay? Can you try sitting again?'

I lifted Noah's pillows up and helped him to sit up. The duvet slipped again and his bare chest was on show. This was definitely not the time to notice those ripped abs I remembered but I was only human. ‘Here you go,' I said, averting my eyes and passing him the hot drink.

He took a sip. ‘I can't believe you're really here. How?'

‘Well, you didn't turn up to work to see your father so everyone was worried. I came to find you,' I replied.

His eyes widened. ‘Oh my God. My father,' he croaked.

‘I've sorted it, don't worry. Just rest. And drink all of that, okay?' I turned to go.

‘Stevie,' he said, sounding pained.

I glanced back. ‘Don't talk, save your throat.'

‘But I don't want…' He coughed and had more of the tea. ‘I don't want you to go,' he managed to finish, leaning back against the pillows.

‘It's okay, I won't,' I found myself promising. I couldn't not. He seemed so helpless and had clearly struggled on his own being so poorly. ‘But you have nothing in so let me pop out and bring you some things to help. I won't be long.'

‘What a dream,' I heard him murmur as I left the bedroom. I hoped the paracetamol and fluids would help soon as he still sounded like he couldn't grasp me actually being there. Although, it did feel somewhat surreal to me too.

I left the flat and went to the supermarket over the road. I messaged Emily to tell her what I'd told his father and that I'd be in soon once Noah seemed okay to be left.

Stay there. His father is on the warpath! Just come in tomorrow with Noah. And don't catch it!

Then she sent loads of crossed finger emojis.

I wasn't worried about catching it; I had a good immune system like my dad. My mum would constantly have colds but we seemed to avoid them so hopefully I'd be fine. And it was a relief Emily suggested I stay because I didn't want to leave him alone just yet. He had nothing in the flat, no one to help, and I knew he'd be worried about not seeing his father. I had twenty-four hours to help him feel better.

Rushing around the shop, I grabbed everything I thought would help Noah feel better then headed back up to his flat. I peeped in and he'd fallen back asleep but he had drunk all of the hot lemon and ginger drink I'd made so that was good news.

I unpacked the shopping then started to make a homemade chicken and vegetable soup. Noah's flat was hooked up to everything so I just needed to ask for some background music and some soft jazz started to play. I even found a spare pair of slippers in the bathroom so I put them on as the kitchen floor was cold.

I pulled my hair into a messy bun and hummed along to the music as I cooked. I hadn't made soup from scratch for ages and there was nothing cosier. Cooking had always been relaxing to me and I soon forgot to worry about being in my ex's flat and just enjoyed the moment.

The kitchen soon smelt amazing and my stomach rumbled. Outside, the day had turned grey and cloudy and eventually, it started raining.

While I let the soup simmer, I wandered around Noah's flat. My eyes were soon drawn to his bookcase in the living room and I couldn't stop myself from snooping at the books he had on it. When we were together, he'd been a crime junkie and loved non-fiction but now those books were mingled in with some very familiar titles.

I looked at the pastel-coloured spines of some of my favourite romance novels past and present, a few that were my all-time favourites, ones I'd definitely talked to him about or ones that I'd read in the year we were together. The sight of them gave my heart a jolt. He had hinted he read romance now but I hadn't realised he read quite so much.

My heart whispered that maybe they'd reminded him of me but my head told it to shut up. Noah had always been a book lover and now he worked in publishing, he had to read all genres. It didn't mean it had anything to do with me.

I hated the hope I felt that maybe it did.

Turning away from the books, I went back to the soup, which was ready, so I ladled some out into two portions and cut up some crusty bread. I picked up one of the bowls and before taking it in to Noah, held it by the window and snapped a photo with the rain behind.

Peak cosy vibes

I captured my photo and posted it on Instagram. Then I carried the tray into the bedroom.

‘Lunch time,' I said as he stirred at my entrance.

‘You came back,' Noah said in wonder. His eyes seemed to be focusing properly now.

‘I did, I'm here,' I said. ‘And I made soup to help you feel better. Can you manage some?'

He managed to sit himself up and watched as I balanced the tray on his lap. ‘You made this?' he croaked.

‘Yes, and it's delicious so eat it all. It'll help. I'll come back in a bit but shout if you need me.'

‘Eat with me,' Noah said as I turned to go.

I looked back and saw his hopeful expression. ‘Okay.' I went back into the kitchen and put my bowl of soup on a tray and took it into his room. I sat down in the boucle chair by Noah's bed. Noah kept stealing glances at me as he ate as if he still couldn't believe I was really there. It was making me uncomfortable so I cleared my throat and started talking, my go-to to diffuse tension.

I waved my phone. ‘I took a picture of my soup with the rain behind it, and Instagram is loving it. I don't know what it is about autumn and everything cosy but I can't get enough. I just love this time of year. Although I'm guessing you don't as it's made you ill,' I added with a sympathetic look. ‘But look at how many likes the photo is getting. Your flat is definitely more aesthetic than mine.'

I showed him the picture.

Noah leaned over with a groan to see it. ‘You post things like that?'

‘Yeah, and books, of course.' I scrolled through some of my recent photos so he could see, and I smiled at one of me and Liv in a bookshop. ‘Aiden took that after complaining we'd been in there for two hours,' I explained. ‘Anyway, you don't want to look at my Instagram.'

I put my phone down.

‘I do. I haven't been able to,' Noah said as he looked down at his food.

‘What do you mean?'

‘You blocked me,' he whispered, still looking at his food. ‘Everywhere.'

‘Oh. Yeah.' I remembered sitting on that bench and cutting him out of my online life. ‘I needed to. Otherwise I probably would have stalked you for years,' I said, trying to joke, but it sounded hollow. ‘I didn't want to see how happy you were in New York,' I admitted, my cheeks turning pink.

Noah was still staring at his soup. I wondered for a moment if he'd heard me or not.

‘This is delicious,' he said as he took the final mouthful.

I should have known he wouldn't want to talk about him dumping me again. I needed to remember that we were supposed to keep things professional now. I tried not to let hurt seep into my voice.

‘Good. It's the perfect autumn recipe. Do you want more?'

‘I'm starving. Oh, I haven't eaten all weekend,' he said, as if suddenly realising that.

‘God, Noah, you have to look after yourself. There is such a thing as Deliveroo, you know!' Tutting, I got up and re-filled his bowl with the rest of the soup and sliced up more bread and took it back to him. ‘Okay, eat that. You need to build your strength back up. You should have called me and told me you were ill. You know I would have come over.'

‘But I've been so mean to you,' he croaked as he ate, keeping one eye on me.

‘True,' I said. ‘But you can always ask me for help.'

Noah shook his head but didn't say anything else. I realised as I watched him eat that he really was all alone here. He didn't have anyone to reach out to. And that made me feel sad for him. And for what could have been. I didn't say anything else but took the tray into the kitchen to clear up.

When I'd finished, I messaged Emily to see how things were at work. She replied:

Mr Matthews is what nightmares are made of.

Oh dear.

I logged on to my work emails and sorted a few more things for Bitten then I peeked in to see Noah was stirring after another nap.

‘You're still here,' he said.

‘Yeah,' I said, amused he was still struggling to believe I was there.

‘Sit with me,' he said, his eyes pleading.

‘Okay. I'll get us another hot drink.'

I went to the kitchen and made myself a coffee with Noah's fancy machine and made him another lemon and ginger drink. Then I went back in to see Noah had sat up. He definitely looked less pale now.

‘How are you feeling?' I handed him his drink then I sat in the chair and nursed mine.

‘Slightly more human but still weak,' he said before taking a sip. ‘This is gross.'

I nodded. ‘Yup, but it will help. You really should have drunk and eaten more this weekend. No wonder you feel weak.'

‘I was so out of it,' Noah said, shaking his head.

‘Do you want to sleep more?'

‘No, I'm more awake now. Will you still stay?' He looked worried I was going to go.

‘I suppose I could stay until this evening, make sure you're okay,' I said slowly, unsure if this was a good idea, but I would feel really bad if I left him when he was only just starting to recover.

‘Please,' he begged me.

‘Okay, I guess we could watch a film?' I said, knowing that would be easier than talking. It felt strange to suggest it though. Like we'd slipped back in time. I had to firmly remind myself that we hadn't. I was just helping someone who needed me. ‘Then I can make us something nutritious for dinner.'

‘Thank you,' he said softly. He was staring at me and it was unnerving.

‘So, an easy watch for sure, something cosy?' I asked as I grabbed his remote and looked at the huge TV that hung on his wall, preferable to looking into those eyes of his that were tracking every single move I made. ‘Ooh, a murder mystery,' I said, finding something that looked like a comforting watch. ‘Perfect for sick day, right?' I was babbling but I couldn't help it. I was in Noah's bedroom and I couldn't stop thinking about how before I would have been beside him on that comfy bed of his, snuggled into his strong and sexy chest. I fidgeted on the chair as I started the film before Noah had even agreed to it.

I really tried to concentrate on it but after fifteen minutes, I didn't know who any of the characters were.

Noah coughed then and weakly said my name. ‘Stevie.'

‘Are you okay?' I asked, looking over in concern.

‘You blocked me and changed your email so I couldn't contact you,' he said.

‘What?' I said, trying to work out what he was saying. ‘Do you have a fever again?' I reached over to feel his forehead. He flinched at my touch but I kept my hand there. ‘You don't feel too hot.'

‘No. I…' He spoke more firmly then. ‘Can I please have your email address now? Your personal one, not the work one.' He coughed. ‘Please?'

I let go of his forehead. He looked so desperate and it confused me. ‘Why? You can email me at work.'

‘No, I can't. Not… this. Stevie, please.'

‘Okay. If you want it. I'll text it to your work phone.'

I did and he checked, smiling when he saw it and visibly relaxing. I frowned, hoping he wasn't still delirious. He leaned back and turned his eyes towards the TV so I did the same, but I really had no idea what was going on in the film. I hated being so close to Noah but so far away.

I knew though that that was the way it had to be.